I SLAP THE back of Roman's hand, staring at him incredulously. He freezes and quickly retracts his hand from the touchscreen movie player, glancing around the sleeping airplane to see if anyone had heard the loud smack. "What're you doing?" Roman whispers, his voice going up an octave in question.

        "There is no way I will be spending a five-hour flight watching James Bond movies with you," I retort. "At least choose something entertaining."

        "Action-packed fighting scenes, jumping out of airplanes—what could be more entertaining than that?" Roman asks. His lips purse together in confusion and the sight of them temporarily distracts me.

        It'd been harder than I expected to say goodbye to Devin's Florida house, even though he promised we could return next year. I didn't know if it was because I'd feel some sort of connection with the house because it's the place where things officially changed for Roman and I, or if it was just me not wanting to get back to my real life in Malibu.

        It was nearing midnight now, and the rest of our friends had fallen asleep in their respective seats. Roman and I were tucked in the corner of the plane, and I was savoring the last few moments of him being completely mine for the week.

        I realize I'd been staring at his lips for far too long and blush. "Literally anything else," I mutter, tapping the touchscreen. "Might I recommend a classic? Have you ever seen The Perks of Being a Wallflower?"

       "That is a ridiculous title; of course, I haven't," he whispers.

        I balk. "Dude, you're completely missing out on one of the greatest movies of all time! We're watching it. Right now."

        Roman smirks. "Right now?"

        "Mhm," I say. "And you're gonna love it. I swear. And if you don't, just lie."

        I click on the movie, nestling comfortably into my hoodie. Roman's eyes are on me, I can feel them even as I stare at the intro scene of the movie. I click my teeth. "You'll miss the whole plot if you keep staring at me," I remark. "Why are you staring at me, again?"

        "Just wanna kiss you," he breathes out. I look over at him, the nonchalant expression on his face, no traces of red tinging his cheeks at the intimate words.

        I shush him, softly nudging his broad shoulder with mine. "No talking during the movie, De Carlo."

       "Everyone is asleep," he whispers, bringing his lips down to my ear. "Nobody would see. Nobody has to know."

        I bite the inside of my cheek and Roman smiles as he realizes that I'm at least considering it. In the end, I shake my head. "Roman...," I groan.

        "Alright, alright, I'm watching it. I'm watching it," Roman laughs. He looks at the space between us and frowns. "You know, you could get closer to me. I only bite if you ask me to."

        "Hardy har," I deadpan. "You wish, Roman."

        I grin at him one more time before turning back to the movie, noticing the intrigued look on Roman's face with a pleased expression. And now that he pointed it out to me, I couldn't help but notice the distance between the two of us. I wondered silently as Charlie goes to his first high school dance how Roman and I could be so close and yet have so much space in between us.

¥

        I fell asleep.

        I fell asleep on Roman's shoulder.

        I fell asleep on Roman's shoulder and he's asleep on top of my head.

        Panic floods through me and I sift through a million different ways to get out of this position, get away from this intimacy that I warded off with a shield to protect my still aching heart. But I couldn't. And I was freaking out because of it.

        "I can feel you panicking underneath me," Roman mumbles, voice heavy with sleep. "Breathe, Braylen."

        The words take me back to Roman helping me through my panic attack outside of the diner and now I'm thinking about the green in his eyes, how they almost look black when he's in my mouth and just about to—

        "You have a penchant for overreactions," he retorts.

        I swallow hard. "It's not a penchant if I don't mean to do it."

        "Go back to sleep," he murmurs, reaching forward and lacing his fingers through mine. "Doesn't have to mean anything, okay?"

        I sigh softly. I wanted to be angry that he understood me so well, but it also made things easier. "Yeah, okay," I murmur. I settle onto Roman's shoulder in a more comfortable way, surprised someone so muscular and lean could be such a good cushion. I keep our hands intertwined and wrap my arm under his, taking a soft breath and shutting my eyes again. "At least tell me you finished the movie."

        "I did," he responds. After a moment of us listening to each other's breaths, he speaks again. "It was good. You remind me of Charlie a little."

        I frown, not understanding. "Why?"

        "I don't know," he murmurs, and I can tell he's close to falling asleep. "He's good at hiding, too."

¥

        I fell asleep.

        Again.

       Devin's eyes are on me. I stare back. He shakes his head once, slightly. I furrow my eyebrows at him in confusion. Is he upset about Roman and I? Did I do something wrong?

        I turn on my phone to text him about it when I see it. Another BLAST! update. I'm clicking on it before I can stop myself.

Hope you all are having an amazing summer. Isn't it just the best season? The warm sun, the cool breeze, the fresh lies?

I know things from three summers ago that would catch the eyes of quite a few people. The first? Sebastian Grey's scandalous hookup with Hannikan student Nathaniel Pendleton. Reliable sources suggest that the two snuck away at the party and Ash chewed the boy out the next morning. That's even worse than the Walk of Shame.

And if the name Nathaniel Pendleton rings a bell, maybe you remember good old Aaron Druthers, everyone's favorite plug, and everyone's favorite guy. Also known as the man that Grey had incarcerated just months before his death. Other sources suggest that the two were involved—not romantically, though it seems like Sebastian Grey got more than his fair share of gals (and gays).

No, that wasn't it. Grey was addicted to the stuff that Druthers sold.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Sebastian Grey, an addict? It sounds far-fetched but it's no secret the boy participated in several destructive activities that summer. And I think that there's more where that came from.

Attachment : 1 image

- ANON

I'm shaking by the time that I click the attached photo, shaking so hard that I have to set my phone on my lap to stay still. Roman is still knocked out, thankfully. I didn't need him to see me have another panic attack.

"Doesn't matter," I whisper to myself. "It doesn't matter."

I click on the picture and my stomach drops.

It was Sebastian, but it was a Sebastian I'd never really seen before. One I felt like I didn't recognize. He was shirtless, surrounded by a large group of guys and girls all with glazed-over eyes. They were high. And if the white powder around Sebastian's top lip was any indication, it wasn't just something small.

My eyes zero in closer on the photo, more specifically the man Sebastian has his arm sling around. His face is turned into his neck as if he'd just told a joke and was trying not to laugh in front of the camera. But something told me that that wasn't the case. That this man was more to Sebastian than just a stranger he'd wrapped his arms around for a picture. And the guy wasn't just laughing. It was like he was breathing him in, like Sebastian was oxygen and he'd never tasted it before.

        My phone blinks with new messages. I read them as they come in.

dev: we'll talk about this
dev: don't freak out
dev: i feel like you're freaking out

I click off of the post, heart drumming in my chest. A million questions floated through my mind. Who was the boy in that picture? What else happened that summer? Who in the hell is ANON? A throat clears from across from me and I look up to see Sebastian staring at me. "Braylen—" he starts.

"I cannot deal with you right now," I think, fighting back tears. "Do I even know you?"

Sebastian's eyebrows furrow. "Do you even know me? What the hell kind of question is that?"

I don't answer. I cross my arms and lean back in my seat, working on slowing my breaths. Sebastian isn't having it, standing up and leaning over the chair in front of me until his eyes are on me. "B, you know me, okay? You know me."

"I thought I did," I whisper-yell. "And at any rate, I don't anymore. Okay? You're not here. There's no one to know."

The words hit both me and Sebastian square in the chest. He purses his lips before withering away. I almost call him back, but I realize my speaking had woken Roman up. He's glancing at me with half-asleep eyes, concerned within the first second of waking up. Concern for me. I bite back a hysterical laugh. "You okay?" he asks, his thick brows furrowing together.

"Yeah," I rasp. My voice sounds like sandpaper, so I try again. "Yeah."

Rome wipes his eyes. "Who were you talking to? Just now? Were you trying to wake me up?"

I latch onto that. "Yeah, yeah. I was. Um, we're landing soon. Thought you should know."

As if on cue, the intercom sounds and the pilot repeats the words I'd just uttered. He doesn't sound completely gutted as he speaks, unlike me, who can't seem to relocate where my head and my heart went before reading that post. The peace that Florida had brought me was long gone. I couldn't even remember what it had felt like to be happy those past few days.

        I grab my phone and respond to Devin.

b: i'm not freaking out
b: don't want to talk about any of it either

We get off the plane at nearly two in the morning. Hunter's older brother picks up him and Hayley, but not before Hunter goes around and plants a wet kiss on each of our cheeks—even Roman, who he's forgiven for kissing "his girl" that night during Truth or Dare.

Roman calls in an Uber, so he's the next to go. I stare up at him with a pinched-together smile, trying to make it seem like nothing is wrong, like everything is fine, like I'm still the same confident, happy boy that he'd spent the past week hooking up with. But Roman was never one to fall for my lies, something that has become abundantly clear to me time and time again.

"Did you want to go for breakfast later?" Roman asks softly. I'm avoiding eye contact with Dev, who tried to intercept me once we got off the plane. I narrowly avoided him and sent him a glare that said "not right now," when really I wanted to say "not right now and not ever."

I shake my head softly. "Maybe some other morning."

I practically pray for him to let it go. He doesn't. Of course. "Dinner then? I could make you something tomorrow night. More cannolis, maybe?"

Taking in a sharp breath, I glance down at my shoes. Roman chuckles softly and I look up to see him staring off into the distance. "Got it. Message received, Braylen. I'll back off."

I open my mouth to say something, to say that that's not what I wanted. But how could I explain to him how I didn't want to be in a room alone with him not because I didn't like him, but because I could hardly even stand to be around myself? I grit my teeth. "Maybe that's for the best. For a little while, at least," I say, even though my heart is screaming at me not to. But my head wins. It always, always wins.

Roman's Uber drives up. He stares down at me for a moment before shaking his head slightly, chuckling humorlessly. "Don't know why I even try," he mutters, so low I almost don't hear him. But I do.

The words are still pounding in my head as Robyn's mom drives Devin, Robs, and me home. It's like they're tattooed across my brain in black, slimy ink and I just wish I could scrub at them until they disappeared. I wanted them gone.