“Fuck, fuck,” Natalie mutters, running her hands through her hair in a frenzy.

I wince inwardly at her use of curse words, even though I should be used to it by now. Should I be? I don't even know. Oh my god, what did I do wrong? Wasn't this what she wanted? Shouldn't she have… like… zero problems with this?

I hop off the couch’s armrest. “Natalie, did I… was I bad?” That must have been it. I want to convince myself that was the problem, and not her trying to reverse what happened.

“No, you… you were good, great, perfect,” she says, leaning back against the beige kitchen column.

I frown. “I was? Then what's the pro–”

“That is exactly the problem, Mira.” Biting her lip, she looks away. “You… you are too perfect for me.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“You don't deserve to be with someone like me,” her voice drops below a whisper.

I walk to her and reach out for her hand. “Nat, I–” She yanks her hand away from me and refuses to look at me. “Nat, w-we fit. We're good for each other. Please, look at me.”

Natalie slowly turns her head, moisture glistening in her eyes. “I’m going to hurt you, Mira. You and I both know it will happen. That's what I do. That's what I am. I'm… a fucking curse.”

“No, you're not.” I make another attempt at her wrist, and this time she doesn't pull away. Warmth from our skin touching floods me, giving me a sudden burst of the will to fight. Fight for what we have. “You're more than great. You're awesome. Cool. Pretty.”

She scoffs. “Just pretty, huh?”

I smile. “You're beautiful, Natalie. And you're not a curse. You're a blessing to the people who can see that. And I'm one of them.”

“Why do you believe that in me?”

“Because I love you.”

Her eyes widen as she shifts her body. For a brief second, I'm afraid that she's going to try to run away again, run from what we have. Saying those words, telling her that I love her, it came to me with an ease I would have never expected, especially for someone of the same gender. A woman. A woman like Natalie.

“I love you, Natalie.”

Her body stiffens as her face contorts into a frown. “Where is all of this even coming from? We both agreed to just be friends two weeks ago, and today you call me saying there's some sort of emergency. And then, you rush in here like a maniac and throw yourself at me like an animal. What happened? Are you ovulating or something? Are you suddenly not demi?”

I frown. That's not how it works, and no, I'm not ovu– whatever. Demis don't just switch when we meet someone... Do we? I don't know. How is that even important right now? I feel like I'm losing Natalie, and I won't be able to hold on to her. To prevent her from leaving again.

Opening my mouth, I close it again in hesitation. I don't think the main reason even matters, but what if she takes it the wrong way? I know that she and my mom are not on good terms even from day one. My mom's words again circle my mind, the way she told me that Natalie is bad news, that she will never accept me liking another girl.

But isn't the whole point of me wanting to live out of my parents' house is to have more freedom? To... to wrench myself free from my mother's iron, homophobic hand? Her ideologies and obsession with Christianity since four years ago?

Taking a deep breath, I decide to say exactly what happened. I don't, I can't lie. Not to Natalie. Lying doesn't even come naturally to me. No, no, she shouldn't take it the wrong way. Everything will work out. She'll understand.

“I was at my parents' house.”

No sooner than do those words leave my mouth when she yanks her arm from me and straightens up against the column. Panic floods my heart when I realize there's no going back from what I said, and I might have just ruined everything.

“Your mother… she said something to you, didn't she? All of this, your reaction, is because of her?” She laughs ruefully. “Fuck, I should've known.”

“No! No, what she said, it helped me realize that what we have is special. Nat.” She pushes herself off the column, but I step in front of her to block her from escaping. “I really, really do love you.”

Natalie sidesteps, but I step in front of her again. She sighs. "Are we seriously going to do this dance, Mira?"

"I don't want you to run away from me, from us again. I know you're afraid you'll hurt me, but I also know that you won't. I believe in you."

She looks down at me, her height never so obvious until this point. Her face softens while her eyes still hold the pain, swirling in them like whirlpools.

“You shouldn't, fruit tart,” she whispers. “You deserve someone who can treat you right.”

“Then treat me right.” I take another step forward, our bodies once again just an inch from each other. “Don't run away, Natalie. Not now. Not when I've fallen for all of you. For who you are.”

She shakes her head. “Mira…”

“Don't do this to me. Please.” I raise myself on my tippy toes and plant a kiss on her lips. She blinks in surprise. Leaning my body against hers, I can feel her shiver as she sucks in a deep breath. Her confidence is gone, and the woman before me is nervous. I am making her nervous. The knowledge is thrilling to me.

Her hand glides up my side until she reaches my neck, wrapping around the back as her thumb traces my cheek. “Do you even know how dangerous I am for you? The risks you'll be taking?”

I nod. “Yes. I do. But I trust you. And I know you will not hurt me. You said you wanted to wait until you're sure we can be together without that happening. It won't.”

“That's your first mistake, fruit tart. Trusting me. That's the last thing you should do.”

“Then don't hurt me.”

Her eyes search mine, the shade of oceanic blue pulling me into her like waves crashing over the beach. Crashing into my life. Maybe I still don't understand Natalie completely, but kissing her, that I know is what I want to do again.

She cups my face and our lips meet. God, she's so soft, so hot, our bodies pressing together even more, heat traveling every inch of my skin. She moans into my mouth, the sound sending vibrations down to my core. Her teeth graze against my lip as I devour her mouth, the bittersweet taste sending my mind into a frenzy.

If this is how kissing feels like, then I'm glad my first kiss is with Natalie Holt.

Her hands roam my back until they grab me by my butt and lift me up. I squeak a little, emitting a smile from her. My legs wrap around her waist as I hold onto her shoulders. She carries me, I don't know where as my focus is primarily on her face and lips. She lays me down on something soft, our kiss never breaking off as pastel pink colors appear in my periphery.

Oh, I'm in my bedroom. She carried me all the way here... God, she's strong. My hands travel along her biceps, so firm and... and... Wait.

“I'm… I'm not ready for this,” I breathe out.

Natalie smiles. “I knew that. I just figured it's time for your curfew, fruit tart.”

With a playful scoff, I grab a pillow and swing it at her, which she blocks with ease. Her blue eyes glisten with amusement, much like a sun shines off the surface of the ocean after a passing storm. And she's on top of me, the heat between us sending shivers up and down my whole body.

"Nat, I-I know you have these... Urges or whatever, so like I said before, I don't mind if you want to---"

"I'm definitely sexually frustrated, but I'll wait for you, fruit tart. Only when you're ready. And only when you and I are actually exclusive."

I really don't care if she wants to do whatever she does with others, but there's also a small voice in the back of my head that doesn't want her to. So hearing those words of reassurance is everything to me.

I take a deep breath. "Okay, sounds good."

Natalie smiles. "You were amazing, by the way. I have hard time believing that's your first kiss." With a wink, she starts to climb off when my mouth decides to open before thinking.

“Would you like to sleep together tonight?” I sit up on the bed.

She raises an eyebrow with her palms still on the covers. “Didn't you just say you're not ready?”

Heat flushes my face when I realize the words I said. But more so because I'm actually looking down at her, and the sight of her gazing at me with her head tilting up is... it does something to me I can't explain.

“I mean, just, you know um… like just sleep together?”

“You mean, cuddle?”

I nod vigorously. “Yes! Please?”

She ponders for a few seconds before the corners of her lips tug up in a smile, the edges of her eyes crinkling. “Of course.” Then she scans my body. “Let's change clothes first though, yes?”

We change clothes on opposite sides of the room. As I reach for my pj's, I catch a glimpse of her naked backside. She looks so… stunning. And hot. The phoenix tattoo with its wings spanning both shoulder blades rippling with life as she moves her arms to pull on a shirt. Hopefully one of these days I'll ask her what it means. To her.

“Drooling over me again, fruit tart?” she asks, her voice ripping through my thoughts. How did she know that I'm innocently admiring her art? Definitely not drooling. Nope.

My face is burning by now. Clearing my throat, I quickly put my pj's on. Just as I pull over the shirt, Natalie turns around, a bemused smile on her lips, the same ones I've been kissing like someone with an unquenchable thirst. 

My gaze travels from her face down to her normal-sized T-shirt and shorts that barely cover her... Ahhh, nope, look away Mira.

I rush to the bed and climb in, with her following. This feels like deja vu, from that second night of sleeping together. Except instead of a wall of pillows, there's nothing. Nothing between us.

Pulling the covers over me, I lie back and stare at the ceiling. “So um… I don't exactly know how to cuddle with… with someone w-who is… you know…”

She chuckles, the sound low and deep, vibrating through my bones. I hear her rustle beside me before silence spreads through the room. Then her sultry voice drifts to my ears. “Just lie down next to me or on top of me, however you want to. It will come to you naturally, so whichever position feels the best for you.”

Glancing over to her, she's looking at me with slight smile. Okay, this shouldn't be too hard. I mean, what do I want to do right now? I decide to let my body figure it out for itself.

So I just wrap my arm around her and nuzzle against her chest. It feels so nice, to hear her heartbeat, to feel it beating against my ear at a rhythmic pace. Thump, thump, thump.

Most importantly, I feel safe in her embrace. Comfortable. Amazing. I close my eyes, my mind drifting away slowly. This all feels perfect. Just like her. Just like us.

Natalie's fingers brush along my face with a feathery touch before her lips press against the top of my head.

“Good night, fruit tart.”