Chapter 21: Regrettable Fear

Nervous about the faceoff, Tara scoots her feet inch by inch, trying to get a read on the situation since she played her trump card earlier than she wanted.

"Hurry up. I don't have all night," she hears, causing her to pause in her tracks.

"Can I say something first? Can you let me explain?" she begins, letting Cory hear the shakiness in her voice.

"Go ahead. This I got to hear."

Crossing his arms, Cory waits while Tara struggles to find the words to justify six years of actions. Everything she thinks of sounds weak in her head. The silence between them makes Cory stir with anticipation.

"I'm waiting, Tara. If you can't think of anything, then I'll begin."

She raises her hands to grab his attention as she blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.

"Your father loved him and thought the world of CJ. I know I screwed up royally, and I can never take that back. I was scared. I didn't wanna leave my mom and dad yet. We were kids, we were so young. I thought I could do it on my own, and I was wrong. If it wasn't for both our families, I'd have been flat on my ass from the start. Please, don't hate my son, our son. He didn't do anything wrong."

Cory begins to laugh, sending mixed signals. "I wouldn't ever hold it against him. You, though, you tore me apart with that letter. I've beaten myself over and over for six long years. You kept him from me, as much as I want to rip you apart in every way I can, and I won't. My heart still beats for you. You, standing there even now, the biggest part of me wants to hold you and tell you it'll be all right and pick up where we left off. The other part though says to leave you hanging right here and never return."

After hearing that, Tara drops to her knees, ready to break.

"We can. I don't need anyone else other than you and CJ in my life. I'll do anything to make this up to you. Let me make this right!" She plants her hands on the ground to balance herself, feeling the weight of the world crashing over her, unsure of what's about to happen.

"No, I have an entirely different life now. I'm even signed to re-up when I get back to Germany. I save lives every day and go into hot zones every so often. You couldn't handle it if I get killed, and I wouldn't hurt CJ like that. He's better off never knowing what I do."

"You're wrong, Cory. He needs his daddy. He is always asking about you. He cries, thinking that you don't love him. He's such a sweet boy. He is so much like you, and it's unforgiveable what I did. Can you forgive me?"

Standing there without flinching, only a single word is uttered—"No"—the one word that destroys Tara's heart.

There's a struggle to breathe. Tara's body feels as if she's trapped under water with chains strapped to her ankles.

"Cory ... help ... please ... I can't ... I can't ..."

She grabs at her chest, wheezing loudly.

"Hang on." Cory jumps into action, rushing over rolling Tara into his arms so she can face the night's sky.

"I got you. Relax. It'll pass. Look at my eyes, Tara. Focus only on my voice." He maintains a calm, cool tone as he begins to slightly rock back and forth. "You're safe. I won't let you go until it passes."

They sit there for what feels like several minutes as it begins to pass.

"Thank you, Cory. Can I please hold you while I cry?"

Unwilling to comply with her request, Cory gives Tara assistance to her feet and goes back to where he was. Only now, he's sitting on the edge of the deck rail.

"Is there anything I can do? What will it take to earn your affection again?"

As he inhales deeply, his attention is guided to the sky. It isn't long before he reverts to being a rude smartass. "I got nothing because there is nothing that you can do, Tara."

His eyes locked to the sky, he's taken by surprise when Tara makes a move of desperation, yanking him from his makeshift seat, slamming him face first on the deck. Tara rolls Cory over with her weight on top of him, pinning his arms down with all her might.

The wind knocked out of his body, Cory is caught off guard when he feels Tara kissing him. Without thinking, he reacts, returning the favor, until he moans. The reunion kiss snaps him back to reality.

"Get the hell off me," he yells, bucking his hips, rolling her off his torso.

"I had to try, and you kissed me back. That's all I needed to know. Even if you don't believe me, I love you Cory, and I always have. I meant it earlier when I was in your face. I never took your ring off, waiting on you to come home. Naive as all get out, but I held on to a slimmer of hope."

"You're a fool to think I'd take you back instantly. I've been through hell, while you went and done God knows what with God knows who."

She pushes Cory, feeling insulted.

"You think I was out fucking guys left and right, don't you? Sorry to burst your bubble, but you're wrong."

Back to his old tone from high school, Cory sits up. "Could've fooled me. I'm done with this, and I'll get a JAG representative to setup something with CJ later."

Cory hobbles to his feet, trying to make his getaway.

"Wait, please. I won't let you go and leave this unsettled. Cory, stop, damn it, and listen to me. I'm not okay with this, and you aren't either. I know you. Come back, you spineless ass hat!"

She sits there screaming at the top of her lungs.

Heading for his car, Cory takes out the key and gets in. He fights the impulse telling him to turn around and take her in his arms all over again.

"She burnt your ass. Don't look back. Don't ... look ... back."

The key is in the ignition. He presses the clutch to the floor. Sprinting to stop him from leaving, Tara gives it her all, attempting to get in front of the Celica. Cory doesn't waste time utilizing the boost from the turbo, putting distance between himself and Tara. Frantic mode sets in when Tara tries to catch him, but soon, his taillights disappear.

She drives to his mother's, where she crawls by the house with headlights off, trying to see if he's there. When she doesn't see the car, she parks down the street, waiting for him to arrive. More than an hour and a half passes by, and no sign of Cory anywhere. Her eyes burn with exhaustion. Tara finally packs it in, returning to her mother's.

She's brought to back to reality when CJ turns on the morning cartoons. Tara whimpers, throwing her arm over her eyes.

"Didn't go as planned, I'm guessing," her mother comments, lifting her daughter's feet, taking a seat on the couch.

"I tried, and he walked away without looking back."

"Maybe then it is time to let him go and find someone else. You can't wait forever, and CJ needs a man in his life."

Insulted at the notion, Tara yanks her feet back to sit up. "No, I refuse to accept that fact. I'll chase him down anywhere in the world. Seeing him yesterday reminded me how much he will always mean to me. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a funeral to go to."

Up on her feet, Tara looks down, smiling at the ring that was returned to her. "Oh, by the way. You saw him throw my engagement ring. If there was nothing there, then why did I get it back?"

Examining her daughter's hand, Olivia is at a loss for words. Tara stomps the entire way up the steps, showers, and dresses for the funeral.

"I'll be back, and thank you for keeping CJ for me while I go. Love ya, Mom."

With a peck her mom on the cheek and forcing CJ to take a mommy kiss on his cheek, she smiles, running her fingers through his thick hair.

"Love ya too, my sweet girl, and don't worry about us. It's Mom-Mom–CJ day!" As she teases her grandson, he yells, "Yay," repeatedly jumping up and down.

"Have fun, y'all. I'll see you soon." Tara gets her purse, then darts out the door, already running late.

She rushes to the funeral home, nervous about what she'll do when she tries to get close to Cory. Pulling up into the parking lot, she's guided to a spot that isn't following the hearse to the cemetery.

Once inside, she's motioned up to take her seat beside Mrs. Dubois.

"Not to make a bad day worse, but Cory left last night. He found Rick and convinced him to take him to St. Paul for a red-eye flight back to Europe. He's gone, honey, and I'm sorry nothing got fixed with you two. I always wanted you for a daughter-in-law."

Unable to respond, Tara's cracked heart shatters at that very moment when it hits her that she is too late.

"I know, honey—it hurts—but you tried. At least he came home for a day and got to see CJ. Yeah, I know, he spilled everything to Rick, even how he wanted to give in to you, but he's still not over that letter. Speaking of which, we need to have a heart-to-heart over that one day soon."

Ashamed about how everything has come to an end, Tara nods, turning her attention to the pastor as he signals the ushers to close the doors for the memorial service to begin.

A couple of weeks later, after Cory has had a chance to catch up with his work at the field hospital, he slowly begins to come around to mending his relationship with his mother.

"Hey, Mom. How's it going?" he greets her via Yahoo Chat webcam.

"Oh, there ya are, son. Can you hear me okay?" she says loudly into the microphone, excited to see him in uniform.

"Perfectly. So how're CJ and Tara?"

Thrilled over this new way to keep in touch, Mrs. Dubois begins to rant.

"I finally had my heart-to-heart with her over that letter, and she feels so bad about it. She's gonna be here later. Would you like to talk to her and try to work things out?"

Cory gives the indication he's thinking it over with the expression written on his face. "Not really, Mom. You know I'm here for another couple of months. I have decided though that I'm not signing a new contract, and I will come back to the States for medical school."

Squealing with delight, Mrs. Dubois can't contain herself. "Oh, yes! I don't care where, either. I will come visit you every chance I can. That is such great news."

Cory smiles for the first time without sarcasm. "Yeah, I guess it's time to pick up where I left off in high school. I know it'll be great to not have to do PT every day anymore."

His mother laughs, nearly spilling her coffee.

"Just having you home and no longer worrying is good enough. I couldn't care less about you going to school. I only want you home where you're safe."

Cory begins to break down his plans, even with the sounds of a ruckus stirring outside.

"Well I have my goals, Mom and ... Captain, what is it? What's going on? Hey, you can't ..."

He moves away from the camera, causing his mom to stir in her chair.

"Cory ... son ... are you all right?" She listens as she hears screaming and yelling in the background.

"We're a hospital, not a prison. If you want your men, take them—"

Right before the connection goes dead, she catches the sounds of gunfire, accompanied with higher pitched screams of despair.

"No! Cory, no!" she screams, clutching the monitor in her hands, shaking it nearly off the desk.

Panic sets in when she can't reestablish the connection. Worried, she sits there waiting for nearly twelve hours.

"God, please, let me him be okay." She begins to slowly chew on her fingernails the longer she's forced to wait, until company arrives.

Unable to hear the knocking at her door, Mrs. Dubois is oblivious when Rick enters the house.

"Hello, is anyone home?"

Snapping back to reality, she hollers to expose her location. "Rick, back here, hurry!"

Able to detect the urgency in her voice, Rick flies through the house to the back room.

"What's wrong?" He stands behind her, resting his hands on her shoulders.

"There was a scuffle, and I, I, I think I heard gunshots, with people screaming. Then this just a dead, blank screen." She continues to stare at the screen with a terrified expression.

"Lord have mercy, Cory. I'm sure he's all right. Come on, miss lady. We have our dinner date. It's fish-taco Tuesday. You need to eat, so come on."

Reluctantly, Mrs. Dubois gets to her feet, fainting when she takes her first step.

Concerned over her well-being, Rick picks up Mrs. Dubois, carrying her to the hospital bed. He then crashes on the couch. He remains at the house for a few days to ensure her recovery. He maintains an eye on MSNBC's coverage. His heart drops when a special report about an attack flashes along the bottom news ticker.

"Army hospital back under control of US military. Casualties from both Iraqi and Taliban forces and among them some army personnel. More as the story develops," Rick reads to himself, feeling his heart sink to his stomach.

"I know you're alive. You've worked too hard since leaving here to fix things to have them end like this. Please, let there have been an angel there protecting him," Rick prays as time stands still.

Taking out his phone, Rick knows he must be the one to deliver the worst news. Praying to get to voicemail, his hopes are crushed when Tara answers.

"Hey, stranger, you and Momma never showed up. Did something come up?"

Heavy breathes into the phone. Tara can sense that everything isn't all right.

"Please tell me nothing's happened."

Unable to find the words, he begins to stutter.

"Mrs. Dubois is fine. She's been resting for a few days now. Sorry we couldn't make it. She's, uh, out of it right now."

Sensing his demeanor, Tara can't take the anticipation. "Rick, just spill it. What's wrong?"

Like the grim reaper about to take the essence of her soul, Rick spits it out to the best of his ability.

"Something happened over there, something bad. I've been watching the news, and I think Mrs. Dubois listened to Cory and his friends get killed at the hospital he was at in Iraq."

Suddenly, a thud is heard over the phone, along with voices of people around Tara.

"Boss, boss, are you okay? Someone, get a cold rag pronto. Tara fainted out of nowhere."

The phone away from his ear, Rick ends the call, dropping his phone on the coffee table. He stares at his phone for a little while with the news reporting in the background. Rick's attention is pulled to the front door when Olivia bursts through in a cold sweat.

"My God, is it true? Tara called me. What happened?"

Rick sits there, staring at her. "I read on the news thingy that there was an attack on a hospital and people were killed. Mrs. Dubois heard it begin on Cory's webcam, and that's all I know."

She joins Rick on the couch. They sit, watch, and wait for any updates, but they never materialize beyond the vague description on the ticker feed.

"All we can do is wait and pray," Olivia states, twisting her clammy hands together.

"Yeah, that's the hard part."

After a few more days of patiently watching the news, they decide it's time to move on. They accept the outcome that Cory must have been killed, with no word getting to them otherwise.

That time is hell on Tara. It's affected everything in her life. She's lost her spark that's kept her smile alive for so long. Every time she looks at her son, he provides a constant reminder that Cory might not ever come home.

Going through the motions of her daily life, somedays Tara can barely get herself out of bed. She picks herself up, reminding herself that CJ still needs her. Somehow, due to her strength from the love of her child, she keeps putting one foot in front of the other until she begins to feel numb enough to function normally.

As time continues to go by, with no word on Cory's condition, Tara can finally put on a convincing smile for the world to see. Knowing her daughter needs support, her mother begins to put a little bug in her ear.

"Sweetheart, you need to move on. You deserve to be happy, and CJ needs you to be happy again."

"I am happy, Mom. I am. I have a job that I love, and I have you, CJ, Mrs. Dubois, and Rick. Even Lloyd comes to visit when he's not busy playing mayor to RiverCreek. Why do I need a man?"

Her mother can hear her tone heighten from the core of her suffering.

"I don't need a man to boss me around. How can he tell me how to live my life? To possibly hurt my son, all I have left of his father? To love a woman whose heart doesn't beat all that much these days."

Hugging her only child, Olivia attempts to help Tara heal. "I know you miss him. We all do, but sometimes we have to accept the unbearable truth."

Tara's only card she can use is all that she has left from acceptance. "There's not been a phone call, a letter, a body bag, or a preacher show up for last rites. He's alive. He's just lost, Mom—that's all. He couldn't be killed. He's Cory. He's been my Superman. He's the father to my son. Cory's alive—I can feel it. I don't know how, but I just know!"

"He was just a man, honey pie, flesh and blood that could be killed as easily as you or me. It's time to move on. This ain't healthy for you or my grandbaby. If you need to, I can stay with you, or let me take CJ home with me. You need time to grieve properly."

Refusing the offer, Tara pushes her mother out of her house.

"Go. I won't accept it until I have proof."

Standing there with the same furious glare Cory gave her that night at the dock, Tara slams the door shut, then begins crying again, knowing her mother is right.

"I can't say goodbye, not yet," she whispers to herself, wiping away the familiar painful tears.

To give Tara time to cool down, Olivia decides that enough is enough and takes matters into her own hands to close the matter once and for all. She begins making phone calls to anyone who could help her obtain information.

"Yes, Senator, I understand but if you could—"

She's cut off as she listens to him rant again that he can't give her the information she needs. Hanging up and shuffling through her list from top to bottom again, Olivia doesn't give up at all. Her luck changes when she's connected to a doctor out at Walter Reed Medical Facility in Washington, D.C.

Not willing to give up, Olivia is persistent.

"Yes, sir. I hate to be a bother, but I need some answers."

Intrigued by her opening line, the doctor agrees to listen.

"You have my attention, ma'am. Please, tell me what you need."

"Yes, thank you. My name is Olivia Rose. I live in RiverCreek, Minnesota. I'm searching for any answers on the whereabouts of a young man named Cory Dubois. His hospital, I think, was attacked in Iraq. Anyway, my daughter and he have a little boy together, and she's torn apart because we can't find him. So, if you could please make a call or search for him, I'd be eternally grateful, sir."

She listens as there is some shuffling in the background.

"Okay, give me his name again, and I'll see what I can do. I normally don't do this, but I have a son that's serving too. I can understand your fear of the unknown."

Breathing a sigh of relief, Olivia feels a burden slightly lift from the abyss. "It's Cory Dubois, D-U-B-O-I-S, and my number is 612-555-0883. Thank you—anything would be great."

"My pleasure. It might take me some time, but I will return your call. Have a good day, Mrs. Rose." He hangs up on his end, passing the information onto his assistant, who begins the search.

Two days go by before Olivia's phone rings with the number from Walter Reed appearing on the caller ID.

"Hello."

She waits as the connections is filled with static.

"Uh, yes, Mr. Olivia Rose, please," the doctor begins.

"This is she. Have you found anything on Cory?"

She listens as he explains the information that a friend of his stationed in Germany has confirmed Cory's whereabouts.

"Yes, and it's big news ..."

He explains everything, causing Olivia nearly to drop her phone.

"Oh, wow. Yeah, thank you, sir. Again, you'll never know how much I appreciate you getting this for me. Goodbye, and God bless."

She hangs up and drops her phone, immediately breaking down, covering her face with her hands.

Once she's calmed down, she comes up with a plan to bring the news to Tara. She calls Rick and Mrs. Dubois, formulating the plan that will finally bring closure.

"Yeah, Rick, you'll be the distraction at dinner. That way, I know she can't get away or shove us all away at once," Olivia explains as Rick accepts the idea.

Hoping she'll take the bait, Olivia calls her daughter to get the initial plan set into motion.

"Hey, Mom. It's not a good day to badger me."

In a strong tone, Olivia begins, "I wanted to apologize, but listen—I have an idea. Let me make this up to you and treat you to dinner. Drop CJ off at the babysitter on Saturday, and it'll be my treat to you."

Tapping her finger against the back of the phone, Tara takes her time deciding.

"As long as I can drink."

Seeing her opportunity, she jumps at the chance. "Yes, I'll drive so you can drink all you want."

"Fine. What time?"

Already prepared, she tells Tara, "Be ready by five o'clock sharp." Olivia is all smiles at this point.

"Fine. See you then. Love ya. Mean it. Bye."

Locking her phone after the conversation ends, she's satisfied to know this can finally be put to bed at last.

Saturday arrives in a flash, and Olivia begins to feel anxious. She heads to Minneapolis with a surprise guest for dinner. When they arrive at Tara's cozy little split-level brick home, they wait for her to come out after they honk the horn.

Out to the car, Tara is caught off guard when she sees their guest sitting in the front seat.

"Mrs. Dubois, I wasn't aware you were coming to dinner."

Turning around to look at how beautiful Tara looks, she explains, "Well, your mom didn't want me being alone since Rick has a date tonight and it's game night. Hope I don't ruin things."

Partially offended, Tara speaks her mind. "Uh, no, you won't ruin things. You know I love you, Momma. You are always welcome with me."

She sees Mrs. Dubois smile and rubs her hand when she feels Tara touch the edge of her shoulder.

Tara ignores her own mother the entire trip to the restaurant. By the time they get seated, the smile across Olivia's face becomes infectious.

"Okay, what's up?" Tara questions, looking at them.

"Well, wait. We have something for you."

Startled at the comment, Tara senses something is off. "I swear, if you set me up on a date, I'll disown you after I beat your ass, Mom. I'm not in the mood or drunk enough to care yet."

Stretching her smile even more, Olivia pulls out her phone, sending a text to get the all-clear.

Stall will be there in fifteen, she reads, trying to think of some way to keep Tara occupied.

"Well, tell you what. I have something to confess. After I left, I made some calls. What if I said I found someone who knew Cory?"

She listens to the structure of her mother's statement, Tara bites at the bait. "You said 'knew' as in past tense? Like I knew him in high school or how he looked naked?"

Mrs. Dubois is caught off guard. "Tara, I don't wanna think about you two naked together."

A sarcastic laughing Tara smarts off, "How else do you think you became a grandmother? He was so hot ..."

Thinking about what she says, she clamps her mouth shut.

"Uh, huh, you've accepted it. He's gone," her mother mentions with her fingers locked together.

"Yeah, it's been hard but after all this time. If he ain't home by now or called, he's gone."

Staring down at the table, Tara lets that feeling sink in a little more.

"Hey, it'll be okay—I promise. Order a drink and let's celebrate. Have one for Cory," Olivia suggest, waving down a server.

Olivia orders the first round of drinks. She tries to buy time to keep Tara distracted. By the time the second round is finished, Olivia's phone dings.

Here, getting into position now, the message states as butterflies flutter in her stomach.

"So don't get mad, but we have someone coming who wants to see you."

Mixing the alcohol with her suffering, Tara's eyes grow to the size of silver dollars.

"I said no way. I'm out of here!" she shrieks, shooting out of the booth.

"Leaving so soon?" a voice says after she bumps into his body.

"Rick, what are you doing here?"

With a smile, he plays his part perfectly. "I'm your date, hot stuff. Didn't you know?" he teases, moving each time she tries to get past him.

"Move, Rick. I'm out of here."

"What if I get in your way?" A frail, rickety voice calls out, standing about six feet behind her.

Unable to move, Mrs. Dubois simply puts her hands over her nose and mouth at the sight.

"Don't play games with me. Whoever you are, you can't be Cory. He's dead." She tries to hide her hands, which are trembling with hope.

She listens as he steps closer.

"Tara, turn around and face me," he orders, stopping inches from her body.

Unhurriedly, Tara turns her body around. She drops her head, clinching her eyes shut. She can't take being disappointed. Feeling a set of hands take hers, he leans in, giving her peck on the cheek.

"Open your eyes," he whispers softly in her ear.

Tara forces her eyes to obey. She lunges forward after they focus to see Cory is the one holding her hands.

"You're alive!" she screams, crashing their bodies together violently, sending them both to the floor.

"Yeah, sorry for the delay, but they wanted to get my discharge papers finalized before I was sent home. I'm here, though—barely—but I am home, for good."

She has no control over the grip around his neck.

"What happened?" she cries out, burying her face against the side of his.

"I got shot trying to protect patients and nearly bled out. Luckily, the few that weren't slaughtered managed to save all the ones who could be saved."

Rick leans over, breaking Tara's grip so Cory can get off the floor.

He continues telling his story.

"After they patched me up, I laid around until I was well enough to fly to Germany to receive proper treatment and therapy for my injuries. Your mom calling got things sped up. You owe her big time; the doctor she called had a friend pull some strings, and here I am," he finishes in a raspy voice.

Rick snatches an empty chair from the table across from the booth and waits for Cory and Tara to settle into their seat.

"I can't believe it. You're really here."

Taking her hand, Cory assures her it's real. "I am here, and if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to start over. Nearly getting killed puts things in perspective. I love you, and I don't want to go another day without you."

Tara can't control her strength when she tightly clings to his arm. Tara leans her head on his shoulder.

"You don't need to ask. I've always been yours and yours alone."

His head against hers, Cory relaxes, knowing it'll be a long and difficult road ahead, but together, they can face it.

When that night comes to an end they hatch new plans together. They patch things up over time. CJ meets his father for the first time officially, not long after Cory returns home. Once he's settled, he begins therapy and rehab at the VA Medical Center.

Tara doesn't waste time moving Cory in, and in time, they tie the knot. They're expecting another addition to the family, a little girl they plan on naming Makayla. Life is slowly repaying what it has taken from them.

Being able to pick each other up when life gets tough isn't always easy. When times get rough, they remember what it was like alone. Those memories guide them together for the rest of their lives.

After all, they both achieved their primary goal. They escaped RiverCreek, and now they can return to their dream together. Raising their family in a quaint little home, focusing on what made them inseparable in the first place, the couple is constantly reminded that their love will overcome all things.

To be continued...