You're the habit that I can't break
You're the high that I need right now
You're the habit that I can't break

I feel drained.

It's Wednesday.

I stopped Harry from coming into my room every three minutes because he was a distraction and it was becoming frustrating. Monday at school, during a lecture a teacher was speaking about examinations and it terrified me. It was like a reality check. It shook me so badly that I couldn't feel hunger or tiredness.

This fear of feeling failure absorbed every other need. It's always on my mind, even when I'm taking too long to eat I think of it as time wasting when I should be studying. I'm scared, I need to pass this, I can't afford to fail. The only time I would leave my bedroom was to leave for school. Harry delivers me food, and that tea he makes so good.

Sometimes he would just find excuses to come see me before I banned him from entering. He'd also remind me that he prefers me studying at the table but here is more comfortable. Harry and I haven't slept in the same bed since Sunday, which is odd when I think about it. I didn't realize my body got used to sleeping beside him over just a couple of days of going to bed together.

Harry is a distraction. Why the hell did I have to go and fall for some British guy- again- when I have an important exam around the corner? Harry is a walking distraction and what does he do? Walk right into my room.

The door creaks open, I barely pay attention to it, probably Harry wanting to ask if I wanted cucumbers again. yes, he is aware I don't like cucumbers yet he asks anyway. "Didn't I tell you to leave me alone?" I reminded Harry, my eyes scanning over the words on the pages while the wheels vapidly turned in my head. Why couldn't economics go back to the easy days of demand and supply?

"Baby," Harry murmurs, and I feel the corner of the bed sank where he sat. In the past three days, this was the first time he sat on the bed. Harry placed his hand on my ankle and ran them up to my calves before returning to my ankle. I was diagonally laying on my stomach with books scattered in front of me, my laptop on a pillow beside me. "What do you want, Harry?" I asked. It was around seven in the night and Harry only came into my room two times today, to give me food.

The plates are still on the floor, barely eaten. I did drink a lot of water though, so it isn't that bad. "Attention," Harry answers which dragged a loud sigh out of my lips. I shut my eyes when I felt the headache coming in another wave, the awful pain making me pinch the bridge of my nose for help. It feels like the storm in my head was in more than one place.

"You've barely spoken to me in the last three days, Sunshine. We're living together, I shouldn't have to ask for attention," Harry complains playfully. Remember when Harry said he was simply hiding out in my apartment for a couple of days? Biggest lie of the century- not that I'm complaining. "You'll have my attention later, I'm almost done," I mumbled and opened my eyes again, returning to the notes I was summarizing. 

"You've been saying you're almost done since Monday and I'm starting to get worried. You should give yourself breaks, you're not sleeping and I have to force you to eat," he sighs. "I'm just catching up on lost work, Harry. Leave me alone, I'll be outside in a bit," I say, trying to not show that he rose the anger in me by calling me out.

I was this close to calling him Henry. But then it would be obvious that he got me upset.

Instead of leaving, Harry crawls to the top of the bed so he was sitting beside me on the empty space. "Can we actually talk about this, please? You're scaring me," he requests with worry in his tone, his hands cautiously shutting the book in front of me and sliding it away.

"I'm just stressed, Harry. I've only got a few weeks left and I don't know if I can remember everything. I feel paranoid, I feel scared, stressed," I rambled off, squinting my eyes while trying to figure out exactly how I was feeling. I didn't take time away to actually sit and wonder how I was feeling about all of this. I just knew I needed to study and pass my exam, whatever it took.

His eyes softened at my confession," come here," he softly orders and helps me crawl closer to him until I was sitting on his lap. My body relaxed, letting go of some of the tension I've been keeping on it. "I can think of a few ways to take your mind off of things," he suggestively says. I know that look.

"Let me take care of you, make you feel good?" Harry whispers, dipping his head to press a soft kiss to his spot on my neck. I inhaled sharply, just as his sneaky hands crept under my shirt. His warm hands felt like extinguishing my hot skin.

Hypnotizing, he's hypnotizing.

"Harry, I have work," I objected yet my body had other plans, leaving into him instead of pulling away. "You deserve a break, this would ease your mind, you said you're stressed," Harry kissed my shoulder, returning his way up the curve where my neck and shoulder joined.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" I asked, feeling myself become breathless by how much I was loving his attention on my neck. "Yes," Harry placed another lingering kiss before resurfacing to look at my eyes," is it working?"

"Yes," I answered truthfully, slipping my fingers into his hair so I could direct his head closer for my lips to collide with his. So much for prioritizing my education. Harry's lips were the perfect spell to make me forget all about school. I don't fight it when he pulls me closer to him and tightened his protective arms.

Every movement of our lips, another piece of that barrier falls off and soon it felt like I could breathe fresh air again. Such a weird feeling I can't really put into words, it's something that has to be felt to understand but maybe I can try. Harry feels like drowning and breathing all at the same time. I don't want to resurface, I don't want to stop chasing air.

His breathing becomes heavier, lips more determined, hands more eager. Just as his fingertips hooked on the hem on my sweater, Harry separates his mouth from mine to swiftly yank the sweater off my body and leave it abandoned on the floor.

His hands returned to their place on my hips, his eyes looking deeply into mine for reassurance as his chest rose and fall repeatedly. Harry slowly looks down, his eyes greedily taking in every inch of my half naked body all for him. I don't wear bras anymore, sue me. "Like what you see?" I asked. I'm on fire everywhere his eyes travel.

"Yes. you're art to me, Sunshine." Music to my ears. I don't know if that was supposed to be something that made me cringe. It feels weird to admit how much more I fall for him every time he says those words. Harry's hands slid down my sides slowly as his lips continued their trail exploring my chest. Now, his large hands were holding my hips, rocking them slowly against him. Fucking hell.

My hands pull on his dampened curls, drawing another moan from his chest. I could hardly breathe, each connection his lips made with my skin quickens my heartbeat. A gasp falls off my mouth when I felt his tongue swirling around the hardened nipple, his hand massaging the other. My eyes shut, soaking in the pleasure.

Harry tears his body away from mine, it honestly feels as if you're trying to separate two magnets. My body automatically feels cold without him. "I'll be right back," He tells me, trying to steady his breathing. Harry turns and runs out of the room- walking isn't fast enough. While he's gone I closed all my books and left them on the bedside table with my laptop. He returns with a condom between his fingers.

"Seems like we need to stock up in all the rooms," He wickedly smiles. I climbed off the bed to stand in front of Harry before he could return on it. At this moment I hated the thought of clothes and I needed to remove them. I keep my eyes on him as my fingers found the elastic of his pants. Slowly, I pulling the string loose, not wasting any time sliding it over his hips. Eyes remained locked on his darkened emeralds as I lowered my knees slightly before fully dropping to them slowly and dragging the pants further down his body.

Once the pants were past the curve of his thighs, they dropped to his ankles. Harry steps out of them and gently kicked them aside. I caved in and dropped my eyes, now staring at the prominent bulge trapped in his boxers. My hands lift from his thighs to hook the band so I could peel it off when Harry's hands covered mine.

"No," he tells me and his hands slid down to grab my wrists and pull me up. "No games, not today," he tells me with determination. No time to play? okay. His hands dropped to the band of my jean shorts. His finger pushed the button through the loop, then dragged down the zipper and finally hooked his fingers on the band and my underwear.

"Yes?" Harry whispers, waiting for my consent to make me fully naked. "Yes," I confirmed with no hesitation. My underwear and pants dropped to my ankles within a second. Harry lifts me and returns us to the bed, leaving the clothes on the floor. Knees planted at my sides, staring down at me with beautiful eyes. My hands found his boxers again, pulling the elastic band away from him then releasing it so it would snap against his skin.

"Yes?" I requested his consent. "Fuck, yes," Harry grins and leans down to kiss me again and I try my best to push the boxers down his legs. He pulls away to throw the boxers off the bed and grab the gold packet. I watched as Harry tore it open and takes out the rubber. He rolls the condom down his length while I watched, still not comprehending how all of him is supposed to fit inside of me.

He hovers over me, lips slowly kissing mine again. "Never get tired of kissing you," he whispers more to himself as he pulls away to fix himself. I automatically held my breath when he drags his tip down my wet folds, applying the slightest pressure over where I desired him most. "Harry, please. You said no games," I whined and moved around my hips for more. He tilts his head to the side," fair point."

Harry stares at me while he slowly brings his hips closer to mine, his length sinking deeper into me and I welcomed him with tight walls. For fuck's sake. Every time, that delicious stretch feels like a brand new feeling. His jaw unhinges and his eyes flapped shut as he soaks in the feeling of us connected again. "Fuck's sake, Madeleine," Harry curses below his breath. That happened to be the hottest thing I've ever heard.

Harry leans down and kisses me slowly just as he drags his hips part from mine. I strongly kiss him back, trying to show him exactly how good he made me feel. His mouth separates from mine so he could hear the moans of pleasure fall off my mouth when Harry sinks his hips back down. Struggling to keep up with breathing, too distracted by the emotions running through our veins with every type of touch we make.

"Damn it," he muttered below his breath, his jaw clenching," Can't comprehend how good you feel." His head lands on my shoulder and he continues to repeat his movements. I could feel his breath hitting my skin at every thrust, leaving kisses in between. "Harry," I moaned out, my back arching off the bed but his hands are quick to grab my hips and push them back down.

"That's it, let me hear how I make you feel," he encourages. My fingernails dug into his biceps unknowingly, resulting in another moan from Harry. I thought it was impossible to be more turned on than I already am.

Harry angled his body to hit deeply the most pleasurable parts of me, each thrust slow but hard, shooting jolts of electricity running widespread throughout my entire body. My toes curled between the duvet, soft noises leaving my mouth. He knew exactly what I needed, fucking witchcraft or something.

His fingers that held my thighs drop to grab my hips. I desperately tried to keep them wrapped around him. I felt so useless, doing nothing but scraping my nails down his back, tugging his damp curls, and clenching my thighs around his hips. It's not like he gave me much of a choice because my body is just trying to keep up with him.

My fingers that were tangled in his hair pulled his curls again, forcing his head off my shoulder and in front of me. My eyes flickered from his face, as if I couldn't decide where I wanted them to stay. Wondered what it's like through his eyes, that thought spiraling into another. What would it be like if he'd be the one under me? One day.

I needed to kiss him, it was the only way I could've shown him how good he made me feel. "Kiss me, please," I pleaded, struggling to form proper sentences while my brain felt quite mushy. Harry obeys, his frame leaned on mine, gliding lips moving against mine, soft but intense. Our kiss left us more breathless and determined with my skin tingling.

Harry still fucked me senseless, he didn't need to be hard and rough for that. Right now he was being hard but gentle and still, I feels like I couldn't control my body anymore. The blood in my veins was transformed into fire- at least that's what it felt like. Feels like there was a broken television in my ears, something between static noises and a ringing.

"So good," he whispers against my neck, his fingers pinching my nipples just as he sucks the spot on my neck and landed a deep thrust all at the same time. My back arches off the bed, welcoming the gushes of raw pleasure. As much as I fucking try, there are no words I could form that would fully describe how Harry makes me feel.

Harry tilts his head down just as his hips meet mine. His jaw unhinges as he watches his length disappear into me," shit."  He looks up, darkened eyes fluttering shut as his lips kissed mine again. It was a small kiss, he pulled away before either of us could've deepened it. "Harry," I say, unknown of my intentions. "Feel you tighter, baby. You're going to come for me, yeah?" Harry encourages.

Hot. Hot. Hot. Everything about him is too fucking hot. His words paired with how he was showing me how he felt, the perfect equation for the bubble to expand and push against my limits, warning me that I was close. "That's it," Harry coaxed, hands running down my trembling thighs. His speed increasing the slightest, hitting all the right places like always.

My body was under his command, the ropes finally unraveled and exploded as I came hard. I see flashes white, my body thrown until I felt like nothing. "Madeleine," Harry gritted, throwing his head back as he comes with me. There's a flat ringing in my ears, I could feel the tingles on the surface of my skin but I felt numb at the same time.

That's the thing though, right? It's a feeling that you can't really explain.

I hissed from the sensitivity as Harry slowly slid out, he unrolled the condom off and tie the end. He threw it in the bin beside my vanity and lands beside me on the bed. I'm still not sure if this is reality yet. His head on my shoulder, arm around my waist, both of us trying to steady our breathing. "Are you okay?" He questions, still sounding breathless but at peace. I smiled, remembering my response to that last time. "Stars," I replied.

Stars pranced on my skin, swam in my veins and around my heart. My stars danced for Harry.

"Alright, let's get you clean up before you doze off," Harry breaks the silence. Somehow he knew I was feeling oddly tired already. He wraps my legs around his waist and lifts us off the bed. My head falls on his shoulder, hand hooking around his neck. "Need to shower, baby," he tells me when I refused to unlock my legs around him.

I felt so tired, sleep was the only thing I wanted. And Harry. "No chocolate chip pancakes if you don't let go," Harry threatens, slightly playful yet stern. My eyes jolt open, jello legs unhooking from around Harry. Thankfully, he was still holding me so I didn't turn to goo on the bathroom floor.

"You got me so tired," I mumbled, rubbing my eyes as if it would erase the sleepiness in them. "That was kind of the plan," Harry murmurs as he turns on the shower and adjusted the temperature for us. I'm too exhausted to make him explain what he said or put the pieces together myself.

Harry washes my body, being gentle with nothing but concentration written on his face. I leaned against the wall, watching with heart in my eyes as he scrubs his skin, spreading the soapy foam with every movement as he did with me. His eyes closed under the shower, allowing the water to wash away all the soap. See? He even makes showering hot.

The thing that fucks me up is that he seems like he genuinely wants to treat me like this. So gentle, so caring, so perfect. At the moment, Harry knows exactly what I need. He doesn't act like taking care of me more than he should is a task. It surprises me for some reason and reminds me that I'm fucking lucky to have him all to myself.

Within the next few minutes, I was dressed in a shirt and underwear. Harry wearing one of my hoodies and sweatpants before returning to bed. He pulls me into his chest and I snuggled into him, inhaling his scent. His hand slips under the shirt, fingertips running down my spine, occasionally through my hair.

"Madeleine," Harry whispers, and I opened my eyes with a lazy smile still on my face. But that falls a bit when I see the serious expression worn on Harry's face. Something is on his mind and he wants to share it, I know that look. "What is it?" I softly asked. "I don't want you to be upset with me," he says, his eyes flickering to my hand on his chest for a split second.

"I'll try not to be," I assured him. If it's something else he's been keeping from me, I'm not sure now is the right moment to tell me. Harry nods his head against the pillow, the room was dark but I could still see his eyes flicking between mine as he decides his words.

"I know you want to pass your exams but I'm starting to get worried," he starts. Okay, that is not what I was expecting. "You have to take care of yourself too. All of this studying won't be worth it if something happens to you," he adds. I could feel the sincerity, the care.

His hand around my waist lifts to hook a loose strand of hair behind my ear so he'd see my face properly. My lips parted to say something but all of my words were lost. It took me a bit to understand what he meant and even then, I don't think I fully did. "Nothing is going to happen to me, I'm studying, Harry. Nothing is wrong in that," I tell him.

I was curious as to where he was coming from with all of this. "You don't know that. What you're doing is cramming, weeks before the exam. Studying is good, I don't want to pull you away from your education. Everyone says that education comes first but it's actually your health. I'm okay with Harry being third," he cracks a smile, trying to lighten the mood.

"Harry, I'm not dying and it's only been three days,"  I reminded him. Harry rolls his eyes and pulls away until he was in a sitting position. "Taking Advil every hour for headaches isn't healthy. Forgetting to eat and drink water isn't healthy. Depriving yourself of sleep to study isn't healthy. Forcing yourself to study every second isn't healthy," He sternly stated.

"Yes, it's only been three days and I decided to tell you this now rather than later so you can stop it and take care of yourself," he continues. I actually winced, hating how badly the truth sounded coming from his mouth. So this was what all this was about.

This time I really couldn't find any words to say. How did he notice so much about me? I didn't think he'd be paying attention to the small details. The way he said it, how harsh the reality is, made me speechless. Harry leans down and softly holds my face in his palms. When his eyes made contact with mine, I lowered them.

"Look at me," Harry ordered and I obliged. "I'm sorry, I couldn't avoid it any longer. I just care so fucking much for you, Madeleine. The littlest things terrify me," he admitted. Automatically, I inhaled deeply and dragged my eyes away from him to soak in the meaning of what he just said. I don't like making people worry about me but sometimes it is unavoidable when I give them reasons to.

"I'm sorry, hadn't realized how reckless I was being..." finally, managed to say something. I was still so tired, I needed to rest and then think about this. "Thank you for uhm, helping me realize...I'll stop," I continued.

"It's going to be alright," Harry softly smiles and presses a reassuring kiss to my forehead. He lays back down, this time with his head on my chest and protective arm returning around my waist. "Harry," I called, feeling his soft brown curls between my fingers. "Yes, baby?" He responds, his voice making my chest vibrate from where he laid his head.

I think I'm in- "I want chocolate chip pancakes when I wake up," I said instead of my original thought. Harry laughs and presses his lips to his spot on my neck. The spot he always marks first.

"Of course you do."

Harry: sex now, important conversation later.

Six. Thousand. Reads. Saying thank you seriously isn't enough. It means so much to me that people actually like the craziness my mind comes up with. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!❤️

Credits on Instagram: @unoffically_1d

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!!
(hopefully)