FIREWORKS POP OUT over the beach just outside of Devin's house. It was pretty crowded out there, but we'd found a small part where nobody resided. We munched down on pizza and beers, though Roman and I both steered clear of alcohol—him because that's what he did and me because I still wasn't over my hangover from the night before. And because if I was going to have sex with Roman tonight, I wanted to be sober for it.

        I had to run the idea by him, of course. But I doubted he'd be too opposed. Tonight would be perfect, anyways. Everyone else would be completely plastered and unknowing. We would be free to do whatever we wanted.

An exceptionally loud pop causes me to jump and Roman's eyes flash to mine. "You okay?" he asks, eyes sparkling underneath the light of the fireworks.

I glance around the beach, watching as the rest of my friends laugh together. They were far enough away that they couldn't hear me. "Do you want to have sex tonight?" I ask, just as a long firework pattern begins.

My voice is drowned out by the fireworks and I swallow hard, tearing my eyes away from him. "Sorry, what was that?" he asked, brows furrowing in question.

"I—"

I try to breathe the words out again and fall short. Was I too forward? What if this was too much too soon? Why did I care so much?

"Last one in the ocean has to sniff Hunter's underwear!" Devin screeches before jumping up from his bottom and running towards the water in long strides. Robyn bolts after him with Hayley short after him, leaving Hunter standing on the beach with an offended expression.

He glances over at Roman and me. "You two should run. I wouldn't wish that on anyone if I'm honest."

We exchange a look. "Uh...," Roman mutters, scratching the back of his neck. "We'll pass."

Hunter shrugs his shoulders before making a beeline to the water, yelling out some sort of war cry and ripping off his shirt climatically. I turn back to Roman to find him already looking at me and swallow hard. "What?"

"You're kind of beautiful, is all," he mumbles honestly, glancing away from me before turning back.

A blush claws up my skin. Beautiful. He'd never called me that. "You're not flirting with me, are you? Trying to get in my pants?" I joke, my voice slightly shaky.

"Definitely flirting, definitely trying to get in your pants," he responds, honestly again. "But that doesn't make it any less true."

We watch Robyn screech at the coolness of the water, hiking her dress up to her hips as she waddles over to Hayley. The two of them laugh loudly and I'm taken back to just hours before when Roman and I had watched my friends play around in the water just like this. When I'd been too afraid to let him touch me.

Keeping my eyes trained on my best friends, I slip my hand into Roman's. His fingers lace around mine easily and a small smile forms on my lips. I was thankful for the darkness for several reasons. To anyone looking, we'd just seem like two guys sitting close to each other to keep from being cold. And Roman couldn't see the hot pink on my cheeks and neck as he rubbed circles along the outside of my hand. "I had a thought earlier," Roman murmurs.

"Hmm?" I hum, running my hand through the cool sand and glancing up at the fireworks.

"You seem to think that you and I are different," he says slowly. I turn to face him and our lips are so close it makes me dizzy. "I wanted to tell you that I don't think that's true."

I want to laugh. But I don't. "Yeah, okay. Sure," I mutter flippantly.

"I'm serious."

"I know you are," I respond. "That's what's sad." I bite my bottom lip. "You don't want to be like me, Roman. I'm not good. I've told you this before."

He sighs. "What makes you think that the world is made up of just good and bad people? Why do you think everything is so black and white? What happened to gray?"

"I believe that most people are gray, actually," I retorted, glaring at him. "I think almost all of us are. Myself included."

"And where do I fall on that spectrum?"

I stare at him. "Roman De Carlo, you couldn't be gray if you tried."

"You idolize me."

"No, I just know you," I hiss.

He shakes his head. "There are things you don't know. Things I probably won't ever tell you. Shit I've done or haven't done."

I think back to Charlie's words in the gym that day. I think of what I said to him then. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what you tell me or what you've done," I whisper. "You're golden."

        Roman looks down at me and I can feel the knowledge of this sinking into my bones. I was a never-ending shade of gray. He was nothing like me. "Don't you want to hear why I think we're just alike?"

        "It won't change my opinion, but sure."

        Roman's thumb brushes over my knuckle. "Believe it or not, I see myself as gray, too," he answers. "I'm not nearly as perfect as you think I am. The only difference is I'm not trying to be. Not anymore."

"At the boxing match," I start, bristling softly. "You mentioned something. You said that you wouldn't try to be some perfect person like you did when you were little. What did you mean?"

Roman gnaws on his bottom lip. It's subconscious, I'm sure, but his grip tightens on my hand. "I didn't have a great childhood," he admits. "I'm assuming you've guessed at that."

I smile softly. "It's crossed my mind."

He laughs once before turning serious again. "I tried so hard to be who I thought I was supposed to be. T-to not make mistakes or say the wrong things. It was a genuine fear of mine to mess up." Roman sighs deeply, squeezing my hand and staring at the water in front of us. "I'm not so afraid anymore."

"Rome," I murmur. "Roman, I'm sorry. For saying all that. I shouldn't have pushed so hard."

"You didn't know," he responds easily.

I shake my head. "It doesn't matter. I don't want you to feel like you need to be something for me. Not like that. I like you for you."

He suddenly grins like he's won the lottery. "What did you say? You like me?"

"I did not mean it like that," I backtrack quickly.

"That's what you said."

I scowl at him. Yeah, but—"

"Hey! You two okay?" Hayley asks, running up to us. I quickly tear my hand from Roman's. Her eyes follow the movement but she doesn't comment on it. We both nod back and she grins. "All right, then. We're gonna play Truth or Dare by the fire. You in?"

I glance over at Roman who suddenly seems all too enthused. He practically jumps to his feet. "Hell yeah. Braylen, you coming?"

"Yeah," I mumbled, standing up slowly. "Sure thing, friend."

Roman tosses his head back in laughter, so loud that Hayley looks over at him with a concerned expression. And pretty soon, I'm smiling too.

                                            ¥

"Truth," I say, rolling my can of Pepsi around in my hands.

Devin taps his chin in thought. "What was your first time like?"

I flush. "Anticlimactic," I admit. "It was with a girl I'd met at summer camp. It lasted all of ten minutes and afterward we went and stole snacks from the kitchen. Which was honestly the best part of the entire night."

"Okay, okay," Hunter giggles, taking a drink of his beer. It was his fifth of the night. The kid was running on nothing but alcohol and Doritos. "Devin Foreester," he says, completely mispronouncing Devin's last name with a drunken smile on his face. "I dare you to give Robyn a lap dance!"

        Robyn blushes wildly as Devin begins shrugging out of his jacket. "Wait, actually?" she asks, laughing. Devin stands up and straddles her, causing Robyn's face to turn the brightest pink I'd ever seen. Devin grinds his hips against her lap, even going all the way to pull his shirt off and do some impressive Magic Mike moves. We're all dying of laughter by the time he's done, surprised that he'd gone as far as he did.

        "Bravo, bravo!" Hayley jokes, a smile wide on her cheeks. "Okay...um. Roman?"

        Roman is still laughing softly but turns at the sound of his voice, bringing his fingers to his chin. "Hm?" he asks, crossed-legged on a picnic blanket that seemed way too small next to his long limbs.

        "Truth or dare," she asks as her words slur just a bit. I was sure everyone here besides Roman and I was beyond tipsy.

         He gnaws on his lip before nodding towards her. "I'll take a dare."

         Hayley grins wickedly. "I dare you to go to the person in this circle you want to kiss the most, and kiss them."

        My cheeks warm up almost immediately. Roman's eyes find mine and for a moment, it feels like there's only him and me on the entire beach. We're sitting across from one another, and I don't know if it would be better or worse for him to close that remaining distance and kiss me in front of our friends. I didn't know if it was up to me to make that decision.

         Roman breaks our stare, smiling shyly as he stands up. I'm not breathing.

         He brushes invisible lint off of his shirt before reaching down and grabbing Hayley's hands, bringing her up to her feet. Something inside me deflated as I realize that he wasn't going to kiss me, that I wasn't the person he wanted to kiss. My stomach turns.

         Hayley's laughing softly, glancing over at me before Roman's hand captures her cheek. The same hand that he'd used to touch me just hours before. He brings his lips down to hers, planting a soft kiss on her lips. I intake a breath as the kiss begins to get deeper, indignation flaring in my chest. I felt stupid. I felt more than stupid. I felt embarrassed.

         They kiss for what seems like hours before breaking apart, the two of them laughing loudly. I stare down at my lap as they return to their spots on the sand, still chuckling. "Alrighty then," Robyn says, glancing over at me. "Did anyone else want to go?"

        I press a hand to my temple. "You guys go ahead. I think I'm tired."

        "Braylen," Roman murmurs, low enough that everyone might not hear him. But I did. Of course, I did.

        I push myself to my feet quickly and walk back into the house even faster. I'm up in my room in an instant, shutting the door but not locking it, just in case Roman decided to make a surprise appearance at my door.

He doesn't, and it isn't until I get fed up with waiting for him and finally fall asleep that I realize I wished he had.

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if i see ANY hayley slander