(Edited)

Taehyung's Pov

Here I am...stuck in the hospital again...I really need to keep track of time when I'm outside cause I swear I hate my body's way of saying "OH! Would you look at the time!!! TIME TO GET BACK INSIDE, BEFORE YOU HAVE A SLIGHT CHANCE OF DEA- OH WHOOPS! TOO LATE!"

*sighs* I swear this really sucks, all I want to do is go outside, STAY outside...just for a day...to feel the natural wind against my hair, To feel the warm sun on my skin.... without it harming me at all! I want to feel the ocean, I want to climb a mountain, I want to camp, I want to go to school, I want to make new friends, to see the beauty of THIS WORLD BUT WHY!!! WHY DOES MY BODY WANT TO KILL ME INSTEAD!! I HATE BEING SO AFRAID ALL THE TIME!! I DONT UNDERSTAND!!! THIS IS NOT FAIR!! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME!!! ALL I WANT IS-!

I feel myself break down once again as I wrap my arms around myself, tighter than before, in attempts to comfort myself, to calm and shut these thoughts up, just for a minute.....for a second even....

I feel my arms and my hospital gown start to get drenched in my tears, I clamp both of my hands over my mouth in attempts to stop the choke sobs that are dying to be release, squeezing my eyes shut so the tears can fall faster, always hoping this was a faster way to get me to stop crying...but it never works.......

"I just want to live....is that too much to ask for?....can I really live with a life like this? I just-" i almost let out a choked sob, so I stopped myself before I could, hearing my hoarse whisper like that was disgusting, I hated hearing how weak I am...I don't want to be weak anymore, I just want to live....

And that's what I'll do...even if I die ill try, I need to break free of this...this endless cycle of pain...remember your promise to yourself, and Jade. That I'll try, to live my life to the fullest and be happy...even if my current situation has almost made it impossible for me to do so, I'll live my life regardless of the dangers and fear of death lurking around every corner...it's just...it hurts too much sometimes...I don't thin- I...

I feel the tears come back and my sobs are becoming harder to control...I can't lose hope..i-..NO ILL GET BETTER! I NEED TO JUST BELIEVE AND EVERYTHING WIL-....will everything be ok???...I couldn't help but let out at least one helpless cry, but more kept spilling out, i couldn't stop, all I could do was quiet my helpless cries with my hands...

I ended up crying myself to sleep, with these thoughts bouncing around my head, never quieting down.
.....I miss Jade...I hope I'll see her again...soon...

And with that final thought, the darkness pulled me in completely, this time to comfort me with some much needed sleep.