DEAR SEBASTIAN,

When I was little, I used to always wonder how my mom could fall for someone like my dad.  Someone who up and left her as soon as he knocked her up, someone who didn't care about his own son until it was far too late in the game. Whenever I would ask my mom why she loved him, she would just smile sadly and shrug.

"We can't help who we fall for."

I didn't get that. I figured such big feelings of love and passion had some element of freedom to them. I couldn't imagine a world where I didn't have any choice of who I fell in love with. I couldn't imagine it...at least until I fell for you.

I don't like Shakespeare, never have. You thought he was a genius, but all I saw was a flawed man that tried so hard to pretend he wasn't. As much as I hate the guy, I can't help but relate to him, or at least his characters. There's a specific line from 'Othello' that I found all too familiar.

"I am one who loved not wisely but too well."

We don't have a choice in who we fall for, but we do have the choice of whether or not we should give our hearts to them. And sometimes I can't help but wonder if I would've been better off not loving you and letting you love me. Maybe it would've been smart to walk away. I don't know. I don't know.

Do I regret it? I'm not sure. I don't think I'll ever really know. There are always a million "what ifs" swimming around in my brain. What if we just stayed friends? What if we just stayed enemies? What if I got to that damn bridge sooner, what if I stopped you from running out on me at that ball?What if I could've saved you? What if I never loved you in the first place? Surely, this wouldn't hurt as much, right? If you don't love, it doesn't hurt when they leave. But then again, as my mother said, I didn't exactly have a choice.

And if I did, would I still choose you?

Yours entirely and yours only.
- braylen adams