i have not a single clue where to start, so i guess i'm just gonna start at the beginning -

when i began writing on this platform - being freshly kicked in by one of my absolute best friends, TheGodlySlith (bless you, man) - i didn't really expect to reach an audience of fifty people who liked what i put out. hell, i didn't even expect the first hundred, or the second, or third, or fourth! so, with every single person that decided “hey, that one doesn't write so bad,“ i was amazed over and over again, and that feeling never grew cold up to this day.

so, in celebration of one thousand people (still feels surreal to actually say this), i would like to formally thank the ones who kept on pushing me forwards.

to my, aforementioned, bestest friend: thank you for kicking me in that evening, thank you for introducing me to something that changed me and my life, thank you for the late night talks and the continuous support, thank you for your offer to fight with me against the people who hurt me, thank you for holding me when i cried, thank you for telling me i deserved the good things in this world. thank you for listening to me on so many evenings, thank you for saying i am allowed to feel what i feel after so much hurt, thank you for saying that i managed to move on so amazingly, thank you for explaining to me how i deserve someone good, thank you for supporting me when i confessed who that was, for helping me understand my feelings, for insisting that i am allowed to hope, for never second-guessing my choices, for being proud of me. i'm still absolutely speechless about how far we both came, so i apologize if this isn't as long as i wanted it to be, simply because i can't seem to put all my feelings into words right now.

to my chaotic hoes, kittysigma and Moonlight_Misfit: thank you for creating this amazing group with me, thank you for the endless ramblings about our fics and characters, thank you for the simp hours, thank you for inspiring me in more ways than one, thank you for propelling each and every idea any one of us had. thank you for holding each other up, thank you for continuously loving me and anyone else, thank you for writing the things the people need, thank you for your art and thank you for existing. thank you for continuously supporting each other, for the ideas we shared and plotlines we created, the fics we collaborated on and used all our own characters for. thank you all, thank you, thank you, thank you.

to my fellow boomers, grandmas and simps, parhkers, @dvtoyevsky, eikhara, run004, to every one of you my heartfelt thanks.

to novvie, for writing The Most Amazing Fics™ the bsd fandom has ever seen, for creating that intriguing world with its even more intriguing cast, for listening to me screeching about it whenever something happened, for telling me i shouldn't break my phone screen every time an update came out, thank you for all the inside jokes we crack. thank you for the countless hugs, the simping, the continuous support, the comments that brighten my days, your very presence that does the exact same. thank you for the times we had, the crackfic plots we shared, the cat pictures and twitch streams. for all the times we leant on each other. (and thank you for the cars gifs, you atsushi furry-)

to rukari, for having been, and still being, one of the writers i have always looked up to, for being a major inspiration for me, for sending me cat memes. thank you for sticking by my side, by our friends' sides, through thick and thin, thank you for staying no matter how many hardships we might have faced. thank you for cussing capitalism and patriarchy to hell and back with me, thank you for talking about quaint little bookshops, about new ideas, about anything in this world, with me, with us.

to heather, for having written this particular chuuya fic that never left my mind, this single fic that i literally inhaled in a few hours and that inspired one of my own. thank you for staying all this time, too, thank you for hyping about whichever character we simped for at the moment, thank you for discussing and listening to new plots, thank you for all the hugs and voice messages, the small and great appreciations. thank you for screaming about chuuya with me, thank you for trusting me with many things about your life, and thank you for letting me do the very same.

to ram, also called ram ram ramen the sheeo the I., thank you for generally existing. thank you for the edit of a bald atsushi (and the clown wig one) to make novvie screech whenever she simped over him, thank you for arguing with heather when i was asleep and for providing me with amazing content when i woke, thank you for the million jokes and gags and memes we shared, thank you for knowing what to do when someone felt down, thank you for consistently throwing love and affection and hugs at us all, whenever we needed them. thank you for the jokes we cracked all the time (phone goes brr when i like messages, teehee). thank you for everything.

to chey (u boomer ilysm), thank you for putting out that amazing fic which allowed us to meet and talk in the first place, thank you for creating that discord server i see as a place of utter safety and comfort, thank you for telling us why australia wants to murder anyone living there, thank you for cherishing and appreciating and calming me whenever times were rough and the path felt too rocky to walk it alone. thank you for the memes, the ideas and scenarios we discussed in dms, the fics we plan on executing together, like a dream team. thank you for staying with me, even when i got complicated or second-guessed everything i ever did, thank you for reassuring me whenever i needed to be, thank you for being one of the best people i know, and for giving me the honor to know you well.

to my texan friend, @liberty_tey_tey, alias My Best Man Tyler™, thank you for being with me since Day One. Thank you for voting and commenting on my very first fic that day, thank you for talking with me, thank you for all the appreciation posts and messages and wholesome memes that never ceased to make my entire day. thank you for simping over dazatsu with me, thank you for discussing ideas with me, thank you for being here whenever i felt weird or down, but also when i was completely elated and happy. thank you for trusting me, for telling me things that are very important to you, for offering me hugs at any time, any day. thank you for all the times we found out we had something in common, thank you for the nicknames, teamnames, thank you for everything, my dearest, non-blood-related brother plus soulmate. thank you, thank you, thank you.

to the writers in the house of the dead: ashenburst, mellafluous, nymphila, CloudyandtheSkies, kalypse, and everyone else in that group. i love you all so unbelievably much, and i can't fathom just how far we have brought each other. i'm way too overwhelmed to put what i feel into words as of now, but i want you all to know that i love you, so fucking much. i appreciate and cherish each and every one of you, and i wish i could hug you all personally right now, i really, really do. cheers to you all, cheers to us.

and now, last but not least, to my wife, my one and only. this is going to sound so damn cheesy, infinitely sappy and sickeningly sweet, but, at a time where i thought my heart would always remain no man's land, you stopped by, took a nice breather, and looked at me as if i was the whole universe, encompassed in a thin, boney, complicated body. if i could, i'd marry you any time, any day, if i could, i'd destroy the very concepts of patriarchy with you, if i could, i'd run off with you to those norwegian forests to live in a nice, warm cottage, living off breathing wintry air and love. if i could, i would end the whole world for you. you make me feel better with myself, a little less scared of those uncertain things in my life, and a little bit more hopeful about the things i desperately, stubbornly wish to achieve. i don't know if i could reach those dreams without you, without anyone we both know. i love you. i love you so much that i breathe for you, day in, day out. i love you, and that will never stop.

now, i am aware i don't have many things finished for this special occasion, but i can offer a few things! would anyone be up for a q&a? you could ask me questions in the comments of this chapter, and i'll do my very best to answer each of them carefully!

there are many more people who have motivated me, but aren't mentioned here, so i want everyone of you, every single one of those thousand people, to know i hold you close and dear to my heart, forever and always. to the stray dogs, to the one thousand marshmallows, to the fact that we, not i alone, came this far.

to us.