(TW: This chapter contains references to SA near the very end.)

I never wanted to live forever.

And yet, for some reason, I was responsible for life itself, or at least consciousness. Once, there had been Nothing, not even the farthest outreaches of space. Simply Nothingness. Black. Quiet.

I think I was that at one point– that space between the stars– but what I became more known to be was the Chaos that caused the Nothing to burst forth with everything. Fire, Air, Water, Land, Balance. Maybe I was bored, sleeping there, existing pointlessly until it caused me to snap. Or maybe I sneezed. Whatever it was, it created brilliance.

They were so bright and colourful as they sat around me, blinking. We were all so confused then, just a bunch of gods existing in a void. Eventually, a man with red hair enveloped light around his hands, holding out a flame. It burned at my eyes, but it allowed everyone else to make themselves out better: Eór gazing at the wisps of pale skin wrapped around smoky air, Uldyŋ grasping at his antlers, The Lachulan picking at webbed toes, and Akasha, glancing around with each of her three faces. I stared back too, until the silence grew to be too empty. Too endless.

"Well, what a strange bunch you are." My voice sounded strange, hissy as a forked tongue flicked between fangs. Had I made that too? Once, I had only been Nothing. Now I had a form as well, one of black, sharp claws extending from brown skin, a spiked, obsidian tail twitching behind my back, both decorated with glowing yellow lights like stars. "Or maybe we're all strange. I can work with that."

The man with molten flames for hands, Belhain, as I would come to learn later, only scoffed. "Work? You say that like we're here to do something."

"Of course. Can't just sit around forever, now can we?" A smirk pulled across my face. Right then, we sat in a void. Nothing around us, nor beneath us. It was so... Eternal. Boring, even if it was the only thing I had to call home.

"Fill this dreadful space up with something, won't you?" I rapped claws against my cheekbone, feeling each tip leave a trail of poison to drip down the green and black scales spattered there.

"Entertain me."

☽◯☾

The world sat above my head, beneath me. At least, until the gravity of the rock I sat on shifted, spinning my body into a new orbit. Still, even as I twirled with it, I could see Esternia with her crystal blue waters, lush green foliage, and splashes of beings hither and thither, all working together and getting along. An era of peace, once again brought about by the races' favouritism for Akasha. One that had stretched on for years, and years, and years, the last war I caused over centuries ago. It was a fact they often praised, though I could not fathom why.

How nice it must be, living a tiny, day-to-day life so small that even monotony enamours you. Like everything is meaningful. I absentmindedly plucked at the string strung through my lips, playing with each x. After all, Akasha stitching my mouth shut had been the most exciting thing in ages, as far as I was concerned.

I laughed, the sound choked up without being able to push past my throat. All because I wouldn't shut up. Really, I should dump wine on her head in front of mortals more often.

But that time had passed, and the universe had sunk its claws into me once more. Perhaps the others couldn't feel it. They had magik, a Will that allowed them to bring about anything they could imagine. But I didn't, and maybe that was why I could feel the void around me. A cold so empty it burned. Somewhere out there, time and space was ripping: Chaos lacing through it in a way that felt like static through my veins, all to slowly decay until one day, there would be nothing left at all. No more thinking and waiting, racking at me at every waking moment. Just the end.

I couldn't wait for that day.

I glanced back at Esternia. How lucky you all are, getting to die whenever you please. The ends of my claws drummed a patternless little beat on the rock I sat on. Granted, only Humans were mortal, Eunsis, Demons, Lochs... even the Shar Drak'na I'd spawned out of boredom all could live eternally. But they could also fall prey to a knife, or poison, or arrows, or fire... And then they were done. Gone. Snuffed out of existence like a candle beneath pinched fingers.

How fascinating that must be. To stop. I tried to imagine it. No moving, no talking, and most intriguing, no thinking. Humans really just fell to a sword and lay there. That was it. There was no getting up after, no centuries to contemplate what it all meant, nor the desperate search to fill up all that time. One would simply be gone, and they wouldn't even know that it happened, because it would've already occurred.

A heavy, aching longing filled my chest. It was different from the call of Chaos, with its fun, inescapable urges, yet similar in the way my fingers twitched, begging for me to try something. Not that there was much I could do about it. I was a god. I couldn't die; I simply existed.

A deep sigh left my nose. Why can't I be like that? Human? I lay on the spiralling rock, casting one more glance at the infinite stars Belhain had filled the realm with. And instead the only one able to do that is Akasha. But she hated me. Probably for dumping wine over her head in front of a bunch of mortals. Strange.

An idea suddenly struck me, and a stinging sensation ran across my lips as they stretched into a grin. Then again, maybe it's hatred I need.

With a flick of my tail, I pushed myself off the Chaos Star until I was falling. The green of my skirts billowed up around me, but I didn't attempt to fix them as I tumbled wildly through Eór's sky. After all, there was nothing beneath them to cover, and it only lasted a few seconds before I plunged into the cold, blue waters of The Lachulan's ocean.

A few Lochs screamed as I pulled my head up through the surface, shaking droplets from my hair, but I only chuckled.

"Yes! Fear me peasants!" I shouted. Or at least, I would've shouted if not for the stitches on my face, making it closer to a, "Mm! Mft mm hmmMph!" The point seemed to get across anyway as the teal-skinned people dove, webbed feet and hands pawing at the water to swim away as fast as possible. As they should, honestly. I was a terror to behold.

I wasn't nearly as fast as them to make chase though, my spined tail not much use for swimming. Still, I managed to make it ashore where I took a deep breath of the refreshing air of this world– quite unlike the emptiness of Dhia– before starting towards civilization. Sand clung to me, making each space between my clawed toes scrape and itch. It was fascinating, really, enough to keep me occupied as I entered the Human village.

Something. I had to do something to anger the Goddess. Now to be honest, such a thing was part of my daily itinerary, to be checked off at random intervals whenever she least expected it. Examples often included tripping her in the temple hallways, shredding claw marks into her clothes, destroying a few towns to incite yet another war... but these were small things. No. If I wanted to be turned Human, I needed something truly grand.

But what? I'd visited Esternia hundreds of times before, and everything I did was easily solved under Akasha's reign of Balance and Peace, useless things. Whatever I did needed to go beyond that. Something truly unfixable.

I glanced around the town I'd landed in once again. It wasn't much, just simple, blocky huts of clay, but I found I usually got my best and most creative ideas by diving right into work, and so I did exactly that, pushing my head through the beaded curtain of one home.

Another scream, this time with words. "A Shar Drak'na! One of them made it to Durne!" The man yelling clutched at a metal ladle, holding it up to me like a sword.

A Shar Drak'na? Please. I made those. They were interesting and all, for small, living shadows, but clearly the man couldn't see my fabulous brown hair, tied back into a stubby ponytail, nor my pretty scales. What Shar Drak'na has that? None I tell you.

I pulled my head out of that house and into another. That one had naked Humans. They apparently also weren't happy, the one girl beat red as she clutched her blankets closer, the other throwing a fist at my face.

A sharp ache spread throughout my jaw, the stitches on my lips pulling again as I smiled. It smarted as I continued to stand there, quite a lot actually. It was amazing.

Is this what it will be like if I can get Akasha to turn me Human? Pain until nothing? Another chuckle left me as I left the two women to go back to their own matters. This was so exciting, but what to do, what to do...

My foot began tapping as I exited the Human home, glancing about me. There wasn't much, given how devastated the land still was from my last war. Just hovels, farms, forests, and the volcano in the distance where Belhain's child lived.

If my mouth wasn't sewn shut, I would've stuck my forked tongue out at it. Never in my existence had I met such a haughty bird. Then again, that was what happened with only children with nothing to do but be doted on by an adoring father every day.

And yet, that did mean Belhain cared for her, did he not? And of course, through one of her husbands, so too did Akasha.

The idea circled through my mind, settling as a familiar itch grew in my chest once again. I stared more at the volcano, slowly moving in its direction. Perfect. It was perfect. It would work, and it would be fun. One last trick upon the others, and then I'd be off to be Human, die, and never be heard from again.

All I had to do was find Phoenix.

After a while, the town opened up into plains, and within those plains stood the mighty volcano where she lived when there was no task for her to complete. Of course, I could've scaled it stone by stone, but that would've taken time, and for someone who had far too much of that, I was impatient.

So I closed my eyes, ignoring their permanent golden glow on the back of my lids. Around me, I could feel it: the Wills of the gods. It made everything, from the grass to the skies, all except the endlessness beyond that. That, of course, was my own, and I let it sink into me. It took very little effort to shed that form, no Will of my own to bind it. Instead it unravelled as easily as yarn to a cat, and then I was only shadow.

With that, I whisked up the mountainside, snicking. It was fun, air blowing through me, no insides to stop me from diving inside the volcano to admire its vibrant, warning glow. Not that I could feel its heat like this. Even in the godly form Akasha always wanted me in for 'appearance's sake', I wouldn't have burned to death, only felt like I was until that too, faded away into a dull constant.

But it wouldn't be like that for much longer, the top of the volcano drawing into view. Excitement ran through me, alighting nerves returning to me as my shadow knit back together, forming a face with slit eyes to look at Phoenix.

Despite being the only one of her kind, I had to admit she was beautiful. Perhaps it was her uniqueness that made her so, but even if I was ranked far above her, I was enraptured by the way her violet flames entwined through the air, feathers dissipating into a trail of ash in her absence. As she finally noticed me, she swooped down, amethyst eyes holding my gaze as she landed on the rocky edge of the volcano.

"Why are you here, Nðx?" Her voice rang out clear in my mind, and there was no missing the disdain behind it.

Ignoring her for a moment, I flipped my body around until my knees were hung over the edge, body upside down so I could stare into bubbling lava. The first thing I wanted to do as a Human was drop in headfirst. A fiery burst of excellence, and then cold, unfeeling oblivion in a final flash of perfect syzygy.

What more could a god ask for?

I craned my head up to look at Phoenix, unable to speak. Her own Will tasted disgusting, of mulberry and ash, and I hardly wished to talk mentally with such a bitter sensation. But, such was the life of someone with their mouth sewn shut, and I tapped into it, connecting my thoughts to hers even as it burned. I come with a proposition.

Her talons tightened on the stone. "I don't trust any 'proposition' from the god of Chaos. Belhain warned me about you."

Oh please. You're going to trust that hot-head more than me? Why? Because he asked me to make his war hammer more powerful? It was one time. Besides, it wasn't like I lied. Sentience is power, you know. And then it could scream, 'Noooo. Don't make me kill the Lochs. What did they ever do to deserve this you—'

"Exactly. You can't be trusted to do the most basic thing."

Sometimes, I agreed. But right now I'm feeling kind of bored.

She tossed her crown of purple feathers with a huff. You're always bored.

Generous! That's what I meant. Always mixing those two up. Anyways... I reached my hands, dipping sharp black fingers into lava. It stung, pointed pain leaking up my arm, but the skin refused to melt. How's running that little village of yours going?

...Not well. She fidgeted awkwardly, one foot tucking behind the other as her feathers bristled. I destroyed the fields and forests just like Belhain asked so the soil is fresh and healthy for when Uldyŋ grows the crops again, but the people... didn't take it very well. But they're Humans. Their Wills don't connect like ours do. It's aggravating, because I could just explain myself, I feel like they'd understand my intentions, just a bit.

Then she looked at me, with those violet eyes always filled with that same, wistful hope. But! That's just how things are. It's silly to complain about it.

My tongue ran over my fangs, a sense of thrill trickling down my spine at her words. There it was: the selfishness that led to Chaos. So... I trailed, reaching out to her again. You're claiming that, if you were like a Human, it would be easier to communicate, and watch over your village?

Her regal head cocked. "What are you playing at, Nðx?"

I'm saying, why not let me give you a mortal-like form, sort of like me? I smiled, though I doubted she could see it as I continued to stare into the fiery pit. I did something like that to make the other gods, so why not you? I'm sure you'd still have all that fire of yours, but you could walk around, talk with the Humans... Anything!

"And what's in it for you?" Even with her attitude, I could feel the pull of her Will, yearning for everything I had to offer.

I'm bored, Phoenix. I said that.

There was a silence as she considered, the bird shifting her weight to one foot, then the other, but finally she nodded. "Very well. What do I have to do then?"

Actually, it's quite simple. You see, all you have to do– I sat up, lifting the spined end of my tail to curl it around her. Not prick her, mind. I hardly cared to kill others. No, I simply wanted to tie her to a single spot as my eyes landed on her.

-Is hold still.

With that, I dove into my magik, with its burning crust and freezing core. It was forced against the Phoenix like claws gripping tight before sinking in as well as any venom. Because, unlike the other gods, I didn't command the elements, but I certainly could force Chaos upon anything. Or rather, bring it forward. Because it already resided in everything, from the unpredictable bending of grass in a windy meadow, to the random dripping of rain from a roof, and now? The violent flickering of her Will.

Sparks flew from her form, a screech leaving the blurry shape of a beak. Around us, the air grew hot, not from my own power, but hers as purple flame lapped higher and higher—

Then burst.

The flash burned at first my eyes, then my throat as I breathed waves upon waves of ash. When I opened them again, the air was... dirty, speckled in grey flecks that littered the ground around me. Still, I wasn't done. Never before had I attempted to enforce Chaos itself on someone's form. A shame, honestly, that my power was unable to be used on myself. It would've been interesting to see if I could've done such a thing on my own body, but as the ashes before me built into a grey, flaky silhouette, I grew satisfied, and I released the hold.

The body lay still. Dead. I blinked at it.

Did I mess it up? I frowned. Maybe I should've thought about the insides. Mortals need those... I think. What about bones? Should I have added some? Fifty or so?

My thoughts were interrupted by a cough. I snapped back to the figure, finding hands brushing ash off brown skin, even darker hair shaking more dust out of it. But, what caught my attention the most was the purple fire to her eyes, strong and wild.

They filled with confusion as they landed on me. "Who... are you?"

My breath caught in my throat. I strained to tug at her Will again. Do you not remember?

There was no answer, the trembling girl looking scared that I could even force my thoughts into her mind.

Yes! My spirits soared as I looked towards the sky, waiting for Akasha to come barging down from Dhia to punish me. She would be furious, and no doubt curse me to bear the same fate: Mortality. A sigh escaped through my nose. I can't wait.

So I turned back to the girl, once a bird, now a Human. At least in form. I was sure there was magik inside her still, and what the repercussions of that would be over time, well— I supposed I'd never live long enough to see. Another wondrous thing, I decided as I fixed her one final look. Now run girl! Go get lost before you find out what happens next.

She gave me a fearful nod, and in seconds, she was off, bare feet kicking up clouds of dust behind her. For there was a lot of that now I was noticing, as I dangled my feet over the volcano's edge. It was settling on the trees, the air, even the water. Not that there was enough to cause any worry, but it was interesting to see all the ash flit about. For hours, I watched it lazily blow along Eór's winds, one even landing on my nose. It was odd, touching it, so small yet filled with a strange power of its own: one that spoke of death.

As Belhain's sun began to make its path across the sky, I quickly grew bored of waiting for Akasha to come and smite me. I squinted, trying to find my personal, dark star to spot Dhia alongside it. What's taking her so long?

Phoenix wasn't like the other races, where there were thousands to keep track of. Belhain had one child, alone, and he should've noticed something the instant her Will went amiss. Really, I would've expected that numbskull to throw a fit.

A high-pitched bang sounded behind me, a flare of heart scorching my back before the world went dark.

There were no stars to follow either, each of Belhain's lights tapering out as I glanced around to find the sun turned crescent.

It was still there, the bright, angry thing, but now it was covered, hidden as the Child Moon was pulled in front of it. The sky bloomed a shade of violent red, and I stood there, watching the light wane until there was only a circle of black, enveloped in a fiery halo as if the stone sought to blot out life itself, turning all to darkness.

Not that it affected me much. I'd lived as the void for aeons, but that didn't stop my heart from racing, aided by the screams of mortals below me. Next to me, the ashes reared up in a harsh wind, thickening the air and leaving me to choke. I placed a hand over my nose to try and stop some of the burning in my throat. What's happening?

Dissipating into shadow once again, I rose past the sky, forced to shove past an atmosphere of pure ash to look for Akasha myself. The cold bite of the Nothing nipped at my edges, but I continued to push until I was beyond the Goddess' three moons, beyond the ring of asteroids that made up my favourite resting place. I soared past it until I could see the only other planet. Dhia.

I dropped onto it, feet tapping the smooth, white stone lightly. There wasn't much to the realm of gods, just the temple, but I couldn't think of anywhere else for Akasha to be. Or answers, really. I was still rather confused about what had just occurred in Esternia. But, neither one of those would be found standing around on the front steps, and I sauntered forward, making my way inside.

"You shouldn't be here, Nðx."

There was no wind in Dhia, and yet somehow, I found the brown ends of my hair whipping in a breeze that didn't exist.

Eór! I spun around, a thin smile on my face as I faced the Air god, random gusts whisking his silver hair unnaturally. They tugged at everything: the ragged grey cowl atop his bare chest, the white feathers of his ears, even the loose, tapered ends of flesh that wrapped around the rest of his cloud-like form. Normally, there was far less air than that, the man more than able to control his emotions, and from there, his Will. Yet, as I craned my head forward, I could make out a horrified look on his face despite his empty eye sockets— a sharp contrast to his usual, blank expression.

Well, that was certainly amusing. The blackened points of my ears pricked up, intrigued. And how is my feathery friend upon this fine day? I shot the lack of stars around me a small glance. Or night, I suppose. It seems the light exploded.

When he didn't immediately answer, I took another step forward. After all, the temple wasn't that far away, and my punishment awaited.

"Nðx, I'm not joking." Eór stepped in front of me, placing a hand on my chest. The light blue core of his Will flickered behind the cage of flesh around it, a lot duller than I was used to. "You need to run, before you get hurt too," he warned, the usual breathiness of his voice switching into a howl to match the rising gales. "Belhain is already gone, and you will be next!"

Gone? What did he mean, gone? Gods didn't die. That was the only absolute in a world where I could alter anything to work outside the rules, and if it wasn't... I want in.

I shoved past him, hearing first the ting of the chimes clinking together, then his complaints, but I ignored him. There was a Goddess to find.

I wove through hall after hall, covered in elaborate tapestries and endless portraits– another decision of her Ladyship– but only after a few petty thousand of them did I feel Akasha's presence getting closer, flavoured like sun-kissed oranges, and was that a hint of rage within its warmth? Ironic, for a god to only be able to pray. I reached for the door.

It flung open with ease, its frame filled with her towering form. Her ankle-long, golden brown hair hung sweaty and dishevelled, the three faces orbiting around her filled with disgust and fury.

"Nðx!" the face of the Mother roared, blue eyes wild as her hands reached to clutch at me, then her clothes, then her stomach. Why though, I couldn't fathom. She hadn't carried a child in ages. "Do you have any idea what you've done?"

I smirked, not answering. After all, if she wanted me to speak, why did she take a needle and thread to my face? My claws lifted casually at my sides before I pointed at the stitches. Sorry. Can't answer.

With a growl, the faces circled around her, until the face of the Maiden attached to the body. Except I noticed her skin was blackened, burnt in the way the Child's flesh was warped, swollen, looking beaten and on the verge of death, and for once, the Goddess' body did not match her face, remaining as that of a middle-aged woman, holding her stomach.

Yet, even as they looked close to glazing over, the Maiden's eyes became enraged, and she reached out until the threads were in her clutches. Then she yanked, a tearing, splitting pain spreading across my mouth like fire.

I screamed, the sound croaky as blood coated my tongue. Already, the Nothing was returning, an emptiness eating away at the pain, and I knew it would fade in time, but for now... "What was that for?"

"You killed Phoenix!"

I rolled my eyes. "No I didn't. For the millionth time, I don't do the killing, Akasha. I just made her all Human-y. With all the gross inside parts and whatnot."

A hand grabbed at the front of my dress, lifting me up until I was only inches from her blue eyes, each one swirling with hatred. "And she can't remember anything. Not even who Belhain is."

"Good for her. If it were up to me. I'd choose to forget him too."

"You killed her Nðx, even if it's not what you knew death to be." The voice of The Crone was usually soft, reserved, but that day it was shattered, breaking over every word. "And do you know what he did when he learned his child was gone?"

"What he did?" My eyes widened with horror as I glanced down at the Goddess' stomach once again.

No.

"He- He..." The Maiden tried to get it out, struggling to breathe as tears rolled down bruised cheeks. "He grabbed me. Told me to replace her. And when I said no—"

My heart jumped, ice lacing through my veins. It was only then that I noticed how truly ragged her hair was, braids completely undone, clothes ravaged for a Goddess who so much cared about presentation. "N-no! That's not what I wanted. I didn't mean that! Akasha, I swear! I'm so sorry I—"

"I'm pregnant, Nðx!" The Mother shouted, and long nails dug into my shoulders. "He ruined me, and it's all your fault!"

I wrenched my dress out of her grasp, landing with a thud to the ground. Scrambling back, I watched as she staggered forward, a wild look in her eyes. "You felt it, right? The Dust you made?"

My eyes flicked out the temple window, back to Esternia. For a lovely, green place, it was now a sickly shade of grey, the three moons circling around a black, shimmering ring. "... I did that?"

Another step forward. "All you ever wanted was Chaos. Wars, plagues, the Shar Drak'na, all things to spice up their mortal lives, right? That's what you phrased it as? Well now there's that, and it's coming for all of us. Now it's going to claim everything and everyone while whatever monster is in me ravages Esternia. You ruined the world, and you ruined me! Was your game fun? Are you happy now?"

I flinched at her shout. "No! I just wanted to be mortal. I just..."

Wanted to die.

"Oh no." She ended her sentence with a short, crazed laugh. "You don't get to be a mortal. Not after what you've done. Not–" She cut herself off, reaching for something within the room, although whatever that was, I couldn't yet see. "-until you do something for me."

"A-absolutely!" I confirmed, nodding frantically. I wasn't one to stutter, but to imagine Belhain taking advantage of her– taking advantage of a child over what I'd done. Pure disgust crept down my spine, my entire body shaking. "Anything!" Anything at all to make up for the evil that had been done.

She finally retracted the object, and I could see it: a shining sword, hilt inset with the symbol of Phoenix. It too, burned with both power and hatred, and she placed it within my claws.

"Kill her."

"What?" I shouted, and the sword toppled to the floor with a clang. I watched it rattle with wide eyes before looking back up at her. "I can't kill her!"

"You promised me anything!"

"Not that!" I cried, stepping back one step, then another, hating how she matched each one. "I don't kill people, Akasha. I just said that! This isn't Phoenix's fault. There's no reason for her to die. Give me something else, please!"

"There is nothing else I want," she spat, and she picked up the sword once more, eyes boring through me. "You ruined everything, Nðx. The Dust is going to kill everything. The Crone has seen it. It will consume the land, the people, and form a realm to torture souls forever, unless that girl dies."

A choke escaped her, and her shoulders drew together as the woman began sobbing, sinking into me as her voice dropped into whispers. "Please. I want her gone. I need her gone. I need him gone. Please."

My eyes grew wet, but still, I pushed her back. "No. Akasha, I'm sorry, but this isn't right. She's just a bystander. I'll find another way to fix this, or—"

"There is no other way!" she screeched, and again, her hands raked into me, grabbing my arms tight. "You are going to kill her, and you'll exist forever until you do!"

Not too long ago, she'd held me like this, the air warming as she laced her magik through my lips, binding them shut. Except this time, it felt far more threatening, my chest violently shaking as the world shot a vibrant beige. The warmth of her magik became unbearable. It sang in my ears of death and revenge. I could feel her Will now, raking at every aspect of my body. Everything was burning, stretching, changing. Perhaps that too, was ironic.

Then again, she controlled Balance, and thus, Karma.

☽◯☾

My entire body hurt.

I groaned, rolling over all while my head spun. It was a very acute pain, actually, much sharper than any other time I'd been hurt.

Actually, have I ever had a headache before?

I sat up, feeling the tickling sensation of grass against my naked body, hearing the sounds of crickets in the distance. Esternia. I was back here somehow, and— I twisted around, catching sight of my hands– actual hands made of flesh, not darkness– my right arm coated in the black mark of a snake winding around stars, moons, with a hungry mouth open to bite the silhouette of a sun. Beyond that, I had a tail that looked almost serpentine with its lack of spines, and as I glanced down, that wasn't the only thing I was noticing.

A laugh escaped me, and I stood up, examining myself. "Ha! I'm a mortal! I'm a male mortal!" I reached up, feeling pointed, scaly ears. Or maybe a male Immortal. Well, it didn't matter. Both died, and it seemed that somehow, I'd still managed to obtain my wish. The only question was how I planned to go about my death. My eyes wandered.

They landed upon a sword. A sword embezzled with purple stones in the shape of a bird. So she'd sent it with me, then.

"Kill her."

I frowned, picking up the thing. Of course, I could've plunged it into my chest right then and there, if it was truly made to kill something of the gods, but...

If I do that, doesn't that mean someone else will find it? Or worse, be sent to kill her?

The moment the thought crossed my mind, something strangely squeezed within my chest, like claws holding my insides tight. It was a heavy, raking feeling, and I rather disliked it. Was that part of being flesh and blood? Whatever it was, it was making me hold the blade out, arguing against the concept of ending myself, as pleasant as it seemed.

At least, not yet. Right now, Phoenix was out there with no recollection, alone, scared most likely, and being hunted, all of which was my fault.

Another sigh left me, that too, becoming a groan as I stared up into a Dust-filled sky. "Fine..." I drawled, turning back to the sword. "I'll go get rid of you or something. And find that girl. Keep her safe until the Goddess calms down. Something."

Why was I talking to a sword as I wandered through a forest, looking for a girl with violet eyes, who could truly say? Perhaps a god full of chaotic ideas, bent on bringing them to mortals to teach them to be better, but Nðx was gone, in a way. I was something different now, at least for a little while longer.

Just a little while longer.