COMFORT IN SILENCE
the 100

(   SUMMARY: Aspen Carter comforts Clarke in the wake of Lexa's death and ALLIE taking over. In which War Zone wasn't an AU, and things go exactly like the show.   )

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Aspen didn't feel right. She didn't feel right staying in that trading post, didn't feel right watching Bellamy pull a gun on Niylah and forcing her to help them. This wasn't who they were. This wasn't who she was, and it made her feel so sick and so ashamed and so, so tired. She had collapsed in a dark corner as soon as she had gotten the chance, burying her face into her arms to drown out the sounds of everyone arguing. Jasper kept snapping at Clarke, Bellamy was a mess, Raven was chipped and blindfolded, tied to the bed. She had already dislocated her own shoulder. Monty and Octavia had gone to get some kind of battery, and Aspen—Aspen had absolutely nothing to do.

She felt useless.

"Here." Aspen glanced up to see Bellamy crouched in front of her. He placed a cup of water at her side. She stared at it for a moment, then raised her gaze to look at him. She'd barely spoken to him since he sided with Pike. When she looked at him now, she didn't even recognize the guy she had loved before. Whoever this Bellamy was, he wasn't hers. "You should drink something. Eat, too. Get some rest. We're going to be here a while." She blinked slowly.

"Did you threaten Niylah to get me water, Bellamy?" she asked, making her voice sickly sweet. Bellamy barely stopped himself before he could flinch back. "Pulling a gun on her..." Aspen shook her head. "Lincoln's dead. The man you support shot him in the head. But sure. Let's just drink and eat and sleep and rest. Let's act as if we didn't lose one of our own yesterday. Let's act as if just the sight of you doesn't absolutely fucking disgust me." This time, Bellamy didn't try to hide his flinch. He reeled back as if she had slapped him. She was sure he would have preferred that. It probably would have been less painful.

"Aspen—"

"When this is all over," she said slowly, voice cold, "I don't want to have anything to do with you. I don't want to see you. I don't want to talk to you. I'll tolerate you because the people I love still seem to love you, but only because of that." She paused for a moment, then added, "I hope you find peace, Bellamy. I really do. But it won't be with me."

"Aspen, please—"

"I hope Pike was worth it." She got up from her spot then, leaving Bellamy crouched there. She wrapped her arms around her stomach and went deeper into the trading post. Her eyes went immediately to Jasper, who was nursing a bottle of alcohol he must have swiped from one of Niylah's shelves. Niylah was watching him with narrowed eyes. Aspen slipped the bracelet Bellamy had given her off her wrist and put it in her hands. "For the alcohol," she murmured. Niylah tightened her grip on the bracelet and nodded.

"You can take one, too," she said after a moment. "It seems you need it more than I do." Aspen contemplated doing just that, then shook her head.

"You're very kind," she murmured. "I'm sorry we're doing this to you." Niylah just touched her shoulder and went to do something out of the way. Aspen sighed and went to sit beside Jasper. "Where's Clarke?" she asked, hoping for a straight answer and not a passive aggressive one. Jasper nodded toward the room where Raven was tied up in. Aspen nodded. Clarke was probably bandaging Raven up after she had chewed through her own wrists. Aspen shivered when she remembered.

She could hear Raven and Clarke talking, so she tilted her head to listen.

"...all the people you've killed." A chill went down Aspen's spine at that, at Raven's voice. She immediately wanted to stop listening, but something wouldn't let her. Clarke. She would step in if Clarke needed her to. There was a beat of silence, and then Clarke let out a small scoff. Aspen could practically see her shaking her head.

"I know what you're doing," Clarke responded. "But you can't get to me, A.L.I.E., so don't even bother." Something in Aspen's chest loosened at that. Clarke wouldn't let the thing inside of Raven get to her. That was one less person Aspen had to worry about. She didn't think she could handle someone else in that trading post being upset. Well, upset more than they already were. She wasn't stupid. Everyone in that small little cabin was in pain, it just varied in how much of it they were in.

"It's not A.L.I.E., Clarke, it's Raven," Raven whispered. She sounded so convincing that Aspen almost jumped up and went in there. She barely stopped herself. She chose to bend down and put her face in her hands instead. "And I'm not trying to get to you, I'm just trying to tell you the truth. Because no one else will." There was a beat of silence. "Everywhere you go, death follows. You always want to save everyone. What you don't realize is you're the one we need saving from. Wells is dead because you couldn't see Charlotte was a basket case. Finn is dead because you broke his heart and then shoved a knife into it. Hell, I bet you got Lexa killed, too." There was another beat of tense silence. Aspen slowly straightened, frowning in concern.

"Shut up," Clarke hissed, voice quiet and cold. Aspen wrapped her arms around herself.

"And then there's dear old dad!" Raven pushed.

"I said shut up!" Clarke snapped.

"Your mom's in here with me, Clarke," Raven hissed. Aspen was on her feet in seconds, going toward the room. She stopped when she heard Raven's next words. "She tells me you tried to convince him not to go public about the fact the Ark was dying! Guess you should have tried harder! His blood is on your hands, too."

"Shut up!" Clarke yelled. Aspen jumped at how close she sounded. She didn't know what to do. Go in and pull Clarke away, or wait it out. She didn't know if Clarke wanted her to hear these things, didn't know if Clarke wanted anyone to save her from the lies coming out of Raven's mouth.

"You think we buy this selfless martyr act," Raven continued, "but we see who you really are. Poison to anyone who gets close-" There was a shuffle, and then Clarke was crying out in pain. Aspen immediately stopped fighting with herself and shot through the doorway.

"You're done, A.L.I.E., you hear me?" Clarke was raging. She was clutching onto her bloody hand, bending down so that their faces were close together. "We're gonna fry you!" Before Aspen could reach for her, Bellamy was shooting past and jerking Clarke away with more force than necessary. Clarke started screaming, in rage or pain, Aspen didn't know. All she knew was that she hated the sound. She followed them out of the room, then shoved at Bellamy until he let Clarke go.

"You can't let her get to you!" Bellamy was saying. "We can't let anger control us here."

"That's funny," Aspen snapped, securing a protective arm around Clarke's shoulders and turning her toward the door. She needed fresh air, needed to get away from such hateful words and faces. "When she's angry, she yells. When you get angry, people die. So shut the fuck up and watch over Raven." With that, she was out the door, taking Clarke with her. Aspen grabbed clean bandages and swiped the bottle of strong alcohol from Jasper's hands on the way out.

Once they were out and breathing in cool night air, Aspen took the hand from where Clarke was cradling it against her chest. Raven had bitten her at the wrist, so deep that blood was bubbling up quickly. Aspen, concerned, pressed one of the bandages hard against the wound to clear most of the blood away, then quickly poured some of the alcohol over it. She knew it wasn't the best thing to use for disinfectant, but they didn't have the antibiotics that the Ark had, and they had demanded enough from Niylah. The bite wound was still bleeding, so Aspen pressed a folded piece of a bandage against it and proceeded to wrap her wrist tightly. She had been working with Abby and Jackson in the medical wing before Jaha had started passing around his AI chips, so her movements were quick, practiced. It helped her mind focus.

When she was done, she glanced up at Clarke's face, mouth opening to ask if she was alright. It snapped shut when she saw the look on her face. Her face was pale, lips pressed firmly together, as if she were trying to keep herself in control. Her eyes, however, were red. Tears were building in them. Clarke kept trying to blink them away, but they were overflowing quickly, trailing down her cheeks faster and faster until nothing but a choked sob could leave her mouth.

Aspen didn't say a word. She just wrapped her arms around Clarke and let her lean against her. Aspen didn't know if there was comfort in her silence, didn't know if she was helping or making things worse, but she stayed where she was regardless. She didn't know it would be the last time Clarke actually allowed herself to cry for a very long time.

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