It had been years since Gavin had held to the bond this tightly, a clenched, warm feeling in his chest like a rein wrapped several lengths around a reddening fist. It had been for Yule: a gathering spent with family members already leery of having to spend the holiday so close to one Dávoln. His father had decided they didn't need another, and so the instructions were don't talk, don't think, and don't do anything related to Eldrazi. For one night, be Human for this family.

And now he was Human once again, his ears rounding, the scales leaving his face, and serpentine tail retracting back into the hole in his tights, hidden beneath the end of his tunic. A thick, heavy tongue ran over his teeth, and anger flickered through him as it ran over one sharp point, then another. Even with his mind silenced, Eldrazi's fangs would always be forced on him.

He also couldn't shut him out forever. He had a little less than eight hours before nausea would rise without the Demon there to stop it. His head would spin, his lungs would collapse, and he'd return to being the corpse he should've remained at birth, before Eldrazi decided he was going to use him.

Or maybe Gavin would throw up now, because he certainly wanted to. Every part of him was trembling, stomach in knots, and as his body shot forward to gag, he clasped a hand over his mouth, trying to keep it in. Hundreds. He had said hundreds. All before him, and soon to follow after. And here Gavin had thought he cared about him, but instead he was barely anything, a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of... however old he actually was, because that too, had been a lie. Eldrazi couldn't possibly love him; hundreds of lives would mean that he'd done more than Gavin could ever imagine, experienced more than Gavin could ever fathom. When compared to that, he was just another Human. He was small, he was meaningless.

He was nothing.

"Are- are you all right?"

A warm hand landed on his shoulder, and Gavin looked up to find Aoife wincing, eyes shining with concern. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause a problem. I just didn't understand why he got so... scared."

"Well, it doesn't matter now." Gavin straightened himself, more so than usual without needing to counterbalance the weight of a tail. "He won't be seeing it anymore."

"What?" Aoife asked, and Gavin was shocked to hear her voice waver. "What do you mean? Isn't he in there? What happened?"

"I pushed him away. I don't have to give him any control, and he's not allowed to fight me on this. Those are the rules," Gavin stated, a bit more sharply than he intended, but it got the point across. "I don't see why you care. You should be thankful he can't touch your hair again."

She jumped at his tone, giving him a wildly confused look. "But... where is he now? Is he just gone?"

"If it was that easy, I wouldn't have had to worry about Cynwrig." His chest tightened further at the reminder, and Gavin shook his head, looking at Eska. Her house wasn't that much father, and as much as resting there was just another idea of Eldrazi's that they'd all be forced into, every part of him ached, especially his eye making his head throb with all the squinting and the straining. He just needed to go a little further, that was all, and he would do it by himself. "No. He's still there. I just don't want to hear him."

Up ahead, Selatan looked at him, mouth moving, but if he was saying something, Gavin couldn't make it out. So he shook his head, giving the Tiger Demon his full attention. "What?"

He mouthed something else, but it wasn't any better, and Gavin was forced to walk until he was only a few feet away, shaking his head harder. "What?"

"But isn't he a part of you?" Selatan repeated, and Gavin could tell he was a bit ticked from having to reiterate as he continued. "You can't even hear me from ten feet away without him."

Rage coursed through his veins, face warming as his fingers clenched into fists. It was strange, how only a week ago, a simple remark over that would've passed him right by, getting little more than an eye roll, and now every part of him was tensing, his head tilting up to glare at Selatan. "He's not a part of me. We're our own people. I don't need him, and he doesn't..."

He doesn't need me. He never needed me.

Tears pricked at his eye, and suddenly his nose was running, the anger falling away into something far worse. He didn't want to cry here. Not in front of Aoife and Selatan and Eska, who he barely knew, but something in him hurt. It wasn't his stomach, nor his lungs, just a sharp pain in his torso that he couldn't place, clenching unnaturally tight. Subconsciously, he reached for the warmth of the bond, mentally imagining plucking its strings to ask what it meant, until he snapped back to reality. No. He was attached to a liar. He would never be trusting him again.

I would've had better luck listening to Tachir'.

And yet, Tachir' was dead, along with Cynwrig, all burned to a crisp, and for what? To kill Eldrazi? Why? The tears came faster, his throat clenching. What had Eldrazi done that was ever worth Cynwrig being gone? What else didn't he know?

His whole body was shaking, and suddenly arms were around him, his face pressed against a dark grey coat as Aoife hugged him.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," Gavin muttered automatically, although, the more he thought about it, the words were right. It wasn't her fault, even if she had been the one to bring the fire. Tachir' had attacked them all because of something Eldrazi did, and Cynwrig forced to follow. If Gavin had just been Human, if Eldrazi wasn't attached to him...

They'd still be alive. Both of them.

His next exhale came out wavered, and as Aoife drew back, it felt as though all of his strength went with her, leaving him standing there, hollow. He couldn't manage much else.

"Come on," she said, placing a hand gently on his shoulder. "Let's just follow Eska and get some rest, all right? I'm... sure things will work out eventually."

Gavin gave her a look, but it was lazy, his eye barely focusing on anything even as Eska nodded, continuing to lead them ahead. In fact, he couldn't focus on much of anything, his fingers numb, his chest numb, the world a hazy blur that only made his mind clamour more for the release of sleep. Soon, he reminded himself as he took another step. Just a bit further to the rounded dome of stone that made up the houses of this place.

Eska stopped in front of one, grabbing the lantern at the front and holding it up to gesture to the gaping hole that made up the entrance, waving them inside. They followed in a single line, with Gavin warily trailing at the end. Not that he had all that bad of a feeling about the place, but it was dark, the woman was a stranger, and it was quiet. So he stuck out his tongue, drawing it back and scraping it along the roof of his mouth like he always did, and yet... nothing hit him. No colours, no smells, no flavours. Just the hard feeling of a fleshy plate lining his mouth, nothing more.

"People you don't like can't be shoved away."

The deep, yet still soft voice of the Shar Drak'na reached him, and Gavin froze, turning to find her still in the doorframe, waiting to enter. Her rigid features were pulled into a tight frown, and she scanned him up and down. "Problems shouldn't be ignored."

Her words felt like a warning, a small thread of worry pulling through him, but Gavin simply shook his head, moving aside to let her pass through. "I'm not ignoring him. He lied to me, and I want space. It's as simple as that."

"Did he explain side?" she pressed, giving him a look.

His skin bristled. "He tried, and like I said, I want space. I'll deal with it later, so please mind your own business."

She gave him another look, not seeming to believe him, but if she was about to say something, it was cut off by two shadows rearing up next to her, and suddenly she was tripping, almost toppling over completely.

A wordless yelp escaped her, and she whipped her head to face the shadows, Gavin now able to make them out as two small, child-like shapes broken up only by gleaming white eyes and pointed smiles. One was snickering while another said something in their strange tongue. Eska in turn gave them a brisk answer, swiping a claw to lightly wap them in the head.

But they only ducked, and Gavin pressed against the wall as small, black claws pulled at his cloak, his tunic, a light ache shooting across his head as his hair was yanked. Screaming sounded at the other end of the room, and while Gavin could barely see, he could only assume the other child had found Aoife. Sharp, tipped fingers tweaked at his nose, and he threw arms out to shove the feeling away, only for his hands to hit nothing but cold, almost thick air, and then the presence drew back, still laughing.

Eska yelled something, sounding more demanding this time, and the inky forms of the children halted near a table. Moments later, and they were nodding, moving to grab plates off shelves and what looked like herbs beneath a counter, all moving to set the table.

The woman, satisfied, turned back to Gavin, and he could see Selatan and Aoife standing beside her as lantern light caught on the buckles on their clothes. "There. Sorry. My children can be... a lot."

"It's fine!" Aoife quickly said. "You're already offering so much; it's no problem."

"All right." Eska glanced behind her, at a counter now covered in what mainly seemed to be fungus and mosses. "Well, rest, and join the home. Food will be ready soon."

"Thank you," Gavin told her, followed by a random chorus of the others. And then they were sitting around in the dark, surrounded by very little furniture, in silence. A full, true silence for once, one that settled over him completely.

Was it too harsh? he wondered, and his gaze fell to his hands, or at least the greyish outline of them. It was all he could make out, now that he was alone, and the reminder made his heart twist, his back hunching until he was tucked into his knees. No one was here to answer his question, to tell him that he was doing the right thing. Just an aching hollowness in his chest where Eldrazi's presence was supposed to be.

But he lied to me. Time and time again. He tricked me, controlled me... He blinked at the ground in front of him, although it was being replaced with random, fleeting images: of catching the rabbit together, running through forests, Eldrazi asking for more control in the prison to ease some of the pain of torture. His mind landed on a final, solid memory, of holding him in a foggy world of blue, built, brown arms wrapped around him, and that same deep voice telling him things were going to be all right. That he was his Human, and they were a team.

He gasped for air again, shoulders trembling as his fingers dug into his legs. I was just a puppet.

It wasn't true; none of it was true. Every moment they'd shared hadn't been unique, and if he was just one of hundreds, then what was the point of anything? Why even bother lying? Why act like he cared or like he was special and different and... someone to somebody else?

Why would you smile at me if I don't even matter to you anyway?

Was this why Eldrazi had given him his emotions back now? So that even with him buried, it could still feel like there was a snake writhing around his insides, clenching and tightening and feeling as though it would wind up and out of his throat as well as any bile? So every thought could make his eye ache and his heart pound and his head spin further and further until he wasn't sure he could stand it any longer?

He drew in a deep, rattling breath, although he wasn't sure he liked the clarity that came with it as another thought struck him. Because the more he thought about it, as much as it seemed like everything he'd known, and had held dear about Eldrazi for years was being torn apart, there was one thing about him that clearly hadn't changed.

The Demon always did enjoy seeing everything fall apart.

Gavin's throat grew tighter, threatening to close off entirely when fingers brushed against his back. "Hey."

He glanced up, catching Selatan's feline eyes glinting in the dark. "She said the food's ready."

"Oh, did she? I didn't—" Gavin cut himself off, standing and wiping at his face with the back of his sleeve. The pressure flared the bruise around his eye again, although he was noticing it was a bit less painful than before. At least it was one good thing as he stood at the table, no chairs to sit in as the others gathered around it, broken up by two, far shorter figures, and Eska, laying out plates with... something on them.

Reaching for the one placed in front of him, Gavin felt a piece of bread. Or that's what he was assuming it was as he continued to touch a soft, almost spongy texture, like cake. As if the bread had been frantically tossed into the sun for a day and taken in at night rather than sit quietly in an oven to rise. The top of it was decorated with mushrooms, all coated in— He squinted further. Green bits?

One thing was for sure. It was meatless, a fact that immediately soured his mood further as he stuck it into his mouth. He didn't want to be rude by not eating it, but it was terrible. Everything about it was earthy and bitter and dusted with spices that pricked at his tongue. It was food for the sake of food at best, and he got it over with as quickly as possible.

That was much the same mentality that he treated the rest of the night with, even as Selatan and Eska exchanged a few words after the meal, or when he caught sight of Aoife later playing what he could only assume was tag with the Shar Drak'na children, her body skirting around the table one way, then another to jokingly go to pounce on them. He only sat off in the corner, watching them lazily. Perhaps it was endearing, the way she almost seemed to fall into the role of an older sister, a laugh escaping her as she finally landed on a shadow, a playful squeal filling the air as a small, dark-skinned boy toppled to the floor.

Or perhaps it was sad, he realised. After all, it was a role she'd never be able to play again.

It was all so much to think about. Graves of sand, loss of sight, tells of lies, and birds of fire. None of it made sense, and even as Gavin reclined on the stony walls, mulling over Tachir's words again and again, it wasn't clicking together any easier. All it was doing was making his head spin, his lips chewed to bits with still no reason for any of it in sight. It was exhausting, and as time wore on, he longed for sleep, if only to silence it all.

And eventually it did wind down, Eska leaving the three of them in the main room while the children were led further into the house to sleep. Aoife curled up into Selatan's arms on the other side of the room, goodnights were whispered, and soon after, Gavin stopped being able to hear them, which left him only one decision.

Hours had passed with him gripping the bond, enough that his chest burned as if it were a frayed rope, dragging back and forth to saw at his heartstrings. It was a painful thing to carry out for so long, and if he kept it going, there was no chance of continuing to hold out for tomorrow.

But I don't know if I can stand to see him then. Or now. His hands reached up, dragging through his hair. Fine, silken strands pulled between his fingers, until they got caught on... something. Frowning, he reached for it, untying the green ribbon Eldrazi had left in there from before. His hair tumbled around his shoulders, and he held out the strip of fabric, staring at it. Their mother's hair ribbon. Just another thing they traded back and forth.

"Why did you kill our mother?"

"Because I saw that that was where the Basilisk would be born next. I tried to take her out before you came along, because I thought maybe- maybe if I messed up the present enough, it would change the End."

So even her death, the first of so, so many, was all because of Eldrazi and his stupid fight with Tachir'. A pathetic sob escaped him, and Gavin tried to cut it off before anyone else could hear. Everything. Everything in his life had been taken away because of him, and why? What had Eldrazi done to deserve an assassin after him?

It could be anything.

The idea churned his stomach, and as his chest started to heave, he swallowed hard. He couldn't. He couldn't deal with Eldrazi tomorrow. Not yet. There was too much to think about, and right now, he couldn't think. So he either released the hold now, and went right to sleep, or he suffered.

It was sickening, allowing the second feeling– as warm as it was frozen– to squirm in his chest. The sensation flooded his mind like a cold wave, powerful and desperate as the consciousness lapped at his own before Gavin forced it to draw back.

"Gav!" Even as just a voice in his mind, Gavin could hear how ragged his breath was, and if he closed his eyes, he could see the Demon's golden ones shot wide, his scarred mouth open enough to show fangs as his ears pressed to his head in worry.

In all the time Gavin had known him, never had he looked so afraid.

"Gav, I'm sorry! Please just 'ear me out. Please don't drown me out again. Please!"

Gavin's lip twitched, but he brushed the anger aside, easing at the feeling of Eldrazi's presence just enough to shift. A serpentine tail twisted around his legs, and he rolled onto his side, closing his eye. Only a few hours of not being Human. That was long enough to reset the cycle and start the process over again. All he had to do was last until he could sleep. He held to this. Trusted in this.

"Gav, please answer me."

This time the words held tears to them, the Demon's voice completely choked in a way that curled Gavin's hands into fists. How dare Eldrazi sound upset when he hadn't even been worthy enough to not be lied to.

You want an answer? Fine. Be quiet. I'm going to sleep.

"But I need to apologise. It's not that I don't care about ya Gav, or that I meant to 'urt you. I never wanted to 'urt you. Please, just give me a few minutes to—"

Every word he said made Gavin's nails dig into his legs, long enough to delve painfully into his flesh. "I said be quiet!" With a yank, the bind lurched painfully, and then it was gone. Eldrazi was gone. He was back to being Human, sitting in the dark, surrounded by the others, yet entirely alone.

Heavy pants echoed in the air.

I wouldn't have been able to sleep with him talking. That was what he decided as his knees curled tighter to his chest, clutched by trembling hands. I just can't hear it right now. It would've kept me up, and everything he wanted to explain... it all would've been lies anyway.

He'd be back tomorrow. Dávolns couldn't remain in any full form, Human or Demon, for much more than eight hours. But maybe, maybe after those eight hours, something would change. Maybe Gavin would want to throw up less, or the very idea of seeing him again would stop making his insides writhe. But for now, all he could do was lay on the ground, and wait for sleep to come.