"LET ME SEE if I understand you correctly," Roman mutters, making a left at the light. He'd insisted on driving, claiming that my face was too angry to handle any sort of machinery. "Sebastian—"

       "Don't say his name," I hiss, swatting Roman's arm with the back of my hand.

        "Sorry," he responds quickly. "What should I call him?"

        I rack my brain. "I don't freaking know. Lord Voldemort, or something."

       Roman turns to look at me for far too long and he misses seeing the light turn from red to green. A car honks at him and he quickly turns back to the road, cursing in Italian. "So, three summers ago, Lord Voldemort had sex with Nate, the guy you tackled at Seb—Voldemort's party, and Nathaniel is also the cousin of Aaron, the guy that sold drugs to Lord Voldemort and is currently rotting in jail for it. But now, someone is making all of these cryptic posts about Lord Voldemort and what happened three summers ago and they've introduced a new person named Lennox whom Voldemort was also involved with. We're going to find this Lennox and ask him questions to better understand what happened to Lord Voldemort?"

        I stare up at him. "Yeah, um, that's exactly it."

       Roman bristles. "Okay, yeah. Just two questions."

      "Shoot."

        "What if Lennox isn't here? I mean, how do you know the address is legit?" he asks.

       I nod once. "He works at this record store, I know it. Devin said he has a friend that works there and Lennox has been an employee since that summer. It all adds up."

       Roman harrumphs, turning again and blinking rapidly underneath the Malibu sun. "What's your second question?" I grit, concerned by his standoffish demeanor.

       He scratches the back of his neck, still gazing at the road. He was purposely trying not to look at me. "It's just...I don't know, Braylen. Do you think you're ready to hear whatever this Lennox guy has to say?"

        I pout softly. "What do you mean?"

       "I'm just saying, we don't know what his testimony is going to be, okay? All these BLAST! posts have only succeeded in one thing—making you upset about shit that happened in the past. Maybe that's where Lennox should stay. In the past," Roman rants before finally turning to look at me.

        I was sure my face was incredulous. "You don't understand," I mutter, shaking my head and looking out my window.

        A hand comes to grab mine and I turn to look at Roman again, his eyes pleading. "Help me to."

       I swallow hard. "I thought I knew him, Roman. No, more than that. I knew that I knew him. And someone, some psychopath behind a computer screen, is trying to confuse that. Someone is trying to confuse me. I don't want to be confused about this, about him."

        Roman inhales sharply. "You shouldn't think of it that way, B. It doesn't matter what Lennox or anybody has to say. You knew what you needed to know."

       "It wasn't enough," I murmur, crossing my arms across my chest and staring out the window again. Roman doesn't respond.

We make it to the address of the record store where Lennox works. Devin, Robyn, Hunter, and Hayley are already waiting outside in Hayley's minivan, crowded around outside of it and talking amongst themselves. They instantly stop when Roman pulls up and parks across from them, all eyes suddenly on us. I fight the urge that told me to stay in the car and hop out instead. Roman follows behind me silently. For the time being, he seemed to have quit with his questions.

"Hey," Devin calls out before Robyn rushes forward and wraps me in a hug. My arms loop around her after only a moment's hesitation and I bury my nose into her shoulder.

        "I'm sorry, Brayls" she whispers against my shirt. "I miss you. Don't leave me again."

         It wasn't hard to forgive Robyn. There was nothing to forgive her for. She didn't know how much of a mess I was and either way, it wasn't her fault. She didn't make me this way. I just was.

         Still, the idea of going back made my heart speed up with anxiety. I crane my neck to glance at Roman who is already watching me and wonder if I'd completely destroyed the little peace we'd found together by my overthinking this morning. I tear my gaze away from him.

       "So," Hayley says, crossing her arms as Robyn pulls back away from me. They look at my hair, or lack of it, but don't make any comments on it. "What's the plan? We just storm in there and ask Lennox about Se—"

        "Don't say his name," Roman and I say at the same time and then glance at each other immediately. A small smile finds its way to my lips. Then, I remember exactly what I was smiling about and turn my head away.

        Devin's eyes follow the exchange but he nods his head. "No, Hayley is right. We have to be strategic about how we approach this."

        I sigh, trying hard to burrow down my inherent hatred for this Lennox guy. I hadn't even met him and I never wanted to see him again. Maybe it was the fact that he loved Sebastian before I could even think to, maybe it was the fact that he could've been a contributing factor to his death. Maybe it was his fault as much as it was mine. Shouldn't I be grateful, then? That I wasn't the only one to blame?

       "I think it's him," I say suddenly. All eyes turn to me and I swallow hard. "I think he's ANON."

Hunter shakes his head. "That's too easy. I've seen this movie before; it's always the ones you don't expect. Lennox is too obvious."

Hayley glances at Hunter, shock permeating her features. "Huh. You've got a point, Hunt."

He nods, popping his collar and shooting Devin a smug look before turning back to me. "Yep. I think it's you!"

I balk. "Me?" I spit, incredulous. "Hunter, why in God's name would it be me?"

He scratches the back of his neck. "Least obvious! Duh."

There's the sound of a crate closing and someone clearing their throat. I whip my head to the source of the sound and see a medium build boy with black dreadlocks and deep brown eyes. He was holding a trash can by its handle and glaring at us with unforgiving eyes. He had so many piercings and tattoos that he gave Roman a run for his money. But there was something in his eyes that felt familiar to me.

"Alright, you've all either gotta buy something or pack up and leave," the boy says with a soft voice that contrasts his hard appearance. "Boss doesn't like loiterers."

It clicks to me all too suddenly who this boy was. I can't stop myself before speaking. "You're Lennox Stiles," I spit, the venom in my tone apparent.

He glowers at me. "Yeah, okay, it's sort of weird that you know my name and I have no idea who the f—"

I'd already opened up my phone and pulled out the screenshot picture of him and Sebastian, the one where his face was tucked in Seb's neck to hide his bright smile. Lennox's voice cuts off as I hold up my phone and I can see the light drain from his brown skin. "You may not know me, but you knew him, didn't you?" I ask, eyebrows raising. Lennox's eyes glare back up at me and I stuff my phone back in my pocket. "I'd like to speak with you."

"I'd rather not," he responds. "I still have no clue who you are or how you got that picture, but Ash and I have nothing to do with one another anymore. He died a year ago anyways, and—"

"Yeah, I know," I retort, stuffing my hands in my pockets. "I was there."

Lennox's eyes finally turn upwards. I can see them zero in on me and then Devin and Hunter, faces he might actually recognize. Realization clicks and then he's staring at me again. "You were his boyfriend."

"I'd like to speak with you, Nox," I repeat, softer this time.

Lennox bristles uncomfortably. "Only my friends call me that." He cocks his head to the building, gesturing for me to follow him. "Let's go."

I follow after him with no hesitation, though perhaps I should hesitate. Roman's worries flash in my head. I push them back down.

Lennox leads me to an office in the back of the building; I take short breaths so as to not think too much about the fact that both he and I loved the same boy. I didn't need to have a panic attack today.

He shuts the door behind us and my eyes adjust to the small office with a desk with papers strewn across it. Lennox shoves them to the side quickly, taking a seat on the desk and facing me. "Mind telling me your name?" he asks, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Braylen. Braylen Adams," I respond, narrowing my eyes at him.

Lennox's eyebrows raise in surprise. "Wait, you're Braylen? As in the dude that got in all those prank wars with Ash?"

Even at the nickname, I flinch. It was pathetic, really. "Yeah, that's me."

Lennox snorts. "Hmm. I'd always thought you were an asshole."

I frown. "He told you about me?"

"Briefly," Lennox responds. "We were high off our minds for most of that summer, but I remember him mentioning a boy that drove him crazy at school. Leave it to him to end up with him, I suppose."

I swallow hard. "Okay, can we backtrack a little? How did you two meet? You didn't go to the Academy, I would've remembered you."

Lennox folds his hands across his lap. "I was homeschooled with my foster siblings. But my twin sister Lea had a bunch of friends from your school and so we went to a lot of their parties. That's how I met him. At one of those parties."

I raise an eyebrow, silently urging him to go on. He glared at me but sighs as he begins talking again. "It was the end of June. Lea had brought me to one of those parties and I saw him. He was drinking a beer and some of his friends were getting coke lined up on the table. And he wouldn't stop looking at me. Lea noticed and she told me to go over and talk to him. We did lines together and then he asked if I'd seen the view from upstairs yet. I said I hadn't and he took me up there and we made out a lot. He made it clear he didn't want to have sex and that was fine with me. I'm not gonna force the guy to do something he clearly didn't want to.

        "And then I kept coming to parties. He was at every single one. At every party, he would ask if I wanted to see the view from upstairs, and every night we would go and make out. Sometimes we'd talk about stupid shit and other times we'd do more drugs together," Lennox continues. "He always asked if I wanted to and I always said yes. Because I loved him. I knew that he was hurting and that this was his way to cope, but he wouldn't talk about that. So we got high instead. "

       I gnaw on my bottom lip, the familiarity of the story like a pang in my heart. Lennox loved Sebastian just as desperately as I had, in a way that we'd do anything to keep him happy. I swallow back bile. He and I were mirrors of each other.

       "Eventually, he would bring harder stuff. He would shoot up heroin from time to time. I didn't touch hard shit like that but I would help him come down when he did," Lennox says. "And one night, I just said it. I just told him that I loved him and that I wanted more than just getting high and making out." He sighs, turning away from me as he continues the story. "He shut down so suddenly. He didn't want me past this summer. That's when I realized that he had just been passing his time with me.

       "We didn't speak after he turned me down. I stopped going to parties, stopped going anywhere for a while. Even once I got over it, it was still hard to think about him," Lennox says. "Lea told me that he passed the night it happened. That he left all his friends behind. That he left you. I didn't eat for four days."

       I clear my throat softly, not sure what to make of the tears shining in his eyes. "That's everything?" I mutter.

       Lennox's eyes flash to mine and his lips purse. "You don't like me," he notices. "You don't like me because you loved him."

       "That's not tr—"

       "You see me as competition that you didn't even know existed, but there's no reason to. I was never competition," Lennox says. "He never loved me. Maybe he needed me. Maybe he liked me. But never more than that. I don't know what you two were, but I'm sure it was more than that."

       "We were," Sebastian says, appearing on the table next to Lennox. "We were more."

I wipe my eyes to avoid tears that hadn't fallen yet, swallowing hard. "More," I agree, talking to both of them at once. "But not enough."

¥

        I don't speak as Roman drives us back home, or rather, his home and the place I'm currently squatting at. He allows me the silence easily and I wish I had the words to thank him for it.

I couldn't get Lennox's story out of my head. How could I not have known about Sebastian, or anything rather, about the summer before I loved him? He'd told me that he'd only done heroin once—I remembered that. We'd been in Moku and it was the first time we'd spoken in weeks. Why did he lie? Lennox swore that Sebastian never cared for him as much as he cared for Sebastian—so what else happened that summer that caused him to spiral?

I knew what Lennox thought their story was; a case of unrequited love. But was it so unrequited? It took Sebastian months to tell me he loved me. Who's to say he wouldn't have loved Lennox if he'd stayed a little longer? Who's to say he ever really loved me?

        Roman parks my car in the parking garage, shutting off the engine and glancing over at me. I hadn't moved the entire car ride, stuck still at this dead-end we'd found. Lennox taught me a lot, but nothing I needed to know. There were still hidden things from three years ago that weren't uncovered; Lennox could only be with Sebastian so much. What else happened that summer? What were we missing? Who was doing this?

        "Tomorrow is Friday," Roman murmurs, glancing over at me.

        I turn my head to him, the first movement I've made the entire ride. "You have to go, don't you?"

        Roman nods, handing me my keys and looking over at me. "Come with me."

       "Where?" I ask curiously, heart thumping in my chest. This was exactly what I wanted and exactly what I was nervous about. He was letting me in. "Are you serious?"

        "Why would I lie?" Roman asks, a teasing glint in his eyes. "Of course, I'm serious, Braylen."

I shake my head once. "No, you don't have to do this. I mean, I would love to go with you but Charlie said—"

"Charlie?" Roman asks, brows furrowing. "Charlie, what, from my gym?"

I swallow hard. "Yeah. He said that you and I would never really get close because...well, because that's not how you usually roll. He said that I shouldn't expect you to let me in."

He was practically fuming. I watch as he clenches the wheel tightly. "When did you two have this conversation?"

I flush. "I don't know, weeks ago. Before your match that night."

"You took advice from a gym friend I occasionally lift weights with?"

My eyebrows go up in anger. "It was your only friend that I had met at the time! Okay, and for the record, Nova said something similar to me last night!" This time, Roman really pales. "I probably shouldn't have mentioned that."

"What did he say?" Roman grits and I watch as his chest goes up and down with each breath.

"Uh, not much," I mumble, scratching the back of my neck. Roman glares at me and I sigh. "Okay, fine. He's just worried, is all. That I may not be what you need. That I may hurt you."

        Roman rolls his eyes. "Did anyone else say anything about me behind my back?"

         "No," I say quickly and then tap my chin. "Well, that girl that you work with did mention you're a little bit of a control freak sometimes. But that's it. I swear."

His breathing seems to have slowed. I reach out to grab his hand and he lets me, looping our fingers together. "Is that why you won't let yourself have feelings for me?"

"No," I breathe out quickly. I consider saying it. Saying that I do have feelings for him. But I couldn't do it. Not now. "No, that's all me, I promise. It has nothing to do with you. Rome, I don't care what Nova or Charlie or Kacey have to say. It doesn't matter to me."

"Well, it matters to me," he responds, staring at me. "I do struggle to let people in. But you're not just a person to me. Haven't you figured that out by now?"

I smile softly. "So, what am I? Your late-night booty call? Friend with benefits?"

He chuckles softly, leaning over and planting his lips on mine. I fall into the kiss easily, my brain turning to mush as his tongue swipes against mine. My breath hitches in my throat and I shift in my seat to get even closer to him. A low moan leaves my lips just as he pulls away, a teasing glint in his eye. "You're more than all of that," he whispers softly. "I don't know what exactly, but you're more. Okay?"

"Okay," I repeat quietly, grinning. "Well, then. We'd better hit the road."

¥
part two is over!!! one more to go until the epilogues, guys ! what do you think roman is hiding? where are they going? and do you think braylen will admit his feelings to roman? will they end up together? also what do we think of nox?
its so funny that i know all those answers and you guys don't yet. MUAHAHAA