finally the day has come where i finally explain my username.

also, a long authors note at the end.

☽♛☾

i sat with my head on top of my arms, dreading the gray writing on the white notebook paper. i was running out of ideas, and frankly, i didn't have anything else better to do.

ethan enters our shared home where he greets me with a kiss on the forehead. "you feeling any better today?" i shrug in response.

"writing makes me feel better. i don't know how, but it does."

he shakes his head. "it's not weird, it's normal. when you're grieving, people take their mind off of it by doing things of that sort, to forget the sorrow in their lives."

"i think that's called being a lunatic."

"it's called being a nepenthe," he explains. "you write and do things that makes you forget your grieving, it makes you feel pleasure or happiness in it."

i shrug again and pull the notebook towards me. the thought of being a nepenthe fills my mind, but  i had too many thoughts swirling around in my head anyway. i attempted to push them aside, but the pain slowly crept in. so i wrote.

i wrote until i couldn't feel a damn thing.

☽♛☾

wow. that was depressing, lol.

so basically, to explain myself, i got the name nepenthees from tumblr. i originally was going to call myself 'nepenthe' but it was taken so i changed it to 'nepenthees' which is really the same thing. i got on wattpad because i was going through a lot. mostly with myself and my body and just my life in general.

then i began writing. i had two books that were kinda big, but like not really big. they were called 'the breaking' and 'the healing' and it had a spin off called 'letters to violet' but then i felt like it wasn't right. so i deleted them all. and for a while i was struggling with my pain and everything, then i just started to write like crazy and it made me feel better. so when i found nepenthe, i was shooketh.

and that's how i became the person i am today. which is a lot better than i was when i started. and i have myself to thank because i chose to be okay instead of being drowning in a world of pain.

this was cheesy, im sorry! i love you guys so much and i thought it'd just be nice to finally share that lol.

till next time.
- xoxo yanna