Gabriel's POV:

'Did you eat my candy?' 'Mommy, Minnie painted the walls' 'You're a meanie, Minnie' 'Gabe, No! don't pop the balloons' 'I got you a ball' 'Let's play tag' 'Minnie, I can't see. Please hold my hand' 'Gabe, open your eyes'

"Gabriel, open your eyes" I groaned. This doesn't sound like Mia, this isn't her yet I wanted it to be her... I wanted her here. My thoughts were sieged in the same cave which they were terrified of and despite the dark end I found myself venturing in the zones I'd forbidden myself to enter.

My reflections weren't in my control, they were occupied by my drunk rationalization. I couldn't push the notions away as I did when I was sober and in my senses. It was so much easier to go numb and let go of the pain but to me it came fervently when I had no hold over my thoughts.

"Mia?" My lips spoke on their own and I felt the hands grabbing me stiffen, I pushed them away. They however recovered and grasped me again. This isn't her, how could anyone be her.

"Gabriel, can you hear me?" I felt someone shaking me, I shrugged them off. I didn't want anyone, why was anyone here anyway? I was always alone because that's how I'm meant to stay... alone.

Feeling the droplets of a liquid on my lids, I gingerly peeled them open only to clench them shut tighter. It was irritating me, the sounds, the urge in the voice of the prowler and so I pushed the arms off me again. I didn't want to give in to the commands but I also knew that seeing scintillate of light was so much more appealing than drowning in the hurricane of thoughts that only promised to throw me in the devilry.

Even when I realized my state was countering my decision, I let go off it and attempted to open my eyes. I had to divert myself because my mind was in a mesh of inordinate ideas and I was to unclasp myself from their intrusion as impossible a task like that would be.

"Mr. White, are you alright?" I groaned, they needed to stay quiet. My head was pounding and I didn't want to be disturbed. I didn't care whoever it was, all I wanted to do was to throw each and everyone out. I raised my hand to raise it to my face when I heard a collective sound of hisses.

"Why didn't you tell me Emily that he was here and drinking himself to death?" I heard Ken talk to someone and I was convinced that I'd punch his gut out for yelling in my ear, fueling my headache. I heard resonating sound of crunches from around me as if someone was walking on glass and perhaps they were but even the clinking was a profuse to my head.

"He just sent me out, when I returned I saw him in this condition and everything broken" she was crying but I wanted to block their voices out for they were overwhelming to me. I wanted silence and they were annoying. I turned my head but the shot of anguish had me reverting my actions.

My head was feeling like it would burst in pain and I was parched as though someone had scraped sand paper on my throat but the pressure in my head didn't charm my eyes to open.

"S-Sir, do you think we should call the doctors? I-I mean he consumed medicines too" I heard another familiar voice but I hardly had any will to link it to whoever it belonged. At the statement, I heard rushed footsteps as they neared me and I felt a warm hand on my forehead.

"What the fuck, Anthony? You both saw him doing all this yet none of you bothered informing anyone or being careful. How much did he take?" Ken was screaming to a point that it was totally intolerable to me.

"A h-handful" replied the voice in guilt and I heard a gasp.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Ken countered. I couldn't take it, the voices and disturbance was too much for my head. It was infuriating and prodigious and I couldn't take it anymore.

"SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP ALL OF YOU..." I screamed, unscrewing my lids against the pressure in my head. As my blurry gaze was intercepted the brightness, it intensified the soreness.

A sudden hit of nausea made my stomach turn making me retch and I convulsed. I vomited till it made me lightheaded, yet it still didn't ease me for the pressure was on my chest, head and everywhere else.

Sagging against the wall behind, I closed my eyes, dry heaving. My throat was scratchy from yelling and throwing up. It didn't make feel a lot better and the stench of the puke did no good to my already disturbed condition.

"Mr. Whi-" I cut off whoever attempted to speak.

"Leave" I said. This is one thing I'd never let anyone see, my vulnerability. No one knew anything about me and I liked for it to be kept this way because the last thing I wanted from anyone was pity. It wasn't someone else's responsibility for what the others feel, they aren't accountable for any circumstances unless they're actually a contender in them which is why they're better off without knowing and it's what they should do.

"But Sir yo-" Anthony interrupted. His gaze was downcast and his voice apologetic.

"I SAID LEAVE!" I bellowed, despite the multiple protests of the aches of my body. I just wanted to be left alone just how I am supposed to be, why can't they understand this?

I saw Ken nod at them and they retreated towards the door. I had aimed for Ken to leave too but he is one stubborn ass and I could've yelled at him but I knew he wouldn't dislodge and I had barely any strength in me left to put him in his place.

My dizziness had me shut my eyes, I flayed my hand helplessly around until it came in contact with something that felt like a shard but before I could grab it properly, Ken pushed it away.

"Get up" he said, I ignored him. "Stand up Gabriel, I'm not taking anymore of your shit" he sounded angry but let him be. He would sit back too once he knows the reason of my state but I wasn't up for announcing it to everyone.

"Didn't I ask you to go away?" I stated bluntly. He should go away, I thought he'd realized that I was a lost cause and couldn't be salvaged then why has he dropped that idea and had decided to stay here tending to me.

"Gabriel, stand up" Ken wrapped his arm around my torso and pulled me up. I had no resistance at all, it appeared like all my energy was drained out of my body and it was yelling to be rested yet I wasn't going to oblige to anything.

"LEAVE ME ALONE" I slurred and slumped against the counter. I really was hung over and still very much intoxicated.

He pulled my hand and I didn't know what was even happening with me. He guided me towards the couch in the living. I had a disastrously gated walk and if Ken weren't there supporting my entire weight, I knew I would've trashed on the pieces of glass and other broken items strewn around. 

The pain in my head was so excruciating that my lids were struggling to stay put and I could pull my hair out to ease it.

Plopping down on the couch, I groaned and tried blocking all the interfering light, drowning in the darkness again ignoring the signals of terrors it was awaiting with in the dream land.

***

A sharp sound blared in my ears making me languidly open my eyes. The light wasn't as profound as it'd been before, so it must be later in the day. My head wasn't feeling great but it was considerably better.

"Uh, sorry for that just that the volume had been a bit high" muttered someone. Shifting my head, I saw Ken sitting on the other couch with his legs propped on the table and a laptop on his stomach. So he was still here...

I didn't reply to him and sat straighter but it wasn't the right thing to do for it made me dizzy. A very sickly hangover this is. I really did drink a lot, didn't I?

"There's water and medicine on the table" Ken said monotonously. I took the medicine and drank plenty of water, expecting for it to make a difference only that it didn't but it did sooth my dry mouth.

Resting my head against the plush seat, I gazed at the ceiling and all the thoughts came rushing down on me, making me fist my palm in irritation which made my arm sting making me realize that it was wounded and was dressed with a bandage.

Ignoring it, I sat straighter but the onslaught of thoughts had me furious. I don't want to think of any of that... I can't...not now when the alcohol was wearing away and I was forced to be bumped into the harsh reality of the unraveled situation. I need to have another drink.

Clenching my jaw, I stood up and walked towards the counter when I noticed a hindrance in my knee. There was a gauze wrapped tightly around on my leg and my trousers were folded upwards.

I looked at Ken and before I could ask he said without diverting his eyes from the screen, "Called in a doctor, he did it" he looked pissed. Not that I care but what did I do for him to show his reaction to me?

Paying no heed to him, I was about to march forward when he said, "Where do you think you're going?" I didn't answer to him. I wanted to find a bottle and dunk it all in for I felt that all those and scenarios were looming over me and I couldn't bear thinking about them.

Ken grabbed my collar and pushed me against the couch. If I were any better, I would've obviously responded to that shove but with what was going on with me, I didn't even feel offended but my head did for it started spinning.

"Have you lost your mind?" he said, he was glowering at me. "Didn't you do yourself enough good in just one day that you still want more."

I sneered and rubbed my eyes with the back of my palm. He knows nothing about what had happened that had invoked this reaction out of me. I didn't drink because I'm weak and I couldn't take it but more so because I didn't want to, I didn't have the power to and so I succumbed to the works of alcohol for assistance.

"Would you tell me what had happened?" At his questions, the abominable pictures yet again crowded my mind, mocking at me. I clenched my eyes tight and inhaled a deep breath. He shouldn't be asking these questions again, they would provoke my mind to wander back into those grounds whose threshold wasn't even crossed yet.

"Did you go there to see her? Did Jenna say something?" he probed. I was looking at his face yet my mind was traipsing to other things and her name reminded me of other scenarios too. Ii was trying not to think about what had happened with her because there were other matters preceding to top the thoughts.

"You did go there, didn't you? Even after I told you not to... Say you went there, still there isn't a reason to act like this." he was incessant, he wanted an answer and I knew he wouldn't let go of this but I couldn't say it either. What am I thinking, not wording it wouldn't make it any different, the situations can't be reversed.

"Fine, don't tell me... I'm calling her" At this, my head shot to him. I knew he wouldn't dare involve her but he didn't know what had happened and she shouldn't be informed about this at all and it's not like she would believe me anyway in this situation.

"Shut up, Ken!" I voiced. The last thing I wanted to do was talk. The thoughts in my head were chaotic and he was making a ruckus here leaving me no option but to delve deeper in the past to give him the glimpse of the present. 

"Then tell me" he said, his voice was softer. He was pacing around. He knew it was something big and alarming and I also knew what I was about to tell wouldn't have even crossed his mind when he was recounting the things that could've happened to me. I sighed,

"He was there... he is Jerdy!" I said in a falt voice. Ken halted mid step and he didn't have to ask me to elaborate myself, he knew who I was talking about. I saw the shock in his stature as he automatically sank on the seat. There was utter surprise on his face and he had lost all the color.

"That was why you called her name" he breathed.

I clenched my jaw, I didn't bring her name up in so long, I'd pushed her memories to the far end yet today I lost control. My brain had a mouth of it's own and without my input, her name was uttered.

He held his head and gazed at the wall in complete astonishment, I should've anticipated the response, it was expected. We sat there for minutes lost in our own thoughts, none of us said anything. I wasn't infamous for saying much but Ken had been sitting in outright silence. A very jolting memory from the interaction earlier crossed my mind but before I could go further in reminiscing it, Ken thankfully interrupted in a weak voice,

"Did you see him... was she there too?" I nodded not opening my eyes. I heard him inhale a sharp breath.

"So... she saw your reaction?" I gazed at him and shook my head. He was looking at me attentively, waiting for his questions to be properly answered.

"She'd gone by then" She had gone to get water and I couldn't even see her face later for I couldn't stay at that place for even a second after I saw him but now I think may be I should've. It probably wouldn't have hurt me as bad then, her face might've toned down the angst. But then what how could've I done that? I'm barely normal now and a whole day had passed since that incident... at that time how could've I stayed there?

And did I have the guts to face and let her decode me like she's capable of doing? No, I couldn't bring her to this side and scare her into making her run and hate me with all her will. She didn't know me and I wanted her to not see the unveiled

"If Jerdy was there then Jenna..." As he said that, I felt the world slipping from under my feet at the undertone of his insinuating words. I gripped the edge of the seat as I gazed at him. I hadn't thought of that possibility, there were so many things running in my mind that thinking about this was the last I could consider myself giving attention to and now that Ken had mentioned the realization hinged me with the despair from the other end.

My face must be blank but what I was feeling inside was a havoc. Ken glanced at me, his own eyes were wide and he was paler than a sheet of paper, he looked away and snatched his phone from the table.

"No, no, no... wait I'll just confirm it from somewhere" Ken was hyperventilating, he ran his fingers through his hair and started punching numbers on his phone. I blanked out on his activities, I didn't bother knowing what was the truth anymore and what wasn't. I had a feeling that if this goes bad I wouldn't have anything anymore to hold onto.

With who I am, everything just shows up to it's liking and sinks in my life, leaving for me to live in the circumstances beyond my reach. I wouldn't be surprised if Ken's suspicion ends up being true. Nothing positive is for me anyway and it wouldn't be a non plus if the last potential ligature of hankering snaps too.

Ken was clutching his hands tight in his grasp as he waited. I didn't make an effort in knowing what he knew, perhaps something unlikely. I'd prepared my mind for the worst yet the force I felt on my chest was so hefty as if someone was crushing my heart wasn't ignored by me either.

He was nervous and I saw him side glancing at me hoping to catch any reaction but I didn't let any show or more like I couldn't. My face was vacuous and deadpan and that is exactly how I was taming for the soul to be, ignoring the protests of it roaring behind the walls, screaming for the recently unkinked cognizance to be untrue.

It's not like I've had anything to legitimately cling to but the clawing horror in me was craving to be sated with the dissident response. Ken's phone rang, making me grip the couch tighter as I gulped.

He turned around and had a wide grin on his face as he faced me, "No, he's not her father." A breath that I didn't know I was holding escaped past my lips as I heaved a sigh of relief. He dived on the couch and fist bumped the air.

As this new intruding information cleared, my thoughts sprinted towards the nagging conspired events and I stood up, I need to clear my mind. I got to shower and stop thinking about everything. Regulate myself back into indifference and attune the pain into ambition.

"Alright, just go shower, you smell like shit" I rolled my eyes and walked towards the stairs before he stopped me, "And Gabriel just call Smurf and talk with her, it couldn't be her fault in all this...she must be worried."

***

I pressed my fist against the wall as I felt the cold fingers of water splashing down on me. As Ken's suggestion reflected back to me I registered... What was I thinking when I ignored all the proves and logics after seeing her. I was willing to kiss her and be with her when she was his. As soon as I saw her, I kicked away all my rational sensibility. Was it my headache or the ache of seeing her after so long that it made me forget what I'd discovered.

As his name flashed in my mind, I punched the wall with all my might imagining for it to be Matt's face. Some friend he was to her... and I promised myself to arrange his face for him as he comes back. I'd held myself from thwacking him just so many times but now I just wanted to do it so bad for it would be the only way to quench my anger.

I shut my eyes close, what Jenna think of it... she'll hate me but then I'm nobody to her anyway might as well have her prove it to me. If she has nothing to do with me, I wouldn't bother her either. Her safety wouldn't be overlooked but my intrusion in her life would. Ken was right, I have to leave her alone and that is exactly what I would do.

Fixing my shirt, I collected a number of suits and asked Anthony to have them kept in my office, I knew I wasn't returning today. I needed distraction and since alcohol is doing nothing to me I'd go to the trusted one, work. I'd always funneled all my emotions in work and that's what I'd do again.

I should've known that emotions aren't for me to feel. I don't deserve to live a normal life and fate has a weird way of declaring it. If this is how it is, so be it.

Descending the stairs, I observed that the mess I'd created was cleared out, Emily tentatively looked at me and smiled while handing me a glass of lemonade "Mr. White, this will help with your headache and I made pancakes for you. Please have them" I wasn't willing to eat anything but I gulped in the juice because my headache hadn't receded and this seemed like it could work.

Ken was observing me while his mouth was stuffed with pancakes. I paid him no attention but as my eyes saw the stack of pancakes, it instantly reminded me of her. How she'd declared that she could cook and how her beautiful eyes widened when I told her that I hadn't had pancakes for a while.  

"Mr. White, you don't like pancakes?" Emily asked, I diverted my gaze... not if they aren't made by her and if she isn't there with me... not if they don't have egg shells which she's dropped by mistake. Nothing seems good without her...

Holy fuck, I think a lot about her!

I clenched my jaw as she evaded my mind. I need to leave, everything here reminds me of her. This place had got meaning ever since she started residing here to a point that I don't know what it felt like prior to her stay.

Walking towards my office I looked for my laptop finding it nowhere. I heard Ken yell, "Gabriel! You can't stop eating" his mouth must obviously be stuffed for his voice was muffled. Everything was annoying me and I wanted to bang Matt's head. He just randomly shows up in my brain raising my temper beyond bounds.

I scowled at Emily, "Who had gone to my office?" she looked down and shook her head as Ken rolled his eyes and walked away. Coming back, he placed a laptop in my hands

"That was my laptop?" I asked. He'd been using mine all the time I was out cold.

"Yeah, of course I don't put pictures of Smurf as my screensaver" he stated shrugging and from my peripheral vision I saw Emily suppressing her smile. I didn't put her picture, I was only selecting to send it for the puzzle painting and since then I couldn't bring myself to close the file.

He was smirking at me, I paid no heed to him and walked towards the door "Where are you going" I didn't reply but he ran after me. Why was I dressed up? He was dumb.

"You cant go to the office" he yelled.

"It's almost five" I disregarded him and unlocked the car. I'd wasted my time drinking ever since I returned here last night and the hangover took almost half of today and did nothing but made me sicker.

"I'm coming with you" his voice was determined.

"Don't" I said but he was already sitting in the car, making me fist my palm. He was thinking that I was delicate and would breakdown. He should know better and he does... This drinking session, it happened once because it came to me as an unexpected blow. I wouldn't let it happen again. I can't be this exposed with my emotions, I'll deal them on my own.

I raced through the streets, my hands were clasping against the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles were white yet it didn't relieve me. My appearance and expressions were impassive; glazed. I pressed my foot on gas as I heard the whoosh of the wind from the lowered window.

"Say something Gabriel. I know you have shit load of stuff in your mind. You can take days off, don't treat yourself like this" he was screaming over the sound of wind. He was concerned about me. Frankly, wasting his time.

"Gabriel, you've seen him an-" I pressed the gas harder at his words and he decided to let them hang.

"How long would you keep blocking everything. I don't know, you'd ruin yourself. Cry it out, scream, talk. Gabriel!" he was insisting. I was pretending like it makes no difference but what had happened wasn't nothing, it was enormous.

Reaching the building, I threw the keys at Anthony who was waiting at the entrance. Ken followed after and I heard him mumble, "Is this my resurrection? Or am I already dead because he was racing that car like shit" I heard him interrupt me and I clenched my jaw and turned to him, he threw his hands and said "Geez, I was just saying that I'll leave. Be back later... stay human"

Inside, I saw everyone stiffen, like hell they should. For the brief professionalism they show, this should be necessary.  Ignoring the 'Hi's', 'hello's' and 'goodevening's ', I made my way to the group who was yet to realize that I was here and were busy laughing. I was enraged and people would be lucky to not test me but guess they will so...

"Is the party over or do I wait till it's done? You work here yet you are not interested in focusing on that... but not any longer. Being non serious is never appreciated here. I don't want to see you here tomorrow" I said as I saw them gasp. All the eyes were on me and I looked around, trying to embed the message to everyone. Enough of taking things lightly.

I saw one of my employees from personnel standing by the side, "Did you mail me the summarized consignment from last week?"

I saw him on alert at being referred, "It's almost completed"

"So is your job. Tardiness is very necessary, you should try at companies that'll cut you slack, I won't" he nodded.

***

My voice was hard as I scolded the three department managers in my office who had their eyes lowered, mumbling their good for nothing apologies. I was shaking in anger at the antics which were worsening my mood. Nothing was done up to the mark and it was infuriating to say the least. Ken was sat in the couch placed at the side and he was very silently observing me as I sacked employees after employees.

I was reverting to anger and since it was the only emotion I was able to express I made sure that the deserving people got the right share of it.

"If I'm not here for a day then nobody would work? Where are the documents? I need to see..."  The ringing of a phone on my table had me pause and my anger immediately dissipated as I saw her face in the phone ringing. My hand reached for the devise on it's own accord before I was told...

"That would be mine. The battery was dead yesterday so I was kinda expecting a few calls today" Ken said, clutching the phone and receiving the call. But why was it on my table...?

"Just leave. I want to see all the files on my table in an hour" I said and all three of them looked shocked as they nodded frantically collecting the files and racing out of my room. Their departure made me understand what shocked them, I'd forgotten my anger... I was halfway screaming then I was normal...

How can a sight and name make such a great difference... How could it be possible?

Ken was speaking to her... to her. My breaths were shallow and I tried listening but I pitied myself. How desperate was I? I was trying to overhear a conversation to know about her... to hear if she was okay. I needed to get over this feeling. I should work...

Yes work... I looked around, where is it? It was right here, I fumbled in the drawers to find the ink pen but I couldn't find it.

 "Where's the pen?" I muttered, slamming the drawer shut. Ken picked the pen from right in front of me and handed it to me. How couldn't I see it? Because I wasn't focusing on it. I just heard Ken speaking to her usually as though it was a normal conversation. It pained to know that my sudden disappearance meant nothing to her and she was just speaking to Ken for the friendship they had.

 I was doing nothing but welcoming an onslaught of affliction. It was all too much for me I just wanted out and so I left.

Leaving the door, I felt my pocket to look for my phone as I stood in the elevator, I left it at the house. Great, just great. Actually it's a good thing. It'd keep me from staring at it every second and wanting to call her. She isn't mine to call and I should remember this.

Ken was standing beside me silently assessing me. He is fucking following me like a chewing gum and he's not budging even after I'm glaring at him continuously. Speaking to him would be listening him mothering me and I didn't want that. Lets see how long does his limit last. Doesn't he have a company to run?

As I walked in the managing department, it reminded me of her and unintentionally my gaze drifted towards her desk which wasn't only vacated but also was filled with mouldy water which I saw was leaking from the vent above. My anger flared at that, how dare they? I raised my voice at the already cowering crowd.

"There is a reputation of this corporation that I have no idea why each one of you are so adamant at ruining. This behavior is unacceptable. Did anyone bother calling for maintenance or is it none of yours concern and would sit here till it floods completely"

 All of them were weakling as they sat their mum and terrified, I saw Ken gesturing from behind me at them to calm down. I stared at each one of them with blazing eyes.

"If this isn't cleared soon. You'll have to face consequences"

I looked at another empty desk, it was that bastard Pauling's desk, "Transfer his application to me. Employments are handled the way you all are doing so. He hasn't returned and you're least bothered"  Lanter was listening quietly as I pointed to Matt's desk.

***

"Zoella, is everything arranged?" I asked before entering the conference room. I was having back to back meetings, I was trying to fit in as much in my schedule as much as it takes to keep me from thinking about anything at all.

"Yes Sir! Ms. Jones isn't here yet" I saw almost everyone but the said Ms. Jones.

"If she isn't here in fifteen minutes ask her to not come. None of us have time to spare waiting for the ones who aren't responsible enough to reach on the allotted"

"But Sir" I raised my brow at her, challenging to defy. She immediately nodded  "...G-got it" They considered her very highly and I was yet to know why.

The conference was held with influencers and collogues from reputed firms. Carol Jones from Jones incorporated arrived late and she deserved the treatment she asked for, I obviously had to put her to place and I did with a few little words but she was one ignorant woman for she didn't even bat an eye and was only smiling at me.

She was a little embarrassed later when others piped in too and then she covered it up by being extra. She sat next to me and was constantly slipping towards me. I glowered at her and she collected herself at my reaction but she didn't stop completely and against my better judgment I wanted it to be Jenna in place of her.

I swear Gabriel, you think about her one more time...

Why are you always on my mind, Jenna? Its you who always makes sense in me... why nothing else does?

I got the meeting wrapped up and I saw Carol smiling at me, I passed over her offer and headed out. She came towards me unexpectedly wrapped her arms around me in front of all my staff.

"I'll see you tomorrow" with this she walked away and everyone on the floor caught a visual of this activity making me stand in complete irritation.

Sitting in my office, I thought that I was doing what Ken told me to do. But still I asked Paul who works with me to keep me updated about the security settings at her place if something goes wrong even though it didn't satisfy me, I had to consider it. I wanted to keep tabs on her directly but my phone wasn't here and it was better to not have it with me and slow down on things.

I had messages and calls diverted to me and I wasn't missing on anything so I decided to have the arrival of my phone delayed until the next day.

It was late and everyone had gone home, I was working without fail. It wasn't rerouting me towards the no go area rather keeping me very busy and that is what was preferred.

***

The next day alerted the presence as I worked uncontrollably the whole day, attending meetings and conferences. I hadn't slept yet the lack of it wasn't bothering me at all.

I'd asked Anthony to get me my phone and when he did bring it, it was dead.

I plugged my phone to the charger and left it there while I had a discussion with Paul. He informed me of another gift box which altered my breathing and made me anxious. They are regular and we're still unable to catch their end.

I rang my PI team and they promised that they were very close at finding the culprit but I made sure they heard the warning in my tone as I'd intended to deliver.

Unlocking my phone I saw it ping with multiple notifications, I checked in to see that my phone was flooding with missed calls.

There were messages from Ken asking if I'd gone home, I ignored them. What would I do going to that place? To think of the things I don't want to... I'm better off without them.

When I checked my call history, it was filled with calls from her. She'd called... a spark of hope and a strange happiness entered me until I realized that it could just be a formality or an announcement of her being official with him.

The latter had the feeling gone as soon as it came, I was glad I didn't take her calls for I didn't know if was capable of listening to her affirm my suspicions.

The whole day I worked and glanced at my phone trying to keep myself from calling her when I saw the nothing from her. Why isn't she calling today when the phone is with me and I can receive it... but do I want to?

It was pass midnight and Ken had come over, I raised my brow looking at his sitting form, "Yeah, keep looking at me like that. I'm not going till you decide to. You're not staying here anymore, come to my place or go to yours"

"I have to give Zoella a few files for the meeting tomorrow. I'm going to mine." I had to go because the files were important and they were in my office at my place, no one was allowed to enter there. Ken dramatically thanked God dropping to his knees.

Putting off the ignition I see Zoella's car stop next to mine, I'd asked her to wait in the car. I don't permit other people's entry and I see her attempts at coaxing me to let her in but it's just a matter of a flare in my eyes and she's straight back in line.

Pushing the door aside as I walk in, I see the foyer basked in soft gold lights and there is a blue hue matting the floor from the reflection of giant glass windows in the lounge. The kitchen was dark and only a shade was illuminated. I felt something, a shift in the atmosphere... or it was just my imagination.

But it couldn't be my imagination because they aren't capable of making you stop and gaze in shock. But perhaps, they can. I'd never had a need this strong to expect the view in front of me to not be an imagination but reality.

What I didn't expect to see was a figure reclined on the couch with the bear clutched to her chest. My heart sped up uncontrollable amounts, I didn't know she was here I didn't learn about her whereabouts and it was better that I didn't because this is the best surprise ever.

Without my control my feet carried me to her as I dropped on my knees in front of her, a slight hiss escaping my lips as I felt the pain shooting from hurting the wound. This is a reality, she's really here.

Her hair were atop her hair in a messy hairdo with some pieces tumbling on the side of her face, making her look breathtaking. I was amazed gazing at her. Her hands were holding the bear close to her and she like an angel she is was sleeping with a moon casting a shadow on her face, highlighting the beauty of her.

She was a sin and I was designated for hell but I couldn't complain.

All the tension, the stress, the pain and everything I felt in her absence seemed like it was getting distanced now that she was here. My lips tilted as I couldn't help staring at her.

Her nose scrunched up as a strand of her tickled it. My fingers reached out to trace the her hair behind her ears when I immediately stopped and stood up taking several steps behind... no she isn't mine and giving myself the illusion would only hurt me when she announces her relationship with that ass.

With no glance behind, I walked straight out, I couldn't stay here. Staying here would push me to hold her, hug her and be with her... everything I have no right to do. This wasn't me, I get what enchanted me then why couldn't I do now? Why couldn't I let go of her happiness and choose my selfish side. She was changing me and for her I couldn't even be appalled at the change.

"Sir, the file?" Zoella said as she saw me. I realized that I didn't do what I came to do in the first place but I couldn't go inside... If I would, I wouldn't be able to control myself and things would slip out of hands.

"I'll ask someone to get it for me tomorrow" she didn't voice it but she was looking at me like I've lost my mind and I don't blame her. She sat in the car and left when I told her that she was dismissed.

Anthony came running to me from his post and I tamed myself so my voice doesn't sound breathy, "Stay on alert. Take care of her, she's inside and take her with you wherever she wants to go" I told him and he accorded my order.

I stayed at Ken's for a couple of hours and then it was already morning. I had a meeting to attend, I'd asked Zoella to send my suits from the office here directly and I changed and attended the meetings.

My mind was taking me back to the night before but then the image of her with that asshole Matt always blurred my mind. As I reached my building later in the afternoon, I got to welcome the same atmosphere. Everyone was very attentive now just trying not to do something to welcome my wrath.

I feel like I'd gone too soft on them in the last couple months and they just got used to it but they won't anymore.

I was reverting to fury and I felt how strong it was but it made sense and only best thing to appear as.

I had a meeting to attend at my floor, as I walked past her cabin I was half expecting to see her but her cabin was empty. I shook my head as Michael came towards me, informing me of everyone's arrival for the conference I had.

Zoella was yelling at the organizers outside and she automatically went quiet at my arrival. As I walked inside, the lights were low. I nodded in acknowledgment and my gaze swept through the many faces in the room until it paused at someone and my heart flipped.

I saw her. She was here... Jenna was here and I'm sure my eyes widened but no I can't get affected... I shouldn't. I averted my eyes from her even though I was craving to see her. I saw her stare at me and it took me all my will to not keep my vision graze her.

Why was she standing, I swiftly looked around but there was no place to sit... I could've given her my own but then it would entail with me being kind. I can't, not now... when I'm trying to make myself forget her.

She wasn't asked for to be here at the meeting, she must be here to announce the news of Matt and her.

Just as the disturbing thought entered my mind, it made me speak to Zoella and when I realized the extent of my words, I already saw Jenna's face fall. She looked embarrassed...  All the eyes in the room were on her and I wanted to tear them away from her, she must be feeling like a misfit. I saw her excuse herself as she fled out of the room.

What did I do? I didn't mean to hurt her... I didn't mean it, none of it. She wasn't people, she was the only person for me.

 I couldn't focus on the meeting then and had to just sit through it thinking about her. What did I do but isn't that what I wanted? To stone myself till every attack seems like a futile throw at me.

The meeting ended and room cleared but I couldn't bring myself to leave. She was here yet she wasn't. It's not her fault that she didn't like me or chose someone else over me. She didn't need to be punished for it. Was I really punishing her or just steeling myself from her invasion in my life.

I was conflicted and I wanted to kill that son of a bitch Matt for putting me in this place.

Ken walked in folding his hands across his chest and looking at me in disdain, "You're overdoing it. Did you see her face?" I clenched my jaw. Like it wasn't tormenting me enough that he had to bring it up. He saw her too and she really was hurt enough that it showed on her face, Jenna would smile through pain just to keep others happy and if she failed at doing that... everything was wrong.

"I told you she is not her daughter-" I looked at him with hard eyes, he sighed. Why does he keep bringing him over and over again. I'd thrown him back where I don't think about him at all yet Ken keeps on reminding me of all of it. Wasn't that alcohol session enough?

"Go talk to her, now she must be thinking that I am ignoring her too. How do I tell her that if I would talk, I'd spill everything out. You better sort this out because I'm not losing my friend because of your mood swings." he was not helping, here I was trying to distance myself from her and he was forcing me to talk to her. May be if she hates me, it'd be better to know that I never stood a chance.

I left the room but I heard him shouting, "Don't be a douche, go home and speak with her. Whatever you're doing with yourself and her, you'll regret it"

I walked straight to Zoella who had a shit eating grin on her face, "Are my reservations done?" Ken was wrong and I wouldn't listen to him.

"Yes sir, they just confirmed it. The reservations were under Mr. White's name for table for 12" I nodded and drove to attend it.

It was a bad idea, I couldn't eat and Carol Jones kept throwing herself at me regardless of my constant ignorance to her. I couldn't vocalize my annoyance for it would be considered as harassment since that had been very descriptive for me to the world. I couldn't stomach anything so I discreetly pushed my plate away.

I felt her trying to fall over me and say things to me and when I couldn't take it anymore, I excused myself because there was a face that was haunting me and there was nothing I could do about it. I had to see Jenna and make sure that she was alright or I knew I wouldn't be.

The way she looked at me with her face in a such pain, I needed to see her, bad.

I entered the house and I was a little nervous which was totally strange but by now I wasn't surprised at my reactions.

As I walked inside and she was sitting head down on the table, her eyes brightened up when she saw me, mine did too but where I was standing there was hardly any light so my reactions mustn't be as visible tp her. The dinner was placed there which at least means she must've eaten, one less thing to worry about.

Her wide eyes were filled with hope as they were staring at me and my heart skipped a beat. Please stop looking so beautiful, I'm trying to ignore you.

She stood up and started speaking, trying to get me talking but I couldn't it wasn't doing so much good to my built up walls. I wanted to scream at her to tell her how bad I'd missed her but I was being a complete asshole to her bricking my walls high yet she wasn't giving up, she was covering her hurt but I couldn't permit myself to be in the hurl again, ending up staying alone in the end.

She told me that she says that she hadn't eaten my feet were frozen and it took me everything to not scold her for going light on her health again. Why does she have to drive me insane? Against every better thinking I pretended that I wasn't affected by her lack of health maintenance and walked away even when every fiber in me was pushing me to make her sit and see her eat.

And I felt someone knocked me over when she exasperatedly notified me that she would leave. I felt helpless, did I really drive her to a point where she considered this alternate? I was out of flabbergasted and all I could bring myself to do was nod.

As I entered the room and shut the door, I held my head in my hands. She's going... she'd leave me... I pulled the lamp and thrashed it against the wall, it scattered on the floor with a shatter followed by the multiple things I'd strewn.

She was sad, she was hungry... I'd hurt her and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't know what was killing me, talking to her or not talking to her or it felt like slow poison with no antidote.

I passed my hand through my hair and abruptly picked my phone and dialed Emily - she needs to be here, she needs to get Jenna to eat something. I can't let her stay empty stomach.

Emily was surprised because I'd never called her after her working hours but she agreed and said that she'd be here soon.

I paced around but her words were swirling around my mind, she's leaving me, she would give up on me and it's my fault. I prodded her away and now when the consequences of my actions are dawning on me, I'm unable to take it.

I was unsettled but I also knew it would be for the better, she would've left me anyway and now that she was with Matt, I should've anticipated it. But he knows nothing about the security she needs, he doesn't know about the warnings - the ultimatums and if something happens to her...

"NO! I kicked the table. I won't let anything happen to her.

I don't know if Emily is here, if she had made her eat and I should go and see for myself for it wouldn't satisfy me if I don't. I needed to attest that she ate. My hand was throbbing in pain, I'd opened the wound again and now it was bleeding. I shook it off and climbed down the stairs.

As I walked  downstairs, I saw that the kitchen and dinner table was vacant but on turning towards the living I saw a figure huddled in the corner and what made my heart stop was seeing her shoulders shake... was she crying.

My heart felt like it'd been squeezed. I can never see her cry, her tears are my ruin and I know that I'm ravaged. From all the possible scenarios that I assumed would await me, seeing her cry wasn't even the last.

My steps were glued to their place but the want to pacify her and keep the hurt away from her made me lessen the difference between us.

As I sat next to her, she looked at me and her eyes slightly widened before she immediately stood up. She wiped her tears and my heart sank looking at her in this condition, her nose was red and the tear stains were very obvious.

"I-I'm sorry. I just sat here... I'll go" she said and my hand automatically shot up and held her wrist. Her head was bowed as I stood up. She wasn't looking my eyes, I wanted her to... I wanted to look into her alluring bewitching eyes and ask her the reason why they were glistening with sadness.

I held her chin and tilted it upward and my chest tightened looking at her face, "What happened" she said nothing and just glanced at me and all I could do was stare at her and her misty gaze that she was firmly keeping from meeting mine.

Eyes, those damned beautiful eyes of her that fuck me over. How can I not want to be with her. How can I bring myself to ignore her when one glance of her has me on my knees.

"Talk to me" I urged.

"What do you want me to say?" she whispered. My eyes closed at the sound of hurt in her voice. She was right... she had tried. I was the foolish one who was declining her advances but how can I accept them and let her go to be with him.

At my reaction or lack there of, she eased her arm and turned away but the words skipped my mouth when I held her elbow,

"Please don't leave" There was so much desperation in my voice, it shocked me. But I was desperate, for her I was yearning. The heavy feeling of knowing that she would leave me had me clogged and there was so much emotion in those three words. The craving to have her close and the fear of understanding how she was going and how everything would end.

Her eyes shot to mine at my words and that's when they started shedding tears and I bundled her up in my arms. My hold on her was so tight, I didn't want to leave her - not now, not ever.

She was restraining and pushing me away but I knew how much I wanted it. She finally gave up and wrapped her arms around me crying in my arms and I hugged her with my head in her hair. Every sob was like a dagger to my heart, plunging in me for the hurt that I've caused.

She was clutching at my shirt with a vice grip and her breathing was uneven. I stroked her hair out of her face and held her closer. We stood their hugging each other and that's when I saw Emily appearing. Jenna's back was to her so she didn't see but I signaled her to leave and she very enthusiastically obliged so.

After sometime when Jenna had calmed down, she instantly pulled away. Giving me a painful smile that didn't reach her eyes, she said, "So we're just strangers who have recollections, memories and nothing more"

What is she saying? No! I was searching her eyes as her words were nipping me from inside.

"Am I as forgettable as your silence told me I was?" she asked in her soft voice and it cracked. But it angered me, she thinks she is forgettable. I clenched my eyes shut.

If being in someone's mind so obstinately that they can't blink without thinking of the invader is what she is terming as forgettable, then yes she is. Utterly forgettable.

"You think I can ever forget you. Do you have an idea how you've been tormenting me and my thought since you've left?" I tried to tone down my temper but I couldn't. What does she mean by all this? I was grasping her forearms.

"Then why does it not show, why does it look like you're pushing me away" she yelled and was she not looking beautiful with her eyes ablaze...

Gabriel! Now is not the time!

"That doesn't show that I've forgotten you" I reply to her but the fire in her eyes still incapacitates.

"It doesn't exactly boost someone else's self esteem either" she retorts. I rub my temples and sigh. She isn't wrong either, I was horrible to her and what must she be thinking amidst all this. I didn't want to spike her anger more than it already was. I gently took ahold of her palms.

"That's not important, just tell me how are you?" I looked at her, waiting for her response. I'd just seen her cry and the picture of seeing her teary was enough to rip me from inside.

"Why do you care?" she asked sarcastically.

"About you I care, I always care. That is the problem" I didn't mean to say these words aloud but now that they've escaped my mouth I didn't bother correcting them.

"You care is what you say yet you're not even telling me the reason we became strangers" she was expecting me to ignore that she's with Matt after everything we had and it reignited my anger.

"Really, you don't know?" I sneered, she is behaving like there is no difference, everything is the same and I'm the one who gave up on her.

"What are you talking about? Be clear with me Gabriel, I have no energy to solve riddles" she was irritated.

"Pauling! Does that name ring a bell?" I said snarkily. My fist balled and I envisioned ways how I would ruin the geometry of his face with it. Her eyes followed the movement of my hand but I discreetly pulled it behind me as the action intensified the pain in the wound.

"I cant believe all this mess is the same as it was when I left" she was enraged. I agree that he circumstances made the topic return, I wasn't holding it against her since then. Everything pointed fingers at it even when I was trying to ignore it.

I clenched my eyes shut. She doesn't think it's that big a deal but to me it is. I turned around and looked across the window. 

She held my elbow and turned me around, her face was baring fury and I was actually startled to see this side of her, "Matt? he is the problem all along, isn't it? Why?"

"I wonder why? Because it's obviously normal to go on a late night date to some diner with him, roam around in the hometown and yeah what's more normal is to be called as his girlfriend. It's only me who isn't able to see the 'only friend' in this all but everyone can so yeah that is the problem" I seethed. She glared at me and although I was extremely angry, I swear I had to hold myself from kissing her for her indignant appearance was maddening.

"Were you stalking me?" she said in alarm. My breathing stopped, what the hell did I do? She shouldn't be knowing about this. It would mess this up worse.

"I didn't. When someone from your phone called me, I went to collect it and then at your house that neighbor lady told me everything" I just babbled whatever came to my mind. I didn't even know who that lady was but her involvement with my security instantly dawned my mind and I decided to push her under the bus.

Understanding passed through her eyes, so she believed it. Thank goodness! I heaved a sigh and threw another a reply at her, "But you didn't answer my question"

"He's just my friend but you wouldn't let that sit. I don't know what this boyfriend thing is but Mrs. Winston really loves assuming things on her own. Matt and I went on NO date and that café - I went there to see my aunt and since he was bored, he came there too but yes he's just a very good friend regardless of what anyone says.

But he doesn't swarm my mind as you do, he doesn't matter to me as much as you do. And I don't have those fackuting butterflies when he's with me. How else do I explain that Matt Pauling is just my friend and nothing more?" she bellowed and the widest smile stretched on my face but she was pissed, her forehead was knotted and I wanted to do nothing more than hold her in my arms and kiss her senseless.

So there was nothing and I just made a fuss out of nothing and did she say that she thought about me too and the butterflies... did she say all that? So I was in her mind too as much as she was in mine.

I wanted her to repeat those things but her angry face had me refrain myself from doing the offer. She was waiting for an answer and now I was tongue tied.

"I thought th-" She cut me off and damn she was seething.

"You thought that is the thing. You didn't bother knowing and you considered that it was a good reason to assume things on your own and so you believed it was better to choose Ms. Jones" my smile dropped at her out of nowhere accusation. Ms. Jones where did she come from?

"Where did she come from?" I asked and my face was thoroughly confused.

"Perhaps from the table for two" she gave me very fake smile but the burning rage behind her eyes was very boldly countering it.

"She is just my client" I said looking at her, where is this conversation steering?

 "The one you prefer having dinners with" she countered, crossing her arms against her chest.

"Now who's the one assuming things?" I smirked at her as I wrapped my arm around her waist, she pushed me away, making me sigh "We weren't alone, there were ten more people"

"But then... table for two" I frowned at that. She had an adorable frown looking at me, seeing if I was lying.

"More like twelve..." The frown slipped from her face and she was surprised.

"Oh" she said suddenly.

"Yeah oh! By the way why is Ms. Jones a part of this discussion?" I asked. Jenna hadn't even seen her, where did Carol even pop in her mind from.

"Exactly the reason why Matt is" she retaliated. Matt fucking Pauling was here for a different reason or...

"Are you jealous?" I asked in a smug voice. I was happy, hell I was in clouds and I wanted nothing more than staying with her and with the recent disclosure of words I'd forgotten about everything, even the shock of seeing him.

A blush spread through her face as she walked away mumbling "Like you weren't?" So she agreed that she was jealous.

She looked upset and she was very perturbed as she walked from the living room and like a hopeless person that I am, I followed her.

"I'm sorry" I said but she was ascending the stairs.

"Jenna, I'm so sorry" she stopped and turned around in her step, she didn't meet my eyes.

"It's okay" but it wasn't okay, her face showed it wasn't.

She wasn't ignoring me yet she was. What the hell is this?. I deserved it for treating her like shit but I couldn't take it, I was starved to be with her, to talk to her and she wasn't planning on speaking with me.

"Talk to me, please" She hadn't even eaten anything. Now that everything was alright, I knew I wouldn't do anything ever again to let her go.

"Alright" I said as I wrapped my arms around her and swung her on my shoulder. I'll make her talk with me, I'd already lost a lot of time but not any more.

"Gabriel, put me down!" she was yelling and her legs were dangling. I made her sit on the kitchen counter and I locked her body in between my arms. Grabbing the bowl from the table, I raised the fork to her mouth.

"I'm not hungry" she sighed, looking down. I raised her chin up.

"Hurt you too much?" I asked hesitantly and the knowledge of the hurt I've caused that she isn't able to eat had my stomach drop.

She peered through her lashes and spoke softly, "Why do you block people out completely? we only solve matters when they're about to slip out from our hands. I wanted to speak with you and you weren't even letting me" she was right but she has to know too of how these things bother me worse than they might do to someone else.

I couldn't say anything. What do I say that I have demons, that the walls that I build rise so high that they hold me hostage.

When I didn't reply she pressed her palms on both sides of my cheeks and made me look into her eyes, "It's normal to misunderstand but it gets so much better when people talk and clear things out. Promise me that you'd confront me before making any decision about us."

Every time I think this woman can't get any better, she proves me wrong. She understands that I'm unable to open up with everything, she gives me my space and is always so considerate with me. 

Without any second guesses, I lowered my lips on hers and she immediately kissed me back. We really were starved. I wrapped my arms around her as I pulled her closer to me. I wanted to leave no space, I wanted to be close to her and she too wrapped her dainty arms around my neck. One of her hand crawled to my hair making me grown.

I couldn't stop myself and her lips had sent me to an overdrive, she was drugging. As perpetual as the desire was, the dire need of oxygen made it necessary to tear my lips from hers.

I pulled away and rested my forehead against her, we were both breathless when I said, "I promise" and she smiled a heart melting smile and so I obviously had to press my lips to hers again to feel it.

"In a mood to eat now?" she bit her lip shyly and nodded, I eased it out with my thumb and pressed a kiss to her forehead

"You'd like to know that I haven't had anything too"

***

"It's so dark here but I can still see that pout" I breathed a kiss on her cheek, she turned in my arms. After we had dinner, none of us wanted to sleep. Jenna dragged me to the living and started collecting all the pillows and cushions in the house. I was very confused but I listened to her orders.

Turned out, she wanted to build a fort with all these and even though I was skeptical at first, I could say that this was the best idea. I had my arms wrapped around her as she was snuggling close to me while a movie was playing on the screen.

I wasn't focusing on anything but her presence with me, I'd messed all my week up. Things could've so much easier had I not misunderstood her and the fact that I made her cry was irking me to go back in time and change everything. Only that I couldn't.

Jenna doesn't cry, that's the thing about her. There's this only one time I saw her cry other than today and the thought made me tighten my hold on her. The fort house wasn't huge but it was big enough for the both of us.

She looked at me and answered, the flickering colors from the television were making her look ethereal "There isn't one" she answered referring to the pout I'd pointed out.

"Yeah, and what is this?" I said running my finger over it. Was it because of what I did then I was ready to apologize as many times as she wanted until she was satisfied, "I'm sorry. It was my mistake, I shouldn't have drawn conclusions"

"It was mine too and you don't need to apologize and bring that up over and over again. It's not about that" she answered, flitting her gaze to the screen.

"Then?" I prodded, directing her face to my line of sight. She kicked at the base of one pillow making the other one tumble on me which I pushed away. I playfully glared at her.

"I am just craving brownies" she said grinning and I sighed audibly.

"Now?" she nodded.

"Are store brought okay?" I suggested, she shook her head. So where do I get them...

"I don't even know how to make them" I voiced.

"But I do and you're helping me. Come on" she stood and we emerged from the fort house and I straightened up, she jumped on my back. I looked at her over my shoulder in surprise.

"Piggy back ride. Please pretty please" she said and she kissed my cheek. I shook my head at her yet held her tightly.

"Whatever you say, paraiso"

***

Mix them together. NOT WITH Tha-" Jenna squealed but it was too late. I'd used hand mixer to mix in the dry dusty stuff and now not only was it on the counter but also on my face and in my hair.

I saw Jenna clutching her stomach as she laughed looking at me and suddenly I realized I had no regrets. If I get to hear that laughter at the expanse of my stupidity I was up for it.

She came around and fixed everything around me folding in the batter together. She snuck a finger in it and licked it and she squealed, "Gabriel, it's amazing"

I was busy dusting my clothes off when I looked at her, "It's uncooked" I deadpanned.

"So? I can't believe you haven't had uncooked batter" she shook her head while placing the brownie pan in the oven. Walking closer to me, she placed her arms around my shoulders as she ruffled my hair and the dust clouded my vision.

"This calls for a picture" she said as she pulled out her phone from her pocket.

"Oh does it?" I asked as she switched it to the front camera.

"Mhmmm" she hummed.

Just as she was about to click capture, I rubbed my cheek against her and that was a call of war.

Because minutes later we were coated head to toe in flour, sitting on the kitchen floor eating the brownies, grinning at each other.

***

A/N: personally I hate this chapter... I had so much in mind to add in this but just because everyone was pressurizing me to update it. I had to just publish it like that.

This chapter went past 10,000 words...wow!!

I didn't like it and its also unedited...

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