"So...did you have fun tonight?" Chen asks when we make it back to the dorms.

"Yeah, it was fun. Except for our little drama, I enjoyed myself" I said literally peeling my pants down my thighs. "Gah, Chen can you help me?" My efforts to get out of my pants were becoming almost pathetic.

Chen snorts "sure" he comes over to me and I lay down on my bed.

I lift my legs up and lean back on my forearms, my position forcing a slight blush claim my cheeks "now grab the waistline and pull"

He nods and slips his fingers in between the jeans and the outside of my thighs. His fingers linger there and he makes eye contact with me sending flames to lick at my bones.

"Xiu..." Chen whispers huskily.

My skin tingles, but a voice in my head hisses at me 'go ahead, let yourself get hurt again... kiss him and let him destroy you'

I look away "my circulation in being cut off, can you please hurry"

Chen gasps and apologizes, quickly doing as I ask, pulling the jeans gently down my thighs till they reach my knees "I can get it from here" I snap and push him away pulling them off the rest of the way.

Jumping up, I hurry to my closet and take a huge breath. 'what the hell is wrong with you, it's possible he may feel the same way, so why do you keep pushing him away?' But I knew the answer to that, he could still change his mind, it's not like he's in love with me.

"Xiu, did I do something wrong?" Chen asks and I jump at the sound of his voice finally noticing he was standing in the doorway to my closet.

"No, why would you think that?" I ask without emotion in my voice, refusing to look at him.

"I just feel like you've been avoiding me a lot lately and I just want to know if there was something I did wrong" Chen looks at the floor when I finally look at him.

"Chen, you didn't do anything wrong... it's just... i'm a little stressed" I place a hand on his shoulder and give it a squeeze "let's just get some sleep" I say and lead Chen back out into the bed room tucking him into his bed "I'm going to go take a shower, you try to get some rest"

Chen smiles sleepily and almost instantly starts to fall asleep "don't forget my nightly kiss when you come back" Chen says with his eyes closed.

I stop in my tracks, my stomach tightening, feeling like I was just punched "you know about that?"

Chen smiles and just hums clearly already to far gone to have a coherent conversation.

I shake my head, maybe he was just kidding and had no idea that I kiss him every night before I go to bed. 'That's probably it, I'm just overreacting usual.'

I grab my towel off the back of the door and step into the hallway, putting it out of my mind.

>>>>>

I was sitting on my bed listening to music the next day thinking about last night and how it ended. A part of me was disappointed in myself for being a coward and not making a move, but another part was relieved because I was scared of how Chen would react.

I get a text suddenly bringing me out of my frustrating thoughts.

From: Curious bestie
To: Possible sore ass

Hey, how did it go with the 'non-boyfriend' boyfriend

I can't help but laugh at Heechul's way with words.

To: Over curious Bestie
From: Not sore in the slightest

Nothing happened, we came home and went to bed without saying much to each other, it was so awkward in our room.

From: Exasperated bestie
To: Ball dropper

Wait, you two share a room? How have you not screwed by now?

To: Slut bestie
From: Innocent Exo boy

Yeah, we have shared a room since debut days and because Heechul, not all of us are sluts like you.

From: Queen slut
To: Ex-bitch

Ok, you have a point there, which brings me to my next point... what's Tao's phone number?

I roll my eyes, honestly I was expecting this, but I still feel the need to protect Tao. I love Heechul, he was there for me when I really needed him, but I still know how he can be and I don't want Tao to get hurt.

From: Protective hyung
To: Queen slut

How about I give him you're number and let him decide if he wants to talk to you.

I could almost hear Heechul's diva like protests, but he kept his calm as always.

To: Meanest friend ever
From: I need love to

Boo! But fine, that's fair i guess.

I roll my eyes again and hop off my bed, heading for Sehun and Tao's room.

I was about to knock on the door when I heard some voices inside that made me stop dead in my tracks.

"So everyone went out last night?" I knew that voice, and hearing it made my veins turn to ice. 'Luhan?'

"Yeah, it was really fun... well besides a little drama between Xiumin and Chen" Sehun said a bit clearer than the other voice making me realize that they were talking over the phone.

"What happened between Xiumin and Chen?" Hearing luhan's voice was like getting stabbed in the chest repeatedly.

"Xiumin was flirting with Heechul and Chen got jealous" Sehun said snickering.

"Are Xiumin and Chen together?" Luhan asked making me stop breathing.

"Not yet, Baekhyun and Lay are trying to get them together"

"Hmm" Luhan hums sounding off.

"What's with that face?" Sehun asks.

"Oh nothing, I just... I never saw those two together, it's kind of weird" Luhan says, his voice holding a weird tone.

"Lulu..." Sehun whines "are you jealous of Xiumin hyung?"

"What? Jealous? No, not at all. Xiumin was my friend, nothing more... I never saw him like that" Luhan says.

My mouth slightly opens and my eyes begin to tear up, it was like getting rejected all over again and the pain was ripping me apart.

I let go of the door handle like it had just burst into flames and step back. I knew this truth, I had heard it before but hearing him say it again brought everything back to the front of my mind.

I grasped at my shirt over my chest, my heart felt like it was trying to claw its way out of me, and tears blurred my vision.

This is happening again, everything that I had fixed was just shattered by a sentence.

From: NOT a patient person
To: Killing me

Did you give it to him yet?

Heechul's text lit up my screen sounding off my text tone, making me jump.

"Oh, I think someone's outside" i hear Sehun say.

I back away, not wanting either of them to find me like this. Thankfully my legs move before I tell them to and I run down the hallway, into my room before Sehun can reach his door.

I lean against my wall gasping in air, while tears stream heavily down my cheeks.

After all this time, after everything I went through to rebuild myself, Luhan manages to come back in and completely destroy me with just a few words.

My phone lites up again and my ringtone goes off indicating that Heechul is calling me.

I press the answer button, but don't say anything.

"My god, you really like to tease me" Heechul whines into the phone "did you give it to him yet?"

I still don't say anything, I just sniffle trying my best to suppress a sob.

"oh, so you're playing that game, you know I can make you if I want to... I'm sure you remember well" he said his voice dripping with heat.

"Heechul" I whisper finally letting his name slip past my lips, but I knew that was all I needed.

"What's wrong? What happened?" he askes all humor draining from his voice, replaced by worry.

I can't hold back a sob any longer, and I slid to the floor not having the strength to fight my emotional breakdown anymore.

"Where are you? Are you at the dorms?" Heechul asked and I could hear movement and the sound of keys jingling on his side of the phone. I couldn't find my voice and another sob flew from my lips "come on baby, tell me where you are" Heechul presses in a gentle tone.

"Dorms" I manage to squeak out, my voice breaking in the process.

"Hold on Xiu, I'll be there soon" he says but doesn't hang up the phone, continuing to say kind and reassuring things to keep me calm.

>>>>>

~Chen~

Suho, Lay, Tao, and I had been standing around chatting, when all of our attention became focused down the hallway as a piercing sob rippled through the near silence of the kitchen.

"What was that?" Suho asks.

"More importantly... who was that?" Lay asks his eyes flickering with worry.

I put the jug of juice on the counter "let's go see if everything is alright" and make my way down the hallway.

I couldn't hear much at first, but as I got closer to my door fear gripped me and I realized that the sobs were coming from my room.

Another sob broke into the hallway and I immediately knew it was Xiumin.

"Xiu, are you ok?" I ask lightly knocking on the door, a panicky feeling rising in my chest.

No reply follows my question, but the crying quietes some. "Xiu, please talk to me" I twisted the door handle but the door won't open "come on Xiumin, unlock the door... " Still nothing follows my coaxing "please" I nearly beg, desperate to get to Xiumin.

"Chen" someone calls behind me and I swirl around coming face to face with Heechul "step aside please"

My jaw locks and I cross my arms over my chest "screw that, you're not getting anywhere near him"

Heechul sighs and holds his phone up to his ear "Xiu honey, I'm here... let me inside" he hangs up his phone and stares at me. "you can hate me all you want, but he needs me right now and there is no way in hell that you're keeping me from him"

The door opens behind me causing me to turn around quickly. A very red and blotchy faced Xiumin appears. "Heechul" he whines before his knees buckle.

Heechul is quick to respond and catches him in his arms, pushing me out of the way. Heechul pulls Xiumin to his chest and carries him into our room like a baby, shutting and locking the door before I can follow.

>>>>>>

~Xiumin~

"What happened Xiu? one minute you were fine, acting like your normal self, joking with me... then you're falling to pieces" Heechul questions petting my hair tenderly.

I whimper and shut my eyes tightly "he never loved me Hee, I was just a stress ball for him" another sob pressed out of my mouth and I feel a piece of myself break.

"Who hurt you Xiu?" Heechul asks, fixing me with a concerned look, before his expression hardens "it better have not been Chen, I swear... If he did anything.."

"No... it wasn't Chen, it was Lu-l" but the name refused to come out as more sobs quickly racked my body.

"Luhan?" Heechul asks, his words sounding like a growl.

I look up from Heechul's chest and our eyes connect. I just nod weakly while continuing to stare at him.

"Tell me what happened" Heechul probes rubbing his hand over my back.

I take in a deep breath and recount the whole situation with Sehun and Luhan, what Luhan had said, and how it cut me to pieces. My voice trembled when I revealed about what Luhan had said, but Heechul listened closely being kind and supportive.

"So it was like reliving that moment all over again, when Luhan..." Heechul breaks off not needing to say the last part.

I nod "it's like ripping off a bandage then realizing that your wound was nowhere near healed"

Heechul sighs "to be honest kid, I don't think this will ever heal fully, what happened will always follow you" he shifts me so he can look into my eyes "but you can let someone else in, someone who will give you happiness that will overlap that pain"

"I'm scared Hee, what if i get hurt again?" I whisper.

"What if you find somone who loves you without limitations or conditions, what if you let yourself be happy Xiu?" He asks "there's always that possibility of getting hurt, but there's also a possibility that the risk will be outweighed by the reward"

I sigh heavily, still feeling tears rolling down my cheeks "it hurts Heechul"

Heechul rubs a hand across my back confortingly "i know love, i know"

>>>>>

~Chen~

I wait in the hallway with bated breath, 'what are they talking about in there? whats wrong with Xiumin? could they be..?'

I stop myself, no longer wanting to think that way. I dont know why, but i can't stand the thought of Heechuls hands on Xiumin.

"Chen, quit pacing you're making me nervous" Tao says from his position on the ground.

I take a deep stabilizing breath and try to put the thought of it out of mind, but it wont leave. Instead my anger level starts to rise.

The door finally opens and Heechul steps into the hallway, shuting the door behind him. I make a move to go inside but he stops me with a hand on my shoulder.

"Don't, he's sleeping, just let him rest for now" he says then drops his hand and fixes me with a cold stare "but you and i need to talk"

I cross my arms over my chest and fix him with a stare of my own "yes, yes we do"

Oh Chickens!!

It destroyed me to write this, the thought of Xiumin having his heart broken and in turn falling apart cut deep.

Ah, I'm not ok!! But I know it had to be done to understand Xiumin's past and why it's so hard to admit the truth to Chen.

But still my poor baby!! Ugh, I'm going to go give myself a time out for doing this to him!!

Stay tuned for the next installment of 'writers torturing themselves' it'll be a good one.

I love you guys!!

사랑해💕

~M~