(This is a platonic soulmate-ish AU inspired by the plethora of Critical Role AU's out there that I've devoured this past week, in which people destined to be in an adventuring party share a mark, much like soul mates and the Mighty Nein all share a mark. Essek's mark was covered by his mother so he's not sure if his mark spoke of a soul mate, best friend, or adventuring party... But *cough* the Mighty Nein are going to fix that *cough*.) 

(Word count: 10,931)

Soul marks were not things that Essek was necessarily "fascinated" by, if anything, they were distractions from his own life. As a child, he had been interested in the ideas of fate placing marks on your body to help lead you to where you belong, but after studying the power of fate he dismissed all of the marks as simple phenomenons that were there to tempt mortals.

Simply put, Essek didn't believe in the marks.

There were Soulmates, connected by a single shared mark on the same spot on their body. While the mark was romanticized in works of literature, it wasn't too often that soulmates ever found each other. There were millions of people in the world with millions of marks and the likelihood of finding your "perfect match" was just about as likely as finding a grain of glass in a bowl of sand. To Essek, Soulmate marks were just cruel reminders of how large the world was. They ruined relationships when two people married and didn't share a mark, every inconvenience was blamed on the fact that they hadn't married their "perfect person" when in fact the couple was wonderfully compatible as they were. The marks sent people off searching foolishly for their perfect match and wasting their life away trying to find them. The marks wasted time and taunted their bearers and so Essek paid them no mind.

There were true friends who shared complimenting marks on the same part of their body, this was an even larger waste of time, in Essek's opinion. In his mind, the marks forced friendships and had no real "magic" of companionship or compatibility. If you found someone with a complimenting mark, you then felt obligated to try and become friends with them because it was destined to be, or something along those lines. Essek watched it happen to two of his denmates when the realized one had a white moonflower on his shoulder and the other realized he had a purple moonflower on the same spot. The two of them had been friends before but after that realization, they ran around bragging about how 'it was meant to be' and how 'destiny had brought them their friendship'. What a load of, frankly speaking, shit. They would've been friends with or without the soul marks.

There was another form of a soul mark, but it was extremely rare and only ever really heard about in stories. Tales of groups that shared a complex, intricate mark that destined them for a life of adventure. A mark that connected them to one another and promised them a future of fights, glory, and fame. The mark deemed "The Adventurer's Mark". Essek had never met anyone who had it, though he had heard of groups traveling the dynasty who held it. He honestly dismissed it as yet another way fate was forcing people to come together and play its little games.

Essek counted himself as lucky that he had neither a soulmate mark nor a true friend mark. His skin was unblemished by strange designs save for his brilliant little freckles and a discolored portion of his chest.

Perhaps he misspoke... he counted himself lucky that he didn't have a soul mark anymore.

There were times when his hand would caress the area of discolored skin on his left pectoral and he would wonder...

Many years ago, a few years after he realized his mother realized he was just 'Essek Thelyss' and not some great drow reborn, his mark had formed. Essek had heard stories about how marks formed from others. Soulmate marks felt like someone was burning the mark onto your skin and into your heart, usually forming just before adulthood. Friend marks were like a refreshing chill that brushed against the skin before seizing like frostbite onto the skin, those marks formed much earlier in life, as early as toddlerhood.

Essek experienced neither of those, which was strange.

He had been somewhere in his teenage years when the mark emerged. At first, it was a burning sensation and he remembered thinking 'dear Light, please no', fearing he was earning a Soulmate, something he had never wanted... He felt to his knees as the sensation had seized him as he was walking to his room and clutched his chest where the pain was centered.

Then, it had turned ice cold and he had narrowed his eyes in confusion. A mark of a friend, then? But they weren't supposed to burn? Were they?

He would've preferred a friend mark to a Soulmate... he honestly desired neither but apparently, fate was laughing at him.

All he could recall after that was pain. He felt like there were different wounds covering his body, none of them belonging to him.

There were chemical burns up and down his arms along with a sudden sensation of being drowned that made him scream in terror. He never screamed in his life save for that time, but his vision had left him and he was curling into a ball because why the hell did it hurt so much!? There was water in his lungs, choking out the oxygen and making him gasp for air. A deep, dangerous cackle filled his mind like a haunting ghost laughing at his agony.

Then, there were bruises all over his body, like he had been beaten and bloodied. His muscles ached as if he had been running all day. His breaths were short and he felt blood trickle from his nose like someone had just broken it. He also felt anger, Light there was so much pent up anger in him that made him want to punch something, anything, he wanted to hit it and hit it hard.

The bruises were nothing compared to what came next. He was on fire. Every part of him felt like he was burning alive, his mind was leaving him as he was consumed by the inferno. He thought he heard screams and he feared he was making them, but once he focused, he thought he made out two people screaming in the distance - a woman and a man. Just as he made their voices out he felt something in him break and he took a long labored breath.

Then... there was a moment of respite from the pain and he could breathe again. He looked around and found Verin along with a few servants tending to him and trying to carry him to his room. His brother was trying to ask what was wrong but before Essek could reply he heart was filled with familiar loneliness and a strange joy...

Whatever emotions were filling his body weren't his own. He felt, in his core, that he was all alone, but there was a strange lightness to his mind and bright happiness that thrummed from his fingers to his toes and he had absolutely no idea what was happening to him. Colors were brighter, sensations were fuller, and there was a strange desire to stay happy... why would he want to be happy now of all times?

Suddenly, he swore he smelled saltwater. His hands screamed in pain as the sensation of rope burn burned into his palms. Essek gasped at the unfamiliar sensation and coughed, swearing there was seawater in his lungs this time.

He had called for help, likely, as Verin had become nearly inconsolable and screamed for someone to get the doctor and their mother. Essek was semi-conscious to watch as one of the servants scrambled away before he slipped into another terrible sensation.

This time, he wasn't drowning, he was suffocating. He could taste dirt in his mouth and felt as if he had been buried alive. He gasped and thrashed instinctually, his mind was empty, he didn't remember anything and that terrified him. He panicked for a moment, eventually finding respite as the feeling faded and he assured himself that he remembered plenty and he was not being buried alive.

Then, he was taken by a strange sense of calm. The smell of grass filled his nose along with the warm aftertaste of tea in his mouth. His muscles all relaxed and Essek took a moment to recollect himself when the terrible feeling of loneliness invaded his mind again. He almost felt... abandoned? maybe? Essek shook his head to try and clear the feeling but it stayed in his mind like the aftertaste of tea on his tongue.

The last sensation to come held little physical pain but the mental torture was terrible. He felt as if his heart was being ripped out of his chest as the most terrible heartbreak took hold. Guilt flooded through his blood and tears spilled from his eyes as he begged for it to stop. He thought he smelled blood on his hands and felt rain on his face, though he wasn't sure.

And with a final stroke of emotion, his chest ached and Essek's world went dark as he fell unconscious in Verin's arms.

He had awoken three days later, a strange discoloration on his chest where all the pain had been centered.

"Your mark was... unusual," his mother had explained afterward.

"Why was... why was there so much... so much pain?" Essek asked, confounded, and confused.

"Fate had bonded you to many others," the Umavi had continued, unshaken by her son's fear and confoundment. "Fate condemned you to a life of danger and distraction. I contacted one of those who specialize with marks, and they removed it."

"They what?" Essek's voice had been a ghost in the wind.

"He removed your mark," his mother said with finality.

Removing a mark...

It was possible, of course, Essek's life was dedicated to manipulating fate and he certainly wasn't the first to attempt it. Some people couldn't live with the fact that they'd never find their soulmates or found that they and their friends weren't as 'compatible' as they once were, so those specialized in changing fate removed the mark and blocked the soul connection.

Many explained it as a freeing feeling, knowing that fate no longer shackled you to anyone and that you could choose anyone you like.

But at that moment, Essek had never felt more trapped. He looked back at called it young foolishness and petty anger that forced him to cry. He didn't even care what his mark had been, he was just angry that it had been taken away without his consent. He'd never cared for marks and probably would've gotten rid of it himself, but he was just angered that he had no voice in the world.

He'd only had the mark for mere hours and all it ever caused him was the worst pain he'd ever experienced, but there was betrayal at the fact that his mother had never even let him see it. He just added it to the long list of things she'd decided for him. She'd set him on a very specific path, one of which he would use to climb the political ladder and make a name for himself, one that would bring her pride and his future had no room for soul marks, at least none that his mother didn't approve of.

He'd been angry at his mother for months, but he'd kept it to himself. She was an Umavi... she always knew best. Whatever his mark had been must've been grave enough to force her to such extreme measures. He always suspected it was something akin to a strong Soulmate Friend's hybrid, which he had heard of. The Empress and her Dawnguard were both Soulmates and marked Friends, sharing a crescent moon and star over their heart and mirrored halves a crown on their shoulders. A smaller voice in Essek's mind wondered if it was an adventurer's mark, though that was unlikely. He had no want to leave Rosohnna and was never drawn to adventure stories. Whatever the case... his mother assured him he shouldn't dwell on it.

His mother wasn't a firm believer in soul marks either, perhaps that was where Essek got it from. She had a Soulmate somewhere in the world, but it was not Essek's father. She had met Soulmates in her earlier lives but the marks hadn't followed her to her new bodies, as marks sometimes did so she explained it as one would explain 'young love', it had been beautiful and fleeting. She told Essek that love was something reserved for the foolish and that for all the times she had been in love, she'd found nothing worth much, so she warned him from it.

"You are a young soul," she would tell him. "If you want to hold any name in the Dynasty, you must dedicate yourself to earning yourself a position, there will be times for distractions in your later lives."

Later lives... Light, Essek hated it. He hated how death didn't matter anymore. When his father died, there was no consolement other than, "Don't worry Essek, you'll meet him again, light willing."

But what about his father? What about the flawed man who raised him? That man, that body, was dead and would never come back. When Essek's father returned he would be different, changed in small ways from the man Essek had grown up with. Was that worth nothing? True, Essek and his father hadn't always seen eye-to-eye, in fact, they rarely had, but he was still family? Did no one care for that? Why couldn't anyone understand that he was mourning his father?

The answer was no. Essek watched as families were torn apart because of consecuted souls. People who would just wake up one day, kiss their father and mother farewell before returning to their original family, their original den... and no one consoled those left behind. No one cared about those left behind because if they were sad then it was because they just couldn't understand.

Light, Essek hated that argument.

You're just too young Essek, you'll get it eventually.

I understand you're upset, but when you get older, you'll understand.

It's alright, you're still so young.

Years after his mark and his father were taken from him, all of the anger erupted in Essek. He looked at his society and saw it tethered to two things. Soul marks and the Luxon.

People fell over themselves to match marks and find their destinies that fate had given them. And then, strangely enough, once they found their 'perfect match' no one cared what happened if they died, for they would see each other soon (as long as they were consecuted). Life had no weight anymore because death was just a simple setback.

Essek hated it. He hated how they worshipped something they didn't understand. He hated how they held themselves to fate's hand. He didn't want to be beholden to something that much larger than him when he couldn't understand it.

So he turned to dunamancy. He studied fate and how it could be changed. He manipulated reality and changed time, he did those things. Not the Luxon and not the will of fate, him. He earned everything he worked for and he sought more and more knowledge, but he was always hit by the same roadblock.

You're too young to understand.

He hated those words and the way they grated across him like a slap to the face. He understood more than any of these old traditionalists could. They were blinded by tradition and false truths, he was the only one who seemed to actually be seeing clearly. But because he was young, no one cared to listen to him.

Maybe that was why he turned to the Cerberus Assembly. Maybe that was why he made stupid decisions, decisions he would come to regret.

Well... he wouldn't fully regret those decisions because they brought him the Mighty Nein.

The first people he ever met with adventurer's marks. The first people he ever met who loved so freely. They brought a strange bit of light to his life of solitude and ambition and they happily welcomed him into their life

The first time he learned that they all were marked was when he came over and dined with them, upon Jester's invitation of course.

"How did you all meet?" Essek had asked, genuinely curious how such a colorful collection of individuals found one another.

"Wellll, that's a long story," Jester hummed. "There was a carnival with like a demon toad, and then we did a whole bunch of stuff, there was like a swamp, and then there was Humperdook, and then we met Caduceus - "

"Well, funny enough," Fjord interjected with a smile. "We uh... we were kinda brought together by forces greater than ourselves."

"Oh?" Essek asked, sensing where this was coming.

"Yeah, we all have this sick-ass mark," Beau grinned, pulling the clothing off of her collarbone to expose one of the most intricate marks Essek had ever seen.

He stared at it for a good minute, taking all of the details in.

"... I am not familiar with this type of mark," Essek managed.

"Ooooh my gosh, Essek, it's an Adventurers mark that totally says we were all meant to be friends. Look, here's mine!" Jester turned in her low-back-cut dress, showing Essek the mark on her back.

Essek was strangely transfixed with it. Funny, he'd never cared for marks before, but this one was gorgeous. Intricate and mesmerizing to look upon, it wasn't colorful, as he expected for a group such as this, but that didn't make it any less beautiful.

"Here! I drew it too!" Jester laughed, picking up her sketchbook and handing it to Essek, taking a moment to flip to the right page.

The mark was a solid color, black, but was bordered by a collection of tea leaves and flowers that formed a nine-sided shape. Taking the center stage of the mark was a small blank circle surrounded by complex shapes. There were two scimitars woven into the flowers and tea leaves with a peacock feather drifting towards the center. There was a crystal surrounded by bugs and beetles that seemed to be flying towards the center. There was a large flower growing over a sword with a lightning bolt forking through the sword in a beautiful design, also pointed towards the center. There was a button in the border with an arrow shooting through it, heading straight through the mark. There was a bo staff with a bit of cloth wrapped around it that was weaved into the flowers and tea leaves, the cloth appeared as though it was waving in the wind. There was a pencil and a cupcake surrounded by sparkles, but the longer Essek peered at the cupcake, the longer he thought the wrapping had faint small dicks as the design of the wrapper. After that came a wave crashing through the flowers and tea leaves, it's spray heading for the center of the design, a sword concealed in the water's crest. Finally came an area of the border that was set aflame, a cat's paws were hidden in the flames and made it appear as if the cat was running for the center of the sigil.

It took Essek a good couple minutes to decipher all of the markings but finally got a sense of it all. Eight of the nine sides were covered in special symbols specific to each of the Nein and all of them were heading to the center of the design, the blank circle in the middle. For some strange reason, the ninth side was completely blank save for the typical flowers and tealeaves that bordered the shape.

"Why is this side blank?" Essek asked, pointing to the area.

"Oh, I don't know, it's always been like that," Jester shrugged.

"And... this side," Essek pointed to the side with the peacock feather and scimitars.

There was a heavy weight in the room as they all put a hand to their respective marks.

"Mollymauk," it was Caleb who broke the silence. "He was one of us... he didn't make it this far."

"He was how we knew we had shared marks, 'cause he just wore his on his chest," Fjord explained.

"Ooh, my gosh that was so funny. You should've been there Essek. I was like 'oh my gosh, we like totally have the same mark', and then Beau went 'no way, I've got that too!' and Fjord went 'oh Wow!' and Molly was like, 'hey Yasha, these guys have our super cool mark too', and then Nott jumped up and said 'oh my gosh, Caleb, they've got the same mark as me!' and Caleb was like, 'Oh ja?' and totally didn't tell us he had the same mark until, like, months later," Jester explained it all with her usual... Jester-ness. It was nearly impossible for Essek to describe just exactly how Jester acted... she was just Jester, and that was descriptive enough.

"Yeah, that wasn't cool dude," Beauregard nodded, looking to Caleb who looked as if he had heard this lecture plenty of times.

"So this... Molly? was it, he brought you together?" Essek asked, "By having his mark exposed."

"Ya know... I don't know if it was so much the mark," Beauregard grimaced.

"What do you mean, Beau?" Nott asked quizzically.

"I mean... like... do you guys really think we only came together because of the mark?" Beau asked.

"Well, yeah Beau. We were meant to be!" Jester chirped.

"I think our destinies intertwined and we were meant to become something more than ourselves," Caduceus offered. "The mark definitely had a hand in it all."

"I think I agree with Beauregard in this instance," Caleb admitted. "I think we give this... this adventurer's Mark more credit than it's due. It wasn't the mark that made us all jump up and fight the demon toad, it helped convince us to stick together afterward but no... I don't think it was the marks, I think it was you people, I think we chose this fate. But... I've never put too much weight in destiny."

"Then we seem to be of the same mind," Essek murmured.

"Do you not believe in marks either!?" Jester gawked as she rolled on the floor and stared at him with wide eyes.

"It is... a difficult conundrum I face," Essek admitted.

"A conundrum?" Fjord asked, intrigued.

"I am a master of dunamancy which studies fate and the different... the different ways to change such futures. I can manipulate time and space and there are others who can change marks and if such powerful 'destiny-binding' marks can be meddled with, then I do not think they can hold too much weight. I think it's another way for something more powerful than us to toy with us," Essek felt... freed. As he looked around the room there was no one to reprimand him for his 'foolish naivety', only thoughtful looks and a downtrodden Jester.

"But like... isn't it kinda special... to know you're linked to someone, that you're meant to be with someone?" Jester asked.

"Of course it is, Jester," Yasha assured the tiefling.

"Ja, we are very thankful to be together," Caleb nodded, stroking Frumpkin.

"I... is something burning!?" Fjord asked, raising his voice.

"Oh, that would be my entree," Caduceus nodded, getting to his feet and walking into the kitchen.

"Don't burn the house down!" Beau called after him.

"Oh... that would be bad," Caduceus reasoned.

"Yes! Very bad!" Nott cried.

"But like... it would be so fun to roast marshmallows while we're in our tree, guys!" Jester pointed out. "Cause like, the roof would be on fire so we could just sit in the branches and roast marshmallows in the tree!"

"Don't think that would be so good for the tree!" Caduceus called from the kitchen. Jester deflated

Everyone laughed and even Essek cracked a smile.

"Oh! Essek! Do youuuu have a mark?" Jester asked, perking up.

The question shouldn't have taken him by surprise but Essek found himself rather out of sorts. He struggled to find the right answer.

Yes?

I used to?

No?

No... no was a safe answer...

"No," Essek answered. "I do not have any marks anymore."

Light damn you Essek, why would you say that? You practically begged for more questions, he cursed himself.

"Any more?" Jester tilted her head in confusion. She was on the floor, by Beau's and Caleb's feet, her tail swishing wildly in the air as she lay on her stomach. Beau and Caleb were sitting in separate chairs, Beau lounging with one of her legs over the armrest and her back leaning against the other, Caleb, on the other hand, was sitting relaxed in the chair and had hidden his hands in Frumpkin's fur. Yasha sat in the chair next to Essek and was watching him with interest. Nott sat on the coffee table, messing with a flower crown in her hands. Fjord sat just a little beyond that in a comfortable chair that he was obviously enjoying. Caduceus was still in the kitchen but within earshot. Essek was suddenly very aware of all of their positions and how their eyes were on him and he couldn't help but feel surrounded and pressured.

"I... uh... I misspoke, I do not have any marks," he corrected. "My apologies, the wine must be messing with my Common."

"Ah-ha," Beau nodded, not fooled in the slightest, but recognizing that it was a touchy subject. She said nothing but cataloged Essek's strange response on her mental list of things to ask Essek one day.

Beau approached the topic a few weeks later, during a difficult time for the Mighty Nein. They'd lost one of their own, Yasha, to a mind-controlling cult and the result was terrible. Essek had never seen the Nein more frantic or desperate. They were grasping at any straws they could, running amok towards any leads they could, doing whatever was necessary to save one of their own. It was admirable, Essek thought, and endearing.

He'd been called over to assist with a teleportation plan, per usual. What wasn't unusual was the argument he walked into as the Nien debated on what to do next. Fjord wanted to go to Nicodranas to get help from some wizard named Yussa, Nott and Jester wanted to pursue Yasha with no regards to safety, Caleb was leaning towards earning more allies in the Dynasty, and Beau... Beau was quiet. Which was strange.

"Come on, leave them to their argument, tea?" Caduceus offered Essek as he led the drow past the waroom and into the kitchen.

"It seems I arrived at a bad time," Essek managed.

"No... it's all a rough time right now," Caduceus explained simply as he poured Essek a cup of tea. "Sorry to call you over, it was a spontaneous thing I suppose. Hope you don't have anything too big going on."

"No, you didn't interrupt me from anything too large, just the usual trivial business," Essek replied, noticing how Caduceus was guarding his right side as they talked. "Are... are you injured?"

"Hmm? Oh, no," Caduceus smiled lifting up his simple cotton shirt to show where his Adventurer's Mark was. "Just this, it's been bothering us all for a few days now, since we lost Yasha."

"What's it like?" Essek asked, appalled at himself for how easily that question had spewed out of him. He should know better and have better self-control but his curiosity couldn't be quelled.

Caduceus smiled but there was something deeper, more meaningful and sad in his gaze.

"Like a pull I suppose, and it only gets stronger the longer we're around each other. It helps us get a feel for one another, connects us in all sorts of ways. It helps some of the others recognize what's going on with some members of our party... but now... it's just a twinge, kinda like a reminder of what we're missing, I would guess. And many of us don't do too well with reminders," Caduceus sighed, dropping his shirt down to cover the mark once more.

"Oh?" Essek probed.

"Yeah, Beau and Caleb, for instance. Both of them just hate that this is out of their control and this just reminds them of how useless they feel. Fjord's nervous about the new path he's on and so isn't quite sure what to do anymore. Nott's too eager to shoot someone to get her way and Jester's scared it's all going to fall apart. Yasha..." Caduceus's voice trailed off for a moment as his fingers ghosted over the fabric under which his mark lay. "Yasha's scared and alone... she's helpless and we all feel it. Rubs off on all of us so we're all a bit high strung."

"You don't seem too worse for wear," Essek observed.

"It's the tea," Caduceus explained.

The door to the kitchen opened and Beau stomped in, glaring at the ground.

"Beauregard," Caduceus greeted warmly.

The monk snatched a plate of biscuits off the counter before jumping up on it and angrily munching on them as she glared at the floor. From through the door, Essek could hear the argument getting more heated.

"I take it things are not going too well out there," Essek murmured.

Beau only continued to angrily eat biscuits.

Caduceus offered her a cup of tea and Beau glared at him.

"I don't want tea," Beau grumbled. She looked away and then slammed the plate on the counter, groaned, and jumped off the counter before she began pacing. "I want to do something Caduceus. I want to just go and punch something, anything, any fucking thing but preferably that sonofabitch Obann. I want to help Yasha. God, I just want to help Yasha."

"Well I think we all want to help Yasha," Caduceus assured the monk.

"I... I know Caduceus but... fucking shit man we always talk about what we're gonna do and I don't want to talk I want to fuck this shit up! And... And this mark is fucking killing me!" Beau almost screamed the final words as she ran her hands through her hair, messing it up and pulling a bit out of her high ponytail.

Caduceus said nothing but gently put an arm on Beau's shoulder. His heavy weight seemed to ground Beau and the woman took a shaky breath out, her face hidden in her hands. For a moment, Essek thought she might be crying.

"Well, the good news is that we know she's alive and fighting," Caduceus's voice was warm and soothing, Essek could feel the wisdom fill the air and settle the tension in Beau's shoulders.

"Yeah," Beau sniffed, looking up and composing herself as she wiped her nose. "Yeah, you're right."

"If you don't mind my intrusion... may I ask, could you feel something if Yasha died?" Essek asked, aware of the risk he was taking and cursing his curiosity that refused to be reigned in.

Caduceus nodded, one of his ears twitching as Beau took a breath in to answer the question in the usual short-tempered sharp Beau way.

"Yeah. It's the worst fucking feeling on earth," Beau was somber but her voice was still sharp, perhaps sharper than normal.

Essek nodded, not wanting to pry more, but Beau continued.

"You feel empty, or maybe that's just how Molly's death felt," Beau was... she was rambling. Essek could hardly contain the curiosity in him as Beau continued to willingly give him information. "When we lost Molly, it felt like something was missing, it still feels like something's missing but it's gotten a fuck ton easier to live with... until now. Now I feel like every time I close my eyes, Molly's fucking throttling me for letting Yasha go. For walking into that damn trap, and don't argue Caduceus, we fucking knew it was going to be bad but we just waltzed in there, watched the bastard awake the Laughing Hand, and then take Yasha. Then we failed to rescue Yasha and nearly died to a fucking tree!"

"It wasn't your fault, we all did our best," Caduceus stated, warm as ever.

"And our best wasn't fucking good enough and that fucking sucks!" Beau growled, clenching her fists.

Essek opened his mouth to try and offer some support, some empty words that he would give to a panicking coworker but he felt that Beau would see right through any facade. He also... he also didn't want to put on a facade, seeing these usually bright people so desperate and angry hurt something in his chest, something he couldn't explain.

"Beauregard," her name had left Essek's lips before he could think but as soon as he looked her in the eye, he knew what he wanted to say. "I've never met a group of people more tenacious or wonderful, to be frank, if anyone can save their friend from this cult, it is going to be you and your friends. I almost pity this Obann for messing with someone who shares your mark."

Beauregard had no retort, which was a good sign, and she instead looked to the floor, in thought.

"Essek," she sighed after a moment.

"Yes?"

"You had a mark once, didn't you?" Beau asked.

Essek could feel his mouth go dry and his heart stop; was he so obvious? Why was he panicking? There was no fault in having an erased mark. Why was she asking? What precedent did this question have with the issue at large? Why was he thinking so much about this simple question?

"Yeah, I thought so," Beau nodded, looking away. "Why'd you erase it?

"I-" Essek choked out his next word and desperately searched for the right words.

I didn't have time for trivial fate finding.

I didn't want to be controlled by a higher power.

I... didn't want one?

But none of those answered rung true in his mind and for some reason, he very much wanted to give Beau the truth.

"My mother erased it," Essek managed. Caduceus's gentle eyes flickered over him, taking in everything about the drow and seemingly seeing right through Essek's strong emotional walls and into his soul. It was both comforting and unnerving at once.

"You mother what?" Beau asked.

Essek feared this would escalate so he tried to recover the truth he'd spilled with a bit of defense. "It-uh, my mark that is - it um, it was painful when it emerged, I was in agony for half a day because of it. My mother explained that it was for the best."

Essek swore Caduceus glanced at him in shock for a moment but when he looked at Caduceus, the firbolg was back to looking in his teacup.

"Did you want to erase it? What was wrong with it, I mean other than the agony part?" Beau demanded.

Again Essek's elaborate words died on his tongue and he found himself looking away in shame as he admitted the one thing he'd never admitted to anyone, save his mother. "I never saw my mark..."

"She took it away and you never saw it?" Beau was definitely angry now and Essek winced to hear her getting worked up once more.

"My mother is an Umavi, she is a perfect soul and she assured me that my mark spelled disaster for my future - "

"But it's your fucking future!" Beau was yelling now.

Essek had no argument, that announcement was like a punch to the gut for him.

Beau saw his expression and forced herself to calm down. "Sorry man, shouldn't have fucking yelled. I'm... it's just... look my parents tried to erase my mark too."

Essek looked over to her as she tried to mend the conversation.

"Yeah - uh, my dad, he didn't want me going out in the world and risking my life, he wanted me to take over the family business so he tried... he tried all the fucking time to take it away from me. There were days that I considered it, but I'm fucking thrilled I never was so desperate for his attention that I went that far."

Essek nodded in understanding.

"So that's... that's why it... That's why I got fucking pissed when I heard you weren't given a choice," Beau managed. "Cause... cause if that happened to me, I... I think it should be your choice how to live your life, not someone else's and especially not our parents," her voice died out and Caduceus smiled proudly at her.

"Look at that, you opened up Beau and offered some advice," Caduceus smiled.

"Shut up."

Caduceus grinned and then looked to Essek.

"Mr. Thelyss, if you'd like, I can bring your mark back," Caduceus offered happily.

"You... can?" Essek asked, unfamiliar if what had happened to him was permanent. He'd never looked into it, never considered what it might feel like to have a mark... never questioned his mother's words after that day. He'd dismissed any fleeting thoughts but now, when faced with the option, he couldn't deny the sudden pull to jump at the offer, if only to quench his insufferable curiosity.

"Nothing a quick greater restoration couldn't fix," Caduceus nodded.

Beau was looking at Essek expectantly.

Essek's mind was racing thousands of miles a minute and he could hardly handle the conflicting emotions.

Did he want a mark? No. No, of course, he didn't. Watching the pain the Mighty Nein were in should only solidify the fact that he was lucky to not be bothered by such things.

Then why was there this longing in his heart? Why was his heart so warm to see Caduceus comfort Beau? Why did he long for a connection like that? Was it just him being young and foolish again?

"You don't have to answer now," Caduceus smiled encouragingly, "I know it's a lot to think about. But the offer will always stand."

"Thank you," Essek breathed. "I think - "

"Hey! We're heading to Nicodranas!" Fjord announced, throwing the door to the kitchen open.

"We're gonna go see my Mama!!" Jester cheered from behind him.

Essek kept his mouth closed and watched as they all made their preparations. Caleb frantically apologized for calling Essek over for no reason while Jester pleaded with Essek in hopes that he would come with them and see her Mama sing. Essek respectfully declined and returned to his tower, knowing he should be bothered that he was summoned for no reason but discovering that he was definitely not bothered in the slightest.

The next time they discussed marks was after Yasha had been rescued. The Mighty Nein were taking a few weeks of recovery after essentially forcing two countries to agree to hold peace talks. Essek had found himself alone with Caduceus, which was a situation Essek tried to avoid like the plague. Caduceus was too insightful, he saw through everyone, and sooner or later, Essek feared Caduceus would see right through his lies and know exactly who the traitor in the Dynasty was.

Still, the Mighty Nein were peculiar and strangely persuasive, hence Essek found himself on their roof, helping Caduceus garden. He wasn't one to usually get dirty by choice, gardening wasn't something he'd even considered in his life as a viable hobby but it was strange and endearing how carefully Caduceus handled every plant, talking to them as he replanted some and trimmed others.

Essek was helping him water a collection of herbs when Caduceus asked him.

"Have you put any thought into our earlier conversation?"

Essek glanced at the firbolg questioning, "If you mean Jester's persistent questions on whether I have a crush on Caleb - "

"Ah," Caduceus laughed, "No... I mean your mark, but yeah, maybe you should put some thought into the other question too."

Essek shook his head with a rare smile on his face and then lost himself to pondering his situation. He honestly hadn't considered Caduceus's offer much. He'd been swamped with work and expectations from both the Dynasty and his untrusting allies in the Cerberus Academy, which was why rare serene moments with the Nein were so wonderful as they let Essek forget about the world around him for a moment.

Caduceus watched Essek stand there silently and nodded.

"You know... Our marks, there wasn't always a blank side," Caduceus explained simply as he relocated a small pea plant into a larger pot.

"What?" Essek asked.

"Well, it's always been blank for the others I guess," Caduceus supposed "Since they're so young, they were probably born after it changed. But I'm pretty old, and tall. Yeah... this would've been a while back when I first got my mark. It was pretty rough, Clarabelle brought me all sorts of strange bugs to try and cheer me up when it happened. Yeah, there was a whole bunch of rough emotions."

"So... your mark was full then, all nine sides?" Essek asked.

"Yup," Caduceus nodded.

"What happened?"

"Don't know, but I would bet that the other person we were linked to had their mark erased, much like you Mr. Essek," there was no denying the insinuation in Caduceus's voice.

"You can't... you couldn't possibly consider that... that I," Essek felt like he should laugh at that thought but he was surprised by the rising hope in his chest that he had to squash back down.

No, that's foolish. Adventuring? Why would I want to do that?

I have a life here, I have a purpose, I have no want to do what these people do...

Then why was the hope still there, the blind, foolish, stupid glow in his chest that begged Caduceus to be right. No, there was no way Caduceus was right. It was so extremely unlikely that he would find whoever he was linked to when he no longer had the mark...

"How... how long ago did this part of your mark disappear?" Essek asked.

"Oh... I'm pretty bad at years," Caduceus chuckled. "We tend to count in seasons, my family that is."

"How many seasons then?" Essek pressed.

"Hmmm... more than a hundred," Caduceus reasoned.

Essek nodded trying to look as uncaring as he could despite the conflict in his mind. He didn't want Caduceus to be right. He didn't want to be an adventurer.

Right?

"Just food for thought," Caduceus hummed as he watered his pea plant. "Oh, see, so much better. More room for you to stretch your roots, right? Bet that's mighty pleasant."

Essek tried to push the conversation away as Caduceus went back to talking to plants, but the conflict raged on.

The next day he sought out one of the only person he could trust for honest advice on the principles of marks and politics; Quana Kryn, the Dusk Captain. He found her around the castle and managed to grab her attention at a decent time as she had no other distractions.

"Essek, to what do I owe the pleasure?" Quana asked with a gentle smile, using his first name.

"Good day," Essek bowed his head in respect as he fell into step beside her. "I... am in need of your advice."

"Oh?" the request definitely came as surprise to Quana but she silently urged him to continue.

"It has recently come to my attention that Soul Marks may not be what I first took them to be," Essek began, wondering how best to explain the issue and wincing at how blunt he had come off.

"What did you take them to be, if I may ask?"

Essek took a slow breath, "I saw them as a distraction and... as a way for fate to control an aspect of my life that I didn't want anyone to control."

Quana laughed, "Sounds like your mother's teachings."

"I'm starting to think that view may be a bit jaded, so I thought I should inquire further," Essek explained.

"Well, Essek, I can tell you that in my experience, I will always be thankful for my Soul Mark in every life I find it in. You call it a controlling factor, I call it an option," Quana explained. "There is no demand that you follow what fate offered you, but in every life, it allows me to find my love and I will always be thankful for it, even if there comes a life when I can't find the mark on my skin for the joy it brought me in the previous ones."

"What if..." Essek's voice trailed off and he wondered how best to word his next question. Quana waited patiently and Essek forsook eloquence.

"What if I have an adventurer's mark?" Essek asked bluntly.

Quana's eyes widened as she looked to him. "Essek, if you don't mind me asking, do you?"

"I..." Essek struggled to answer. "I don't know... but there have been things that have pointed me in that direction... I..."

Quana chuckled, a soft smile on her face. "I admit, I never pegged you as the adventurous type, Essek, but fate is strange, Luxon knows it's fickle."

"But... if it is true, what do I do?" Essek asked.

"Whatever do you mean?" Quana asked.

"The mark would mean I'm destined for a life... well, out there," Essek gestured out of one of the windows to the world beyond. "What of my position, of the Dynasty?"

Not that loyalty was something he was particularly hung up on, if the Dusk Captain knew a sliver of what he had done, she would gut him here and now.

"Well," Quana murmured, "I suppose that matters entirely on what you want Essek."

Essek struggled with that for a moment.

What did he want? Suddenly he wasn't sure. He had always told himself that he wanted answers, he wanted to know dunamancy and the power of fate, he wanted to wield them and show the world their capabilities, but that future seemed empty now. The thought of a life locked in a tower in lonely research compared to the warm nights in a hot tub surrounded by friends.

"You're young, Essek," when Quana said it, it didn't feel like the insult it usually was. Her voice was warm and compassionate. "You have so much on your shoulders and you're trying so hard to please everyone, this is your life, first one or no and you have a right to chose what to do with it."

"And when I die and return, not as a Shadowhand but as a man who abandoned his country to become a mercenary?" Essek challenged softly.

"Then I suppose you'll have to appeal to my wife's better nature to allow you back into your old position if you desire it," Quana laughed. She then grew serious, a soft smile still on her face. "Essek, if fate beckons you to the world and you want to follow, then go. You have an eternity to find standing in the Dynasty, light willing. You may only have this call to adventure once."

"Thank you," Essek murmured, looking forward and seeing two Kryn guards walking up urgently, likely to summon Quana away to more state matters. "I shall leave you to your work, I apologize for my selfish intrusion."

"Oh Essek, you're too formal," Quana sighed as she too recognized it was time for her to get back to work. Essek broke away, striding down the hallway but before he could get far, Quana called after him.

"I must know, Shadowhand," Quana smiled, "It's the Mighty Nein, isn't it?"

Essek could help but smile, feeling so transparent under her eyes. "Isn't it always?" he called back, earning a laugh from her and making his heart soar for some reason.

The next time he saw Caduceus, he gave him his answer. The firbolg smile and led him into the living room that was thankfully void for the moment. Essek took off his large mantle and draped it over the chair before sitting down and looking up at Caduceus.

There was a twinge of fear in Essek's heart that perhaps it was foolish to hope that his mark matched the Mighty Nein's. There were millions of other options, all more viable for him. There was also the fact that if he was bound to the Mighty Nein, did that mean that the choices he'd made until now would come to haunt them.

Right when he was about to second guess his decision, Caduceus brought out the diamond dust and placed his hands on Essek's shoulder. The next moment, warmth spread out from Caduceus's fingers and flowed through Essek's bloodstream, growing warmed around the area that his mark had been.

He expected it to hurt just as it had the first time it had manifested, it didn't. In fact, he felt such a strong sense of peace and belonging descend on him that he almost sighed in relief. There was a burning feeling on his chest but it wasn't painful, only strong and warming as he felt marks resurface on his skin.

Caduceus's breath hitched at the same time Essek's did when the pain in Essek's chest suddenly chilled and solidified the mark on his chest. Then Caduceus removed his hands and Essek took a few long breaths, feeling revitalized and... terrified.

He looked up to Caduceus and shakily reached for his shirt. Caduceus was staring at him knowingly and with a quick gesture, Essek had pulled his shirt over his head and was staring down at his bare skin, where a familiar, more elaborate mark was placed.

It was the Mighty Nein's mark, though this time, the ninth side of the black mark wasn't blank. There were black stars dotting his skin, mixed with his white freckles, it almost looked like a galaxy. There were pearls weaved into the border of flowers, the component required for Fortune's Favor. Essek's fingers brushed over the mark, feeling how unnaturally cold it was against his skin.

Essek thought he was going to cry in joy and despair all at once. His heart was full of joy and exuberance but his mind was screaming at him for being so stupid. He'd now tied himself to this group, for better or for worst...

"CADUCEUSSS!" Jester's voice rang through the house.

"Oh boy," Caduceus smiled.

"CADUCEUS! SOMETHING IS FUCKING HAPPENING!" Beau yelled.

"CALEB!? CALEB ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?" Nott screamed.

There was a clatter as everyone ran around the house for a few moments, it was Jester who made it down the stairs and found Essek and Caduceus in the living room.

"Oh hey Essek, what are you doing..." Jester's voice died out as she noticed Essek was 1 - shirtless and 2 - showing off a very familiar mark.

Jester first turned a shade fo purple and then squealed in joy. "ESSEK!"

She ran over and immediately pressed her hands on Essek's mark, leaving him flustered and leaning awkwardly away from her.

"You have the mark! You have our mark!" Jester squealed as she eagerly showed him her own which had changed and now included Essek's markings.

"Jester, I -" Essek began.

"CADUCEUS! MY MARK FUCKING CHANGED!? JESTER'S DID TOO! WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYONE!?" Beau demanded.

"BEAU! BEAU! BEAU!" Jester cried in jubilation. "ESSEK HAS OUR MARK!"

"Oh boy," Caduceus chuckled, realizing that there was no way Essek was going to keep this from anyone.

"The fuck?" Beau demanded, poking her head in the living room.

"Yeah! Yeah! See, he has it! Did you do something Caduceus? Did he always have it?" Jester asked, puzzled.

"Just a little greater restoration to bring the mark back," Caduceus explained.

"What in the world is going on?" Fjord asked, walking in.

"I heard a lot of shouting," Yasha added as she walked in behind him.

"Caleb is alright!" Nott offered as she walked in with Caleb.

"Uh, ja, I am alright but what is going on?" Caleb asked.

"Essek has our mark guysss! He's one of us!" Jester squealed, wrapping her arms around Essek and lifting him out of the chair with her impressive strength as she hugged him tightly, maybe cracking a rib.

"I... uh... it appears so," Essek winced as she placed him back down. All of the members of the Mighty Nein were now studying their own marks and recognizing the change.

"How?" Fjord asked. "I mean, not to kill the mood, this is obviously exciting but how didn't we notice until now and why did this change?" he asked as he gestured to his own mark.

And so Essek found himself explaining just why his mark emerged and the situation behind it and within the next few minutes he found himself being hugged by Jester with the rest of the Nein laughing and begging him to stay for dinner.

So, he found himself in the best of company. He was practically welcomed into the Nein with open arms, and while he denied any opportunity to go 'adventuring', it was always pleasant when one of them offered. He tried to tell himself that he was busy, that the Dynasty couldn't just be abandoned for mere daydreams, but with every day that passed, Essek starting thinking that perhaps it wasn't just a daydream.

He could feel their struggles. The most powerful emotions burned in his mark. Some nights he'd wake up, feeling Caleb's portion of the mark burning and he would feel, in his heart, that Caleb had just woken up from a terrible nightmare. Other times, he'd feel Beau's anger thrumming through his body like some foreign poison. Fjord usually radiated with self-doubt which reflected with Essek's own doubts but somehow offered him so solace knowing that someone else was struggling just as he was... misery loves company, he supposed. The most welcome feelings were from Caduceus and Jester who filled Essek with daily portions of joy and serenity. And then he would feel Nott's chaotic energy in the back of his mind, telling him to trip a stuck-up aristocrat and he'd have to excuse himself before he did something he regretted.

As strangely wonderful as it was to share in the hardships of others and belong to such a strongly knit family, Essek couldn't help but feel a twinge of terror at the thought of what would happen if they ever discovered who he really was, what he had done, and what kind of person he was in the deepest corner of his heart; a monster.

He tried to suppress his fears. He spent days alongside Caleb, feeling a kinship grow as their love of magic flourished in their search to return Nott to her right form. He listened to Jester as she rambled about their journey's and drew in her journals, asking his opinion of some of her works. He watched Nott tease Fjord and laughed along with Beau when Fjord's with and silver tongue spooled up the little goblin. He enjoyed tea with Caduceus and the warm exchanges he had with Yasha who was always willing to offer assistance. He enjoyed running his fingers through Frumpkin's fur. He enjoyed bright dinners full of arguments that sometimes needed with a playful food fight. He enjoyed soft nights in a hot tub, listening to Jester trick the others into playing truth or dare. He enjoyed the little moments and for a while at least... he could forget his fear.

Well, his fears came to surface, and in a classic manner, Essek could feel his world fall down around him as the Nien dragged him to their ship in Nocodranas after a paralyzing potion caught him off guard. In all honestly, he should've known something was up - earlier that day, he had been receiving a strong sense of anticipation and betrayal from the Nein and he had prayed that it had nothing to do with him, he was wrong. How they found out, he didn't know, but it broke his heart regardless to think of a future he would soon have either dying at the hands of his friends or living a life without their trust.

After being lured into a sense of belonging, he was once again reminded of how terrible he was. There was nothing worse than the betrayal that was searing through the mark on his skin, telling him just how hurt everyone was. He had never felt worse, not when his father died, not when his brother stormed out vowing to never speak to Essek again, not when he betrayed his country. No, he never felt worse than he did when Caleb pressed his lips on his forehead and forgave him. Forgave him even though Caleb's portion of the mark was burning with betrayal. There was no anger or hatred save from Beau, but even that was the simmering pain of being betrayed and not the cold rage that came from hatred. That was salt in the wound for none of them hated him.

He wondered if they felt compelled to forgive him. He wondered if this warmth in his chest was only there because he shared a mark with them. He wondered if these feelings were true, or forced because fate compelled them to be together.

"You forgive me only because that's what fate dictates... if we didn't share a mark you'd hate me for what I've done..." Essek spoke his mind in the hull of that boat and what he received was strong resistance to that idea.

"Essek, that's not true," Jester cried.

"Mein Freund," Caleb murmured. "Have you met us? Fate does not compel us to do anything. We all have been fucked over by fate too many times to give a damn what it wants us to do. We did not become friends with you because fate told us to. We are friends because we chose to be. Mark or no mark, we would not hate you Essek. We... I understand you and we are not so different. You are one of us, no matter what fate said... it is as Veth said; Welcome to the Mighty Nein."

Welcome to the Mighty Nein

That was what they said to him. They didn't push him away or disown him, as his mother would've done. They didn't kill him for his sins. They didn't even threaten him that much (no more than what was usual for the Nein), instead, they initiated him into their group with sad smiles and warm hearts.

Why?

Why was fate so cruel to chain a monster like him to such wonderful people. They deserved better, of that he was certain. They didn't deserve to have a war criminal and a traitor in their midst, bringing lies and deceit into their ranks, no matter what they said.

Essek knew he should leave, put as much distance between him and the Mighty Nein as he could. But he couldn't. He couldn't just run, he couldn't just leave them.

Well, he could, and the thought crossed his mind. He could flee to Rosohnna, and erase his mark again. He could disappear into the wastes and hope they never find him.

Funny enough, it wasn't disappearing into the wastes or leaving all of his research behind that terrified him, it was erasing his mark again. Ever since it had returned, he'd felt whole, he'd felt warm and safe and felt as if he belonged. He'd never been so happy, even after they discovered his treachery, the mark was a warmth both on and in his chest, filling him with foreign emotions of comfort and safety.

Feelings he didn't deserve... he didn't deserve to belong, but he was a selfish man and so he kept it, curling up in his bed and placing a hand on his chest. It was like having seven other heartbeats over his, offering him constant companionship. Even the cold side of Mollymauk offered some warmth even if it felt a bit cooler than the others. Essek allowed himself to wonder what Mollymauk had been like, what he would've said when Essek betrayed him. They all spoke so highly of him that Essek couldn't help but feel a strange sense of guilt - that he was alive while their good friend was dead, a friend who had offered them nothing but support and bravery when all Essek had to give was lies and darkness.

There were tears in his eyes, he realized - salty like the ocean the Nein were on as they traveled to the peace negotiations. They slipped from his eyes and he cursed himself. He wouldn't trance tonight, he knew that, so instead he stood up and set about preparing for the day to come, ignoring the warmth in his chest that was shared with him from the rest of the Nien as they doubtlessly were encased in a peaceful slumber.

Another hour later, that peace was shattered and Essek was startled to find a pure, sudden, and inexplicable terror radiating from Fjord. He knew it was Fjord, he could sense it was Fjord. He couldn't quite explain it and he wondered if the half-orc had awakened from a nightmare. Yes, that must be it... that would explain it.

But then there were other emotions that the mark shared with him. Jester was confused. Caleb was uncertain. Caduceus wasn't calm any longer. Beau was... Beau was furious. Nott was panicking. Fjord... Fjord was...

There was an aching in Essek's chest that almost sent him to his knees as a sensation cold as ice gripped the marks that stood for Fjord engraved on Essek's chest. It felt as though someone was carving those symbols out with a hot knife that burned so terribly, it was cold. It took him by surprise and he struggled for a few minutes to regain himself.

Essek didn't know how he knew, but he knew; Fjord was dead.

How?

How?

Before Essek could begin to imagine what had happened he was teleporting to the familiar deck of the Balleater.

It was raining, the storm raged above him, lightning clashing with the sounds of a frantic battle. Essek looked around, desperately taking stock as the ship rocked under his feet.

There was Beau, in her night attire, holding off some sort of ocean monstrosity that was trying to bite her face off. A simply dressed Caleb was flying above the deck, getting a better vantage point to cast his spells. Yasha was carving through beasts with her sword, still in her pajamas as well. Caduceus had run out, beetles swarming around him, dressed in nothing but a simple cotton shirt and baggy pants. He didn't see Jester or Nott at the moment but he assumed they were around. They'd been surprised in the night and were desperately fighting along with their crew in their nightclothes against whatever beasts these were.

Fjord... Fjord was...

The next strike of lightning illuminated the half-orcs body a few feet across the deck, covered in his own blood and laying terrifyingly still. Towering over him was another sea beast, this one reached down and grabbed the corpse by the huge wound in Fjord's chest and began to cast dimension door.

Caleb counter spelled it, but Essek let another spell fly, this one struck the monster in it's face and as the disintegration spell took hold, Essek watched in smug satisfaction as the beast screamed in agony and released Fjord.

Caleb looked to Essek and Essek gave him a small nod. No need to say why he was there or how he had known... he knew that everyone that shared his mark knew, hence Caduceus was fighting so viciously to get to Fjord's side.

Yasha killed the last of the monstrous lot and by the time Caduceus had arrived, Essek was already surveying the damage. Jester was crying, eyes streaming down her face as she looked at Fjord's body.

"Go help Orly, I have him," Caduceus assured her and reluctantly, she agreed.

It was horrific and terrifying. Essek was chilled to the bone as his fingers brushed Fjord's scarlet blood that stained the front of his nightshirt. His face was too peaceful, his body too still. Essek felt tears in his eyes and he cursed himself for this weakness but he couldn't deny the ache that already, something terrible was missing from his life.

Suddenly, there was a hand on his shoulder and Essek looked up at Beau whose eyes were trained on Fjord as Caduceus pulled out a diamond. Jester was helping Orly but Essek knew all of her thoughts were on Fjord, as his were.

"He'll be fine," Beau managed as Caduceus's hands began glowing with the power of the Wildmother. Essek knew she wasn't speaking for his sake, but for her own. He could feel her fear and guilt coursing through her and the mark that they shared. Instinctually, he reached up and put a hand on hers and nodded.

Caleb knelt down on Essek's other side and watched in anticipation as the power of the Wildmother coursed through Fjord.

"Come on... come on Fjord," Veth pleaded as she walked up.

Yasha stood stationary beside Caduceus like a statue, tears in her eyes as she looked down at the body of her friend, regret and angered fear stinging her heart.

Essek closed his eyes and begged fate to pity them. Begged that for just once in his life that something serve him. Begged that a good man didn't die tonight... not Fjord... not anyone.

He didn't want to live without them, without any of them. Tears were spilling from his eyes as Fjord remained stationary and he felt sobs building in his throat. Beaus' grip on his shoulder tightened and Essek tried to cling to that feeling to stay grounded.

Finally, Fjord breathed. Essek never thought he'd be so relieved to hear the glorious sound of an inhale. The half-orc sat up and grunted as he put a hand to his chest that just moments ago had held an ugly hole.

"Welcome back," Caduceus breathed and Essek could feel his relief.

"Essek?" Fjord asked as he peered at the drow quizzically.

"Hello, friend," Essek managed. "You gave us quite a scare."

"Yeah, you asshole!" Beau yelled, failing to hide the sob in her voice.

"FJORD!" Jester cried, running down the stairs in frantic relief.

Fjord smiled to see them all and as a unit, everyone hugged the resurrected half-orc, even Essek found himself in this warm embrace. He gave a shaky smile to feel their heartbeats around him, smell their salty sweaty bodies. He couldn't help but feel like he belonged here, and he did.

He choked on a sob, knowing that he was too deep. There was no way he could lose these people, they meant everything to him. The mark on his chest burned at the realization and Essek only smiled.

Perhaps... soul marks meant more than he had first given them credit first. Perhaps fate wasn't so cruel. Maybe... maybe it wasn't so foolish to listen to fate once in a while.

Maybe...

Maybe it was okay to feel this happy.