I GET AHOLD of my tears as best as I can. Roman had seen me in far too many vulnerable states. He didn't need to see me cry like a little baby as well. "I shouldn't have come," I mumbled, leaning against Devin's car. "I'm unhinged. They shouldn't even let me out of my own house."

"Personally, I thought you handled that very well. You didn't break his nose, at least," Roman says with a wink. I smile softly. "Come on, follow me."

He begins walking away and I trail after him, the bottle of vodka dangling in my hand. I expect him to take me back to the main beach but instead, he leads me down a small path, a hidden one. It's dark and smells of sea salt and it doesn't take long to figure out why.

The ocean laps up at my feet before I realize it's so close, the cold numbing me instantly. I continue following Roman until we reach a small dune of sand that overlooks the water. He settles down onto it, leaning onto his knees. I do the same.

All I can hear is the roar of the ocean and the faint sound of music coming from the main beach. The sound makes me think of the party and Bryson and the look of disgust on his face. I open the bottle and take a long swig, focusing on the burn in my throat instead of the anger in my veins. I offer some to Roman but he scrunches his nose at the drink. "It's no Roman De Carlo cocktail but it gets the job done," I joke, taking another swig.

Roman scratches the back of his neck as if he's trying to decide something. "I don't really drink," he mumbles eventually. "Go on. Say it. It's nothing I haven't heard before."

A slow smile spreads on my face. "A bartender who doesn't drink. That's a new one."

"That's why I always make those drinks for you," he admits. "To see what you think of them. I try some here and there but alcohol and I don't really have a great relationship."

I want to ask why. The question is practically burning on my tongue. But something in his face had changed at the words and I suddenly knew he didn't want to talk more about it. So I let it go.

I breathe out a long sigh as Roman pulls out a pack of cigarettes. I watch him intently as he sticks one in his mouth and cups his hands around it as he lights the thing. He blows smoke out of his mouth facing away from me before glancing back. "Something wrong?"

I shake my head quickly, turning away. I hadn't meant to stare at him.

There's a silence for a while as we watch the waves roll over one another. Roman's voice nearly frightens me the next time he speaks. "Why'd you invite me here?"

I shrug, rolling the bottle around in my hands. I could feel it making my lips loose. "'Dunno," I mumble. "Sometimes I think it's easier to be around you than it is Robyn and Devin and Hayley and Hunter. I don't have to pretend to be okay. I don't have to keep it together. You didn't know him. You're not grieving. It's easier."

"I know he loved you," Roman remarks. "A lot. The way he looked at you that night in the bar...I wish I had someone to look at me that way."

I snort softly. Roman turns to me and raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"Nothing," I say quickly. "It's just hard to imagine you ever having trouble finding a lover."

Roman's eyes twinkle. "What makes you say that?"

I run a hand through my hair. "Isn't it obvious? You're so damn perfect." Roman looks at me with a wounded expression. The look on my face must've conveyed that I hadn't meant it as a compliment. "Not to mention the muscles. And the piercings. And the tattoos."

"You like my tattoos?"

"No," I lie, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. "I'm making my point that to other people, that might make you...attractive."

Roman smiles. "Attractive?" he drawls.

"Yes," I respond back. I take a swig of vodka, a much bigger one. "You've never been in love?"

Roman shrugs as he takes a drag. "Don't think I'd know if I had," he admits. "Sometimes I envy you that."

"You envy the fact that I lost someone I loved?"

"Of course, I don't," Roman says. He sounded almost offended. "I envy the fact that you know you loved someone like that at all. I envy how sure you are of it."

I swallow hard. "Sorry."

Roman sighs softly before taking another drag. There's another stretch of silence as I think about what he'd said. Envy? That's not an emotion I'd even consider applying to my situation. But I suppose that if I had to do everything over again, I'd still fall in love with Sebastian. Even if I lost him. Because that love that I felt...there was nothing like it.

        Would there ever be again?

         My phone buzzes in my back pocket. I take a swig of vodka before pulling it out. It's Robyn. "Hey," I hum. "What's up?"

        "Get back to the main beach. You won't believe who just showed up."

¥

        The trek back up the sand seemed ten times harder than it'd been going down. That could've been contributed to a large amount of vodka sloshing around in my stomach, but I was too drunk to tell.

        Roman follows me silently and I wonder if he's still upset with me. I stop walking and turn to him quickly, or at least try to. I trip over my own two feet and nearly fall over. Roman's fingers find their way to my waist, hoisting me up as the coolness of his rings hits a patch of my bare skin. "Sorry," I mutter again. "Thank you."

        He raises an eyebrow. "For what?"

       "For being here, I guess," I mumble. "You don't have to be."

        Roman wraps his arm around my waist, helping hold me steady. "I want to."

        Our eyes connect for a short moment before I tear mine away. I begin walking up the sand again, breathing softly. Roman's arm doesn't leave.

        We make our way up to the main beach and I quickly spot Robyn and the rest of my friends huddled together next to the fire. She'd sounded nervous over the phone and I couldn't even begin to imagine who'd shown up. Maybe some ex-boyfriend of hers that ended badly.

        But as I make my way to the group and see everyone's worried eyes looking at me, I realize that the mystery guest probably has more to do with me than Robyn.

        "Hey," I breathe. Devin, Hunter, Hayley, and Robyn each look at me and Roman with wide eyes. I wonder why for a moment before remembering Roman's arm around my waist. He seems to remember at the same time I do, retracting his arm and shoving his hands into his pockets. "This is Roman."

        He shoots everyone a quick wave as Devin approaches me. "We've got a problem."

        I look up at him. "Yeah, I guessed as much. Who is it, who's here?"

        Hunter scoffs, anger evident in his face. "You wouldn't happen to remember Nathaniel, would you?"

        The name clicks in my brain and I involuntarily wince as I remember the guy. He was the first boy Sebastian had ever had sex with as well as the cousin of the drug dealer that ruined Sebastian's life. Why the hell would he show up here?

        "We saw him by the shore talking to some boys from his old school, Waybrook Prep," Hayley remarks, looking around nervously. "Apparently, he's looking for you."

        My blood runs cold. I swallow hard and glance over at Roman. His face was smooth though I knew he was confused. He didn't know how evil Nathaniel was.

"Fine," I mumble. "Take me to him."

Devin and Robyn share a glance before sighing and turning on their heels, walking down the beach slowly. I turn the bottle of vodka around in my hands, wondering if this is a bad idea.

"Of course, it's a bad idea," a voice says. I turn to see Sebastian walking to the left of me, his eyes wide in a warning. "If Nate wants to speak to you, it's not to hand out condolences. I promise. He'll want to hurt you."

He can't hurt me, I think as I hand Devin the bottle of vodka. Not anymore. I don't have anything left to lose.

Sebastian doesn't seem to have an answer to that. But by the look on his face, I know he's not happy.

I see Nathaniel before anyone points him out to me, dressed in a peach polo and obnoxious board shorts. He's sipping a beer gingerly and whatever friends he'd been speaking to before seemed to be long gone. It was just him here.

His eyes twinkle as my friends and I approach jinx mischief in his expression. "See you've brought the whole gang with you," he remarks. Nate's eyes zero in on Roman before his lips turn up appreciatively. "That one's new."

"What the hell are you doing here?" I hiss, digging my fingernails into my palm.

Nathan chuckles softly. "Braylen, Braylen, Braylen. To think, I thought you seemed...sweet. But then again, time changes people, doesn't it?" He walks closer toward me before nodding towards my friends. "I wanted to speak to you. Not your posse."

"If you think we'd ever leave him alone with you—" Devin hisses.

"You can all go," I say, not bothering to remove eyes from Nate. "I'm fine here."

"Braylen," Roman murmurs.

I turn around slowly, offering him a small smile. "I'm fine."

His stare cuts into me before he finally nods. I watch as my friends back away and head back towards the fire pit but still close enough to get to me if they need to. "He's cute," Nathaniel says. "You've got good taste, I'll give you that."

"We're not together," I get out, my voice sounding small. "What do you want?"

Nate's brows etch into an expression that would look sad if I thought he was capable of that emotion. "Sebastian and I struggled to amend our differences but I don't see any reason why you and I should hold resentment for one another, Braylen."

"If you're looking for reasons for me to hate you, feel free to ask. I've got a whole damn list," I spit.

Nathaniel pouts, his face etching into a wounded expression. "Ouch. That one hurt, Braylen, I have to admit."

I glare at him. "Stop speaking in circles, Nate. Get to the point."

He smiles a soft grin. "Well, I shouldn't take up to much of your night. Really, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for Sebastian's passing."

I raise an eyebrow. "Really?"

Nathaniel nods, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Well, yeah. If he hadn't gone and offed himself, he and Aaron could've had matching jail cells. It's a shame he got my cousin locked up; I'm sure the idiot didn't think that he'd go down in the process."

And then he laughs. He laughs.

"Braylen, no!" Sebastian shouts but I hardly hear him as I run forward and charge into him with all my weight.

        Nathaniel falls into the sand and we wrestle around on the ground for what seemed like minutes, grunting and connecting fists to each other's face at every chance possible. A punch lands on my bottom lip and I scream in anger as I claw my nails across his face.

        A different voice calls out my name and before it I'm on my feet, blood pouring out my lip. I know it's Roman pulling me back before I glance behind me to check and instead zero my eyes onto Nate's gashing face. "You bastard!" I screech, jumping around in Roman's arms.

        Nate smiles a bloody smile, standing up slowly. "My sincerest condolences about Sebastian, Braylen."

        "Don't say his name! Don't you ever say his name again!" I shout still thrashing in Roman's arms.

        "Let's go," Roman murmurs. "Be better than this, Braylen."

        I know he's right. I know that I should leave. But the satisfied smirk on Nathaniel's face makes me want to punch it all over again. I swallow hard. "Get me out of here," I whisper, almost desperately.

         Roman's hold on me lessens just a bit as he begins to pull me away, our feet trekking in the sand silently.

        "I'll see you later," Nathaniel calls out in a mocking tone. I dig my nails into Roman's palm to keep from turning around.

        Devin's green eyes find me before everyone else's. "What the hell happened? One second you two were just talking, the next you're tackling him!"

        Robyn winces. "Your lip, B."

        I wipe the blood off with the back of my hand. "I'm fine," I hiss. I shake my head. "No, no, I'm not. I want to go home."

        "I'll take you," Roman says. "I'm sober, I've got it."

        I scrunch my nose. "On your motorcycle?"

        "Go with him, Braylen," Devin says. "We'll see you tomorrow."

I take one look at my friends and realize it wasn't up for a discussion. I see something else in their expressions, something that has me craning my neck as Roman leads me away.

Maybe it was the trick of the light or my vodka-filled head but they almost looked afraid of me.