Sitting in the opened trunk of my Audi, I watch the sun scurry to hide behind the glimmering surface of the ocean. The soft, warm glow of its diminishig rays kisses the tops of the cliffs near the beach and bathes the parking lot in it as well, including my car.

Which is why I picked this particular spot to watch the sunset. A front row seat to one of Earth's beautiful creations.

Although, in my very subjective opnion, women are the finest creations. But again, that's just me.

It really never gets old to admire how the sky becomes painted with a mixture of orange, pink, red, and even dashes of purple, as if an artist stands on the horizon with a brush and a palette and creates the art every evening.

This is one of the reasons why I love the beach. Not just because of all the hot guys and women walking around like an all-you-can-eat buffet, but it's also the best place for me to relax and think. Think about mylife, what I'm doing, and what my plans are.

Today, however, my thoughts are not occupied with my dream dance studio or the events of a recent hook-up or the fact that my sister is leaving up north. 

No, they're consumed by a certain small, sweet girl who told me a few hours ago that she wants something more out of this roommate situation.

That she wanted to fucking kiss me.

Me.

As her first kiss.

Maybe under normal circumstances, I would have given in like before, and then ruined the roommate thing once again. An unhealthy cycle repeating over and over again.

But Mira… she's different. Not just from everybody I've hooked up with, but even from her mother and brother.

I don't want to hurt her. I know how it will go. If she kisses me, it's a path of no return. She'll become addicted to me. And unlike others where there was a chance that they'd be fine with a one-time sex thing, I know it won't happen here.

Because I know her identity. She's demirose. She'll one hundred percent want there to be an emotional connection between us. And I can't. I'm just not ready.

The sound of a familiar car driving into the parking lot appears. It grows louder, but I keep my eyes forward at the sun, not wanting to miss the moment it finally hides below the horizon.

Besides, I've heard of the myth that staring into the late evening or early morning sun does something to your energy levels. Not that it's true though.

The car pulls in beside mine. A few seconds pass before the engine turns off. The door opens and shuts. I spare a glance out of the corner of my eye as my sister walks toward me.

She stops near me, and with a frustrated sigh, sits beside me. A few silent moments pass as the sun begins to disappear little by little, casting the parking lot in bluish-black shadows.

“You're going to make me ask you what happened, huh?” When she doesn't receive an answer from me, she again sighs. “What happened?”

I still don't answer, not right away. I don't know how to tell her, but I need advice. Advice from my younger sister. Funny how our roles are reversed, all because I've screwed up. Literally too.

“Nat… you slept with her, didn't you?” Anna nudges me in the shoulder. “Seriously? Are you insa-”

“No, I didn't, Anna,” I finally speak up. “The opposite, actually.”

“What do you mean?”

“I met her at the dance studio earlier today." Funny how the universe insists on bumping us together. "After we danced, she said she wanted to kiss me. Not because of… a physical attraction but because she finds me … interesting, complex… and I … refused. I just left

"You refused to kiss someone?" Anna's voice carries a hint of feigned surprise.

I roll my eyes and look at her. "I'm serious, An." I slide further back into the trunk and cross my legs. "I just... I couldn't do it to her, you know. What I do to everyone else."

She raises an eyebrow. "What makes you so sure that's what will happen?"

"Have you met me?" I scoff.

"Yeah, I have." She sighs. "Which is why it's surprising to me that for once, in a long time, you're rejecting kissing someone. Look, I've never met her, but from what you've told me, she sounds like a nice girl. You said she's 'different' from her... family right?"

My mouth settles in a flat line. "She is. At least from what I've seen. But she's not my type. Girls like her were never my type."

Despite the fact that I've imagined her naked on the second day.

Anna snorts. "Nat, everyone's your type. You're just using a poor excuse to not try to have something serious instead of a brief fling. And if the latter happens, well, then you'll move on right?"

"She's demi, An. And I know that means she won't be okay with anything other than a deep relationship. I'll break her heart. And this time, I don't want that to happen. Not to her."

Anna's mouth drops in a soft O. "Oh... She's different different."

I nod. She chews on her bottom lip in deep thought. I know my sister is demi as well. Not both types, but just demisexual. Which is the main reason why I called her over. And she's dated before, so she has some personal experience in how it feels. And maybe... maybe it can help with Mira.

Taking a deep breath, I ask the question. “When you want to kiss someone, what are your reasons for wanting to?”

Anna looks at me with an arched eyebrow. We've never directly talked about this subject, just a few mentions here and there, so it feels like a huge weight is lifted off my chest in the form of relief when understanding floods her face.

She takes a deep breath. “I've always felt a deep connection with them. Like, on a more emotional level? Basically, I spend time with them, get to know them, and develop feelings for them that extend beyond physical form, if that makes sense. Does physical attraction matter? For most, yeah. Can we be pulled toward one because of that? Sure, even if we're demi. But we don't want anything more on a sexual level until we first feel in love with them.”

“Ah, I see... that makes sense.” But it definitely doesn't mitigate the rising panic inside me, because that just double-confirmed my already known ideas about demi sexuality.

“You know what, Nat?" Anna slides off the car and jumps on the ground. I scrunch my eyebrows together when she turns toward me and crosses her arms. What now? "You should be talking about this with Mira, not me.”

I blink several times. “But I-”

“Nat, you can't just keep on ignoring shit. You know you'll have to get back to the apartment where she will obviously want an explanation of some sort. And what, you're just going to forget about everything?”

“That's what I told her though.” I shrug.

"To forget about it?"

I nod.

“You fucking idiot. You know that neither if you are going to be able to do that.”

I don't blame my sister for being annoyed with me. This is what I keep doing. And maybe she's right. Maybe I should talk about it with Mira. What's the worst that could happen? Just me moving out, right?

Right?

“It's just… a risk, and I don't know if I'm ready. She's the one who will get her heart broken if she gets involved with me," I say instead.

“See? That means you care about her. Talk about it with her, and maybe, who knows, my couch can be single once again and permanently divorced from your ass.”

I roll my eyes, but I smile anyway. "Maybe I will."

“No maybes. You wanted some advice? That's my advice. Instead of running away, run toward her.” She turns to walk away, then says over her shoulder, "Do something different for once, Nat. You deserve a healthy relationship. Maybe this one is it. Go after your girl."

I watch her as she climbs into her car and drives off, diminishing into a blurry silhouette as darkness fall all around me. The moon peeks out in full form, it's white light illuminating the beach and my surroundings.

What if she's right? What if this one is it? I guess there's only one way to find.

First step: going home.