I take initiative over the weekend and force myself into Janet's schedule. She's still in a horrible mood about the Anthony thing and my intention is to find out why. Of course, I try not to bombard her as soon as I get into her house, because she'll probably shy away and kick me out if I do. So I do what any other great friend would do: I dust off her Nintendo 64 and get through as many levels of Ocarina of Time as I can, while she watches and eats granola bars with awe written clear on her face.

"We are really good at this!" She says, gasping. "Wow!"

"Summer really polished us up, huh?" I nudge her as I hop onto another platform. She giggles.

"Summer seems so long ago from now!" She sighs out loud. "Now we both have boyfriends, we're going to college and our trio is now a duo!"

I want to tell her that technically Ethan isn't my boyfriend, but maybe it's not the time. This isn't about me and my ambivalent relationship status. "Speaking of..." I start but she gasps.

"You know who came to talk to me on Friday?!"

"Who?"

"Ella! She was totally mad, apparently I had been bad mouthing her or something stupid, she practically threw a tantrum and I had no idea what to do. When did I even bad-mouth her? She's just talking trash, per usual, I don't know how you used to be her friend."

"Janet, you literally called her desperate in front of Jessica and her friends."

Janet stares blankly at the screen. "Oh yeah. Anyway, I just thought it was weird. She unfriended me from Facebook."

Woah. "That's serious..." I bite my bottom lip, feeling really guilty all of a sudden.

Ella and I aren't friends and I haven't spoken to her since she told me I was jealous of her and whatnot but still... It seems like such a shame to lose her as a friend after all this time. Sure, she hadn't really been a friend since junior year, but sometimes I get flashbacks to memories the two of us had together before her whole thing happened and I just miss it. I miss the old Ella, but I know I'm never gonna get her back.

Maybe I'm just being too nostalgic. But I can't help but miss the girl who used to be my friend.

Janet's phone rings. I catch a glimpse of Anthony's name before I see her roll her eyes and turn it face down, obviously set on ignoring it.

"Who was it?"

"Anthony. I'll just text him later."

I glance at her, expecting to see that she's annoyed but instead she looks worried. So I pause the game. "What's up with the two of you, anyway? He sat with me and the drama kids for lunch yesterday for the first time since you two became official."

"We figured we needed some space." She says, sounding like her usual happy-go-lucky self. However, her face still looks downright upset. "I don't know if you've noticed but we've been fighting a lot recently."

"Oh, I've noticed." I mutter. She sighs loudly. "When did this all start?"

She shrugs. "I don't know."

If there's one thing I know about Janet is that she hates silence. So I don't say anything, and she keeps quiet too. After about three minutes of no sound, she releases a loud breath.

"It's just that... he's got his audition with Julliard and he's gone through already and he's probably going to college there after summer and I'm gonna be here at wherever without him!"

There we go.

She starts sniffing and I pause the game, shuffling over to sit next to her. Eventually, the tears come and I pull her into a side hug, shushing her gently and ignoring the damp spot in my t-shirt.

"Hey, it's okay, it's only college." I say simply. She sits up and wipes her eyes.

"It's not only college, it's a life changing step and I'm scared he wants to put his foot in it alone. As in, without me." She says. "What if he forgets about me?"

I pull her in for another hug. "You're literally the most unforgettable person in the entire world. He would never forget you."

She sniffles a little bit. "I know, but... it's just a lot. I don't know, I'm scared about that too and then he's also been talking about me and college and what I'm gonna major in but I don't know yet and he's been dropping hints for me to get into NYU but I know my SAT scores aren't high enough for that place and –"

"Janet, breathe." I say. She takes a deep breath and then engulfs me in another hug. "It's okay to be scared for the future, especially when you don't know what's gonna happen. But don't manifest it in anger. You need to talk to him."

"I know!" She says into my shoulder. Then suddenly, she pulls out of the hug. "I know, I know! But it's so hard, when he's so excited and I don't want to lose my boyfriend but he's literally planning on going across the country with the five thousand instruments he plays and I'm just gonna be here without him and probably without you because you're probably gonna go to stupid old Juilliard too and the both of you are gonna become bosom buddies or whatever the hell –"

"Breathe." She breathes. "If I do get to go to Juilliard with Anthony," my eye twitches slightly as I say this, "I'll make sure he never forgets you."

She stares at me, her brown eyes wide and tearful. "You'd do that at your fancy pants performing arts school? For me?"

"Of course I would." I say gently. "You're my friend. I'd do anything – reasonable – for you."

A small smile starts on her face. "Thank you, Alisa."

After one last hug, we resume playing Ocarina of Time. Janet's phone rings with a call from Anthony again and she stares at it until it rings off. We share a look.

"I know you said we should talk," She says, opening another granola bar. "But that didn't mean now, right?"

I smile at her. "We can make it strictly girl's night, okay?"

"Okay." She says with a wide grin.

I end up staying the night at Janet's place. We watch a movie with her mom and eat some dim sum while talking about our plans for spring break, as if we're doing anything important. Janet's mood has improved a lot and we don't talk about boys for the rest of the evening. I feel like I'm fifteen again without any crushes and just enjoying the company of my good friend. I feel free. It's nice while it lasts.

As I'm brushing my teeth and getting ready to sleep, Ethan texts me a cute picture of a kitten and asks me where I've been. I remind him that I had plans with Janet today and he calls me.

"So, you're still at Janet's house? Is that what you're telling me?"

"Yup." I say, or at least try to. I don't know what possessed me to reply and answer my phone when I was brushing my teeth.

"Wow." He seems to understand me anyway and I discreetly try to spit out the foam. "So you're not coming back home tonight at all?"

"Nah. Why?"

"I just... I don't know, it's just weird."

"ALISA!" Janet hollers. "ARE YOU TALKING TO A MALE?!"

I start rinsing my mouth. "Listen, Ethan –"

"I heard her. Talk tomorrow?"

"Of course."

Janet knocks on the door as I say goodbye and hang up briskly. I yank the door open and she storms in, looking around the bathroom doubtfully. "My mom wants to know if you wanna go get breakfast tomorrow morning."

"Sure, where are we going?"

She shrugs and relaxes. "Anywhere we wanna go. You know I don't restrict my foods to a certain time of day."

"Of course you don't." I chuckle. She sticks her tongue out at me as we go to settle in her room.

Sunday speeds by. My parents are excited for my birthday and whatever, but I'm kinda annoyed it's on a Tuesday this year. That being said, I'm turning eighteen and it's supposed to be a big deal but I'm not sure I'll feel any different about it.

"I can't believe you're older than me," David says.

The two of us wandered into each other in the hallway right as our free period before lunch started and now we're just sitting on the grass outside, basking in the warm air. It's still cold to me but it's the kinda cold that I just need a light coat in, so I can deal.

"Why can't you believe it?" I ask him, doodling in my math book.

"Because you're so... small." I roll my eyes. "If it wasn't for Ethan, you'd be the oldest, you know that?"

"When is your birthday?"

"May twenty fifth. I'm a Gemini." He says proudly.

"So is Ella, but she's like, three days younger than you."

"Huh. Maybe that's why I didn't get along with her." I stare at him weirdly. "What?"

"Is that a thing?" He nods vigorously. "Huh."

David lies down in the grass. "I think Astrology is super cool. My mom and older sister are into it, so they had me reading about my ascendant sign before I could even walk."

"Your ascendant sign? What's that?"

"Don't worry about it." He says. I shrug and go back to doodling in my notebook. We chat idly for a while, enjoying each other's company. David somehow manages to fall asleep next to me and I'm left alone, thinking about pudding cups and drama club.

A shadow falls over us as I get a message from Ethan. I look up, expecting to see him but the smile that I didn't even know formed on my face falls when I see it's Ella.

"Oh. You." I say, wrinkling my nose.

"What's that supposed to mean?!" She says defensively. I refrain from rolling my eyes.

"Nothing. What's wrong?"

She folds her arms and huffs. "I need to talk to you."

"The floor's yours." I say dryly.

She side eyes David's unconscious body. "In private."

He is literally drooling in his sleep. I don't know what more she wants in terms of privacy. "He's asleep?"

"So? I want to talk to you alone! Why are you making this so hard?"

I groan and pinch the bridge of my nose. "Okay, whatever." I say, putting my things together. She mumbles something underneath her breath but I don't care enough to find out what it is.

Ella and I haven't spoken since New York, and even though I miss being friends with her, I think I preferred it this way. I don't know why I tried to hang onto her during the first semester because I think I'm better off without her now.

Before we leave for her forced 'privacy', I shake David awake. He looks confused when he sees Ella and even more confused when I tell him I'm going to talk to her but he takes it well... I think.

Ella and I walk over to a tree not too far away. Despite the shade, she puts on sunglasses and turns to face me, arms crossed tightly over her torso.

"What did you want?" I ask when we've been staring at each other uncomfortably for a little too long.

"To talk." She says.

And I'm the one making this hard. "About what? We aren't even friends, we have nothing to talk about."

Ella looks taken aback. Even I'm shocked with myself for that one, but I'm gonna go with it.

She gets over her shock pretty soon and scoffs. "Yeah, right."

I'm literally so confused. "Okay, Ella, could you come out and say what you wanna say? Because I have things to do, pudding cups to eat or whatever."

"Fine!" She huffs again and looks away from me. "I can't believe you stole Ethan from me."

I frown, feeling anxiety manifesting into anger in my chest. "No, I didn't. And if you ever listened to me, you'd know that."

"What's that supposed to mean?!" She asks, and has the audacity to be confused.

"It means what I said. If you ever listened to me, or let me talk to you, you'd realise that I liked Ethan for an embarrassingly long time before anything ever happened between the two of us."

Her eyes narrow. "What are you talking about? I always used to listen to you!"

"Are you shitting me?" I ask, in genuine disbelief.

"Duh! You were always talking about drama club and the stupid play you were in and – ugh, it doesn't matter! I liked him first!"

She's completely lost it. Like, this is textbook narcissism and I didn't read enough to know how to deal with it.

I take a deep breath and shake my head, because this is useless. "How are you so sure you liked him first?"

"You never told me you did!"

"That's the thing! I couldn't!" I yell. She takes a step back and I throw my hands in the air, really angry all of a sudden and ready to let it all out. "You have turned into a complete monster these past few months and I don't even know who you are anymore! Any time I tried to speak to you, the conversation would take a turn to you and that dummy you were dating with the bad brows –"

"His brows are not –"

"Yes they are! They make me feel weird! He's gross!" I put my head in my hands and sigh. "You were acting like the world was against you and no amount of empathy from me was enough!"

She blinks at me. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I lost my best friend, Ella! I lost you! I tried, I really tried to hold onto you but you let me go, and then you had the freakin' audacity to tell me you were in like with Ethan before I could tell you I had a big fat crush on him myself!"

This is the only thing that seems to get to her. "You... you couldn't tell me you liked him?"

"I couldn't tell you anything! And do you know how sad it is, not being able to tell my best friend I liked a guy?!" I shake my head and sigh, feeling drained.

Her shoulders fall. "Oh."

I don't have it in me to say anything else, and she seems deep enough in thought that she doesn't say anything else either. The two of us stand in silence, staring at everything but each other under this stupid tree. My phone vibrates and I think of the message from Ethan that I opened but never read or replied to. He's probably wondering why I'm ignoring him.

"I'm gonna go." I mumble to her, getting my phone out. It's about lunch time too and my craving for pudding cups has reached it's peak.

She doesn't say anything. She just stares at me and walks away first, in the direction of the lunch hall. I shake my head and open my phone. David's messaged me that he and Ethan are sitting in the lunch hall together and they have my stuff, so I go inside too, trying to keep my face neutral enough so nobody asks any questions.

"Hey," I say when I see my friends sitting at a table together. I sit next to Ethan who pokes my side and puts his arm around my waist.

"Your talk with Ella seemed intense." David says, raising his eyebrows. "What was that all about?"

I wave my hand around and retrieve my purse from my bag. "It was literally nothing important. Do you guys want anything? I'm gonna go get myself a pudding cup."

"You don't need to." Ethan says breezily. I look up from my bag and he's holding one with a big shiny grin on his face. Immediately, I put my hand to my chest.

"How sweet! Thank you, I've been craving one of these for like, hours."

"Of course you have." He rolls his eyes but still hands it to me. "You're addicted to these."

"I am so not." I open it with shaking hands that don't steady until I take my first spoonful. "They're just so good."

He shakes his head at me. I just stick my tongue out at him. I think Ethan's about to go in for a kiss when David starts making sounds like he's about to vomit.

"You realise I'm still sitting here, right?" He says when we're both looking at him expectantly. "Could you not be gross in front of me?"

"Sorry, no can do." Ethan says smoothly. "I just exude gross energy when I'm around Alisa."

"Can't be helped." I shrug and take a spoonful of pudding. David mimes sticking his finger down his throat.

"I liked it better when Ethan was pretending he didn't have a big crush and Alisa was oblivious." He grumbles. The tops of Ethan's ears go pink and he throws his water bottle at David, starting an argument between the two of them. I just smile, feeling like a weight I didn't even know was on my shoulders has been lifted off.

a/n:

It's 3:27am but we out here. There's like 3 chapter (maximum and probably including an epilogue too) left. I can't believe I'm finishing this book for the second time.

I hope everyone is well and having a fruitful summer/ enjoying the weather and taking care of themselves. you are all great people. especially if you're watching the nba finals (which is what ruined my sleep schedule ahaaahaaaa and the reason I'm still awake rn). Happy Wednesday friends