This contains self harm, and if you wish to read this for information on how to self harm... 

Self harm is addictive. It's like a drug. 

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Here's my story even though you probably don't want to hear it. 

When I was younger, I was bullied. (We're talking about K-2.) I started to use a mechanical pencil to scratch my fingers, lets also say that I was told by a kid to cut myself and die, so I did. I didn't stop till 1st grade (started in K.) I got treatment by someone that also wasn't so great (she was fired after I stopped cutting.) She yelled at me and made me afraid to do it again. 

I still have scars on my fingers, but the good thing is that most of them have completely faded. 

I started it back up again in 6th grade, same method just on my wrists. I did it in school often, and no one even noticed until one girl that actually cared said something to the principle. The girl never talked to me again, and the principle told my parents, but they didn't believe him. I stopped with help from my friends, and this was the time I realized I was something other than straight and I was transgender. 

You wouldn't think that being clean for so long that you would go back, but I did. 

It's now my 10th grade year, and I have turned to cutting again. It's not too deep and it heals fast, but I know that this won't last long. 

As some of you all my know, I am not accepted by my family, and I fear I will be kicked out at any moment. My family, even though they don't care about me, wants me to keep straight A's and don't be a disgrace to them. 

Back to me being trans and shit... I still have my hair long, I still have to wear dresses, I can't flatten my chest (unless I use an ace-bandage), and I can't wear anything too masculine. This makes me feel horrible, but I can't control anything right now. 

I also have some sort of an eating disorder or phobia due to the lack of control in my life. I have the fear of eating in front of people, so I have one meal a day, dinner. 

I'm not seeing a therapist because my parents believe that there is nothing wrong with me. They think that since I come home, study while listening to music, and do what they ask for when they say so that I'm fine.

And the worst part is that I don't even know when the last time I've had a conversation with my parents. 

All this stress has lead to me to start the addicting drug named self harm. 

I don't want to do this and if I could, I would have stopped my self all the way back in K. 

Do not self harm, ever. Don't do it, there's people that love you, and honestly, you probably aren't going to want to remember this time for the rest of you life. 

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Now that rant it over-

In this story, it will talk about my own experiences with self harm. If you do not wish to hear me complain, do not read this, but really at this point, you probably would have already left a nasty comment. 

Anyways, please be nice to me. 

You may continue now.