AN: i'm sorry.

"THAT'S BASICALLY IT," I finish, bringing my knees to my chest as I look at Dr. Fritz. "Michelle deleted all of the posts and ANON is now offline. It's been a week and we've seen no new posts; Devin thinks we're in the clear. Now, all everyone's really focused on is the wedding, you know?"

Fritz nods. "I'm glad that you told me about these BLAST! posts, especially since they seem to have been a big part of your summer." She takes off her glasses and leans forward. "I wonder if we could talk about another big part of your summer. Someone you've avoided mentioning all session."

I grit my teeth, turning my head away. "I haven't heard from him."

"And how does that make you feel?"

I stare out the window at the August summer sun beaming down on the parking lot. Even though summer was ending, you couldn't tell with the soft breeze and warm sunlight. It was something I used to hate about Malibu; how the seasons never changed. How every month blurred into one another. I was sort of grateful for it now. I'd had enough change to last a lifetime.

"Mr. Adams?" Fritz prompts.

I bite my lip. "I miss him," I respond honestly. "I hope he's okay. He's getting a lot of shit right now and he doesn't deserve it."

Dr. Fritz smiles sadly. "Can I give you some advice, Braylen?" she asks. "As, someone who cares about you. Not just your therapist."

"Free advice that won't be added to my bill? Sounds great. Let's hear it."

Fritz chuckles once. "I think that naturally, your heart goes out for others. When I asked you about how things have been lately, you told me about the BLAST! posts, how they affected your friend group, and how you worked to resolve things for Sebastian's honor." I flinch a bit at the name but don't reprimand her. It felt sort of good hearing his name again. It feels good to know he was real. "When I asked you how you felt about Roman's absence, you went on about how hard of a time he was going through. Which begs the question, when do you have time to focus on yourself?"

She leans forward. "You're a nurturer, a caring being, Braylen. I've seen that from you repeatedly. And most astonishing is the fact that you don't seem to realize how often you do it. I just worry that all of the emotions from other people that you take on will one day bury you; I worry that you won't know how to handle it. I want you to take more time for yourself, just as you do for those you love. And I want you to be honest with yourself. Do you think you can do that for me?"

I smile softly. "I don't know just yet. But I can try."

¥

        There's a sound of glass breaking. I glance at Hiro who was laying on the other side of the bed—we'd been sharing my room since he'd been here, partially because he didn't want to sleep on the couch but mostly because he's a cuddler. "What was that?" I ask, eyebrows raised.

        "I dunno," he responds. We exchange a look before hurrying downstairs to check out the sound.

        Oba is standing there with a flushed face and looking close to tears. Bridget pinches the bridge of her nose. "Mom, it's not that big of a deal."

        "It is! What are the guests going to eat off of, Bridget? Paper plates?!" she exclaims, crossing her arms.

"Whoa, what's going on?" I ask, eyebrows raised.

Bethany sighs. "Mom dropped all the fine china. Now she's freaking out."

Oba turns to me, eyes frantic. "My wedding is in a week and a half, Braylen! That's nowhere near enough time for me to order new china and I am already paying for so much with this wedding. What am I gonna do?"

"Relax, Aunt Amanda. We don't need fine china, we just need plates that look like it. I can find expensive-looking plastic plates at the grocery store, for Pete's sake," I respond, waving my hand.

Her eyes go wide. "Really? You'd do that for me?"

I frown. "What? I was speaking hypothetically."

"Oh, please, Braylen! I have to meet with Gerard about last-minute invites, anyway. It'd mean a lot if you could go and grab those plates for me," she says. I take one look at her wide eyes and flushed cheeks and sigh in defeat. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

I grab my keys from the counter and bite my lip. "So...does anybody want to come with me—"

Hiro, Bethany, and Bridget clear out of the room before I even finish my sentence. I let out a breath. "Fine," I mutter. "It'll just be me and Sam, then."

        I heave a sigh before heading out the door and into my car. The grocery store wasn't very far from the house and I'm there before I even know it. I make my way to the ninth aisle. Thankfully, I knew exactly where to find the plastic plates and cutlery; once, Sebastian and I had thrown a triple date with Hayley and Hunter and Devin and Robyn. It was a brunch date set up in my backyard, and Seb and I had used a bunch of fancy plastic plates because Hunter has a bad reputation with glass. Especially when drunk on mimosas.

         I look over a few different packages before deciding on the gold and white set since I figured it most matched the theme of the wedding. The cashier rings me up and I'm back out to my car in record time. I was suddenly glad I hadn't brought the twins or Hiro. They would've been far too distracted for me to get out this quickly at the grocery store.

         The lot is pretty empty, save for my car and a black motorcycle which wasn't all that surprising considering the late hour. It's only when I'm fifteen feet away from Sam that I see it.

         He's standing next to my car, looking directly at me. I can't help the grin that breaks out on my face as I practically run up to him. "Rome! What are you doing here?" I ask, dropping the bag next to my tire and wrapping him in a hug. I bring my arms around his shoulders and squeeze him as tight as possible, breathing in the scent that I'd grown attached to this summer.

         His arms loop around my waist slowly and he buries his face into my neck. I could stay like this forever with him, but he pulls away quickly. "I stopped by your house first. Hiro told me you'd be here."

          "You must've stopped by as soon as I left, then," I remark, measuring the time intervals in my head. "So you met Hiro? Isn't he adorable? I know I shouldn't have favorite siblings but he's pretty much number one."

          Roman's not listening to me. His eyes are instead glazed over as he stares at the illuminated supermarket lights, broadcasting half-price strawberries and 2 for 1 diaper sets. I reach forward to grab his hand. "Hey, what's wrong?" I whisper and his eyes cut back to mine. In the dim glow of the parking lot, his eyes didn't even look brown. They were black. Completely black. "Are you okay?"

          He nods once, before running a hand over his head. "I'm fine. Are you okay?"

          "I'm fine, too," I respond quickly. "Although, I haven't had any life-altering reunions of late." I chuckle softly but Roman's face stays shielded and the laugh dies in my throat. "Talk to me, Roman. What's going on?"

          He's back to not looking at me. Now, it's his shoes that are the center of his attention. That's when I notice how nicely he's dressed. Not that he doesn't dress nice usually, but today he seems even more put together. He's dressed in linen khakis and a white button-up shirt to match. Not to mention the nice boots he was sporting. He was still wearing his leather jacket, though, the one that smelled like him. It was the only thing that was the same. Panic floods through my veins.

         "Roman?" I whisper, hating how small my voice sounded. This felt like a rollercoaster, the part where you've just gotten on and you're waiting for that first big drop. You know that if you can get through that, you can get through the entire ride. I am at a standstill, waiting for the drop. Waiting to see if I can live through the rest.

          He clenches his jaw once. Then twice. Then he looks at me again. There are tears in his eyes. "I've spoken with Eden. About things. About my father."

          "She agrees with you, right? That his entire offer is bullshit? I mean, if you and Eden wanted to be together, you would be," I spit, angry at the mention of his dad. "It's so stupid that he thought that this whole deal would mean anything to you. After what you've been through. After what he's put you through."

         Roman licks his lips before taking a breath. "He's dying, Braylen. He's not going to get better."

         I furrow my brows. Where was he going with this? "I know. I know, and that sucks because he's still your father, but we can still want to love people that hurt us."

          "I don't love him," Roman rasps, his voice firm. I'm a little taken aback by the sudden edge. "That's not what I'm saying."

          I was even more confused now. "Okay. Then what are you saying, Rome?"

          Another pained breath. He turns his head away from me and I suddenly see it. The guilt. The shame. It's radiating off of him in waves. How could I have even missed it before? "You're taking his offer," I whisper hollowly, dropping his hand slowly. My voice doesn't even sound like mine.

He turns back to look at me. The red rim around his eyes is answering enough. "You said it yourself," he whispers back. "It's a generous offer. One I can't pass up. For my daughter, for Eden. For myself."

"I don't—I don't believe this." I shake my head once to try to clear it but to no avail. The ache in my chest felt larger than life now. I press a hand against it as I fight back tears. "So what? You're moving to Italy now? You're getting fucking married? What about me? What about w-what I said?"

Roman's lips purse together. "You're still so young, Braylen, and—"

"Oh my god," I whisper, tears streaming down my face freely now. "Don't. Just don't. Don't play that card. Don't try to make what you're doing hurt any less by saying I'm young and I still have time and I'll find someone new. I don't want new. I want you. I told you that!"

Roman's face is stoic, even as silent tears run down his face. And I hate him for it. I hate him for being so calm about this, for trying to let me down easily. I think of all the times he promised me he'd be there. Promised me he wouldn't leave. I hated him for making me love him just to leave me like everyone else. Before I can stop myself, I'm pushing my hands onto his chest. He slams back into the car but makes no move to fight back as I throw baseless hits with my forearms against his chest. "You're a liar!" I hiss, sobbing uncontrollably now. "You're a fucking liar!"

On my tenth hit, he reaches forward and grabs my wrists, stilling my body against his. "You're a liar," I whisper again, shutting my eyes.

"Stop, Braylen," he chastises. "You're acting crazy."

I thought my heart had already been broken before. Once, when Sebastian died. Again when Roman told me he was taking his father's offer. But this, this ripped my heart straight out of my chest.

Crazy. Crazy crazy crazy.

I pull myself out of his grip, staring up at him with incredulous eyes. I was sure I looked like nothing more than a dog he'd just kicked. And it only takes him a second to realize why.

"Shit," he mutters, and finally there's an ounce of emotion on his face. "Braylen, I didn't mean it like that, okay? You know I didn't."

I wipe a hand over my nose. I'd stopped crying. I'd stopped feeling. All I felt as I looked at him was detached. I felt hollow. I felt empty. He'd been the only thing holding me up this entire time, and he'd just let me down.

"You know," I start, voice gravelly. "You know, everyone thought that it'd be me. That I would be the one to break you. My family. My friends. Your friends."

He looks back at me, eyes red and pained and so fucking beautiful. I stare into them for a long moment before he turns his head to the side again. He was breaking my heart and he didn't even have the decency to look me in the eyes as he did it. He couldn't even look at what he did.

I laugh once, humorlessly. "Such bullshit."

I don't watch him as he leaves, but I know he does. I hear the engine of his motorcycle starting up, hear the crickets begin chirping during the silence after our loud argument and his loud bike. I feel the sobs as they wrack my body, feel my knees threaten to give out as I reach down and grab the bag of plastic plates that I'd so carelessly tossed aside in joy of seeing him. Because I missed him. Because I thought he was here to tell me he loved me too.

I climb into the car and shut the door behind me, listening to the familiar sound of the ignition starting up. My chest was heaving up and down and I felt like screaming, but nothing would come out. I lean forward onto the wheel, crying unabashedly. I needed this pain gone. I needed it gone. I needed to feel good.

I'm pulling out of the lot and driving the way to the familiar house before I know it. I don't look back.

————————————————————
i mean at least nobody died, right?