Besides training, sleeping, and eating, (OH and the boring paperwork for officials) there wasn't much to keep the soldiers of the Scouting Regiment occupied. You could read in Armin's case, you could train harder like Mikasa, you could do paperwork like Erwin, or you could talk about things like everyone else. When there was talking, there was bound to be a false rumor or two floating around. Despite their outwards stony appearances, Levi and Erwin often liked to "gossip" about the things that were going on with the cadets and new recruits. It was fun and not stressful.

The both of them sat down in the common room one day looking around at the cadets loitering and sprawled out on the couches like overworked pieces of meat. Levi and Erwin -- with their much stronger physical capabilities -- thought that the training hadn't been so bad, but it also hadn't relieved much of their stress with the expedition to Shiganshina coming up quickly. Soon enough, they found each other talking of the other cadets.

"Do you think Kirstein's gay?" Levi nonchalantly asked Erwin who was sitting on his left with Levi on his right.

Erwin seemed to be in deep thought -- like he always is, Levi thought inwardly -- before answering a firm, "Yes."

"Who do you think he's gay for?"

"I've narrowed it down to either Armin or no-one."

Levi looked at Armin and Jean closely conversing on one of the couches. He narrowed his eyes and nodded his head. "I guess I can see that, but I think Armin's gay for Eren."

"And Eren's just too oblivious for anyone."

Levi and Erwin sighed. "Yeah."

"Y'know," Erwin began after a short silence, "I'm pretty sure Mikasa wants to be more than just friends with Eren, too."

"No shit Sherlock," Levi scoffed. "I could see that a mile away." He relished in the fact that despite Erwin being of a higher rank than himself, they always thought of each other as equals and Levi could talk to him like no subordinate should. It was comforting in a way.

Erwin shrugged his burly shoulders. "I suppose I'm not the best at seeing when one person has romantic feelings for the other."

Levi slightly stiffened at how honest that really was and Erwin didn't even notice it -- didn't notice him. It's fine, though; Erwin's a commander and needs to focus on planning missions and balancing their budget while simultaneously making sure that the aristocracy doesn't get too pissed off at them.

"Do you think Moblit has a crush on Hanji? He seems to care an awful lot."

"Levi, I think that's his job. Personally, I see Hanji as being more of a burden to him. He already drinks so much due to his unfortunate position in the corps."

Levi shrugged his shoulders. "Hell if I know. I think Hanji's too enraptured with her titan experiments and research to give even a thought to a relationship. We're all pretty much married to our jobs, huh."

Erwin huffed. "I can't disagree with that."

"I heard Jaeger fell on his face into manure today while he was cleaning out the stables. That would explain his awful smell and his face looking shittier than usual."

"Why do you think his face always looks so shitty?"

"Because it does! It's always scrunched up in anger like his life absolutely sucks."

Erwin gave him a look that nonverbally communicated how idiotic that sentence sounded.

"Okay well at least all of our lives suck too so he doesn't have to be such a hard ass to everyone about it," Levi explained. He shifted in his chair as he crossed his arms. Erwin thought he looked rather sassy that way. Sassy basically described Levi in one word, he thought.

"Do you think Hanji is somehow recording all of our conversations?" Erwin suddenly asked nervously.

Levi gave him a pointed look. "Why would you think that?"

"Because the other day she referenced an inside joke between you and I and I can't think of any other way that she would've gotten it besides recording our conversations."

"Well, if she has, then I'll fix that problem real quick."

"Aw, thanks, Levi." Erwin pretended to act like a normal person for a bit.

"Don't get all sappy on me, old man."

Erwin sighed. "Y'know I'm only older than you by two years, right?"

Levi chuckled. "Yeah, I know. It's just more fun calling you old man because you don't make me feel so old."

"Was that a compliment?" Erwin raised a bushy eyebrow.

"So what if it was." Levi turned his head away.

Hanji walked through the common room door with Moblit looking absolutely exhausted behind her. Hanji herself had dark rims underneath her eyes from sleep deprivation.

"Hey guys!" she called.

Levi had been enjoying his time spent talking to Erwin and felt she was ruining a moment, so he wasn't that enthusiastic to talk to her. "What do you want, shitty-glasses?" he called. "And when was the last time that you slept?"

She put her index finger to her chin in concentration. "Oh um . . . I think about . . . three nights ago. I've tried keeping Moblit awake with me since I needed the extra hands to take notes, but he just kept falling asleep on me! Isn't that crazy? You'd think he'd be able to stay up longer than just 24 hours! But apparently not. Anyways, enough about me. What were you two talking about?"

Levi wanted to say, "None of your fucking business," but Erwin beat him to the punch and just told the truth. "We were talking about the cadets."

"What about the cadets?"

"Oh just some silly rumors we hear. It's nothing."

Hanji got a sly look on her face. "Y'know," she began and Levi could literally tell that this was either going to take forever or end bad, "I've heard some rumors around the corps, too, and I've always been interested to see if they were true or not."

"What rumors?" Levi asks, a little bit interested.

"They actually involve you, Captain Levi, and the titan-shifter Eren."

"Me and Jaeger? What is it?"

"Apparently, the story goes that once you brought him to your room for 'training' and you guys ended up having sex."

Erwin and Levi looked disgusted as they both said in unison, "What the fuck?!"

"I have to get rid of that rumor immediately!" Levi yelled.

"I agree that it has to be rid of," Erwin agreed.

Hanji shrugged her shoulders. "Well, I don't know how to help yah without spreading a different rumor that sounds similar. Then, people will think that they've just been mishearing it and believe the other one."

Without hesitation and to Levi's embarrassment, Erwin said sternly, "Then say that it was actually me who fucked Levi. My name sounds similar to Eren's, does it not?"

Levi looked at Erwin in disbelief and Hanji's eyes lit up beneath her goggles.

"Your name does sound similar to Eren, Erwin! Alright, I'll start spreading that one instead!"

When Hanji left, Levi fixed Erwin with an expression of confusion and surprise.

"Why would you do that?!" he shouted.

"Calm down, Levi! It's better than people thinking you're a pedophile, is it not?"

Levi calmed down, though the thought of fucking Erwin had now permeated his thoughts and it was getting kind of awkward talking to him with such lewd thoughts playing through his mind. "I suppose it is," Levi agreed.

"Plus, I mean, the thought of fucking you isn't repulsive," Erwin remarked.

Levi waited a few moments before whispering just so Erwin could hear, "Likewise."

No-one noticed them secretly holding hands behind their backs.