Reviewer: Reading_Mermaid08

Comments: Going into this story I had no expectations. From the description, I wasn't sure what to expect, to be honest. It's a fanfiction based on The Game of Thrones character. They've been placed in modern-day high school and the concept was a hard one to wrap my mind around, honestly. Looking at it from the fanfiction aspect of it, I have to say that the original character's personalities did seem to come through on this story. You can tell the writer is a real fan of this particular fiction and has a good grasp of the characters.

When it comes to the plot of the story I had to look at it as a stand-alone concept because it was just odd for me personally to try and view it with a Game of Thrones Flare. I'm not trying to say there was anything wrong with it, but honestly, it could very well be a stand-alone book and not fanfic if the writer so chooses it to be so. The plot is an interesting concept and has a lot of potentials I think. From what I read it seems like the shy guy and the new oddball romance. Which I don't think you see too often. There is one thing I don't care for, but it's just my personal taste. I personally can't stand love a fist sight, but I know some people love them so it really is just my personal taste I'm just a cynic and I don't like you can look at someone without saying one word to them and know that you are the perfect match. With not knowing anything about their personality. It just drives me completely nuts, sorry. But I guess I can understand the appeal? Sort of. But like I said, that is just my personal taste and I know there are others out that that absolutely eat it up.

Overall, the story does need a lot of work. It has potential and I think it can become a very interesting story with some work. One flaw I see in fanfiction is that the writers seem to lack descriptions, and unfortunately, this story is no exception. Because it's a popular fanfic, I do have a good knowledge of the characters that were mentioned. When writing fanfic, write as if you are writing to an audience that has no foreknowledge of the characters. Most of the characters were poorly described or undescribed. The surrounding around the characters was lacking in the description as well. your scene is just as much of a character as the ones doing the talking. Place the reader there with your characters describe the sight, the smells, the sounds, that we as the reader are hearing.

I also noticed that the dialogue seemed rushed and forced. I'm not sure what to suggest to fix this, truly sorry, but it just came off very rigid, and it threw off the pacing some. I think if the boys bantered more? Perhaps that would help some of it out? The other issue that I noticed was there were tense changes throughout the story where it switched from past to present, so watch out for those.

Best of luck to the writer, and keep improving.

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Reviewer: JaszmeneSmith

Comments: When I first saw the title I thought it was one of those supernatural love story about and Alpha rejecting the Luna because she was but trying to get her back because she changed. You know the same old, same old. But I know it's not since title kinda got me anyways. Anyways The main character Jon is rather shy around girls but he doesn't act like a typical popular teen, who likes to party and isn't arrogant either and the way he was staring at Daenerys. I really notice how he's trying to protect her from Ramsey, who has gain a reputation for being a two timer. Daenerys is really level headed are somewhat self-confident since she's notice how f*@kboys act around women. Since she dated a few back in her old school. I'm not used to fanfics that involves real people but since this is new to me. I'll read some more to understand it.

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Reviewer: Capri5211

Comments: Wow! I read this entire book in two days. I know it's still "on-going" but I was sucked in immediately. I've honestly never watched Game of Thrones but that does not matter at all. You do not need any prior knowledge of the show to dive in and enjoy this awesome book of teen love. From start to finish, readers are shown a beautiful world of believable characters all with intricate personalities and relationships. We see the wolf pack and can immediately pick out the lone wolf, the amazing Jon Snow, who falls in love with Daenerys the moment he sees her. (I think love at first sight stories are the best so I loved that you put that in there!)

I loved every tender moment that Jon and Daenerys shared throughout this story. You describe them so well that readers don't have to imagine what they look like or what they are doing. You do a fabulous job of showing a scene versus just telling us what's happening.

The love scenes were beautifully done between our star couple! (Oh to be young again! lol) Jon and Daenerys were never afraid to take risks in sneaking away to be together. You portrayed their love so well both physically and emotionally. From the beginning I rooted for them and hoped their relationship would blossom, which it did! Even throughout the trials they faced, Jon and Daenerys always came out stronger. I have full confidence they will only continue to do this as the story continues.

I thought every chapter length was spot on. Some chapters were a little longer than others but you did a great job of breaking them up to keep the story flowing.

This story has all the right ingredients! Amazing characters, crazy sexy love, with a dash of conflict just waiting to be resolved. Bravo! I will most definitely be sticking around to see how this story ends!

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Reviewer: Selly1010

Comments: 1. What did you think the book was about? as written in the summary, it was about the fan fiction of Daenerys & John Snow with AU

2. Did you feel the book fulfilled your expectation? Honestly, I expected more mature story (the story background was High School). it kind a bit too teen fiction for me.

3. What about the plot? Does it pull you in? The plot was good. But I feel like there need an improvement with the dialogue/event (I can't stated what it is, I just feeling) As I said before, for me it was more into teen fiction and the plot kind of the teen lit stories; about school life, bullying, and love triangle. The fact it was fan fiction story about Dany and Jon Snow, I felt that it was not really fit for them (it just my opinion) because they way more mature than just became teenage characters.

4. Do the characters seem real? Yes, they were seem real for me. They were look like high school teenager in common.

5. How was the description? There were some lack of description in the beginning chapter but later getting better. I suggest to add more description about the surrounding/the environment or between dialogue.

Conclusion: For me it was like usual teen fiction stories, but since I read 8 first chapter, maybe I am too early to said that. However it was how I feel for the 8 chapters. The plot, the stake, and the love triangle story. It was stated by the writer about avoiding cliche, and my suggestion is try to write a different stake not just competing girl, or bullying. In example: the main girl is a bully and the main male loves to her victims instead of the main female (it's not suggestion just example). However, don't be shy to be cliche. Honestly my story is cliche too. Just write about the thing you love. Read as much as other stories and books to learn about writing style and vocabulary and also the knowledge for our books.

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Reviewer: phoenixryze

Comments: Read seven chapters. Honestly, I thought I was about to read a werewolf book, silly me. I must confess that I might be the only person in the world that never watched 'Game of Thrones'. But a high school variation of the show and its characters seems interesting. It fulfilled my expectations because I liked it. The premise, the characters, the flow all made the book enjoyable. The plot is one I've encountered before but this writer made it his/her own. The characters are relatable, especially highschoolers and their hi-jinks, were properly captured. This book had small chapters that were easy to read and breeze through. I like it.

The writer wanted us to be on the lookout for clichés. The bathroom scene with the girls was one but the way the MC handled the situation with bravado and courage neutralized the cliché so to speak. What I liked most about this book is the emergence of the strong female character. Keep it up.

I might just watch some episodes of 'Game of Thrones' after this book. Thank you.

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Reviewer: BellaFrost1617

Comments: Reading "The Lone Wolf" brings a definite strong plotline and characterisation that makes the Game of Thrones characters different in a very good way. I really enjoy the dynamic between Daenerys and Jon (hope I spelled that right. I've never read Game of Thrones or watched it). It's always interesting to see a fanfiction where fantasy or supernatural characters are placed in a modern world setting and how differently they interact. The author said that cliches and repetition are her concern here, but I didn't see much in the way of repetition. Beyond the basic words that everyone uses as necessity I didn't really see much repetition in the five to six chapters that I've read so far. As a character Ramsey is a living and walking cliche, but let's be honest, all real life guys like him are exactly that. So there's no issue there. The thing here is do you call it a cliche or a trope? Every possible story has been done in the world of writing, it's just about how you do it that makes it original or cliched. Teen romances are more open to leaning in that direction because high school is the kind of place where cliches just seem to breed. It's only as people enter adulthood that they begin to branch out and become more varied. Whereas some (like Ramsay) stay walking cliches for the rest of their lives. So I'd say don't worry too much about the cliches because they work really well in this kind of story model. Bitchy groups of girls slagging off in bathrooms, guys trying to show off how good they are and how many girls they can hook up with, the nice guy in the middle of a "Wolf Pack" that's all typical high school teenage stuff. And it works. It sells. People enjoy it. Your execution of it is great and it's definitely staying interesting, which is the real challenge for this genre. And after the first couple of chapters you've gone more into show rather than tell, which is great. Maybe flesh out the conversations a little more. All up I'm really enjoying this story and the title is perfectly fitting for Jon.

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Reviewer: ReggaeGirl4

Comments: Ok, here is the thing. I have watched GoT and the characters are quite vividly imprinted in my mind. That made reading this story kind of difficult. I am not aware whether the author tried to convert the characters into today's time the way they were in the series. If so, unfortunately, I must say that she didn't succeed. Don't get me wrong, the story itself I liked. I enjoyed the first scene where Dany comes into the cafeteria and everyone's thoughts on her. Or how John and Dany talk the first time in the juice bar. It was hilarious how he pretented wanting to do an article on her for the student newspaper. Their love story develops beautifully throughout the chapters I read so far. After a while, I started to let go of what I thought the characters had to be like and just imagined the characters looked like they did in GoT (in today's clothing and hairdos of course) and I instantly enjoyed the story alot more. So I'd say the weakest writing trait of the author is using existing characters and picture them believable in her own story. However, the strongest writing trait is definitely creating own characters, dialogs (talking or when they texted each other). The characters (aside from what I said about the GotT part) were relatable and the storyline fluent and without gaps. I would definitely read other stuff from the author.

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Reviewer: jumping_jiminys

Comments: 1. I thought the story was going to be about high school and the dramas that come with it.

2. The book did an excellent job of fulfilling my expectations and went above that as well. Usually, I have a negative bias to highschool dramas, but this one did not annoy me.

3. It's a pretty standard plot; however, how the author sets it out with the pacing, the characters interactions pull me in, and surprisingly I read five chapters without any struggle.

4. Usually, when people depict teens, they are overly annoying, and just a big eye roll but the author did a fantastic job not making me hate them. They reminded me of me in my youth.

5. You have the length of the chapters spot everything I was getting to the end and wondering what is left to read we were onto the next chapter. You know how long to spend on each scene, and you do so with purpose.

6. Due to the story being a fanfiction, there isn't a high demand for character descriptions as most the audience know what the characters look like. With that said, I believe you could've put some description of the locations. I was interested in what the Juice Bar looked like.

7. There wasn't anything I disliked. I liked that you had the story in 3rd POV omniscient, sometimes people find it confusing when you switch from character to character, but you had done it in a way where it worked and flowed with the scenes and in doing so gave us (the readers) a broader scope of the story.

8. Yes, I would. Usually, I don't read fanfictions (for some unknown reason), but your originality alone brought me in.

9. I couldn't see anything with your grammar/spelling, plot or humour-- your humour was well done. In terms of weakest writing trait in the five chapters, I read I didn't notice much repetition, but I am assuming your worry is as you read further along when we get a better foot in this story's door.

In reference to your help request, it's challenging to do a high school drama without cliches, but instead of trying to avoid them, ultimately make them different. E.g., two guys fight for the girl turns out the girl is asexual. That's just off the top of my head, but I hope you get the gist you can write cliches but make it your own.

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Reviewer: LivEvansWrites

Comments: 1) What did you think the book was about?The book was a high school drama/romance with the two main characters dealing with a lot of challenges that face people their age. 

 2) Did you feel the book fulfilled your expectations?This is a difficult one for me to answer. I started out writing fanfictions and had very specific preferences about what I would read and expect from the characters. As a personal preference, I have always steered clear of AU. Looking at your story as a fanfiction (and as an avid GoT fan), I found it hard to see the characters in this new setting, especially with the way they had been characterised. It didn't feel like fanfiction as I would define it, but that is just me. I did read in your profile that you want to branch out to original stories, and I feel like this one could have been written with original characters (literally just replacing them one for one with OCs), and it would have been richer for it. As for the content itself, the book was a fantastic high school story, with great doses of drama, romance, and developing character relationships. 

3) What about the plot? Does it pull you in? Or did you feel you had to force yourself to read the book?I didn't get to read as much of the book as I would have liked (I read 20 full chapters and skimmed the rest to get an idea of where you were taking the plot). I think that you've done an excellent job of pacing your chapters, which drew me in. 

4) Do the characters seem real and believable? Where you able to relate to them as a person and their predicaments? To what extend to they remind you of yourself or someone you know, if they do at all?As I mentioned above, I had trouble connecting these characters with the ones they were based off in the book. I think that putting all of the characters into the setting and changing ages, locations, or parts of back stories in order to fit them into the setting did strange things to my mind. If I look at them as new characters, and pull them away from their GoT counterparts, the story feels far more authentic. Honestly, I know how hard it can be to jump from fanfiction to full original stories. You've got a great talent for nailing character dynamics and development, so embrace it :) For the most part, the characters were believable. There were a couple of times that the dialogue felt too mature, or a little scripted, but those were few and far between. There were some really lovely, sweet moments in there. 

5) How was the pacing of the chapters? Consider if the scenes skipped or jumped randomly. Was it too slow or too fast? Why?I really liked the pacing. I felt that you handled it well given the situations the characters were in. The vibe felt authentic to a high-school scenario. If I had to nitpick, I would say that the story felt like it had multiple storylines and climaxes (pun totally intended 😉 ). I do wonder if there could be one overarching story, e.g. the bit with Ramsay, and then have the others as hiccups along the way, with Ramsay resolving last, or to have that as the first in a series. In real life, these situations can really drag out, and it could make the story feel more cohesive. At the moment it feels a little more like an episodic series (which is fine). That said, I didn't get a chance to read the last ten or so chapters in great depth, so I could be wrong about this, so please ignore. This is just me throwing out ideas, please feel free to disregard, because overall you've done such a great job. 😊 

6) How was the description of the chapters? Consider the scenes, their setting, emotions, and actions. Consider if there were any information bumps. If they were lacking emotions, too little or too much showing rather than telling...You did a great job of describing the MCs thoughts and feelings. Their actions were always well justified, and they felt authentic as characters in their own right (even if I had trouble thinking of them as Daenerys and Jon). 

7) Described what you liked and disliked about the writer's style. Why?I think I covered both of these above, so I won't rehash. 

8) Would you read more of the author's work? Why or why not?Yes, I am very curious to see what your canon shorts are like. 

9) Comment on their strongest & weakest writing trait alongside their help request and your overall thoughts.Your perceived weakest writing traits: I think you've done well in these areas. There were a few ties where you would repeat descriptions. For example, you'd introduce a scene, explain it in prose, and then explain again in dialogue. I feel that tightening this up and keeping it to one method or the other would smoothen the over all text.

Avoiding clichés: This is hard in the genre you've written. There are certain high school 'tropes' that seem to be in every story. You've got them in yours. That, however, is not something I see as a problem. What is important, however, is that those 'clichés' feel like part of a genuine story, not as tacked on dramas. I think that you've woven them in well in the context.

And even though this wasn't on your help request, I want to once more say that I really think you've got potential when it comes to writing original stories. You've added enough of a fresh perspective to these characters that you could have given them new names and back stories that didn't rely on the GoT setting and my personal opinion is that the story would have been richer for it.

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Reviewer: KimberlyTanithMarie

Comments: I read the entire thing and I'm patiently awaiting an update.

Being a huge Game of Thrones fan I have pretty much read almost every fanfic out there. When I saw that this was a high-school romance I admit that I was a bit skeptical.

To my surprise however, I found myself liking it from the very first chapter. I really enjoyed how she created a different spin on Jon and Daenerys, it was believable and I could actually picture them in these roles.

The author was also very clever in finding ways to put names and titles from the original series into her story to create her own world which I really liked.

A lot of fanfic is usually just a rip off of original work but the author really managed to create something enjoyable.

I really had no complaints with this book, sure there was the usual rare typo, but nothing a quick edit can't fix.

Looking forward to seeing where the story goes.

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Reviewer: EllenFairyBlue4

Comments: The Lone Wolf was a pretty good read for a fanfic story. I only read four chapters so I didn't get far in it. It was well written in my opinion. Your characters were so believable that this didn't feel like I was reading a fanfic. I never read Game of Thrones so I don't know the elements you tried to capture but if I didn't know any better I would think this is an original story. Anyway I can see where the title symbolizes Jon as he isn't like his other friends. He's more the lone wolf character. This story doesn't come off as cliche to me. Sure you uses some cliche tropes such as the love triangle and fuck boy trope but cliches can't really be avoid as everything is already been done a thousand or more times but the story haven't been told from your perception so that's what made this story refreshing. The drama arising between Ramsey, Jon, and Dary is awesome. I can never pass a story full of drama. I wonder if she will give Jon a chance once she found out the group he runs with. To be honest I'm going to say that I'm a bit of prejudice toward fanfic stories as I prefer original made stories because they rules and world interest me than a story based on a all ready made world nut I could see myself reading The Lone Wolf if I haven't know it was a fanfic. Great job on capturing the characters and their emotions. 

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Reviewer: JamesEnd49

Comments: Dear Daeo: 

I must say I enjoyed the read, despite the characters, and the all too perfect romance. You did a nice job of leading me on. It was fun to get to know the characters the characters, although I would like them to be more approachable, might open it up to a less elitist audience. Fine if you're looking for escapism, a few flaws and challenges of the common teen might help in the believability. For Example, Daenerys is too perfect and Jon too confident. Curious about how you selected your character's names, I'm not a GOT fan. I find saying their names in my head challenging, anyway to bring us phonetically challenged along? I enjoyed your intro, cover art and character portrayals. Being new to WP, I am not used to that with my reading. I'm not sure if that helps or hinders. I do like to use my imagination, and to have some posted figure somewhat blocks my creativity. What if I want Daenery to be a red head or taller? I would like to also have some development of the Wolf Pack. Seems like there is a lot of potential there, Jon should be really torn. When I was young, your guy friends where everything.

I read through chapter fourteen and enjoyed the read. I may read more, but joining the group late, I am behind, sorry. I felt that you hit a hot/high level of eroticism and anticipation, but you never got me to that raging hard-on state where I just had to keep reading. But then I'm older. I like that you kept my interest and the sexual and situational tension, that was fun! I thanks for not falling into the standard billionaire, rich guy trope. Things that bothered me:

I am doubtful that Jon is going to have it that together at 17. There are a lot of unknowns growing up and to be that cool and confident just don't happen early. Although I was rooting for him. My memory reminds me that all the sexy girls were going after older guys at that age.

Similarly, Daenerys is too perfect and sweet. Girls that hot were never approachable and never hesitated to put a lower caste male down and in his place. Might build some backstory to explain her sweet nature.

Chapters 8 to 21 were hot! Nice job, but a girls first orgasm typically takes a long time. Might wait a bit for her to climax, no? 

Ramsey? Liked the bad guy vibe, but most guys like that don't realize what they are doing. Their just frat boys interested in one thing. Sex.

Jon's parents seem to be too stereotypical to have raised such a great kid. Character development opportunity? The cabin run was too easy. Seems an oxymorn for Jon to be telling his parents that he is driving to a tree fort sleep over while sneaking off for a shagging session. 

Must Jon kick Ramsey's ass again. Violence is thrilling but the answer? 

Thanks for the fun read,James  

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Reviewer: Natalieemm15

Comments: 1) What did you think the book was about?Right off the bat, I was under the impression this book would be a teen romance, or at least written in a high school setting. I personally have never read fan fiction before, nor have I seen game of thrones (I know... Put down the pitch forks) but I love high school romances, I have no idea why, I just do. So I was super excited to read this. 

2) Did you feel the book fulfilled your expectations?I say this for every book, but I do not place expectations on the books I read (unless I purchase them), but if I had set expectations, they would have been exceeded because I really like the high school, author-ized version of Daenerys. I also like that she's not a wilting flower like some high school romance leads are. 

3) What about the plot? Does it pull you in? Or did you have to force yourself to read the book?I didn't have to force myself to read it at all, it was a pretty quick read and I enjoyed the characters. The only thing I found myself wishing for was a bit more build up to the introduction of the 'new girl' but that's just me being a little particular. I also found it really easy to like Daenerys because she's got some street/high school smarts in her. I like that she's not going to be easily fooled by the immature boys in her class and she doesn't back down from the girls that talked about her in the bathroom. 

4) Do the characters seem real and believable?So far, I really like both Daenerys and Jon's characters and I have no prior knowledge of what they're like in the show, but as for who they are in this particular story, I like how the author does a good job of structuring the chapters in a way that lets us know more about the character, but without revealing everything at once (if that makes sense. I'm trying to say the chapters are well balanced with dialogue, inner monologue, and background knowledge and information.) 

5) How was the pacing of the chapters?The chapters are short scenes, but I don't really mind all that much. I like the pace of the story and I like the scenes that show us more of Dany and Jon's private lives. For instance, the introduction of Jon's sister Arya was natural and fit into the scene, which segued into more of Jon's background story. That's hard for some authors to do and the chapters can end up unbalanced with too much dialogue, too much description, etc. And in turn, the chapter has no real focus or direction. I didn't feel like that with this book.

6) How was the description of the chapters?The author could add in a tad bit more description to the characters and even the settings themselves. For instance, Jon says that Dany is beautiful and we know she has platinum blonde hair and beautiful features but adding things like blonde hair that cascades down her back or past her breasts is more intriguing. Or even simply saying her pert nose and elfin like features lets us imagine who she is, even if we know what the character on TV looks like already. 

7) Describe what you like and dislike about the writer's style.I like the third person, I like that the writer balances the key aspects of a good book well (inner monologue, dialogue, description, background information) because the story propels forward in a direction that the reader pictures the relationship moving in. After each chapter, I'm not left thinking 'oh that chapter dragged with too much description' I like that it moves quickly and in a direction that makes me want to root for Jon to get Dany and it also made me wonder how that was going to happen. So the author does a good job of leaving you on the hook until the next chapter. 

8) Would you read more of the author's work?Yes, I would. I'm not a huge fanfic reader, but the author did sway me, because before now I might not have ever taken the dive into fanfic. However, I'm intrigued and I might even go back and watch GOT. 

9) Strongest Writing Trait:Creativity, characters development, blance.Weakest Writing Trait: Could use a little more description.

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