Arguably the best part of all of this chaos is the feeling of relief that suddenly courses through my stomach. Now I don't have to keep hiding from Ethan. Or anyone. No more stupid petulant plans trying to get his attention because I have now, even if I don't want it. All the plotting and skirting around the issue at hand is done. And I couldn't be more relieved about that.

But that relief is quickly overshadowed by every other negative feeling that comes crashing over me like a wave of emotions. Ethan locks his phone and puts his hands in his pockets, looking down. The blush is still on his face. He looks... horrified.

And that's literally the worst reaction he could have.

Feeling sick to my stomach, I look away from him, trying to focus on something else.

"Alisa? Are you even listening to me?" Ella pokes me in the side. In these few short moments, I completely forgot we were even having a conversation and I wrack my brain, trying to remember what she was saying.

"What?" I ask, failing to remember. She rolls her eyes.

"Is there something you wanna tell me about you and Ethan?" She hisses.

So much for focusing on something else. "No." I say sharply. She raises her eyebrows, perhaps at my tone, but I'm past caring. I just want to curl up and cry.

"Hey, I think I'm gonna pack." I say to nobody in particular. Everyone stops talking to look at me and I show a smile. Despite the fact I think I look like I want to fall off the earth (for the record, I do), it seems to work on everyone. They tease me about being organised a little before letting me go. I don't look at Ethan again.

All I can remember is the look on his face when he read the message. He really looked horrified. Like certifiably disgusted.

I try not to cry as I pack my bags for the flight home tomorrow. David texts me asking if I'm okay but I just send him a smiley face and tell him I have a headache, hoping he doesn't bother me. I'm done within the hour and because I'm in such a down mood, I go to sleep immediately.

The next morning, I wake up to a knock on the door. Ella's already up and in the shower which means that I have to get it. I really don't want to because I don't particularly want to talk to anyone, especially if it's one of my friends. However, another knock on the door causes Ella to yell at me to answer the door.

So I stand up and put my pants on. It's a move that's supposed to be symbolic to putting my big girl panties on but then I still feel stupid. I wander to the door and look through the peephole and sigh with relief when I see Anthony standing there with a goofy smile on his face. He poises his fist to knock again but I yank the door open before he can.

"Oh –Alisa! Hey!" He squints at me. "You look – you look horrible."

"I just woke up." I mumble. "What's up?"

"Your pants are on backwards." He says.

"Anthony, what do you want?"

He frowns. "I just wanted to let you know that the rest of the gang is going down for breakfast now. If you wanted to join us, that is, but your pants are on –"

"Hey." I look away from Anthony into the blue eyes of Ethan and feel like I'm going to throw up. He has them trained on Anthony.

He gulps. My head starts to hurt and I have to look away from him before he makes me ruin my backwards pants.

"Um, Anthony, Janet wants you." he says. Or at least I think that's what he says.

"Okay, I'll go see what she wants. Alisa, I'll see you downstairs?"

I nod, clearing my throat. "Yeah, sure?"

Anthony shows me one of his happy go lucky smiles and waves finger guns at the two of us. Ethan watches him go before taking something out of his pocket and turning back to me. He doesn't look at me: at first I'm upset about this but then I remember the horrified expression on his face last night and I'm relieved. If he's gonna let me down right now, I'd rather not see his face if I'm honest.

"Hey." He says quietly.

"Hi."

"Sleep well?"

"Er, yeah. I knocked out pretty early yesterday, it wasn't even night time yet." I fold my arms.

"Yeah. I came to check on you but then Ella told me you were asleep."

"I was tired." I say tightly. The image of his face after he read the message flashes in my mind and it takes everything for me not to start crying.

Neither of us say anything nor look at each other. I've never wanted to be invisible in my life but right now, I wish I never existed. I wish I was a freaking Twilight vampire and my special skill was disappearing. I wish Ethan never came back to San Diego. Maybe I would've been happy without him this year too; I could've just geeked out in drama club, been Janet's third wheel and listened to all of Ella's boy drama in peace. But no. I had to get into boy drama of my own.

It's only the second day of the year and my year is already over. Lovely.

"So listen, after I came to see you last night, I wrote a... something, because I always seem to offend you when I speak and I really didn't wanna do that this time." Ethan says boldly. I can feel his eyes on me but I don't want to look at him. "It's here but I wanted to say something before you read-"

The shower door opens and Ella steps out, fully dressed. Her hair is tied up in a sloppy bun and her face is immaculately done up. She looks even better than she usually does and I have never felt so small in her presence before.

"Hey Alisa are you -oh! Ethan! Good morning." She says pleasantly.

He smiles at her. "Hey Ella."

"Are you guys just hanging out? Alisa your pants are on backwards."

Unfortunately, my backwards pants are the least of my worries. That being said, I smile at her anyway.

"I'm still waking up." I say.

"Wake up faster!" She says and laughs. "What are you doing here Ethan?"

"I was just... telling Alisa about her Christmas present. Which I still need to give her." He clears his throat.

"Yeah."

"Oh. Okay! I'm going down for breakfast, Janet texted me saying she's already down there!" She grins and I swear I see her wink at Ethan. He doesn't react but I definitely want to, despite the fact he's about to break my heart.

Ella walks past us and goes towards the elevator. The two of us wait until she's completely gone before we look at each other again. And I'm the first to look away, blushing.

"So yesterday, Janet was telling me that she was messing with your phone and it kinda... changed how I viewed things but... yeah. I wanted to give you this. And this." He first hands me a sheet of folded paper and then a jewellery box. I go to open the paper but he stops me, touching my hand.

"Could you open these when I'm not here?" He asks.

Oh. "Um, sure."

"Thanks. I just... yeah. I'll see you downstairs?"

I look at my hands. "Maybe. I think I might take that shower and skip breakfast."

He nods. "I'll save you a croissant."

"Thanks."

I imagine Ethan smiling but the image is quickly replaced by the look on his face from yesterday. So I decide to think about literally anything else in the world as I place his gift and note on top of my suitcase. Rejection can wait for now.

No longer in the mood to eat, I hop into the shower and figure I might as well wash my hair. I'm out half an hour later and drying my hair off with one of the last towels we have in our bathroom. I have a few texts on my phone from Janet asking me where I am and one from David asking me why Ethan looks so embarrassed. I don't reply to him but I do tell Janet to grab me a granola bar. Within seconds, she sends me a photo of four.

I put on a rainbow striped sweater and blue jeans and start doing my makeup. A part of me is sad that I'm leaving New York but a bigger part of me is happy to be leaving. Too much happened here and I really just want to leave it all behind.

My eyes wander towards the letter on my suitcase and I figure I might as well suck it up and read it now... or I could open the present and see if it boosts my mood beforehand. It crosses my mind that I should probably wait until after to open the present, just to alleviate the pain that's about to hit me. Maybe I shouldn't have done my makeup yet.

My fingers itch to it anyway and I open up the jewellery box, eager to see what's inside. It's a rose gold charm bracelet with three charms already on it. There's a star, square and letter 'A' charm already on it. My eyebrows shoot upwards. This must've been pretty pricey, which makes me feel bad because I didn't get him anything. After a few inspections, I realise the square actually opens up and inside is a small photo of Ethan and me wearing our stupid Halloween costumes.

I look insane and you can't see most of his face due to the Batman mask but he has a wide grin on his lips. I involuntarily smile when I see it, remembering how I pleaded with my mom to burn her camera.

After putting on the bracelet, I pick up the note and unfold it, surprised by how much he's written on it. I guess he had a lot to say. Nervous, I read the first words,

Hey Buddy

And I pretty much prepare myself for the end. I don't even think I'll have the gall to sit at the same lunch table with him ever again. Or get in his car. I really can't be friends with Ethan after this.

Even though I'm already feeling sad, I figure I might as well get the whole thing over and done with.

So Janet told me she sent that message and was messing around on your phone. I know you didn't call me a shithead, at least not this time. It's a joke, I get it, but I gotta admit, I was kinda relieved when I saw it. And kinda scared. But relieved.

Every time I try this face to face, I chicken out. Your mom said I should write you an email because you're always on your phone or something like that but I don't know, what person under twenty uses their email? Anyway that's not relevant, I have a lot to say and not much bravery in person to say it to you and every time I do try to say it to you I say something else.

Like that time I first called you buddy? What the hell was that? I don't even know, I wanted to ask you out but then I looked in your eyes and you made me feel really weak.

Alisa you're really the shithead here for always making me feel like that. I take that back by the way, you're not a shithead. You're really cool and funny and talented and pretty much all the things I like about living with my dad are to do with you. Honestly, I only like living with my dad because of you (and your mom but she's an extension of you). And you're the only girl that's ever made me feel this nervous about liking somebody.

So there it is. I like you. I really like you. A lot. More than I should and probably a lot more than you like me. I'm probably making things weird. I'm gonna stop right here but we can talk about it.

Your best bud, Ethan.

In some ways this is worse. Not in most ways however, because in most ways this is better than what I expected. In fact, I think I should set myself up for disappointment like this more often because the emotional pay-out when it's good news is... it's something.

It's worse because now I really don't know what to do or say to Ethan. At least when I thought he was going to tell me he didn't like me, I knew I was going to avoid him and get over him by watching 13 going on 30 every other week. Am I supposed to go downstairs and kiss him again? Am I supposed to pretend like everything is normal? It's not normal.

Oh my God and what's Ella going to do when I tell her I'm dating Ethan?!

Am I even dating Ethan?!

You know what? I think I am. So what's she gonna do? What am I going to do in retaliation?

I go into full panic mode for a second before I remember a very important tool in my address book. The one I should've gone to straight away as soon as all of this started unravelling.

"Mommy?"

"Alisa! Dear, I tried calling you yesterday night but Ethan said you were sleeping! Are you okay?" She says.

"I'm fine." I clear up. "It was just a day."

"Oh... Well... Did you get my mugs?"

"I got you four and two keychains."

"That's my girl."

"Mom, Ethan told me he liked me."

She gasps. As if she didn't know. "Really? What'd you say back?"

"That's the problem, I haven't said anything back. He wrote me a letter and he said he's liked me for a while and I don't know what to do because even though I know I like him back –" I take a deep breath. "- there's a whole bunch of problems that come with this situation like our group dynamic, Ella's attraction to him and what if he's just having a fever?"

"I didn't catch a thing you said, dear. But I'm glad he's finally told you! Oh my God, when's your first date?" She says. I resist the urge to wail.

"I don't know mom, I don't even know if I'm dating Ethan yet, I mean, I just found out that he liked me-"

"Wait, what?!" I hear from behind me and anticipate the headache. When I turn around, Ella's standing by the wide open door, looking like she just found a spider in her hair. Wincing, I tell my mom that I'll call her when I'm at the airport and turn to face my friend.

"What did you just say to your mom?" She hisses.

"You know, it's really bad to eavesdrop." I say, massaging my temples.

"You and Ethan are dating?"

"No. No. I mean, maybe not." I bite my bottom lip. "I'm not sure. He said he liked me but what does that mean?"

She squints at me. "You're really asking me about boy advice when you just stole the guy I liked from under my nose?!"

I open my mouth to reply but she continues on her tirade.

"Alisa Anderson! You knew I liked Ethan! You knew and you had the audacity to ask him on a date, just to spite me? My mom always said you were jealous of me but I never believed her because why the hell would you be jealous of me? I mean, you should be because I'm jealous of me but that's not the point!" She groans. "I can't believe you right now?! And to think, Jessica wants to be your friend again even though I am so much –"

"Ella, please shut up." I interrupt, fed up. Her mouth opens wide in shock but no sound comes out. In contrast, my stomach growls. "Listen, I'm gonna make this quick."

"Make what-"

"You are so self-absorbed! Like do you even hear yourself speak sometimes?" I say, exasperated. Her eyes narrow into little slits and I ignore the headache I'm developing in order to continue. "'To spite you?' Not everything is about you and this situation definitely wasn't. It wasn't even about me during a lot of it, there was a GATE and David was... orchestrating..."

She scoffs. "Trust you to shift the blame. Just admit you're jealous of me, Alisa!"

"Jealous of what exactly, Ella? I'm happy. I have friends that actually know me and enjoy spending time with me. I just got rated an A for my individual performance at high school by college scouts. There's a boy who likes me and I like him too. The only problem at this current moment in my life is that I'm hungry. Can you say the same?"

Her fists clench as she shuts the door and stomps towards me. "I liked him first!"

"You didn't. But whatever, I'm hungry and smitten." I rub my eyes and start getting my things together.

"And smitten?!" She squeaks. "I was -"

"Don't start again." I say bluntly and hurry past her. "I have no time for you anymore."

"Fine!" She yells when I'm halfway down the hallway. "But from this moment, we are no longer friends with each other!"

I turn around and give her a thumbs up.