We don't see what we used to see
We're just two ghosts swimming in a glass half empty
Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat

I huffed as I flipped sides on the bed again. I've been tossing and turning all night, at least that's what it felt like. In reality, it had only been about an hour. The clock mocked me as the time slowly passed. My mind was very much awake, running circles around Harry. It feels like we've reached another level. Before I could've controlled my attractions but now it feels like I might burst if I'm not touching him.

Can't stop thinking about him.

No, you don't get it. I literally can't.

Those green eyes and talented lips are in every single thought my mind whips up. It's driving me crazy. I haven't been so restless in a very long time. Usually, I'd go outside and find something to tire me out but now I'm scared to see him again. We're more sober and aware of every little detail.

I think if he'll regret it.

If he's thinking of me too.

If he feels at least half of what I'm feeling right now.

Painfully slowly, I fall asleep to my thoughts repeating endlessly like counting sheep.

_♤_

My head rested in my hands and began to rub my temples, trying to massage away the headache. The screaming hangover that poked at my skull told me I needed medicine right away. With a groan from my tired body, I forced myself off the bathroom floor. My mouth tasted disgusting from puking several minutes ago.

I felt so disgusted.

Apparently, I was that desperate for a release that I forgot I should've ate before drinking. Lazily, I brushed my teeth and slid off the thin clothes barely hanging on my body. I quickly showered and changed into comfy clothes that can be categorized as pajamas.

For the second day in a row, I'm up before Harry. Only today I don't check in the guest bedroom for him. Desperately, I made my way to the kitchen to put food in my stomach so I could take Tylenol for the headaches.

However, I didn't want to actually cook anything. I'd gotten so used to Harry doing all the cooking now I became too lazy for it. So I was about to settle for an apple when the sound of footsteps dragging into the kitchen interrupts my search for food. Harry lazily strolls to the kitchen, hair messy yet somehow still looks beautiful on his head, sweatpants hooked lowly on his hips but the long hoodie forbid me from seeing anything. His droopy eyes found mine for a second before they scanned the kitchen. It was like everything from last night came gushing back at me. All morning I kept trying to push my mind away from our activities but now, looking at him I couldn't help it.

"Hi," I my voice squeaked and I mentally cursed myself for it. "Morning," Harry mumbles, tracing his fingers through his hair to tame those messy curls. Harry stops directly in front of me, our toes almost touching, and automatically, I held my breath. Harry lazily opens his eyes and intensely, he's already looking at me. Our gaze holds as if our eyes were communicating, only we didn't know what they were saying. I was praying that Harry says something. Desperately, I wanted him to comment on last night.

Instead, he shatters my heart.

Harry walks around me and brought his hands up to harshly rub his eyes while he groans from pain. "What the fuck happened last night? My head is so fucked up," he complains and helps himself to the bottle of Tylenol sitting on the countertop. I whip around as his words and the meaning registered in my head. My hands rolled into fists just so my nails could bury into some part of my skin.

"W-what do you mean?" I nervously ask as all the color fell from my face. Harry glances at me, both of us confused but for different reasons. "We were drinking, right? The last thing I could remember was...drinking," He struggles to grasp onto his memories. Those important memories changed everything between us.

And he doesn't remember.

"You don't remember?" I nervously asked though he had pretty much made it obvious by now. I just needed the confirmation. He nods his head, each movement, each word sent daggers to my chest. "Yeah...I guess. I don't remember the rest of the night or getting to bed. What happened?" Harry answers. So many answers popped up in my head that it was too much and I found it hard to say anything at all.

"Uhm...I- we-"

Harry's eyes widen at my struggling words. "Shit...we didn't do anything right?" He cautiously asked. My face falls at the sound of panic for us doing something. He didn't want something to happen between us. Wonder if he heard my heart crack even more. I looked away, avoiding his eyes, and cleared my throat. "No, no. We didn't," I swallowed down the lie.

Harry is silent for a moment until I finally looked up to see him studying me. "Are you sure because you're acting weird," Harry suspiciously points out. There's no point in the truth because I believe everything happens for a reason. "If I said or did something weird you can tell me, you know. I know I'm not the best drunk," Harry adds. I shake my head to dismiss his thought. "When the bottle was done I left you out here and went to bed. I'm a sleepy drunk so I don't know what you did afterward," I spit out the lies as smoothly as I could've.

His jaw clenched.

"Oh."

I could still feel her lips on mine.

She had no control of the sounds that escaped her filthy mouth.

How soft and angelic she felt though our actions were nothing but sinful. I could still feel her taste on my tongue from my fingers. She tasted so much better than I'd like to admit. Addictive. Yeah, she tasted addictive. Staring at her this morning I almost threw my plans out of the window and eat her as breakfast on the same countertop I touched her for the first time.

On the floor I noticed three bottles of bleach products sitting in the corner. I felt horrible that I left her to clean up everything especially since she was more drunk than I was.

Madeleine's kiss made me feel so guilty because I didn't deserve her vulnerability or intimacy. She's the girl you'd fall in love with before kissing her. She's the girl that deserved the epic love story.

I'm not that.

I wanted to be that.

But I couldn't be that.

This morning I wanted to grab her by the neck for lying to me. But what would I have done if she did tell me what we had done? So as much as I hated it, I had to go with the flow of things. I'm the type of person to find a random girl at a club before they got too drunk and fuck her all night long with consent given every step of the way. I felt so dirty after doing that to Madeleine.

This was the right decision, I had to keep reminding myself. Basically, I took advantage of her while she was drunk. I was an alcoholic for fuck's sake. You think a couple of drinks could make me completely drunk? I was aware of what I was doing but the alcohol I consumed silenced the voices in my head that would usually tell me drunk consent isn't actually consent.

But God I want her.

I want to touch her.

Not sexually but I wanted to touch her so bad.

Maybe sexually too.

She just wanted me as a rebound or maybe she was bored. Had to be. She believed I forgot. Which is crazy because how can someone forget an experience like that? But whatever, I got lucky today. "What's there to eat?" I changed the topic. Madeleine's face lights up since she remembers something. "Oh, yeah! Is there anything you need to tell me?" She lifts her eyebrow and folded her arms across her chest. I noticed she started tapping her foot on the floor, patiently waiting for me to spill though she already knew what I did. Her eyes dragged to the cabinet before returning on me.

Oh.

Lucky Charms.

I pieced it together and couldn't help but smile as I walked over to the bottom cabinet where I hid the brand new box of lucky charms. Madeleine's hands were hanging at her sides, those pretty lips open with an unhinged jaw. "You- you alarm clock!" She insulted and snatched the box out of my hand. I'm more confused than amused for a moment. Her adorable pout and furrowed eyebrows take my attention.

"How am I an alarm clock, Sunshine?" I asked her and leaned on the cupboard for support.

I think I'm in deep shit.

Madeleine is the only person I've ever met that made my hangover bearable.

That's not a good sign for my patience and self control.

"Annoying. You're annoying, Harry," she huffs and slides her feet smoothly to grab the milk from the fridge. "So freaking annoying," she mumbles to herself. "Is it too early for you to cuss, Sunshine?" I noticed. She glares at me," I'm thinking of ways to kill you," she flatly says before shoving a spoon full in her mouth. "Though boiling your teeth and chopping off your fingers sounds better," Madeleine adds after swallowing the milk.

Aw baby, you weren't trying to get rid of my fingers last night.

"Stop trying to be scary, it's not your size," I playfully recommended. Another way of saying being scary doesn't fit her. Madeleine rolls her pretty eyes and pushes the box towards me. She waits for me to pour cereal and milk in a matching bowl. "We're watching Victorious," I stated, clearly it wasn't up for debate. Madeleine and I sat next to each other on the sofa. One of my hand held the remote and the other held the bowl. When our elbows brushed, Madeleine tenses and moved away from me. Yeah, my heart dropped because she didn't mind it when we would accidentally touch.

"You know ICarly right?" Madeleine questions. Her smile puts on the lights of the dark room I was walking into. "Of course, Sunshine. I don't live under a bloody moldy rock however I am only loyal to Victorious," I answered and take my first spoon of lucky charms while the episode loads. My shoulders lowered in relief after realizing it was still crunchy. "So you don't watch it? That's like discrimination!" She's quick to assume. I look at her while chewing, her green eyes sparkled with amusement.

They're so beautiful.

It's like I'm looking at the color for the first time every time I look into them. Hard to believe that my eyes are also green.

Eventually, I gave in. "Okay, fine. The only episode I allow myself to watch is the one that Five Seconds of Summer was on," I revealed. What can I say? They're hot. Her eyebrows furrowed, a sign of her being confused.

"Five what?"

My jaw falls open. I refused to believe this. "You..." I trailed off in denial before gathering the right words. I'm convinced she was living under that moldy rock. "You have no idea what's good music, don't you?" I stated it as a fact. "Just eat the food before it actually ends up on your face," she snaps with an eye roll.

I'm still trying to figure out if I like it when she rolls her eyes or not.

"Cereal isn't food," I objected only to tease her. "Then what is it?" She asks. With a cheeky smile, I answered," breakfast." Madeleine tightens her jaw and exhales through her nose. "Henry Smith," she warns. These names make me feel weird. I couldn't hold it in anymore and had to be careful not to spill the milk. "Sorry, sorry," I apologized in the middle of laughing.

The television screen lights up, capturing our attention. The intro starts with Beck and Jade. "He's so hot..." she mutters and I couldn't help but agree," I know right." I'm almost done eating by the time the introduction is done and the theme song starts.

"Here I am, once again, feeling lost but now and then, I breathe it in to let it go," I sing with excitement and held the bowl tightly so I don't throw my hands in the air. Madeleine turns to me, her sparkling eyes make me confident enough to go on. "And you don't know where you are now or what it would come to, if only somebody could hear. When you figure out how you're lost in the moment, you disappear," I sang the notes higher.

"You don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action. You're never gonna fade, you'll be the main attraction. Not a fantasy, just remember me when it turns out right," I continued. By now, Madeleine was beaming with a wide smile, her attention on me instead of the TV. She didn't even care that her cereal was turning soggy, I actually felt honored. "Cause you know that if you live in your imagination. Tomorrow, you'll be everybody's fascination. In my victory, just remember me when I make it shine!"

"I forgot how beautiful your voice is..." she whispers more to herself while staring at me in awe. "What?" My eyebrows scrunch," I've never sung for you before." Her eyes widen and they snapped back to the television and she holds her spoon again. "Oh right, wrong person maybe," she brushes off the topic. Deciding against dwindling on it, I hand back my attention to my beautiful Tori Vega while we continued to eat.

Madeleine and I have finished our cereal and the empty bowl was sitting on the coffee table. Drops of milk abandoned on the bottom, spoons that reminded me of Jay. He hated eating cereal with a spoon because he doesn't like the milk so he uses a fork. He also eats rice with a fork and mashed potatoes. Honestly, I'm beginning to think the guy had something against spoons.

Madeleine's hand was conveniently near my thigh on the space between us. Often I'd run circles on her inner wrist because I simply loved to just touch her silky smooth skin.

So choosing the riskier option to satisfy myself, I dropped my hand beside hers and wrapped my fingers around her small wrist perfectly so my thumb was on her inner wrist. From the corners of my eyes, I noticed Madeleine snaps her head in my direction, questions and shock on her face yet I kept my attention on the TV.

Madeleine turns her head back to Victorious and she shifts her hand closer to me. The corners of my lips tugged up and I quickly stopped smiling before she'd notice. Happily, I placed her hand on my thigh and we both pretended I didn't.

Fuck it.

I looked at her side profile. Her black hair tumbled over her shoulders, crashing into the backrest of the sofa. Collarbones proudly detailed below the base of her neck. With hesitation, my eyes studied her neck that was begging to feel my lips. My favorite part was the two moles on the side of her neck where I had-

My breath hitched when I noticed the red marks hidden below her shirt where her shoulder meets her neck.

Shit.

I didn't mean to leave a mark.

"Where did you get that?" I asked softly. Her eyes dropped for a moment and she fixed her top so it was completely hidden. "Mitch. Yesterday," she lied. My head nods as I demand I not do anything about it. This time Madeleine turns to me with intense eyes. It's easy to read her, she wants to know something and I fear it's something about last night.

"Are you ready to tell me your last name?" She finally questions. I mentally sighed in relief. "No, but I can tell you my middle name," I offered. She nods her head," yes please."

"What's the opposite of Jacob?" I quizzed. Her face crunches adorably," um...what?" For the second time today, I stare at her dumbfounded. "God, Madeleine you're really disappointing me here," I say in a sigh. She's still confused, waiting for me to spill. "Edward! It's Edward. Like Edward Cullen?"

"From the vampire movie. Oh right! The werewolf's name was Jacob," recollection washes over her face and she smiles proud of herself that she remembers. "Would you look at that, you're not actually a nuisance," I muttered. Madeleine glares at me and lifts her other hand to smack my arm, which I deserved, though instead my fingers wrapped around her tiny wrist before she could've.

Automatically, my hand tightens around her other wrist I was already touching. Since I was holding onto both of her wrists now, her twisted body leans into me. Her enticing eyes fall on my lips that were begging for hers. They gazed at me as I battled with myself so I don't look at her pouty lips. "Sunshine," I whispered and tugged her closer. Madeleine's thigh lifts to cross over my thigh and she slides so now she was sitting on my thighs, chests almost touching and her knees on either side of me.

"Sunshine," she whispers and pulls her wrists away in order to place her hand on my shoulder. "We shouldn't," I objected softly though my hands slid around her waist to press her closer. My heart was racing familiar to last night. I had thrown all my previous thoughts into a room in the back of my mind and locked the door.

"We shouldn't," Madeleine repeats and angeled her chin so our lips were centimeters away.

Too far apart for our liking.

Before I can ask her for permission, her phone blares into our ears, snapping us out of our own little moment. Madeleine's eyes widen and she quickly gets off of me to grab her phone from the coffee table. Breathlessly, she answered it," Hey, Gem." Her eyes shut tightly in the way I disliked. "I was studying all night, must've had my phone on silent or something...not sure. What happened?" She lies.

"You're just overreacting Gem. Ask her first then," Madeleine suggested. I hear the muffled voice of my sister. Whatever she says makes Madeleine roll her pretty eyes. "She can't be the guy in the relationship, you're both girls!" She objected with a smile on her face. I could tell she was close to laughing. I'm happy my sister made her better after that intense moment.

"Yeah, yeah, see you tomorrow, Gem. I love you," she dismisses and waits for Gemma's response before they both hung up. Madeleine kept her eyes on the coffee table and I cleared my throat before speaking up. "You have plans tomorrow?" I questioned. Yeah, I'm ignoring what happened, typical of me but I don't think neither of us is ready to talk about it. "No, I'll probably ditch her," she decides with a sigh and hesitantly met my eyes.

"You can go, you know. Don't need to babysit me all the time," I joked. She actually laughs and shakes her head," and leave you to sell drugs through my back door? No thanks." My first reaction was to pretend to be offended. Then I realized she mentioned a back door. "There's a back door?" I blurted out.

Harry had gotten over the fact that there was a back door minutes later. We decided to start another episode of Victorious. I'm beyond relieved that Gemma had stopped a repeat of last night. As much as I wanted it, it felt wrong because Harry didn't remember. We're both insanely attracted to each other, just now was an example of that but I can't rush into things.

Not again.

Knuckles harshly slammed on my wooden door three times. We looked at each other startled, Harry's eyes held panic like last time. He's afraid of someone finding him, I've gathered that much. However, my phone between us lights up because I received a message.

Ronald:
I'm outside. Give me my money.

"W-who's that?" Harry asks. I sighed," landlord." He'd been pissy with me ever since I denied him of having sex. "Oh," Harry says and stands from the sofa. He walks to the kitchen table and grabs a whole envelope I hadn't noticed. Harry unlocks the door, revealing Ronald. "Here you go, Donald Duck," he says and throws the envelope. I noticed it hit him in the chest and Harry slams the door in his face. He told me multiple times that he would pay the rent. I didn't think he was serious.

Harry walks back as if nothing had happened. "Why did you do that! He could've been a nice person," I scolded. Harry placed his hands on his lips and lifted an eyebrow. "Anyone who demands money like that isn't a nice person and secondly, you said could've," Harry points out. I remained silent because he was right. Harry sits down again, his attention on the television. I was looking at it too but my mind was elsewhere.

I wanted to be closer to him again.

What would've happened if Gemma hadn't called?

Honestly, I didn't want to find out and as much as I wanted Harry, I'm relieved Gemma called. Though it's hard for me to sit here and pretend as if nothing happened. I'm a person that likes to talk through every bump in the road. I'm big on communication and most of the time I'm always wondering what's going on inside of people's heads.

Without warning, a sudden urge to be alone washed over me. It felt as if my thoughts had gained control and I could see my vision turning blurry from the tears threatening to spill. I grabbed the two bowls and dumped them into the sink before escaping into the safety of my bedroom. It felt like a breath of fresh air when I was away from Harry. He didn't ask any questions like I wanted him to. Why do I feel so heartbroken? This isn't like me at all.

Against my will, tears cascaded down my burning cheeks, proof that I wasn't doing well. Automatically, my throat begins to tighten.

How am I suppose to live with Harry and pretend as if none of it happened?

We kissed.

No, I am not madly in love with him and I have no idea if I could ever be but it was something. Something that shouldn't be easily forgotten.

it feels like I'm running on tracks, thoughts gushing past me in the wind and every time they took a jab at me. But I am only human and my legs were getting tired and my body was aching, yearning for rest. Harshly I wiped under my eyes, not caring that I accidentally poked my eye. Suddenly I craved a shower that I hope would wash away all of my problems. Like I do daily, I slip out of my clothes until I was naked. The dirty clothes were abandoned in the laundry basket, forgotten, and now my eyes were on the clean hoodie and leggings calling my name. After throwing it on the bed, I unhooked my towel and walked into the bathroom. I made sure the water wasn't scolding hot after being burnt too many times.

To my relief, it was just right and I slid in. My body relaxed once the water hit me and I let out a soft sigh as my shoulders sagged. I just stood there, relaxing under the water. Showers are mood elevators that hug me and tell me I have to be alright because I don't have another choice. My mind drifts away and isn't stuck on those green eyes. I shut my mine, allowing the water to cascade down my eyelids, soaking into my air and coating my entire body. Water feels amazing.

I hear the sound of the door sliding open and hitting the metal frame.

I hear the water as someone steps in.

My body was completely relaxed, I wasn't startled when the muscular and familiar arms circled my waist. His cold rings on my hot skin shot a shiver down my spine. My eyes opened on their own accord and I'm proven correct as those green eyes lustfully studied my naked chest. Noticing they were open, he slowly drifts his eyes up and locked them on mine. His jaw clenched, my eyes flickered to his glossy lips begging to be kissed.

"Sunshine."

Don't hurt me
I love you guys
So much
Hehe
♡Thank you for reading♡

Are you guys ready to meet Niall? He'll be wearing purple pants:)

Credits: @insanely_directioner

Credits: @_harry_louis_niall_zayn_liam_

Credits: @hazza_1d_lover

Keep smiling, pretty people

See you in the next one♡