Jenna's POV

Illusion. Sometimes that's what we crave, expecting to believe that what we just saw or experienced was the made up situation of our mind and not some scenario spread in front of our unmoving eyes.

It is so much easier to shake ourselves to expect that things aren't a part of reality sometimes and just a figment of our imagination but then it isn't always possible. Just as I half believed that Jerdy was standing there teasing me and Gabriel would still be there sitting on the sofa where we would later sit together for lunch but then in actual, none of that happened.

What I didn't expect was racing towards Jerdy on seeing his pallor appearance, uneven breathing and his disheveled state. I guided him towards the couch, making him ease at the soft cushion seat. I was limp, afraid seeing him the way he was and even though I was rubbing against his freezing hands, the shaky movement of mine was terribly obvious.

My breathing was erratic and the panicky state wasn't helping anything either. I didn't know what to do and who to call. I made him lie down and unwrapped a sweet from the table making him eat. It could just be hypoglycemia but still I wasn't up for taking risks. But as soon as I reached for my phone, Jerdy halted my movements.

I didn't want to comply to him for taking his health and life for granted but the pleading appeal on his face had me staggering.

A while after he had gone towards being normal but I was scared, extremely. I grabbed him some water and kept gazing at him trying to gauge how he was feeling. It was terrifying to say the least, the state I ended up seeing him in and only I know how I tried calming myself down for I didn't want to cower away and make him feel bad.

"Jenna!" Jerdy said, pulling me out of my state. I gulped and sat by his knees gripping his hands in a vice grip. "I'm okay. It was just low blood sugar" he said, looking at me. I nodded absentmindedly, not actually listening to what he'd said and trying to recover from the shock.

"Is that how your condition was when Brit called me?" I asked trying to sound firm but my breathy, quivering voice showed exactly how afraid I was. My fingers were so cold and unresponsive, it was terrifying and I appeared sicker than he was.

"That was different" Jerdy said smiling. Although, he was trying to act normal it was fairly obvious that something was wrong. His mien was different now, he didn't look the same to me as he did yesterday or the day before. His eyes had a painful sheen of clouds that were engulfing him, it was painstakingly visible. He was hiding his pain much more ardently than he did before and like always I didn't have the guts to ask.

"Jerdy, I was so scared. Don't ever pull this on me again, okay?" I asked. He clutched my hand in a reassuring squeeze. I was holding him with all my might, trying to comfort myself with the thought of his presence. I was trying to wrap my head around the events that had happened in the matter of half an hour, they had my head spinning.

He nodded with this gaze transfixed towards the ceiling "Jenna, go back. Don't stress yourself too much, at least not for me." he clenched his eyes shut. I scoffed in disbelief, What is he talking about? I can't believe he's actually insinuating that I go back leaving him like that. I still hadn't recovered from the shock of seeing him the way I did and he's proposing that I go back.

"I am not going anywhere" I stated firmly searching his eyes. The incredulity on my face was bared and I wanted him to see it.

"Jenna, I am fine. I just got a bit lightheaded but I'm absolutely okay. You can go back, you know there's work to do and I don't think your boss would like your absence too much, huh?" he smiled at me raising a brow, I shook my head. Standing up, I walked towards the kitchen to get him something to eat.

It was baseless for him to even consider that I'd go. I'm not considering that possibility anytime soon. I ran my hand through my hair as I inhaled a deep breath.

Leaning against the wall I composed myself because I knew that I appeared to be a mess. Pressing my fingers against my temple, I gulped in some water trying to calm myself. I know Jerdy is now better but I needed to placate myself a bit. My mind was a muddle and I couldn't organize my thoughts, even when I tried.

***

I'd been involved in taking care of Jerdy the whole day but the sinking feeling in my heart of Gabriel's departure didn't go away either. He really was upset enough to sprint out like that without even the utterance of a single word but I knew that it wasn't the right time to think about him. Jerdy needed me.

It was after dinner time and I'd been with Jerdy completely attentive making sure he was alright and gladly he was. I'd been on my toes since the incident because I was worried and had to make sure he was actually okay like he'd been saying and convincing me about.

Jerdy reassured me a couple of times seeing me distressed but I wasn't taking his words. He was very careless about his health and it was obviously was the reason why he was weak.

As much I tried to keep it away, the other topic of worry was angry bird and I couldn't help it. I didn't know where he was, what was he up to? He must've been here for a reason but he just went away. What if he wanted to fire me and keep me from working with him... That would be the dumbest reasons of all to arrive at someone's place. I mean then he could've just conveyed his message and not physically travel distances to be here but then why did he go without so much as even considering to talk to me

"Jerdy?" I grabbed his attention, he was zoned out. He had been a bit lost since the morning, his thoughts were drifting and I had to alert him of my presence.

"Yes bunny?" he urged. I didn't want to bring Gabriel up but I couldn't help myself. I had to know if he had just gone before meeting Jerdy or if he saw him or they spoke.

How many times had I thought of introducing Gabriel to Jerdy only for him to march out before I could do so. I mean at least he should've waited long enough for me to get him some water. I just wanted to see him and talk to him, I'd missed him too much. Was it too much to ask?

"Did umnn... was someone here when you errr- fainted" I stuttered. I didn't want to reminisce about the incident but it kept playing like a reel in my head.

"Who are you talking about? Were you expecting someone?" he frowned. I shook my head, he knows nothing. It's useless to bother him on this regard.

"I was just asking, there aren't too many intruders at the door today so I was wondering..." I trailed off. It was true though, there hadn't been as many people visiting the door as they did the day before.

"No, there have been a few. They asked if we needed anything at all but yes they weren't that frequent as before." he answered. He was a little upset with me for babying him and not listening to him when he said that he was okay and I could go back. But I knew, his anger was a shell and it would be gone in an hour or two.

"Was there any parcel or gift in my name?" I asked, he stiffened. I turned towards him as he responded.

"Not that I've received any but have you?" he looked very inquisitive. I shook my head, I didn't hear about any other since the gift debacle in the evening.

Earlier, when I was tending to Jerdy, the door bell had rung and as I opened the door I saw the neighbor lady carrying a gift box. She obviously was very excited to see me and proved it my hugging me tight against her chest. I was already stressed about Jerdy so her presence didn't bother me as it used to. Not that I dislike her but she gets a bit overwhelming at times although she is really sweet.

Anyway, what surprised me was the gift box in her grasp and the excitement in her eyes. Noticing my gaze, she exclaimed, "It says your name but it was apparently delivered to my address. Here you go... but who is the guy sending you these?" she asked, Her eyes were glistening in curiosity. "Was it the hottie who drove you here?" she suggested.

I refrained myself from rolling my eyes, so she really keeps her eyes on the streets all times of the day that she even noticed me arriving in Matt's car though we'd pulled over during the early hours, the other day. 

I ignored her question and hunted for the note which without any surprise was present. Just as I lifted the card and was about to read, it was ripped out of my grasp by someone. Looking up, I noticed it being one of the suited guys who appeared at the door yesterday.

Looking at my widened eyes, he rushed to explain himself, "It was mine ma'am. I wanted to send it to my girlfriend but I don't know why it is here with you." His voice was hard and very domineering not like Gabriel's, Gabe's angry voice has a certain edge and it's very sexy. 

Ah shit Jenna, we aren't going there now!

The frown on my face was obvious and I observed how the man was trying to be discreet about something and I wanted to know what. Jerdy who was now standing next to me on hearing the commotion had asked what was wrong to whom Mrs. Winston elaborated the scenario.

The man interrupted the conversation asking us if we needed someone to mow the grass because he would gladly do so. It apparently seemed like he was covering it up and trying to distract us because who in the right mind would offer to mow someone else's garden adorned in a suit and looking more professional than I could ever look.

When we shook our head at his offer, he turned around to leave but Mrs. Winston was having none of it, she snatched the gift from his hands and started quarreling over it. I had neither energy nor will to entertain a squabble so I retreated, ignoring them.

Around an hour later when Jerdy returned, he told me that it took some negotiation, convincing and a lot of emotional insistence for Mrs. Winston to give up on the gift and it ended up being with the man.

But I had a feeling that it had something to do with me. If I weren't so accustomed of receiving those gifts and cards, I would've genuinely believed that it wasn't for me but since I'd been parceled gifts and notes for a while, I had a doubt that it could be mentioned for my sake.

Jerdy had said that it mustn't be for me since the guy in the suit had taken it away after struggling with the neighbor woman and he was sure that it was his and so I shrugged and let go of it. Of course why else would someone fight on someone else's present.

Mrs. Winston came on the door a few hours later though whining about how some mean men are walking down on the streets wearing ear pieces and no one is bothered about their presence. From what I understood, her rant was that except I guess one of them whom she approved and had invited at her house, she found the others intimidating and very questionable.

I paid no attention to her and fondled with a number in my contact list... without giving it any more thought, I pressed call. I was impatient yet hopeful that he would receive the call only for him to not. Inhaling a sharp breath, I tried again but the response remained the same, which was none.

After that I tried a couple of times only to be disappointed. It was later that day almost inching towards midnight and Jerdy and I sat watching some shows, it was actually a way to distract ourselves like nothing happened and I wanted him to not feel like that but I couldn't help but be careful.

"Jenna, now that you've seen that I'm alright, you can stop stressing about me. Go back and relax, okay?" Jerdy said. I guess he'd noticed the constant stress on my face which was due to Gabriel's unresponsiveness. Now that I was relieved with knowing that Jerdy was alright, the gnawing feeling in my stomach still wasn't getting better and it was associated with angry bird this time.

After incessant convincing from Jerdy, he urged me to ask Matt to take me back as he had promised. Also, I was desperate to see now if Gabriel was alright and before when I was confused whether or not to go, Jerdy's go ahead made me sure of my decision. I'd called Ken when Gabriel was not answering but his call went to voicemail.

Judging the situation and after Jerdy's persuasiveness I finally called Matt to ask him for a ride and he told me that he had some work to do so we have to wait until the next day and then we can go, I obliged to it. It might give me some more time to look after Jerdy and may be Gabriel would receive my call by then.

***

It was a no brainer that I barely slept, I just juggled between checking in on Jerdy continuously and calling Gabriel over and over again, satisfied by the former and overly restless because of the latter.

My uneasiness had been overtaken by worry and onslaught of anxiety which was threatening to reach the peak. Why was he not taking any calls? Was he okay?

I had tons of question on why he left, why did he come, where did he find my phone, why was he so opposed to staying? He didn't even say a word, not at the door, not when he was sitting even not when I was yelling at him.

I was seated on the couch in the living room, it was also the place where I'd stayed last night trying to sleep in order to stay from my thoughts and it happened to be where he was sat at during his visit but I didn't sleep and all that stayed with me were unanswered questions and uneasiness.

Jerdy asked me why I was there instead of my room and quite literally I had no answer, it just felt right. I just shrugged and shrunk deeper in the comfort of the seat.

I didn't move from there and have spent the entire night sitting and thinking about him and Jerdy and how these two men meant so much to me that it was painful to see them both in any unlikely situation.

I just wanted Gabriel to be with me here, hold me and listen to me speak gibberish. I didn't tell him but I loved when he was gazing at me with his smoldering eyes when I was in a rant session.

Since I wasn't sleeping the night had seemed to stretch farther and it was haunting at a point because I couldn't stop myself from thinking about Gabriel. It felt as though him appearing at the door today had just fueled more to the thoughts I had of him making me groan.

It was too early in the morning yet it didn't hinder me from dialing Matt to confirm about our returning status only for disappointment to swamp on me. He had earnestly apologized because he still had a few meetings to attend but even then he was kind enough that he offered to give me a lift back and then return again for his work, I obviously refused.

I don't like burdening someone and I would've gone on my own but Jerdy denied to my request, he just felt that I should leave with someone and not alone. Also, it had started raining heavily and it didn't sit well with coaxing him to have me go alone tomorrow and that is how I was eventually resigned and remained at mercy of Matt's work.

The whole day went languidly, I tended attentively to Jerdy despite his protests. Taking care of him was the only soothing thing for it made me happy knowing that he was doing better and the mishap of the day before was actually the result of weakness and luckily not some illness.

Among all that, I didn't stop calling Gabriel every now and then but as usual there was no response through his end. What did I do? Did I go too far with throwing water thing, is that what's hurt him? I was willing to apologize... but all he needed was to hear me out.

Becoming extremely agitated, I called Ken. When he finally took the call, I spoke with him about his wellbeing and how it'd been long since I'd seen him. I wanted to straight up ask him about Gabriel but Ken doesn't deserve my selfishness. 

Since, I was so paranoid after the whole fiasco it felt to me that even Ken sounded a bit off and it made me shake my head at my own thought. I told him that we're hanging out as soon as I return and he was up for it.

"Ken, did you happen to see Gabriel recently?" I asked not being able to contain myself. I'd finally cut to the chase because I couldn't wait any longer to know.

"Besides seeing him on my bed hugging me to his chest the first thing I woke up, I think not" he replied. I smacked my forehead. Of course, he'd find humor in the situation. But the good thing is that if Ken is being so casual about him, it'd only mean that he was doing fine which filled me with slight ease, yet I still wanted affirmation.

"Is... is he alright?" spoke my voice beyond my restraint. The silence from his end was edgy, making my skin tingle in distress. He was alright, wasn't he?

"Depends on what alright means to you..." he said. I opened my mouth to speak when he spoke, "See you then Smurf, gotta go. Take care" I opened my mouth to say something and question him more about Gabriel but he didn't appear to appreciate me going on that topic, or so I felt.

"You too" I mumbled and he hung up.

***

Fixing my seatbelt in its hole, I turned towards Matt to see him beaming at me making me ask him, "what?" with a light laugh.

"I just ate a really good brownie" he stated, revving the engine to life. I smiled a half hearted smile at him before resting my head against the headrest.

"Good for you" I told him, pulling the paws of my sweater to the fingers.

He gave me a blank look, "That is the last response one could've expected to such an important thing" he said appalled. "Anyway, I still got you one, so you still won there... kind of"

I thanked him before grabbing it. The car rolled into action and Matt kept striking conversation which I struggled at keeping because of my drifting thoughts.

We were halfway on the road but the stress of Gabriel had me overthinking about everything. What if he realized how much annoying I was and he realized that it was so much better for him because I wasn't with him now...

"Oh, we were suppose to pick your phone from the restaurant" he exclaimed in the middle of telling me some story that I was apologetically not paying attention to.

"That wouldn't be necessary, I already got it" I showed it to him, his expressions contorted into confusion but he didn't voice it seeing me being monotonous during his inquisitions.

Matt brought up about how he spent his time and I was just listening to him, dumbly. He had the widest smile on his face and I felt so guilty for not reciprocating his excitement.

My thoughts were very intimidating and saddening. Technically, I didn't know what base was I returning on. I had no home, I was living in my CEO's house, as crazy as that is. If Gabriel is so annoyed of me, he obviously wouldn't approve me of staying with him and neither will my self respect. I'd brought in the topic of moving out a couple of times but he'd always made me drop it but I guess he was just being too nice about it and in reality he just wants me gone.

"Jinjo, I was actually surprised when you called me" Matt said after a few minutes of silence, distracting my thoughts.

"Why?" I looked at his profile. Did I miss something, was he saying something to me while I was zoned out?

"I mean I was wondering why you wanted to go that soon. Jerdy was going alright, I thought you'd stay longer" he shrugged. I shook my head, Jerdy was back to his health and was feeling much better physically and I was grateful for that.

"I just thought that I'd taken so many days off work, it was now time to return" I said gazing out at the trees. My voice sounded tired to my own ears, it was raspy and gloomy.

He frowned at me, "Who has set your mood so off?" I looked towards him but before I could answer, he said "But I know how to make it better, let's stop by taco bell and nothing would go wrong then"

I on impulse said, "No Matt. I'm actually a bit tired, I just want to go. I'm sorry but not today, please" I felt so horrible that I couldn't look at him then. All the poor guy wanted was to lift my mood and I in return worsened his.

He still didn't take it as adversely as someone else would've, if they were in his place which I'd noticed because he had put on some music and was singing along. Either he wasn't letting his mood being tampered or if he was hiding the hurt, I couldn't tell. Both situations however haunted me for spoiling his car ride back home.

I felt so culpable that I felt obligated to make him feel better which is why I ventured on a topic that would be on the safe ground yet was bugging my mind incessantly.

"Matt do you happen to know any apartments that are up for rental and are safe and secure" I asked. He immediately diverted his attention back at me and relaxed, thinking that my mood had gotten better.

"I have a friend who's in estate business, he'd happen to know. I'll call him today, don't worry leave it to me" he replied, his amiable smile was back on and I knew that it had gotten him back.

"Thank you but can you please make sure he does it as urgently as possible" I asked. There was a desperation in my voice I didn't intend to have.

His face was masked in confusion yet he nodded, "Jenna, is everything okay?" Shit! now he's going to think I'm in trouble or uncomfortable at Gabriel's and I know that the first thing people think of in association to my Angry Bird is the word of the media.

"Yeah, everything's fine" I said with confidence. He has to know that it wasn't along what he was thinking.

"You can always ask me for help you know about anything like you just had. I'll always know what to do... if you're comfortable" Matt said and a small smile of gratitude sprang on my lips and his amazing nature.

"Thank you Matt" I said earnestly. He was the kindest and deserved just optimism around which at the moment I was far from providing.

"One more thank you and I'm kicking you out of the car" he glared at me playfully.

"Oh alright... thanks though" I said smiling cheekily at him, he chuckled at me.

He rolled his eyes but I could see the happiness in them. I was beholden that I didn't raze his mood as bad as I thought I did.

As we reached Gabriel's house, I clambered off and collected my baggage, thanking Matt for the ride. He had made me promise him that I would call him when I'm ready to talk to someone about what was worrying me and I said yes.

It made me realize how much I didn't deserve people like Matt.

As Matt's car reversed, Anthony raced towards me with a widest smile on his face as he took ahold of my bags. Why was he so happy to see me? I greeted him and he returned the greetings with double enthusiasm. Strange!

The house from inside looked empty like always reminding of the times when I yelled Gabreil's name just to annoy him as he sat in his home office working and he would come down and scowl at me but listening to whatever I had to say even if it was as dumb as wanting him to assist me in blending a smoothie. I just thought a distraction was needed for him and he didn't openly complain so I enjoyed doing it. 

A slight clanging of a pot in the kitchen inclined the sign of a presence and that's where I walked directly and saw Emily stirring something in the pot.

As she turned around, she nearly squealed making me laugh at her reaction. I hugged her as she told me how much I was missed. But I wasn't even gone for a week but well...

Emily sent me to change into comfortable clothes and while she was making me some snacks. Although, I didn't feel hungry I didn't have the heart to put her down too. I've already deteriorated too many moods, I better up my mine other than ruining others.

After freshening up as I came back and felt something missing as I walked towards the entrance of the kitchen. I realized that there was a table placed and it had decorative items but it wasn't there anymore.

"Emily did you change the décor" I asked gesturing towards where the table was. Her face fell as she whispered and shook her head.

"You can change what remains and not what's crashed" I looked at her, trying to understand her words.

"What do you mean?" I spoke. She turned around picking up the food and plating it for me.

"Nothing Jen, here I wrapped you a quick burrito" she said, pulling me towards the kitchen island.

I thanked her, Emile was gazing at me as she said, "You have no idea how happy I am to see you" and she did look happy...

"Emily, you do realize that I returned in a week's time, right?" she chuckled at me as she emptied a carton of apple juice to a glass and set in front of me.

"I didn't mean to intrude but is everything okay with you, Jen?" Emily asked, the concern was laced in her words. I think I wouldn't be unless I see angry bird and ask him what had happened.

I tried acting nonchalant but I guess it was just too visible on my face. "I'm okay" my voice was lower, taking in a breath.

She clutched my hand and looked in my eyes, "It'd be fine. You'd be okay" I conjured a smile for her as she busied herself with working.

"Emily, where's Gabriel?" I had to ask, the question was clawing my insides. I needed to know that he was okay and even though multiple people had hinted that he was, it still wasn't enough for me.

"He's in the office" she answered and I think her hands stiffened.

"I should go too" I stood up, I can't wait any longer. I need to have him talk with me. It'd been too long and I didn't think I could wait more.

"No Jenna, you've just come. Relax and also the working hours are almost ending. So stay here and rest. He must be returning" she said. She was right, even if he was upset, it was useless to cause a scene at the workplace, I'd talk to him when he's here Gazing at the wall clock, I did realize that he would be back in an hour if not more.

I pushed the burrito to the side and gave a pleading expression to Emily when she saw my action "I'll finish it later, I'm not really that hungry" she nodded.

Emily retired to her quarter and since then till midnight I strolled through the whole place expecting him to show up, only that he didn't. Calling him had no reason for he was never planning on receiving those so all I could do was wait.

I sat in the living room gazing at the door holding the bear he'd given me. Why would he not come back to his own house? Not favoring my presence is different but not returning at all was a completely different story. He must've gotten the wind of my arrival. Was he purposely keeping himself from coming home.

Thoughts clashed in my mind like wild waves. At one side I was trying to convince myself that he must be busy and on the other I knew he was regretting his decision of letting me stay at his house.

Swarmed in the thoughts when I looked at the clock it was past three thirty in the morning. I hugged the bear close to me pretending that it was Gabriel and I didn't know when my lids drooped and sleep consumed me.

***

My neck jerked to the side and I woke with a start, running my eyes around I observed that I was still in the living room and was holding the bear with me at such a proximity that the indentation of its plastic eye formed on my skin.

The place looked the same and the clock indicated that it was quarter to six, the brightness was yet to incapacitate the reach of its visibility.

Standing up, I walked towards the corridor of the rooms and did what I'd been stopping myself from doing since I arrived, I entered Gabriel's room. The room had the scent of him and it did things to my heart, I wanted to see him! how and why had that gotten so difficult?

The bed was made properly indicating that he didn't come and an unsettling feeling encircled me. It's high time, I have to go check on him. Where was he eating, did he even sleep?

Is it because he didn't want to come home did he not return or it was because I was here. Thinking about the latter had my stomach turning and my hands fisted my shirt. 

I quickly changed myself into work clothes because that is where he would apparently be and there was no longer I could spend waiting. If I was keeping him from coming home, I'd tell him that I'd go.

"Good morning Emily, Did Gabriel come?" I asked as I rounded the counter. I was placing my cell in the purse not before checking to see if there were any calls, but of course there weren't.

"Morning sweetie, Mr. White came for may be a minute then he left" she replied, chopping the vegetables. "Sit down, I'll make you a quick breakfast"

"He left?" So he did come. What does Emily mean he stayed for a minute? If he came inside he would've obviously seen me after all I was sprawled on the couch in the living room, there was no way one could go without noticing a presence in the living. So, he knew I was here and so he went... again?

"Yeah, he was with someone so he just left, I hardly even think he went to his room" Emily said breaking me out of my devastating thoughts. I caught on something, he was with someone?

"He was with someone?..." I said as Emily merely nodded as she was busy in poring some cream in the curry she was preparing "Was it... was it Ken?" my heart was beating loud, I don't know why but it was fearing a dreaded possibility that my mind had carelessly thought of.

"You know Ken, you think had he been here he would've stopped himself from waking you up?" she said distractedly, she was engrossed in her work and wasn't aware of what the revelations were doing to me. She was right, Ken wouldn't have settled to go without irritating me or waking me up.

"Who was it" my voice was meek and even though my conscience had been sending warning bells my mouth had plucked up courage to sate the demanding questions of my mind.

 "I didn't see who it was but Anthony said it was some lady... I haven't seen by myself so I can't say. Anyway, what would you like me to pack for your lunch" she asked but I just watched her speaking, I couldn't form an answer, my thoughts were swerving towards somewhere else, somewhere unpreferrable. "Jenna?" she called and I looked at her, forcing a smile which was more like a grimace.

"I-I'm not really hungry. I'm just leaving for the office" I said and I rushed towards the door, Emily I believed was saying something after me but I couldn't understand. All I could focus on was the pang in my chest at the thought of him being with someone else.

I wasn't paying attention but I knew where I would be heading off to now. As I stepped out of the door and marched forward, Anthony came to me and said, "Ma'am here, I'll drive you"

"It's Jenna and no I'll just hail a cab" I can't keep taking advantage of Gabriel and his extravagances, I'd already taken more favors from him that what would seem normal.

"But ma'a- I mean Jenna you can go in this car" Anthony said and he had a certain determination in his voice like he wasn't talked in letting me go alone if not in Gabriel's car.

"No, it's fine. Thanks though" I said with a certain assertiveness in my voice. Regardless of what any of them say I'd made my mind, I wasn't going to use any of Gabriel's things,  they weren't mine to use and now that he had someon-.

Walking out of the gates, it took me some time but I hailed a taxi and got in instructing the directions to the driver.

Jenna, don't overreact unless you are certain! That's right, I wouldn't be jumping to any conclusions and hurting myself till I'm told otherwise. It isn't a crime if he wants to be with someone els- JENNA!!! I was in a lethal fight with my conscience and I knew it wouldn't end with staying unscathed for every jab of my thinking was intensifying the pain I felt within me.

"Why's this rich car following" said the car driver catching my attention as the roads decreased the distance to my destination. As I looked back, I saw that Anthony's car was behind the cab. Was he following me?

I reprimanded myself for always thinking negatively, he could just be heading towards the building on Gabriel's instructions. I really need to get over myself.

At reaching the place, I felt the same nervousness I did when I came here for the first time. I needed to calm myself down. It probably just be a series of coincidences that are keeping us from seeing each other and nothing else.

My heart was jumping in my ribcage and the queasiness about the whole situation wasn't supporting me much either. What if she is here and with him right now? I dug my nails into my palm. Come on Jenna, shut up with this now!

As I walked to my floor, the atmosphere seemed routine, a few people greeted me and the rest ignored like everyday. My eyes darted towards his door and I urge myself to draw out of the misery I'd been put in.

As I mustered up courage to go in, I was stopped by Michael's voice, "Ms. Stephens, Mr. White isn't here. He had a conference today at Corrigan enterprises so he must be attending that. Do you want something?"

I shake my head, "I uh- actually wanted to check for the reports he'd asked me to make" I said suddenly remembering about my assigned work which had to be submitted within two weeks time

"Oh about that, he'd asked Fleur to do it and she must've finished it. Let me confirm and I'll let you know" he said, scrolling through his tablet. I didn't need his confirmation, the fact that he'd transferred my work to someone else was a shock. I agree that I had been absent but I still had time to complete it. That was my work to do and he knows how much I'd perfected myself in it.

"Yeah, Fleur had turned it in yesterday" Michael said, I nodded and walked to my cabin.

As I sat down I felt more despondent than ever. I was hoping that coming here would make things easy and everything would be sorted but now everything was worsening and I couldn't even fathom why.

Gabriel didn't come back, I learnt that he was attending back to back meetings and conferences. Someone had informed that he was back in the building yet I didn't see him on the floor and didn't know which one was he on.

I did the work I had been given by Michael and during that time Matt had informed me that he'd found me an apartment and gave me other details. At least something is being done right.

When I was carrying the folder to a cubicle, I heard the chatter die down. It obviously signified that he was here or was about to be here and yes, Zoella was pacing barking orders to people. It affirmed my thoughts, he would be here.

My posture stiffened as I started rehearsing what I would say to him. Heck, what would I even ask him? There's too many questions and I'm unable to prioritize any but all nervousness aside things had be to cleared.

"Zoella" I called, making her snap her head towards me annoyed. I paid no heed to her snotty attitude "When's the next meeting?"

"Why?" she sneered, "Wanna wipe tables?" she said gesturing towards the organizers who were going in and out of the room.

"No, more so because I work here and deserve to know" I snapped back, I was pissed. She really had to always get on my nerves.

"So?" she shrieked "That doesn't entail that you attend all the meetings. No one asked for your presence" she said, making a face at me. She was right though, the ones who are supposed to attend were always informed but then may be they didn't know I was back and so they didn't check with me but then everyone has seen me... not Gabriel, Jenna! He doesn't know that you're here.

Yeah, that could be the reason, I'm hoping for it to be. I heard her ordering someone to prepare the conference room three, maybe there must be where the next meeting would be. I think I should be there. Gabriel has to see me now.

After about an hour when I saw people entering the room, I got up from my seat and walked towards there too but before I could enter in, Zoella grasped my arm in a rough hold and pulled me to the side, "Didn't I tell you that you are not needed. Your name's not even in the list and there's no extra seat. Why are you planning on ruining my arrangements?"

I pulled my arm out of her grasp and looked her dead in the eye, "I would go inside and you have no right to stop me. I work here, let me be" I don't know why I was so assuredly sassing her when I wasn't even sure if I'd actually be needed anymore but I didn't want her to see my worries.

"Yeah sure go inside and embarrass yourself like always" she said walking away by shoving my shoulder. I collided against the wall as I saw her retreating figure. What is wrong with her?

I staggered but I collected myself and went inside. I saw that everyone was seated and were chatting among themselves, Zoella was indeed right there wasn't any other seat except the one at the head of the table which was definitely meant to be for Gabriel.

I marshaled nerve and walked to stand by the sides attracting people's attention. My better judgment asked me run away and not actually voluntarily put myself to be made fun of but the anger, hunger and desperation to see Gabriel had killed my rational thinking and I was just functioning on the adrenaline rush.

I myself had no idea on how bad I wanted him to hug me and tell me that nothing was the truth, he doesn't dislike me and my suspicion of him being interested in a girl was false.

People eyed me strangely but I pretended to ignore them. Gabriel come here, please don't leave me standing like that.

Then the door opened and in strode him wearing a grey suit bearing a scruff on his face. The hard planes of his face were set in an expression of indifference, making my heartbeat raise. He looked so good and I was mindlessly ogling at him. My apprehensiveness was however floundering me and I had no idea what the next minutes would bring.

 As soon as he neared the table, his eyes swept from person to person until they fell on my figure which was plastered against the projector screen. My twitchiness intensified under his strong gaze but I dared not break eye contact with him.

His eyes were hard and blank  and I saw him avert them quickly to the other attendees making my stomach drop. He seated himself and completely ignored my presence like I didn't exist at all. The severity of mortification was starting to press against me forcing me to hide in the shadows and never emerge again.

Zoella walked in the room with a file in her hand that she handed to Gabriel when she passed me a discreet stink eye. She was piqued by my presence and she was restraining herself from doing something abominable to me, her face said it all.

At the position I was in, her rough glares were appearing to be intimidating for me too. I was still standing there dumbly because I didn't know what to do.

"Why aren't there enough seats, why are people standing" spoke the hard voice of Gabriel catching everyone's attention. I flinched at his words.

People, really people? Is that who I am to him, a random someone? My heart felt as though it was barbarously shattered and I wanted to breathe and be somewhere alone. The demeaning eyes of everyone in the room were giving me anxiety.

"I'll just arrange it, Sir" Zoella muttered in distaste.

"It's okay Zoella, I wasn't supposed to be here... I'll just go" I said in an attempted strong voice and without sparing another glance, I walked out.

I was right outside my cabin and was almost about to enter when I overheard a conversation that crumbled my remaining ticker to crumble.

Michael and Zoella was speaking to each other about something and when it fell on my ears, my feet couldn't carry me any forward.

"Michael, tell Mr. White that I'd confirmed the reservations for table for two in the restaurant he had asked. Ms. Jones would be arriving there shortly" Zoella purred.

"Alright, also get the document so I can take it to his office" Michael said.

"Right at it" she said and Michael was walking away when she asked, "Michael with the repeated meetings of Mr. White and Ms. Jones doesn't it look like there's more to it than just business. I mean everyone knows that Ms. Jones had doted over Mr. White and even yesterday they were together until later-"

I walked away, I couldn't compel myself to keep standing. I grabbed my bag from the office and raced towards the elevators. As I reached to the exit, I collided against Ken who was entering.

"Ken, hey! how are you?" I breathed, looking down. I couldn't look at him, I knew he would sense that something was wrong with me and I couldn't stand anyone speaking to Gabriel on my behalf

"Uh- yeah good, you?" I looked at him for he sounded completely different. "As much as I like to talk to you I have something very urgent to do... catch you soon" he said and walked past me... just like that"

So he's avoiding me too. Now that Gabriel has found someone, he would not need me because he always thought I was taming Gabriel even when I had no such intentions, so now he'd obviously think that Ms. Jones or whatever her name was would do it for him.

My chest tightened and I inhale a shaky breath walking out.

***

I was laying head down on the dining table. I had no appetite at all yet I didn't keep the food away because somewhere I had a hope that maybe he'd come back and we'd sit and dine together. Even when I knew that it was completely irrational because there was a fat chance that he wont and he must've already eaten, I still had a flicker of hope and I was hanging by it.

What for though I knew not. He had found someone for himself, a may be better, compatible someone. Why was I feeling like my heart was breaking into pieces picturing him with someone else who'll get to see his rare smile, gaze into those breathtaking eyes and hear him speak the few words he does.

Now I knew why he didn't return, he was at her house yesterday. He'd brought her here first and on seeing me in the living room, he must've changed his plans for I was most likely intruding on his privacy. She was the one for him now, the one who would keep me happy than why was I so devastated. I had only wanted to see him happy, didn't I? Then why didn't it seem right?

He was out for a dinner with her and who knows whether or not he would return even today. He did stick behind with her yesterday, he could do it again. The guilt was thumping over me. It was me because of whom he couldn't return and freely live. I was a hurdle and I shouldn't be one to be an obstacle voluntarily, I should go.

I should leave this place sooner than I had intended, may be even tomorrow and that's I would do, I'd leave tomorrow. I'd given up on the hope of seeing him here for dinner and decided to go and pack my bags when a sound of a door closing had me jump in alarm.

From the darkness of the foyer emerged a figure, it was him. He was here!

Without being able to control myself, my lips whispered. "Hey" He looked at me and nodded in acknowledgement. His face was still stoic, I thought it must've gotten better after all he'd had dinner with her. The thought stung me from the inside.

"Dinner?" I asked having my hopes rising up. What was I doing? I have to stop speaking like that.

"No, I've already had it" I didn't let the fall on my lips show as he monotonously answered. Of course he would've had it, he was off for a dinner, what else do I expect.

I saw that he was attempting to leave so I uttered"Oh okay, I hadn't. I wasn't hungry so I didn't eat" I rushed. What was I doing hunting his sympathy? This isn't me, why am I asking him to take care of me. It was like I was purposely setting myself to be hurt over and over again.

"Whatever suits you. Goodnight" he stated plainly and walked past me.

I couldn't take it anymore, I knew I couldn't so I said exasperated, "Don't bother yourself for hating me that much, I'm already leaving in tomorrow" I fisted my palms.

His back was facing me as he halted listening to my words and what I didn't expect was to see him nod and continue walking towards his room and just like that, he disappeared.

The agonizing ache had grown ten folds. I ran to my room because I had an urge to throw up and that's what I did but the anguish wasn't ready to subside.

I filled myself with plenty of water and laid on the bed, hoping to sleep it through. But all that had seemed to engulf me was pain and loneliness. It was so overpowering that it amazed me with the intensity it held.

When the walls seems to be suffocating me, I got and went outside. The only where I wanted to be was under the open sky but the doors were all locked and I knew nowhere else so I walked towards the glass wall in the living room and I sat in the corner as I gazed at the sparcely starry sky.

I was always unimportant and disregarded. I should've known... People are invariably better off without me. I'm nothing but a trivial presence in most people's lives. I matter so scarcely that my occupancy and absence makes no different at all.

Tears started sliding down my face one by one unstoppably. I really do make no difference at all, I should've known.

***

A/N: IT'S MY BIRTHDAYYYY SO HERE'S AN UPDATE!!!! SEE, IMMA NICE PERSON. Okay it's past that but I swear my friends keep engaging me in vid calls that last for around six hours... so no I can't blame myself...

A SPECIAL THANKS TO THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE MESSAGED ME AND WISHED ME.

WATERMELON SUGAR. WATERMELON SUGAR. WATERMELON SUGAR.

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