Today I met with a GI. And they definitely wanna remove my gallbladder, but first I have to undergo a DIFFERENT operation! I have to be put under so they can shove a tube down my throat and into my stomach and make sure the lining is good and that I don't have any infections. And I asked that it be done as soon as possible, which is Tuesday. Tuesday is my little sister's birthday and my mother's total knee replacement surgery is the day before that.

My sister, for those not already caught up, is. SATAN. She's pulling every card she can because of this arrangement. Apparently it's immensely selfish of us to plan operations on or near HER birthday because it should be about HER. She told me the other day that she doesn't ever want to speak to me, that I could get hit by ten trucks for all she cares, and that she doesn't think of me as a sister and never has, and she told my mother that she's not her mother anymore and that she should never have had children and that god killed the wrong parent when he took my father.

But we're meant to go out of our way to be nice to her and console her. No, really. That's how she operates. She hurls abuses, steals from you, and screams at you, and when you confront her she cries and screams and explains why it's your fault and why SHE is the real victim of abuse.

She, apparently, is the one owed an apology because I "told her to kill herself" and therefore her years of abuse and theft of a total of $3000 from me no longer counts. Except that I didn't tell her to kill herself. She was threatening to do so for the eight hundredth time, obviously trying to manipulate us like she always is. When we refuse to do what she wants or threaten to call the police because she is frightening and cornering us, she says she will immediately run downstairs and kill herself, claiming she's left plenty of evidence that it's "our fault" and that my mom would go to jail for murder. She's literally claimed she plans to write my mother's name on her forehead before she stabs herself. She claims to have recordings of us abusing her that she has sent to people who will see to it that we go to jail on her behalf.

Obviously the kid has no idea how the law works, and obviously she isn't actually suicidal. So she said "if I leave this room right now I will go downstairs and kill myself" and I sarcastically replied with "yeah sure, you do that". To anyone with a brain, that's clearly not a threat. It's known as calling a bluff. I have clarified this thirty times, but still she insists that I basically told her to go and die.

Today, after my appointment, we tried to get a good lunch and then go shopping at goodwill. And my stomach acted up. The pain in my upper abdomen is becoming more frequent and my regular abdominal pain is worsening. My gallstones are growing, and they're growing fast. I felt awful, but we had to rush home from the store so I could use the restroom (tried using the single stall there, let three people cut in front of me, and then got to spend a whole of three minutes in there before multiple people were pounding in the door every twenty seconds and I was forced out). And then I get home to be greeted with my sister's tirade about our selfishness in not telling her where I had been all morning (why should I tell her I'm having an appointment if she literally said she doesn't give a shit about me?).

So my next few weeks are gonna be absolute hell. First my mom will get her surgery and be left unable to drive. Then I'll have to get a ride from a case worker to my operation. Then we'll have to put up with my sister screaming and throwing tantrums for two days until I'll be forced to return to work. Then I'll get my gallbladder removed and have to recuperate from that surgery. And my sister will probably continue to do her thing since my mother never puts her foot down and because I might have to rely on her to get to work and back.

Fuck it all, man. I'm just so frustrated. I'm so, so tired. I have two hours before I have to go to work, a seven hour shift (very difficult for me to complete, physically) at a job that I hate and that worsens my mental health because of how it drains me. And I have to spend those two hours nursing my poor stomach and doing my laundry. I'm exhausted from staying up all night to make sure I didn't miss the early morning appointment and the day's just getting started. I kind of want to call in and tell them I can't make it, but I already did that for my emergency room stint a couple weeks ago and I'm afraid they'll get mad at me.

I just want a break.