this is a sad one. prepare yourselves.

☽♛☾

the worst part about watching ethan was seeing him slowly getting weaker and weaker. the hours became days, that turned into weeks, that turned into months until it was just a big blur of wasted time. he spent his days taking medications and sleeping. y/n especially hated the blue pill that possessed a circle shape. it was the one that made his eyes lose the life that was once stored in them.

he was like the shadow of a ghost: there, but not quite. y/n hated this. she hated the way he could barely stand his food, and how he always felt cold as ice but what she hated most was how his laugh didn't belong to him anymore.

"it happens, y/n," grayson sadly spoke. "it's the medication, makes him all not himself."

y/n shook her head. "no, it's not him. that's not him at all."

her heart broke at the sight of ethan slowly fading away by the day. it wasn't good for her health. she didn't sleep most days, she lied awake at night hoping ethan would speak more than a couple of words to her but it never happened until one night.

it was midnight on a sunday night when ethan sprang to life. "y/n?" he spoke.

"yes, ethan? are you okay?" she panicked and rushed to his side.

he chuckled. "yeah, im okay. i just wanted to talk to you. i feel like it's been forever since i've seen you."

she kissed his head and mumbled "it's okay" against his cold skin.

"you know, i don't want you to be sad," ethan said. "i want you to be happy. really really fucking happy. so happy that you won't even think of me or this place because you could do much better than this. and im not saying that to disrespect what we had but you need more than what i can offer. im sorry that i dragged you into this."

y/n shook her head. "no, it's not your fault, ethan. you couldn't control this, i don't blame you because i love you so much. there's nothing you could do to not make me happy."

"i wanna go," his voice broke a little. his eyes looked up to the ceiling. "it's so beautiful, y/n, he's there waiting for me to come home. i know i sound selfish but y/n," he cries, "i wanna go home."

she began to cry with him but she couldn't stand in the way of what he wanted. it would be selfish of her to let him continue to suffer the way he had been doing for months. it was finally time to say goodbye.

y/n kissed him one last time and put on a sad smile while still letting the tears hit her cheeks. "okay. you go on home now, okay? i love with you all my heart ethan dolan. i'll see you very very soon."

he sent her a sad smile and whispered "i love you," before the machine let out a loud alarm that had y/n's heart breaking all over again.