There was no mistaking the realm of Astren.

Eldrazi looked around to see Nothing, ears pricked, but all to hear Nothing. The one feeling to be had was the desperate need to cough, their throat burning, until that too, faded into pure homeostasis with only the choke lingering. It was the same as the last hundreds of times, the only option to think. But, as they reached for the feeling of the bond, there was no second sensation to answer.

Gone. Gavin was gone.

That was enough to make Eldrazi's knees curl to their chest, black claws and tail hugging around them as they sobbed. Not that they could feel it. There was no concept of 'touch' in Astren, no nerves to alert nor brain to signal. Only the Will, and Eldrazi didn't even have that much. The only thing stopping them from fading into the Nothing here was how tainted it was with Dust. In a way, Eldrazi wished that wasn't the case. Then it could easily open up and swallow them whole. It would be just as lonely there.

What is even the point of being here now?

For all their confident words, there was no seeing in Astren. It was empty, open space, formed once the Dust had burst forth and trapping souls ever since. But, even in all of their times returning here, Eldrazi hardly ever felt the presence of another, and even then it was a fleeting pulse of energy before the Nothing claimed them once again. Finding Gavin, who were they kidding? There was no possible way to do that with no senses in an endless plane, and no world to even return to if they did, now that the sun was gone. Surely, the plants would die, next the animals, and from there, the people.

If they could've managed to stop choking, they would've laughed. Seems like you were right as always, Tachir'. At this rate, even Dhia might fall. Then there really will be Nothing.

There wasn't anything to lean back on, and yet, Eldrazi reclined, stretching clawed hands and feet out to lay on a groundless floor. If there was a sky, they would've been cloud gazing, but instead, there was only absence. Not a black, because there was no light to form shadow. It was like being in a dreamless sleep, with not even a concept of what was beyond you, and Eldrazi frowned, tail twitching as they continued to think.

Isn't that what I wanted though?

After all, this was the utter collapse of time. Once all souls filled Astren, would it not fall apart from the tipped scale, with Dhia to blink out of existence with nothing left to manage? If that was the case, then they truly could die. It was right there for them to grasp. The only thing they had to do was wait.

"That sounds disgusting." The memory of a soft, gentle laugh. "Why would you ever do that?"

"Perhaps I wanted a delicious brick-fast."

Their claws curled into fists, and Eldrazi was up and walking. Where to? They supposed they didn't know, but they weren't going to stand around for once, waiting for the end. They'd made a promise to Gavin, and they were going to keep it. It didn't matter what he'd said or the hurt he caused. So the boy was lost. It was fine. It didn't matter.

He can hurt me if he wants, but I can't leave him behind. He's why life meant anything. It's not for me. It's not for money or the sun shining or a good meal. It's him. He's the reason the world shouldn't collapse. He's the reason I should live. Nothing else matters.

They just had to find him, and that meant walking. Hours of walking, or miles of walking, it was unclear. Distance was fake, time an illusion with no Goddess here to organise such a thing. It was numbing, in a raking, grating way that made Eldrazi want to rip out their hair and scream. When would they find him? Where was he? Why did they have to be sent to this vile place once more? They didn't want to be here. They hated it here.

A sharp flash of light burned at their eyes.

Not that it could be seen, but there was suddenly the sense of a purple light pressing against a warming orange. It was like the sun beating against the back of closed lids, even if Eldrazi couldn't possibly hold their eyes open wider. The image simply couldn't be formed any clearer than that, but even colour alone was reason to give pause.

"Aoife?"

Instantly, their voice died in their throat. Right. Speaking. That never worked here, silly Eldrazi. Gritting their teeth, instead they tried reaching for their magik. That didn't work in Astren either, which made sense actually, given that it was formed of Dust. So why they were bothering now, they weren't entirely sure. Perhaps because there was no other choice to be had.

And yet, it was fairly easy to access now, the spastic, sharp feeling echoing out from them like a fog, stretching until another conscious hit it: equally fiery and hurt, with a terrible taste like ashes mixed with mulberries.

"... Eldrazi?"

"Aoife! It worked! Ha! I can't believe that actually worked!" Despite everything, a proud smile stretched their scarred lips into a grin. Communication in a world of silence. Perhaps being a god did have its perks.

"What are you doing here?" Her Will pulled back, her conscious suddenly both heightened and afraid. "Is Gavin with you?"

"No, 'e's—" Even without a tongue, words failed them, and their claws fumbled against one another, looking for new ones. "'E's gone."

"Gone as in dead? Not here? Why are you here anyway? Who killed you?" she demanded, even her thoughts desperate, as if they too, could cry.

"... Gav did."

A harsh clicking echoed through their skull, heat building along the mental connection from rage. "That bastard! When I find him, I'm going to tear him limb from limb!"

Their heart leapt in their chest. "No, don't! I need 'im!"

"For what? What good has he ever done us? Any of us?"

"I love him, Aoife."

It was quiet for a moment, but it seemed more from confusion than any sense of trying to break news gently. "He killed you! Do you not see that as wrong?"

Eldrazi frowned. "I mean, perhaps? It was 'is body I was borrowing. 'E 'ad the right to treat me 'ow 'e pleased." If it was possible for a thought to whisper, then that was exactly what happened next as Eldrazi shrunk in on themselves. "And now I'd do anything to 'ave 'im stab me again."

A wave of nothing came over the connection, just a registered sense of up, then down like a disappointed sigh. "I'd correct your delusions, but it doesn't matter anymore. We're stuck in Astren now, and there's nothing we can do about it."

The presence of the light Eldrazi had rushed towards before slowly tapered down, until their eyes no longer registered anything at all. "I've been trying to burn a hole out of this place forever now. Nothing works here."

Eldrazi shrugged before remembering the girl couldn't see it. "At least you can access it through the Dust. Most can't."

"Gee. Guess I'll count my lucky stars or something."

Something like guilt wormed through Eldrazi's core, and they moved to awkwardly sit next to her.

"I'm sorry."

The silence stretched awhile, but eventually she responded. "Not your fault. I know you weren't the one doing the stabbing. I should've been less naive."

"No, not just for that." Eldrazi winced, pointed ears pressing back in embarrassment. "I mean it for... everything, I suppose."

The connection tugged slightly under their hold, in a way that almost felt like suspicion. "What are you talking about?"

Eldrazi leaned back even further. After all, standing, laying, it made no difference here. Words. They were so difficult right now, even just to think. "You... probably won't remember this, or understand any of it but—" More fumbling. It was really rather pathetic for a god. They should be better than that.

I should've been better at a lot o' things, honestly.

"- A long time ago, before Relics and wars and Dragons and the like, you weren't... 'Uman. You were Phoenix, the proud and only Child o' Belhain. Just a bird o' fire that was meant t' start the land over every couple years or so. It was the only sense o' rebirth they 'ad back then, ya know? 'Umans didn't reincarnate before Astren, and... I can't say I wasn't jealous."

"Jealous?" she asked. "Jealous of what?"

"I..." Their fangs were dug into their lip, to the point where– if this were Esternia– it might've drawn blood. "I wanted to die."

"What?" The pitch of her voice was enough to make Eldrazi wince. "Why? That's horrible!" She held off thinking for a couple moments, and when she returned, the words were strangely heartfelt for a place that held no such thing. "Are-are you all right?"

"I'm fine, really Aoife." They sat up, glaring off into the abyss. "I'm just... old. Terribly old. Perhaps it would be a tragedy for someone with so much left to experience in this world, but I truly did do it all."

Another sigh. "Or at least, I thought I 'ad. So, I tried my best to get exiled. After all, no god can die so long as their element remains, and Chaos isn't somethin' you can remove as easily as the sun. It's linked to the very core o' the universe. But, getting changed into something that could die, well, it seemed like a clever idea at the time."

Foolish. So, so very foolish. Then again, perhaps that had been for the better. If they'd never done such a thing, they never would've met Gavin. But that didn't excuse the ones that had gotten hurt, either. Perhaps in the past, they simply would've shrugged it off, with no need for an apology to follow. Time healed, after all.

Except now there was very little of that to be had, which changed things a bit, they supposed.

"So," they continued. There was hardly any reason to stall in the end of times. "Long story short, I changed ya. Your form, anyway. Then Belhain forced Akasha to give 'er a new child, she refused and..." They shook their head. "I didn't mean for them to come after you. It wasn't meant to be a large ordeal after a 'undred or so years, but it only grew worse. And I swore I was gonna protect you from 'er but—" They laughed, but it was soundless, dry, and only came with more coughing from the Dust. "I couldn't even protect ya from myself."

"That's not your fault, Eldrazi. Gavin betrayed you, just like the rest of us. And, even if I don't remember you, or being a fire god's kid, or Phoenix or any of that..." There was a pause, and somewhere, the feeling of the connection lay less heavy on Eldrazi's mind, in a way that they could easily picture the girl smiling, offering them a strong helping hand to pull themselves to their feet, and when they reached out, it was there.

"None of this is your fault."

"But I started everything!" Now that they were up, they flung a claw against their chest. She wasn't listening. "If I never changed you, Akasha never would've given birth to the Dragons, there would never 'ave been the Dust, and there wouldn't 'ave been this godsforsaken realm!"

"Wait, what?" She paused. "The Dust... did it come from me?"

"Everythin' did. When you first changed, you're supposed to go t' die, because you were 'Uman, but also weren't. So you dumped a bunch o' your ashes wherever you were supposed t' go, and spread the rest all over Esternia. Then 'Umans started coming back to life, just like you could."

Eldrazi frowned. So odd, for the answer to be so plain now, as easily accessible of a memory as the last meal they'd eaten before coming here, or what the Goddess looked like. It was spoken as blatantly as a history lesson, and an anecdote, because each change they'd been witness to. It had just been buried. "Every time you died, from old age, or I guess Tachir's spear if we want to add to the list, you just kept depositing ashes until you eventually blotted out the sun. I guess the Relic was made to trap you permanently though." Their pointed toes curled, embarrassed. "I'm sorry."

"But Eldrazi, that means I'm the Dust."

They squinted in her direction, even though it did nothing. "... I mean, in a way, I guess? They're more made from what you were."

"No, you don't get it. I'm the Dust!" A confident feeling shot over the connection, fast and quick. "I'm the Dust! I'm Astren!"

Eldrazi blinked. She was clearly excited, running away with an idea like she always did, but she couldn't mean...

"And if I'm the one that made this place, then I'm sure that I can be the one to tear it all down."

A hand took theirs again, brazen in its warmth. Somehow, that was able to be felt, despite this place and its rules, and when Eldrazi looked up, she was there. Not as a concept, not as some strange, intangible guess. It was a dark-skinned girl standing on her own two legs, short brown hair and grey tailcoat flapping in a wind that shouldn't even exist, and when her eyes met theirs, the violet glow shone true. "Now come on."

"What?" Eldrazi stumbled after her. "But what are you going to do?"

"The same thing we always do, Nðx." She grinned. "We're escaping Astren."