!!1ST CHAPTER OF THE DOUBLE UPDATE!!
__________

Sweet creature
We're running through the garden
Oh, where nothing bothered us
But we're still young
I always think about you and how we don't speak enough

"Harry, you there mate?"

His voice was so faint, making me wonder if I was actually underwater.

It had been minutes since I picked up the phone. Every time my lips parted, the words were lost and the map to find them was so blurry. Have you ever had that moment where it feels like your body stopped processing? You're such in shock that I can't even form thoughts? "Harry? You good?" Liam repeated, however, the ringing in my ears overpowers his question.

The blonde hair.

Why can't I get that image out of my head? Especially because visions flash through my head, visions that felt like memories even though I'm sure it never happened. Soft strands blowing in the wind as we ran, her laughter was music to my ears. Then I could see her hair sprawled out on the pillow because she hated to feel it on her neck. What is wrong with me? "Harry, you're scaring me," Liam mumbles into the phone. Hearing the fright in his voice, forces words out of my mouth.

"Uh, yeah. Um...I..."

Fuck.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

"Harry, is this the girl you like?" Liam softly asks his best friend as he fears the answer.

Smart fucker.

"Yeah..." I admitted and struggled to slow past the growing rock in my throat.

Madeleine Alvaris is Madeleine Henderson.

But Madeleine Alvaris is dead.

Maybe she faked her death because Madeleine Henderson is very much alive.

But why?

There's a perfectly good explanation for this, Harry.

Just breathe.

There has to be one, and I wanted Madeleine to be the one to tell me.

Yeah, there's a sixty percent chance that Madeleine doesn't have a perfect reason for all of this. But I'll hold onto that forty percent chance. "Jay, I know I should tell you where I am but I really don't want to. Please find me soon, I'll be in deep shit if you don't find me soon," I pleaded, my eyes watering from the intensity that held me in a death grip.

Liam was silent for a moment, if he didn't speak soon I would drown in the thoughts of Madeleine. "You really like her, huh?" He says.

Since I met her in the kitchen, I just had that feeling that this girl was supposed to mean something to me. At first, I didn't realize that her name was written in every single thought and her smile was flashing at every vision.

Draven chased me near her neighborhood, that couldn't be a coincidence.

I only get half of the story. She's the only person that could give me the entire story.

"Talk later, Payno."

Harry and I just stood there.

Staring at each other, unable to look away.

Our eyes were having the conversation we couldn't.

How am I supposed to tell him I didn't mean to act like a bitch?

He noticed.

The British bastard noticed my blonde roots and talking about it casually did harm to my mind. It felt like he was bulldozing the walls I built to protect my secrets. The past three years is my life. So I hate to be reminded of anything that happened before that. Feels as if a simple reminder, even the slightest causes earthquakes that threaten to rubble the progress I've made to forget.

"Hey," I spoke first, the three letters crashing the thick ice. Harry doesn't smile, as usual, instead he moves aside and allows me into my apartment. "We need to talk," he states as I placed my bag on the table and he locked the front door. For a moment, I hesitated because he's right. However, I'm terrified of what he would ask.

Anyway, I turned around even though red alarms were blaring through my head. "Yeah, we do," I agreed," things weren't great at Daphne's and-"

"You said you were going at Gemma's," Harry interrupted. Shit. When did I become a bad liar? "Daph was there also. Look, I'm sorry for lashing out. Shouldn't have taken my anger out on you," I apologized finally. His eyebrows furrowed at my words. "So you didn't get upset because of the blonde thing?" Harry whispers. His words made my body stiffen. Was I that obvious?

Those are stories I don't want to tell.

Telling is reliving, over and over and over.

Telling is erasing all the progress.

Telling is pain.

All I ever wanted was freedom from the mistakes I've made that were still holding on to matter how much I pried it off. "No, I didn't," I clenched out. Harry's eyes flicked down for a moment before he steps closer. With that one move, it felt like he had shattered a layer I built around myself. "Yes," Harry whispers and I flinched when his fingertips started running slowly down my hand. Harry's hand covered my fist. I hadn't even realized I was clenching them.

"Why did you get angry, Madeleine?" Harry questions. Soft, pleading tone and not demanding and angry. I don't deserve him.

Why am I even considering telling him the truth?

I've been friends with Mitch and Gemma for three years and they don't even know. Daphne is like my fairy Godmother, of course, she knows. "I can't...sorry," I finally say after multiple attempts to say the words. His jaw clenches, the pressure forcing anger into his eyes," Stop saying sorry, that's not helping right now."

"Helping what?"

Harry runs the tip of his tongue across his bottom lip. One step back, away from me, felt like someone had just slammed a door shut. "I don't know if I can trust you, Madeleine," Harry murmurs, eyes locked on mine as if he was speaking to the vulnerable person locked behind those protective walls. Trust me? he shouldn't have trouble trusting me, I am the one that's hiding him here.

So why did it hurt?

"It's none of your business, Harry. I don't give a fuck if you trust me or not," I lied. The pressure of my words forced his eyes to shift to the floor. "I thought we had something...I thought you-" his words were so soft and dripping with vulnerability. "We had something? Fine! Then tell me about that night. Tell me about you! Tell me about everything you don't want people to know!" I shouted, cutting his reply.

"It's complicated..."

"Exactly! Since you need to be reminded, I don't owe you anything, Harry. You're in my fucking apartment. I'm the naive girl letting a stranger into her apartment. If you expect me to tell you my whole life story, then get the fuck out of my apartment," I demanded, my hand pointing at the door.

Please don't go.

Not again.

Please stay.

"You're right," Harry whispers without hesitation. Forest eyes deep with jealousy find mine," Fuck, you're right. I'm sorry, Madeleine." Relief floods through my veins, flushing out all of the anger I once contained. "I'm not anything you should be scared of, I promise you. But the question is, should I be scared of you?" I replied. Hurt runs through his eyes, he quickly holds me as if I would disappear at a given second.

"I don't know how I could live with myself if you're scared of me..." he reveals, smooth fingertips outlining the side of my face. The power of his words made my eyelids shut.

"That doesn't answer the question, Harry," I sighed my words. "It's complicated, Sunshine," Harry repeats with slight annoyance. Then I remembered his words from that night in the hotel room three years ago...

"Do you believe there are good murders?" Once again, Harry asks an odd question while we were laying on the uncomfortable motel bed. My throat felt swollen from the amount of shots we took at the bar across the word. Yet, I am proven once again, I am never too drunk to remove my attention from Harry.

"Of course, not," I said without hesitation. His smile drops slightly from disappointment. "But what if people did things and they deserve death. But only you know," he whispers. I guess he had a point? "No one deserves to die against their will, Harry," I insisted. Feels as if I would be considered a bad person if I agreed some people deserved death.

"I disagree with that."

"I'm a good person, I swear Madeleine. It's just so fucking complicated and I can't explain it to you," he promises. Harry was able to get rid of Jessica. He got two million dollars from one day of his job. I've done some messed up shit to be okay. That's all I ever wanted, to be okay. And even when I came here three years ago, I continued to do bad things with Mitch and Daphne.

Even if we had good intentions.

Harry probably has good intentions also.

How can I judge Harry or assume shit when I done the worst things to shut the door that separates past and present? So, with shaking arms I tied the blindfold around my eyes and chose not to see or think the possibilities of Harry being a terrible person.

"Please don't lie to me," I pleaded, my hands finding his. Feeling his fingers separating each of mine felt like actual puzzle pieces. "I'm not lying. When bad people cheat, I make sure they get caught...I'm sorry if I'm not good enough for you, Madeleine but please don't leave me," Harry begs.

"I'm a good person, I'll be good," Harry promises.

That's it.

My arms wrapped around his body, tightly holding him as if it would kill the thoughts in his head. Immediately, like a reflex, Harry hugs me back, his body melting into mine. "You're good, we're good, promise," I whispered into his chest, my hands tightly fisting his hoodie. "Promise?" Harry reaches for reassurance with a shaky voice and I gladly deliver.

"Promise."

Only for a moment, Harry allowed me to endure the standstill comfort. A squeal leaves my lips as Harry's hands buried into the back of my thighs as he lifts me and wraps them around his torso. "Harry! What are you doing?!" I shouted, my hands securing around his neck. His eyes were red and eyelashes damp but nevertheless, he wore a smile that fucked my head even more.

Harry's smile could cure any fucking sadness I feel.

His smile lit up my sky on the darkest days.

He's sunshine.

"Painkillers stopped working, so maybe cuddles would help," He mumbles kicks the door open. A second later, my body hits the messy bedsheets. "Harry, what are you doing?" I questioned as he throws my hands over his shoulders and pulls me closer our chests were aligned. Our bodies just shifted until we were comfortable. Harry held me tightly and closely to heal the wounds that our argument just caused.

"Cuddling," Harry proudly states. A smile slides across his face, his gorgeous green eyes staring back at me. My fingertips, clearly having a mind of their own, brushes the angles of his face, feeling the smooth, soft skin. Why don't I have a problem with this? I should. I should scream at Harry or something.

But instead, my body melts into Harry and it's impossible to pull away.

This moment would've been perfect.

But I had my phone in my pocket and it was poking my thigh. "My phone," I groaned and twisted my body so I could retrieve it stuffed in my back pocket. However, the screen was lit from a message I had received a second ago.

Lou:
I wrote a song.
It's called
Defenceless.
Want you to hear
it. Stop by.

My body froze, staring at the message Louis sent.

Holy shit, Lou messaged me.

I hadn't recovered from the shock properly when Harry snatches the phone out of my hand and puts the screen closer to his face so he could read the words. "He sings?" He questions, glancing at me. I already missed the weight of his hand around my waist. There was a bit of bitterness laced behind his words. "Yes, Harry. Lou has an amazing voice-" I proudly began to state.

"But mine is better," Harry interrupts. Part of him was confident that his voice was better and the other wanted me to admit that it was. I bite my lip to suppress the smile threatening to form on my face.

Harry's eyes dropped to my lips. I was close enough to see the green darken. His thumb lifts to slowly tugs my bottom lip and it releases from between my teeth. "Don't do that," he mumbles. Harry should've taken his hand off my face, but he doesn't. Instead, he slides his hands up so he was properly cupping my cheek.

Harry's eyes never left my lips, wanting to memorize every curve. A shaky breath leaves me, memories of his lustful eyes and sinful lips replay through my head. "Harry," I whispered, voice breaking in process. My hand grabs his chin, pulling his face closer to mine.

"Sunshine," Harry whispers his eyes flicking to mine, and fuck, it wasn't just butterflies. His other hand pulls out lower halves closer, my leg between his. If I could feel his breathing on my face, could he hear the way my heart was shattering my ribcage? "Can I-" He begins to ask before my ringtone cuts the thick tension.

"For fuck's sake," Harry groans and drops his hands.

Holy macaroni.

Instead of showing disappointment, I grabbed my abandoned phone from between us. Mitch's picture flashes on the screen above options to decline or answer his call. "That's Mitch?" Harry questions before I can answer, his once flushed cheeks now pale.

"Yes, Harry," I confirmed before answering the phone. "Hey, Mitch," I ecstatically say, faking every ounce of it. Harry slides his hand around my waist and tugs me closer again. "Hey, How are you? I'm just checking in," Mitch replies. "Oh, I'm good. Everything is fine, why?" I say eventually.

Lie. Lie. Lie.

How can I be fine when Harry's igniting all the sparks and unlocking the butterfly cages that he only seems to have control to?

"I don't know! You went back to hibernation under your rock," he playfully noted. "I'm sorry, I've been busy," I apologized. Someone else holds all of my attention and I don't find myself feeling guilty. Harry scoffs and rolls his green eyes. "Well, you don't have classes today. How about I stop by?" Mitch suggests. Oh.

Shit.

Fuck.

Fucking shit.

"I-I can't. I'm sorry, Mitch. But I have family over right now," I blurted out the first lie I could've come up with. Harry's eyes widen and mouth rounded. Quickly, I looked away before I could get distracted again. "Family? You don't have family," Mitch bluntly said. Clearly taken back by his words, the phone slips from my hand. "Careful, love," Harry whispers, not cautious of his words, and places the phone by my ear again.

Love?

What the fuck?

I don't like the way he called me Love, I don't.

Yeah...I don't.

"Thank you for reminding me, Mitch," I sarcastically say. Always, I hid pain with sarcasm during conversations. "Shit, I didn't mean it like that," he quickly apologizes after realizing," I meant you've never had family over before."

Yeah, because they think I'm dead.

So, he has a point.

"New year shit," I mumbled even though the year was close to ending. "Well how about I come over and meet them? I'm sure they're wondering who you've been with all these years," Mitch stays persistent. "I don't think that's a good idea," I repeated. Mitch can keep secrets if I ask him to, he can keep his mouth shut if he meets Harry today. But it's still a bad idea.

"Embarrassed to let your family meet me, Madie?" Mitch's assumption pangs my heart. "No! No. Um, he's very...fuck," I struggled to find the words without hurting him. I look at Harry and threw all smart decisions out the window. "Fine. Come over for lunch," I finally gave into Mitch. "Fantastic. See you soon!" He cheers and hits the button to kill our call.

"Please don't tell me that guy is coming over," Harry pleaded, dreading the answer. "Well, I can't because he is. You're cooking for three today," I sighed. I looked at the ceiling as multiple results of today speed through my mind. "Do you happen to have any forms of poison around?" Harry questions. I turn my head, automatically finding my favorite color of green. "Harry, are you going to be jealous of everyone?" I teasingly asked.

"I'm not jealous! That's seriously absurd," Harry scoffs, nudging my arm away. My hands found his cheeks and pinched them. He swats my hands away and they returned on his chest. "Don't let Mitch know about anything, yeah? And uhm...we're cousins for today," I softly requested.

"Cousins?"

"Yeah, it makes sense I guess," I shrugged. Harry's fingers slipped between mine again. His hands are so fucking fascinating. Now that I know what they're capable of...it's even worse. "I like this one," I whispered and used my other hand to remove the silver ring from his middle finger. Harry takes the ring from my hand and before I could pout, he slides it on my thumb finger.

"There." I could feel him smiling as he kisses my hand.

Am I dying?

"Uh, um...you should probably get lunch started, I-" I forced myself off the bed, and only a second away from standing, Harry grabs my wrist. "Help me cook," he suggests. After a short nod, Harry drops my hand and slid off the bed. "Come on, my assistant," he ushers me into the kitchen.

I stood by the door while Harry rummages through the kitchen to locate everything he needs. And he does, he knows exactly where everything is. Then I wonder if he's been here longer than reality tells. "How well do you know this Mike?" Harry questioned casually with his head stuffed in the fridge while searching through the drawers.

"Do you mean Mitch?"

"Yeah, that."

"Uh...really good. Why?" I answered.

"No reason...he looks like a very unique person," Harry shrugs his shoulders. Harry dumps two cucumbers and tomatoes on the kitchen counter. He pulls open a drawer and grabs one of those peelers that Daph left here.

"Peel and then slice," he instructs and finds me the cutting board.

When did I buy a cutting board?

"Okay..." I nervously held the cucumber with one hand and the other held the handle of the peeling thing. "No, Sunshine. You're holding the cucumber wrong," Harry corrects the position and guides my hand properly.

Oh.

That makes more sense.

After thirty minutes, I had finished one cucumber and was honestly, very proud of myself. It looked great. Harry approaches me, flour on his cheeks and a potato in his hand. "Good, now turn on some music," he suggests and nods his head towards his phone. "Introduce me to garbage music," he adds with a smirk tugging his lips. Did he just insult my music...in a happy way? My eyes rolled and I chose to ignore his adjectives.

I went over to his phone and typed in the first song that pops into my head. Seconds into the song, Harry stops his chopping and stares at me. "What the fuck is this?" Harry scrunches up his nose in disgust.

"Superman by Daughtry," I answered. "Door what? God, Madeleine. Is this what they play for you under the rock you live under? I am honestly sorry that my ears have to listen to this absurdity. This is blandly worst than garbage," Harry drops the knife and snatches the phone from my hand. "I will not hear any more of this Daughtry slander. At least it is better than Five Minutes Of Autumn," I huffed, arms folding across my chest. "Five Seconds of Summer, Madeleine. Summer," Harry corrects while pinching the bridge of his nose.

"That's what I said," I lied. His eyes thinned, glaring daggers my way. "Get out of my kitchen!" Harry says in one breath, his hand pointing towards the exit. My eyes rolled and I stomped away.

Daughtry is fantastic music.

Harry probably needs to get his ears checked.

So I chose to be productive and got some work done on the table. Occasionally- okay, maybe a little more than occasionally- I'd glance at Harry. He'd be using a spoon as I microphone or swaying his hips to the music. I'm convinced he thinks he's in a music video. With a silly smile, I'd return to my work until someone knocks on the door. Harry and I immediately looked at each other. "The bloke actually has great timing. I'm done," Harry says.

"His name is Mitch," I uselessly corrected and slid off the chair. Why was I nervous to see Mitch? I unlocked the door and twisted it open. A plastic smile wore on my face, ready go great Mitch. However, when I actually saw him, my smile dropped. "What happened?" I bluntly asked. A cast wrapped around his entire arm, even all the way to his shoulder. Under his purple shirt, I could see it peaking where his shoulder and neck meet. "Incident during skateboarding, it's fine," he brushes off and looks behind me.

"You were drunk, weren't you?" I easily assumed. Mitch sheepishly smiles, silently giving me an answer. "God, Mitch. You're so clumsy. Didn't I tell you not to skate when you're drunk?" I scolded and dragged him inside by his left hand.

Harry was no longer in the kitchen. He was standing in front of us, hands on his waist with a pretty smile exposing his rows of white teeth. I took a deep breath, having whiplash from him looking so fucking adorable.

"Uh...Mitch, this is Henry," I introduced.

"Oh silly cousin," Harry grins before drifting his eyes to Mitch. "It's a pleasure to meet you again, Mitch. I've heard so many beautiful things about you, I am Harry...Madeleine's cousin," Harry greets and extended his hand for Mitch to shake.

Wait...did he say again?

**insert evil laugh here**

I'll probably edit this chapter when I can. I cringed about sixty times writing this lol

Now look at these before reading chapter 16:

Credits on Instagram: @onedirection.memes1

Okayyy, pretty person reading this, you may continue reading now ♡