Present Day - Final Chapter
"She just lost it, you know? Just completely lost it!" Hadia tells Inayah for the millionth time this past month. Both of them have now found teasing me on this topic as their new activity.
School has begun again and the three of us sit together during the lunch break, snacking on berries grown in Inayah's house.
"I'm just surprised on how you got through it, Hadia," Inayah says, laughing. "When I met this girl, I instantly got this urge to protect her. She gives off that innocent vibe and it's probably a good thing. The girl's probably scared of her own shadow."
"I'm not a wimp if that's what you're implying!"
"Just yesterday you were panicking because your husband was ten minutes late from picking you up from the bazaar," Inayah counters.
"I was not panicking, I was worrying about him."
"Wimps usually worry a lot too. In fact, isn't a fear a lot like worry?" Inayah asks.
"Well at least I feel something, be it worry. That's better than being completely emotionless like you! You're too chilled out for your own good," Hadia says, going a little red in the face.
"I'm not the one who's too chilled out. That's Esha. Like that time that cute guy was so clearly interested in her and she kept shrugging it off as if it was nothing," Inayah says and I look at her, confused.
"What?"
"It was about a year ago. I was really hoping something would happen between you two but no, you were just being impossible."
"That is true, Esha. Why do you act chilled at all the wrong times?" Hadia asks and I look between them.
"I'm sorry, weren't you guys arguing? Why has the attention come on me?" I ask.
"Because you're like the opposite of Hadia," Inayah says.
"Yeah, how is it you're always calm?"
"Guys, make your minds up," I say, throwing my hands in the air. "One minute you're teasing me about losing it and the next minute you're claiming I'm too calm!"
"We're saying you're too calm at the wrong times! Like the time you had a chance with that cute guy!"
"I'm gonna tell brother Kabir you're calling another guy cute," I say, narrowing my eyes at Inayah.
"Well you know I don't mean it in that way. Cute like a brother-in-law. Like how we agree Khalil's handsome, right?" Inayah says and Hadia smiles shyly.
"Oh Lord help her, this girl's blushing like she got married yesterday!" I say, pointing a hand towards Hadia and she smacks it away.
"Yeah, because I have emotions! Unlike some people!" Hadia replies.
"You want to see emotions? You want me to lose it again? On you this time!" I say and Hadia grabs Inayah's arm.
"I'm actually scared she might be serious," She says and I start laughing.
"I don't think I could lose it on you if I tried!" I say. Then a question comes to mind and I ask, curious of the answer. "If Khalil ever tells you off, do you cry?" I see Inayah holding back a smile, probably already knowing the answer.
"Sometimes. I told him if he wants to tell me off, to tell me really nicely and be really happy too. He tries."
"She once cried because he slapped his forehead in annoyance at her," Inayah tells me, and both of us burst out laughing. "And then he slapped his forehead again because she was crying!"
"It's not funny! I was embarrassed!" Hadia argues. I try to control my laughing, feeling a little bad. I knew Hadia was sensitive but I'm now learning to what extent. But that's just Hadia. It's one of her qualities which makes her who she is, and as a result, makes her more loveable to us all. And I know brother Khalil probably loves her more for this reason.
For a moment, I feel a bit lonely and sad again. I force a smile to stay on my face but I think about how I want to be in a marriage again. I want to have a husband who loves all those weird little things about me, who would get annoyed at me and laugh at me but love me nonetheless. I miss that so much!
"Earth to Esha, what are you thinking?" Inayah asks, snapping her fingers in front of my face.
"Nothing. I just remembered I have some marking to do so I'm gonna have to go back to class. Lunch is going to be over in a little while and I haven't got much time," I say, standing up.
"Are you okay?" Hadia asks and I nod.
"Fine. I'll see you later, okay?"
"Okay," Hadia and Inayah reply. I leave, throwing away the seeds from the berries I'd eaten on the way out.
At the end of the school day, the three of us reunite with our children. Hadia seems a bit nervous as she invites me to her house, claiming there's something she needs to talk about. I agree to go and we depart from Inayah as the two of us leave with our children.
As we enter Hadia's house and take a seat, Hadia informs me that her husband isn't home so I can remove my niqab. I do so as I settle down, watching the children playing outside while Hadia goes to the kitchen.
"So, what did you want to talk about?" I ask as Hadia returns and puts two mugs of tea in front of us, one for me and one for herself.
"Well, you want to get married, right?" She asks and I nod. "Would you mind being a second wife?"
"I've considered it. As long as the other wife is completely cool with it," I reply.
"Then I might have a really good proposal for you," Hadia says, playing with her fingers.
"Really? Who?"
"Well, I thought about this a lot before but I couldn't do it. But in the past month I've been thinking about it even more and I'm convinced that things will work out fine!" Hadia says, a little too fast for my liking.
"What on earth are you talking about?"
"Now, I haven't asked him yet. I thought I'd have your approval first." I frown at Hadia but stay quiet, waiting for her to continue. "It will be difficult at first, but like I said, I've thought lots about it. I mean, I'm probably more possessive of my husband than most women but I love you like I sister. And I've seen your struggles and felt them with you! It's about time I stop being selfish and give you the option of security and comfort that you're so in need of!"
"Hadia, spit it out. What are you trying to say?" I ask, though I think I'm starting to understand. Or am I?
"Khalil is a very good husband and both of us already love Isa. He has a lot of respect for you and this is one of the reasons why Islam allows plural marriage. Would you consider marrying my husband?" Hadia asks and I stare at her in shock.
"Have you lost your mind?!"
"Look, just think about it."
"You want me to marry your husband?" I ask again, just to clarify what we're discussing. Hadia nods and I shake my head. Then I decide to test Hadia. "Are you sure?"
"Positive."
"Well, I've always thought he was quite handsome," I say and the look on Hadia's face is priceless.
"Really?" She says in disbelief.
"Yeah. And you're right, he does love Isa. And Isa treats him like a father already!" By now, the look of heartbreak is clear on Hadia's face as she forces on a smile. I can see tears forming in her eyes and I shake my head.
"That's true," She replies in a weak voice. Then I lightly slap her across her head.
"I'm not going to marry you husband, Hadia. Thank you for the offer but no way!" I say and Hadia breathes a sigh of relief and I laugh.
"Are you sure?"
"Positive! You two are like the cutest couple I know. I'd never want anyone to come between you two, especially not me! And to be honest with you, I don't think your husband would allow it either," I say and Hadia looks down shyly. "I see the way he looks at you," I say, nudging her.
"Oh, stop it!" She replies, giggling.
"You're so silly, Hadia," I say, shaking my head at her. Hadia just grins back.

When I return to Uncle Ijaz's house with Isa, I get a phone call around dinner time. It's a pleasant surprise, but it also leaves me feeling guilty. It's from a friend I last spoke to properly years ago!
"Asalamu'alaykum," I hear an old friend say.
"Wa'alaykumusalaam, Rhaysa!" I reply, shocked.
"I got your number from Asma. She's not talking to you by the way," Rhaysa says and I wince.
"Uh oh, I'm in trouble."
Rhaysa used to go to Qur'an classes with Asma and I. Asma phoned my during Ramadan, not long before I was due to go England. She'd said the same line she used to say when I married Isa's father. 'Hey Esha, how's Isa!' She stopped after the news of the incident reached her but she'd started again. And she'd made me promise to meet her when I went to England but I forgot!
"She's quite upset you left without even phoning her! She and her daughters wanted to meet your little Isa," Rhaysa tells me and I feel so guilty.
"How are her daughters? Hafsa... Fozia? And the third one..."
"You forgot their names too? Hafsa, Faiza and Samiya," Rhaysa says, almost scolding me.
"I remember! I just needed to be reminded otherwise I knew. Has Hafsa agreed to any marriage proposals yet?" I ask, remembering my last conversation with Asma
"No, she's still having a tough time with that. But seriously, why didn't you come to see us?" Rhaysa asks.
"Well, I've been so busy and caught up in my own marriage proposals. When we first came, I was helping Isa settle down. Then everyone was on my case about marriage, trying to get me to agree. When I did, Ummi had made arrangements for an endless amount of marriage meetings. I just got so caught up in it all and before I knew it, I had to come back," I say apologetically
"You're finally marrying again? Masha'Allah! I can't believe this! Wait until I tell Asma, she'll stop being angry at you and call you up with too much advice for you to handle."
"Yeah, probably. I miss her now. She's like the aunt I've never had," I say and there's a pause.
"You have aunts."
"Believe me, there's nothing but shared blood that makes them my aunts. Let's stick to Asma being our aunt."
"You know, she hates it when you say she's an aunt type of figure. I think we make her feel young and then you say stupid stuff like that and take it away from her!"
"Okay okay, forget about that! Tell me about you!" I say, beginning to bombard her with questions about her husband and work and their one child. Rhaysa goes into stories which sound delightful! Stories of an ideal kind of family.
Once the phone call finishes, I start getting Isa ready for bed. I sit with Uncle Ijaz for a little while before I decide to go to bed too, though it's a little early for me.
I'm feeling some sort of discomfort. I'm happy for Rhaysa. I'm happy for Hadia too. But I want what they have. I close my eyes and let myself replay the memories of Isa's father holding me, they way he looked at me. I remember his scent, his smile, his lovely words. I remember how he made me feel. I want to feel like that again. And I realise I'm starting to feel sad. Really sad.
I laugh at myself. How is this possible? A few months ago, I wouldn't have considered even considering marriage. And now I feel like I'm craving it.
Darn Mustafa just had to be from Karachi!
With that angry thought, I force myself to sleep.

I don't feel particularly better in the next few days. To make things worse, I'm feeling homesick and I think Isa is too. He keeps asking me, when are we going home? And I keep replying, soon. I don't even know if we're ever going to go back.
These thoughts result in me becoming the object of another one of Inayah's lectures once she gets out the reason for why I'm upset. I only go as far as explaining that I'm getting impatient to marry when she begins. So this time, the lecture is about having hope and faith.
"In'sha'Allah you'll find someone soon. I'm a little more picky with people I'd set you up with than your mum. I'm doing my own background checks for every potential. Just have faith, I'll find you someone!" Inayah insists. I just nod along while looking at the kids' homework.
I know she's right. I need to stop being so moody. It's silly how I never felt like this before when Abu asked me to marry. I never really regarded myself as the romantic sort. But having experienced such an amazing marriage as the one I'd had, I can't help but want something like that again.
The next day is Jum'ah (Friday) and I pray after every Salah that I have my own secure home with a secure family for Isa. Somewhere where both of us can stay permanently. A place where Isa can grow up with a fatherly figure in his life.
I pray extra during the last hour after Asr, in accordance with the hadith narrated about du'as being accepted in the last hour of Asr on a Friday. Then I pray for my house and tears begin to fall as I think of the state of it. The walls are painted and things were getting cleaned up, but so much of it was ruined. Bur what's going to happen when it is fixed! There's no guarantee such a thing won't happen again.
"Mama, why are you crying?" Isa asks, as he walks over to me. I finish my prayer for the house to be back to how it used to be soon and say Ameen. Then I bring Isa onto my lap and hug him. "Mama what happened?"
"Nothing," I say, kissing his forehead.
"Why are you crying?"
"Just," I sigh. Then I decide Isa deserves to know a little about what's happening. "We might be staying here for a long time. We can't go home yet, okay? Our house got a little bit broken but we're fixing it. But that means you get to play with Aqsa and Danial and the other kids everyday!" I say.
"How did our house break?"
"Somebody bad got inside again. But it's okay, the police got them." Well, they did get that one guy. Isa ponders upon this. "You're going to be okay here, right?" I ask and Isa nods.
"Yeah. Danial said he'll take me to the fields to play cricket with the big boys," Isa says and I feel relieved. That's one of my worries gone. Isa's happy here.
But the other major one is still hanging over me. I decide it's wrong to feel depressed over such a thing. I should continue life feeling happy, having faith in my heart that I'll marry when the time is right.
The next day, I feel better in trying to be positive.

Both of Uncle Ijaz's sons live away with their families but they are due to visit, as they always did on Saturdays. I admire how this family stays so close.
However, this means I have to keep my niqab with me at all times. I'm usually wearing an abaya anyway, and have my hijab on because of the amount of people which come and go daily. It's mostly women but I cover my face with my hijab if a man enters, before I go the secure my niqab.
I sit in the veranda, looking out at the children playing when there's a knock in the door. I run inside my room, putting my niqab on, expecting the arrival of my male cousins and their wives and children.
I pause at the mirror, aware that the usual noise which follows their arrival can't be heard. I peek out of the window and see a white shalwar kameez, not being able to make out who the person is. Dismissing it as one of Uncle Ijaz's friends, I wait for how long I think it may take for them to enter the sitting room, where Uncle Ijaz usually takes the male guests. Then I step out into the veranda again.
Isa comes running to me.
"That's Uncle Mustafa! He's here! How is he here? We have to tell Uncle Imran!" He says with so much excitement.
I stare back in shock.
"Don't be silly. How can he be here? It's probably someone who looks like him," I say. "Besides, if it was him, he would have seen you and said hello."
"I'm the monster, I was hiding! I saw him through the holes in that wall when I was looking for my prey. He didn't see me," Isa says, describing his game.
"If you were looking through holes in a wall, then you must be mistaken," I say. "But go and check." I give Isa a little shove in the direction of the sitting room and he nods before running off.
How can Mustafa be here? How is that even possible? It must be a mistake. I mean, why would he be here? Wasn't there was that whole living problem which got between us?
"Mama, come inside! It is Uncle Mustafa!" I shake my head at him. "But you're being called!"
"Isa!"
"Esha!" my uncle calls. "Come in, child." Unable to protest against my uncle, I take a deep breath and clear out my mind of all thoughts before stepping inside.
And there he is. And Isa decides to sit next to him playing a game on a phone. I don't know whose phone and I'm hoping it's not Mustafa's.
"How on earth are you here?" I ask. I look over at Uncle Ijaz and see that he looks a little confused and shocked. I hear Mustafa chuckling. Uncle Ijaz taps the seat next to him, indicating for me to sit. I sit next to Uncle Ijaz and wait for Mustafa to explain himself.
"I phoned Imran to ask how you and Isa were doing," He says, ruffling Isa's hair. He's speaking in Urdu this time, probably out of respect for Uncle Ijaz. "I'd also decided to let him know I was going back to Karachi. I was heading that way anyway, and talking to you and then my mother getting sick all just affirmed it. He told me what happened to your house and such. I felt terrible. I took care of everything back in England and came around a week ago. I told my mother about you, about your situation. I felt so helpless and she decided to send me here to try again."
"Your mother sent you to try again?" I ask.
"She's er... She's actually worried about Isa," Mustafa says with a little laugh.
"You know his mother?" Uncle Ijaz asks me and I shake my head.
"No, but I wish I did."
"You can. I'm here because I'm worried for you and Isa. I'm fond of you both and I have the means to provide you both with security which, evidently, you need. We're living in a world where we're being taught men and women don't need each other. Just because you can survive alone, doesn't mean you don't need anyone. I need a wife and you need a husband. Isa needs a father and I'm more than happy to fulfil that role if only you can reconsider your condition to the marriage."
"This is because he's from Karachi?" Uncle Ijaz asks and I nod. Mustafa probably told him.
"You know why I can't move there," I say to them both.
"I assure you there's no danger where we live. It's a really nice place and everyone gets on well. Albeit, there's the tensions between families which I told you about but that's as far as it goes."
"I can't just leave and go all the way to Karachi! What about Isa?" At this, Isa looks up
"Isa, do you want to go Karachi?" Mustafa asks.
"Why?" He asks.
"Because it's a really cool place. They have all sorts of cool things there! There's a huge mall and really good schools."
"No one speaks Punjabi there," I complain.
"We can speak Punjabi! We just think Urdu's a better language," Mustafa says in Punjabi and I can't help but laugh.
"That sounds so awkward," I say and Mustafa goes a little red.
"Anyway, there's nice tall buildings in Karachi too."
"Well, since I've learnt the hadith on tall buildings, I'm not so keen on how nice they are," I counter.
"And there are fantastic opportunities for your future, Isa. Good universities and good jobs."
"That's true."
"Finally you admit something."
"Do they have toys and chocolate and fields to play cricket and football?" Isa asks.
"There's beautiful parks there with lots of space to play! And there's a water park too! And they have the best dessert places," Mustafa says, as if the place is so magical.
"I wanna go Karachi!" Isa says and I shake my head
"Why would you do that? It's not fair! Our villages are better. Why can't you move here?" I ask, annoyed.
"I can't leave my mother."
"Bring her. What if Isa gets there and he doesn't like it there?"
"If I bring her, I'll have to bring my father, sister and her husband along with their child. It's not possible."
"Esha, I think you should consider it," Uncle Ijaz says. "I've been looking for a proposal that will meet your standards but it's so difficult. If the man agrees to see you, his mother doesn't. And Mustafa is right. Karachi can be wonderful for Isa's future. Let go of the past. That incident is very unlikely to repeat itself."
I look between them all. I like Mustafa and I can imagine us getting on really well. But do I have to move so far? I know there are opportunities for Isa there. And I know it's getting increasingly difficult to find a spouse here, especially after the recent incidents. There's also the fact that I feel like a burden on my uncle.
"You really wouldn't mind moving to Karachi, Isa?"
"It sounds cool."
"Children adapt to places quickly most of the time. Besides, I'll bring you here often to check up on your school and such."
"How often?"
"Once a month?"
"That's too little."
"Once a month from Thursday to Sunday. That's three days a month," Mustafa reasons.
What do I do? I'm literally in a situation in which I might not find someone so good again. Even Uncle Ijaz is advising me to go for it.
"Pray on it," Mustafa says, as if reading my thoughts. "Then let me know."
"You haven't even seen my face. How can you follow me to this village and try to convince me again. This is unreal," I say. I don't add that this is changing my heart. I want to say yes but I'm terrified.
But then Mustafa puts an arm on Isa's shoulder and smiles down at him.
"You're not the only reason," He says. "Every time I thought you two might be struggling, I felt like maybe it's my fault. That I need to do something. It's crazy but it's led me here."
"You're crazy," I say and Mustafa laughs.
"Maybe," He replies, shrugging.
There's a knock on the door and Danial comes in to call Isa out. Isa follows him out.
"Why haven't you seen her face yet? Isn't it your right if you're talking about marriage?" Uncle Ijaz asks Mustafa once Isa's gone.
"Well, that's up to Esha." Expectant eyes turn towards me and I look back and forth.
"You want to see my face?" I ask Mustafa.
"Well... Yeah, of course I want to. But it's... It's obviously your choice," He responds, nervously.
I lift my hands and place them behind my head and undo my niqab. I pull it off and look down. This is embarrassing. And the silence which continues makes it even more embarrassing.
"You haven't changed your mind, have you?" I ask.
"No no, definitely not," Mustafa says, with an emphasis on definitely. "I'm just holding back saying things which only a husband should have the right to say." I look up to see that Mustafa is looking away, with a little smile on his face.
"Then I want to give you that right," I say, surprising myself as I receive two shocked expressions.
"Are you sure?" Uncle Ijaz asks.
"I can't go home with Isa alone now. I don't feel it's safe for him. I can't stay here much longer. And you're right, Karachi has a lot of opportunities. I can teach there too, right? And you said you'll bring us back often. I'd be stupid to reject this." My feelings towards this are mixed, but logic is showing that this is probably the best thing for Isa and I.
"You want to move to Karachi?" Mustafa asks
"I don't really want to but if it's good for Isa and I then why not?"
"Then let's set a date!" Uncle Ijaz says.
"Wait! Esha, that's wonderful news for me but I want you to take some time to properly think about this. You have to be completely sure."
"You can give me time to get my head around this but I don't think my decision will change. But we're having the wedding here," I say and Mustafa laughs.
"I did it! I convinced you!" He says in disbelief.
"I guess you did," I say, laughing a little too.
We continue talking about the preparation which were to come next and how we were going to break the news to everyone.
We're interrupted by a knock on the door and Danial walks in again.
"Everyone's here and they're waiting for you," he says to Uncle Ijaz, probably referring to the arrival of my cousins.
"I'll guess I'll leave then," Mustafa says but Uncle Ijaz stops him.
"Nonsense. You've come all the way from Karachi and you haven't even had tea. You're staying for dinner and that's final." Mustafa opens his mouth to protest.
"Don't argue with my uncle, that will make a bad impression on me," I say and Mustafa smiles.
"Okay, I'll stay," He says.
"Can I take Isa and go to see Inayah and Hadia?" I ask Uncle Ijaz while tying my niqab on.
"Why don't you leave Isa here?"
"No, he might get into mischief," I say.
"I'll look over him," Mustafa says. I shake my head. "Isn't that soon going to be my job anyway?" He asks.
"Yeah, let him take care of Isa for a little while."
Hesitantly, I give in.
Then I make a quick call for an emergency meeting with my two best friends. We agree to meet closer to where I am as I don't have anyone to travel with.
We meet at a dingy looking cafe with delicious tea and they as me why I called them. Their tones give away worry and concern.
"You won't believe me," I say.
"Tell us!" They insist.
"I'm getting married. To Mustafa." Inayah and Hadia look at me, then between each other and then at me again. "That's right. I'm getting married to Mustafa who I met in England."
The next moment, I'm being squashed in hugs with squealing in my ears.
"How?" They both keep asking and I tell them the crazy story of how it happened.

Life's been crazy and unpredictable. There are probably more twists and turns to come in the future. But perhaps that's the beauty of it.
One moment, I'm feeling against the idea of ever remarrying, thinking the wounds of the loss of my first husband haven't healed. Then I find myself wanting to marry, a feeling I've never really had.
But then there's those little short moments in life which change your heart, your mindset and your whole life! Whether it be a death or a life or a life-altering occasion. I've experienced all three. The moment I unexpectedly lost Isa's father, my life changed dramatically. The moment Isa was born, I felt more love than I could have ever have imagined for him and things got better. And now, I'm getting married and moving to a city I said I'll never go to again.
Days after my meeting with Mustafa, he comes with his mother and a date is set! Ummi and Eliza book their tickets accordingly to attend the wedding.
Everything's happening so quickly and it's all so crazy but I'm getting married and I'm beyond happy. The whole Karachi move is still terrifying but when I think of Mustafa taking care of us, I don't feel so scared. He'll provide Isa and I with what we need and I know he'll take care of us wherever we are. And it seems like he's bonding with Isa day by day.
Things didn't go exactly as I wanted and I've had to make a few compromises but I think it's all worth it. At the end of the day, Isa and I are happy. And Mustafa too. My husband-to-be!

The End

A/N: There will be an epilogue.