Reviewer: Reading_Mermaid08

Comments: I enjoyed this book immensely. I can see where several might complain about the length of the chapters, and though they may be long according to Wattpad standards, I noticed that the author's goal is to publish this book. So I thought from that standard the chapter-length is perfect. The Eternal Bloodlines is a vampire book like I've never seen before. It takes on a whole new view of the vampire world and makes the reading experience refreshingly enjoyable. It isn't another Twilight cliche, which is such a relief, I loved it truly. I like that the vampire was barely getting by. In most vampires are somehow instant rich, this one isn't. She had to work for her living, and not work jobs that left a good taste in her mouth.

I was definitely pulled into this story, with the descriptions of the character, surroundings, and emotions that she was going through, it was easy to fall into that world and get pulled along with Ariel. I felt for her line of work, however, that she was a little naive. It could be just her age, she is a young vampire, and a young woman for that matter so I suppose she still maintains a level of naivety.

The pacing was perfect, I didn't feel like any of it dragged at any point, and never felt rushed. If I would suggest anything, it would be to work on your action scenes. The hand to hand seemed to lack luster a little bit, which I understand it's difficult to write. I don't even write my own action scenes, to be perfectly honest. I would suggest researching tips and guides to help in this area.

I would absolutely read more of the author's work, and plan on reading more of The Eternal Blood Lines in my free time. It's a great read, and am going to suggest it to some of my Vamp loving friends. I know they're always looking for some good sexy vampire books to read.

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Reviewer: jumping_jiminys

Comments: 1. Vampire meets a dark, handsome man surrounded by secrets as she navigates her own.

2. It most certainly met my expectations and succeed it.

3. I always love a bit of action and detective work and the escort business all boxes ticked for me.

4. Surprisingly it didn't take me long to love the main character. Ariel's narration through her amnesia was different and unique, and I enjoyed the way she tackled it.

5. Your pacing was fantastic. You know when a scene requires a slower pace and when scenes can be amped a bit. Fantastic writing.

6.I enjoyed the way you brought us into the supernatural world by the end of the first scene and hinted at some of the lore throughout.You have an excellent balance of showing and telling making the overall reading experience a joy to experience.

7. Her writing is similar to my own in the way she goes about narrating. I thoroughly enjoyed it the way you paint the scene and bring the reader into the shoes of the character.

8. I would certainly read more. However, I understand the book is for publishing hence the length, but for the sake of wattpad, I would suggest breaking it up in parts. You seem to have a few scenes in each chapter and believe breaking them up wouldn't disrupt the flow of the chapter as a whole too much.

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Reviewer: Capri5211

Comments: What a brilliant beginning to a story! I loved the preface and thought your descriptions were so vivid! Your style of writing is like butter...smooth and flows so well!

The way you set a scene for readers is captivating. Your use of all five senses creates a world for your readers to feel/experience everything Ariel is thinking/feeling/experiencing herself. Readers do not have to work to figure out what is going on. You provide it all yet keep readers wanting more by the end of the chapter.

I can't wait to read more and discover what happened to Ariel and whys he is a vampire now. I love how the story starts out that she has already been changed and we get to go back and fill in the holes as to how she got to this point.

My favorite part so far was the bus ride where Ariel senses/picks up on everyone around her, not just specifically smells but what they are going through in life. Amazing!!

You are such a gifted writer. Keep doing what you are doing!

•◌•◌•★•◌•◌•

Reviewer: KimberlyTanithMarie

Comments: From the very first chapter the author does a great job in drawing us into her world.

The descriptions are so vivid that the reader feels as though they are experiencing everything that Ariel is going through. It is clear that the author is really great at describing things as well as portraying various emotions.

I read the first 5 chapters but it was a bit hard for me to get into the story.

I felt like a lot of the time I was reading a monologue, as everything was described almost too much. Especially since the chapters were very long, and I usually like long chapters, but in this case, it just felt a bit too heavy.

It's one thing to spend lines upon lines illustrating how a specific scene looks. But after a while, I felt like the story started to slow down a lot because of this. Especially if the scene plays no important role in driving the plot forward. But this is more of a personal preference and I know that everyone has a different reading bias and writing style.

Nonetheless, I feel like the author is building a really intricate and extensive world, and she should be commended for her amazing creativity.

•◌•◌•★•◌•◌•

Reviewer: Daenerys1417

Comments: 1. How many chapters did you read? Three

2. What did you think the book was about? Based on the summary, I expected a book about a vampire girl struggling with a past that she can't quite remember. Her journey as an escort and reclaimer becomes a lot more fast-paced and complicated due to a murder mystery that may be related to her past somehow.

3. Did you feel that the book fulfilled your expectations? Yes, the book definitely fulfilled my expectations. The story synopsis and book cover caught my attention right away. I was immediately drawn into Ariel's story from the opening preface. Despite her being a vampire, she comes across as very relatable and it's easy to root for her.

4. What about the plot? The plot was very creative and unique. You have several elements working together: the vampire world, Ariel's work as a high-end escort and reclaimer, romance, and then a murder mystery. Many stories deal with just one of these elements, but you've woven them together seamlessly which makes for a very interesting story.

5. Do the characters seem real and believable? Ariel seems very real and believable. I sympathized at once with her being changed into a vampire against her will and longing for the life that she once lived, the family she once had. Her pessimism for the world around her comes across clearly and it's understandable. She's seen how horrible the world can be. And with her vampire senses, she can read humans easily, laying plain their selfish thoughts and motivations.

6. How was the pacing of the chapters you read? The chapters were very long. I think the disclaimer about the length being due to upcoming publishing was fine, but it also could have worked just as well to have broken each chapter down into smaller sections.

7. How was the description of the chapters you read? I thought your descriptive language was exceptional. Such vivid language was used when she was in the coffin and had to break her way out and then realized, while writhing in pain, that she'd been turned into a vampire. Also, when she was on the bus, I enjoyed how Ariel expertly surveyed all the passengers - the odors, conversations, the feelings and expressions of the passengers all came across clearly. And the interaction with the little boy who thought Ariel was an angel was both sweet and heartbreaking. Additionally, when Ariel was walking through the streets of Melbourne, I could almost picture the city streets, the people walking by, gangsters, prostitutes, leering old men, even the new apartment which is dingy but still much cleaner than anywhere else she visited.

8. Describe what you liked or disliked about the writer's style? I really enjoyed your writing style. One of the first things I look for when reading a story is if the grammar, spelling, and sentence structure are all on point and this was well-done and professional. The only thing I noticed was that a few times you jumped tenses between past and present in the same sentence which is something to watch for. I thought your preface grabbed the reader's attention and did a good job of setting up the mystery of Ariel's past which seems to be the heart of the story. I thought your flashbacks (nightmares) were placed in the story at appropriate points and helped with character development.

9. Would you read more of the author's work? Yes, from what I've read so far, I'm really enjoying this story.

10. Comment on their strongest and weakest writing trait along with their help request and give overall thoughts: I would definitely agree that your strongest writing traits are description, emotional writing, and character development. As already mentioned, your descriptive language was excellent. Even in some of the scenes that were gory (such as Ariel's attack on the doctor or the gruesome corpse at the murder scene), the vivid imagery you create with your words makes it easy to picture the scene. Your writing also made it very easy to sympathize with characters, not only Ariel but also the little boy on the bus or even Travis, the insecure son in need of his stern father's approval.

Regarding your adult content, I'll take the first scene with Travis. I felt that you could have expanded more on the awkwardness of it being Travis' first time. He already came across as very insecure and then he's a virgin to boot, but the sex scene itself appears to have gone perfectly with Travis taking Ariel to heights of pleasure which just doesn't seem realistic. I think it would have worked well to have Ariel helping him to relax and being somewhat of a teacher, showing him how to pleasure a woman. And then, maybe after the first time, things would go a lot smoother and he'd be bringing her all sorts of pleasure. Also, the part where you mention "tearing the small empty packet", I almost missed what was happening exactly, it's okay to write condom. In general, regarding adult scenes, if your intent is to get your readers hot and bothered, I would suggest using more erotic language to convey the passion that the characters are feeling.

Overall, I really enjoyed this story and think you've done an amazing job weaving together so many story elements and developing a unique, original character in Ariel. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your book publishing.

•◌•◌•★•◌•◌•

Reviewer: ReggaeGirl4

Comments: 1. I think the book is about facing your past, processing painful memories, in order to be able to survive, live and thrive in the present and future.

2. The blurb was detailed, expressive, and gave a pretty good idea of what to expect from the plot. Even though I'm not into vampire stories all that much anymore, it promised an enthralling read. In ways it exceeded my expectations. It became clear to me quickly that this is a professional author's work, at least that was my impression. On the other hand, the plot appeared quite packed in the blurb, so I would have expected faster progress.

3. The beginning was rather gripping, how she woke up in a box, tied up and panicking. The insight into her fears, emotions was vivid and believable throughout the chapters I read so far.

4. Even the Avon Ladies in the front of the bus were believable. Every introduced character had depth. Especially the main character has such diverse emotions and thoughts, I could relate with her, put myself in her shoes most of the time. One of my favorite scenes was on the bus, when she fantasized about who to kill first, or how to trink from them. Her internal struggle was quite vividly described. And then the way that little boy saw her as an angel was heartwarming, but also kind of ironic, considering she had just barely managed to not kill them all.

5. I considered parts of this this book long-winded, and prefer shorter chapters with faster progress in the storyline. For readers who prefer deep insight in the train of thoughts or emotions of the protagonist, however, they will love this story as the chapters are filled with a lot of feelings and emotional content. I also learned that the chapter length is due to the fact that it was written to be printed. So that makes sense.

6. The scenes, settings and emotions were well described and harmonized. Sometimes, there was just too much going on in the main characters head. At times I wished the plot would progress just a little faster, it would have made the book more exciting or satisfying for me.

7. I love how poetic you are. My favorite sentence was the one with the "sparkling crystal towers of the city moving past the window in slow waves of shimmering glass." I mean wow!!

8. I would certainly read more of your work, knowing you put so much hard work as well as love for details and characters into your stories, and even create your own expressive covers.

9. I agree with you that emotional writing, the character development and description is your strongest writing trait. You are really diverse in your description too, like you are feeling exactly what your characters are feeling. As for the weakest writing trait, I think it is a tough question. The only negative thing, that made reading this book, and staying with it a little challenging was the length of the chapters and the slow pace. But I realize that this is only a personal preference. I'm constantly tired, and only get to read at night, and so I guess, personally, I need more action faster. BUT other than that it is quite obvious, that this is a well written, heart felt story, with a diverse vocabulary, describing people, feelings and scenery detailed and versatile.

•◌•◌•★•◌•◌•

Reviewer: Natalieemm15

Comments: 1) What did you think the book was about?I didn't read the blurb beforehand, but right away, I knew that Ariel had just turned to a vampire or at least something that resembled one. I was pleased with the preface and how she was introduced to us as the reader. The first chapter was really long, but I did like how it cut to the present and I enjoyed that I was learning so much about Ariel through her thought process.

2) Did you feel the book fulfilled your expectations?Because I didn't read the blurb I didn't know what to expect honestly, but I was very pleasantly surprised. I'm not one for paranormal, supernatural, or vampire books, but I loved the progression of the story, I loved Ariel as a character and the more I kept reading the more I wanted to know about her past and the events that lead up to her sexual assault, the men who tied her up and buried her, and how she tangled up with vampires in the first place.

3) What about the plot? Does it pull you in? Or did you have to force yourself to read the book?The plot did pull me in. I think the writer has a unique ability to give us a lot of information, a lot of personal interior monologue on one hand, yet still keep us guessing by throwing in the little tidbits about Ariel's past with her family and what happened with her and her brother's girlfriend. The thing about novels that start at an MC's new awakening or beginning, is that we're drawn in because we know that she has an entire past that she either may not remember fully, or we don't know yet, so it keeps the plot interesting because little by little, we're learning more about what happened in the 'before' and how that contributes to the now.

4) Do the characters seem real and believable?Ariel is definitely believable. There are a few times where I think 'this type of vocab in an interior monologue isn't really all that realistic, or its too prim/proper' but those are nitpicky things. Overall, the character herself is so realistic and I love that without the author even saying so, the reader immediately knows she's a young adult, eighteen to early twenties, because of her actions, thoughts, and mannerisms. For example, everything about Ariel's behavior tells us she's independent whether that's on purpose (because of her turning) or she was that way before. She's very guarded and you can tell in her interactions with the male landlords while she's looking for a place to live, she's reading them, figuring them out and protecting herself based on her environment and surrounds, very aware (her descriptions of prostitutes and gang bangers contributes to this as well) and I think that scene also highlights the things most women are on guard about when they're alone.

5) How was the pacing of the chapters?The chapters are pretty long, but I don't mind long chapters so long as the story is paced well. There were a few scenes in the first chapter where I felt the description or the narration went on and dragged slightly, or could be condensed a little, but I think as long as the author asks themselves, 'does this further the plot and contribute to revealing the goals of my MC?' I think it's at their discretion as well as the editor's what should and should not be cut or kept.

6) How was the description of the chapters?The author used a lot of description and at times it felt more 'wordy' than descriptive. For example, rather than listing off the things wrong with the apartment, dusty, dingy... the author could use sensory description to let us know what a trash apartment she's in. Ex: an acrid stench assailed my nostrils and I realized it must be coming from the bed... is better than the room was musty... (not saying that's what the author wrote, but just an example.

7) Describe what you like and dislike about the writer's style.I like the first person. I will always prefer first person, so that's why I enjoyed this story in particular. I liked feeling like I had a front row seat into Ariel's head. I could imagine her dreams, I was there when she was clawing herself out of the ground and loved it!

8) Would you read more of the author's work?Yes, I would. I actually plan to continue reading the story even after I've written the review. The author did a lovely job with this one!

9) Strongest Writing Trait:Creativity, character development, writing style.Weakest Writing Trait: Using too much narration or description that doesn't further the plot.

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Reviewer: GreerRivers

Comments: I was only able to read 5 chapters of this book because of time constraints, but I really enjoyed it! So far, the plot is moving along nicely and it does pull me in. I never felt like I had to force myself to read the book.

The characters seemed real and believable. Ariel was a bit angsty for me because she's never gotten over how she became a vampire. Not that I blame her necessarily, it's just so much self-loathing can take a toll on a reader after a while. I loved the interaction with Travis, I felt her pain. There were some parts that, since this is 1st person, I thought the character could just think her thoughts, instead of having a dialogue with herself. I'm intrigued by the car ride with Rayne and I'm excited how that goes. I would also like to see more about why she's punishing herself with a job she doesn't want. 

I thought the pacing was good. I liked that we get a little teaser of Rayne early on. It seems she really meets the love interest at the appropriate time in the story. Everything flowed well. There were some parts that I read that I felt could be cut and I wasn't sure why I was reading them, i.e. her buying bedding and going to the convenience store. Also, the 2nd chapter was a little odd because it was a dream within a dream and a flashback within a flashback. It worked, but it took me a second to figure out what was happening. Additionally, I realize that these chapters are meant for publication length, but I still felt they were a little long. 

The description was great and really well done. I felt like I knew enough about each scene/person to imagine them in my head. There definitely wasn't a lack in emotion! The author's descriptions and characters were some of the things I liked most about the author's style. 

I agree that description, emotional writing, and character development are all her strongest traits. As for pushing the boundaries of the work, I feel like it's already very unique and has a good plot working for it. I think a little tweaking here and there is all it needs. Maybe some cutting of parts that don't add a ton of value one way or another, to keep the work lean. I only read one scene containing the adult content, but I felt that it was well-written. 

I would like to continue reading this story and would read more by this author! 

•◌•◌•★•◌•◌•

Reviewer: EllenFairyBlue4

Comments: This was an interesting read. A vampire story mixed in with flesh eating monsters. I never read anything like this before. The writing was beautiful and I saw nothing wrong with it. I could see the scenes nicely. The dream within a dream part was nicely done. It let me a little confused but the good kind of confusion. I love the way it was written. I did wish there were more information on the Afflicted but I'm guessing that comes later as Ariel probably doesn't yet know how they came to be. Anyway, this is a book I would continue reading. It caught my interest and after three chapters I was concerned for Ariel. Travis and his father are both jerks. I hope she goes back and kill them off or at least return the dics to the other vampire who first took them. I don't understand why they dud what they did though, so maybe a small dialogue between her and them about why they betrayed her and barely left her alive. Anyway this story is different.

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Reviewer: chessaandersen

Comments: Overall: Holy cow! And I mean that in the highest regard. I'm highly selective regarding supernatural books, and I had my reservations after reading the summary. But the writing style, descriptions, and dialogue sucked me right in from the first chapter.

Mechanical errors – grammar, punctuation, etc. – were few and minor and didn't distract from the story. The writing was impressively clean, clear, and concise. I became more invested in the story as the pace picked up in the second chapter, with action sequences and uncovered secrets.

While the chapters are longer than normal, the writing and the story easily distracted me from the length. Unless some of the more mundane sequences hold a secret that I didn't crack or subtly show something about Ariel's life, those could be removed if length becomes an issue.

Other than the mundane sequences, I honestly don't have any other critiques as I easily visualized each character and scene from the descriptions. The writer paints a vivid picture from the surroundings to characters to action scenes. The book is very well written, and I'd recommend it to anyone who loves the supernatural genre.

Characterization: Despite living 60 years young as a 19ish year old, Ariel is stubborn, vulnerable, smart, and reckless. She is beautifully flawed and knows she can be a hot mess.

In one scene, she's a smart and sophisticated high end escort who has seen her fair share of different kinds of men. In another scene, she's a vulnerable young woman who can't remember her past and what has been taken from her.

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Reviewer: Selly1010

Comments: 1. What did you think it was about?The story about Ariel who turned to be a vampire.

2. Did you feel the book fulfilled your expectations? Yes, it mentioned in the beginning that the book will be published. We can tell that the book is well written since the first chapter.

3. What about the plot?The plot was a bit confusing the beginning about the time sequence (which was earlier and which was later) but after reading the chapter, we knew about the sequence of the time between the scene in each chapter. The story plot itself very interesting and intriguing as we were dragged to know more about the story. About the man behind the murder and why Ariel being chased, (it's not a strong reason for me that because she stole a disc, she is being chased except the disc contains very important information). Maybe Ariel has something else to be chased.

4. Does the character seem believable?Ariel is a vampire. But she is kind of the weak or maybe because she still a trainee? Because I read a lot of stories and movies that the vampire looks stronger than Ariel. For me, it's good that she has flaws rather than a very strong vampire with all the mighty. This story told about that she needs money for living too, maybe this in relation to her interaction with the human (pay for housing, etc)

5. How was the pacing of the chapter?In the beginning, chapters 1 and 2. There is a scene jumped that makes me confuse a little bit. But the pace of the scene was at a good pace. I really feel read the published book.

6. The writer really good in the description, pulling the reader into the character's emotion. And can portray the action well.

7. Described what you like and dislike about the writing style?It is a well-written story. The writing style and dialogue are top-notch. I can't found that what I dislike the story since I am really interested in this book.

8. Would you like to read more? Yes, definitely.

9. As mentioned before that it already the published book, this book is very well written. I read the first chapter like I am watching the vampire tv series. The mix with a murder case that one of the puzzles is the added value for the story. Since it, a story about a vampire and supernatural thins mixed with mystery, I believe the writer was already research for the thing she about to write, making the outline and knowledgable to write this kind of story (I really appreciate for that). So, in my opinion, it is a promising story.

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Reviewer: PixieStormcrow

Comments: I thoroughly enjoyed reading the story written in a much more traditional fashion compared to some of the stories written more for digital medium in that the story is much more reminiscent of the way traditional authors write. Because I know this book is a print-first story, the length of chapters are appropriate. I've outlined here some suggestions but keep in mind that these are personal opinions. 

The preface is a great foreshadowing method to hook readers, but I got a little confused between the "I", "she", and "him" and in some ways, the description was almost too vague that it could be mistaken as generic. I would perhaps splice up some of the preface to incorporate into the first chapter. 

Another thing I noticed about the first few chapters are that there are many lovely descriptions. It helps bring the scenes to life but on the other hand, too much may also bog down and slow the pace of the plot which was something I found I had trouble within the first chapter. In addition, the author does a great job showing rather than telling, but there's almost too much (I never thought I would say this!). Consider and be very critical as t what scenes to include. Each one should have a purpose, whether it's advancing the plot, helping with characterization or some other means. Consider, however, if it is used for characterization and background building (which is what I got a lot of in the beginning), whether that particular trait being highlighted has already been shown. For instance, descriptions of how many places she went through before she found one could be abbreviated unless it has a role to play and is referenced again later in the story. 

Regarding the pace of the plot, I think because there is such an abundance of description and detailed scene, I don't feel like I actually get where the story is, what the conflict is, until at least chapter three. Normally I'd be okay with that but because these are lengthier chapters, I think the core conflict of the book needs to be moved earlier. Yes, we know that Ariel is a vampire, that she got turned unwillingly, that she was assaulted and that she hates her life. But to me, all that is the background. I rather the background is peeled back bit by bit through the story so that I can see the plot happen sooner. 

As for the adult content, I haven't had a chance to dig into a true scene yet so can only provide feedback on the scene with the client. I understand that she never truly had an orgasm and was micmicing but I felt as it it was a big of a mix signal. Perhaps adding more in which her mind was thinking about other things and wandering may help. 

In terms of technical aspects, I found very little problems as definitely the author is an extremely skilled writer with beautiful language phrasing. However, I would just be wary of over usage of adverbs and gerunds. Adverbs in particular runs the risk of telling rather than showing and I would much rather surmise by tone of voice, descriptions of expressions and body language. In addition, a very small thing in chapter 2, I noticed there was a dream within a dream. I would love some description noting thst, that Ariel had a false awakening 

Overall, the novel is a beautifully written one and I can't wait to meet more of the characters.  

•◌•◌•★•◌•◌•

Reviewer: LivEvansWrites

Comments: "Shattered Reflections" is an interesting, enchanting tale that follows the Ariel on the journey to understand her condition and find the vampire who turned her. From the first chapter I was blown away by the descriptive, immersive setting. As a fellow Australian, it is thrilling to read about a character in areas I have actually visited before. You've done a fantastic job building this setting. I like that you take the time to set us up and let us see what it's like in Ariel's mind before the first lot of action hits, and when it does, it's clear that you're balancing several arcs here. 

As a character, Ariel is complex and it is interesting to be in her head. I appreciate the way that you've woven in her past and shown the difficulty she is having dealing with it all. Unfortunately, I haven't read far enough to learn about a lot of the characters, but I totally detest Garland and Travis (just as we should, given the situation), and I can't wait to learn more about Devlin. 

I understand that the chapters are long for print, but I do wonder if a break somewhere in Three might help break up what is what is otherwise a very action-packed chapter. I agree that your strengths are the character development, description, and getting us in the head of your character. 

I know this doesn't fit the feedback request, because I think you're doing a wonderful job, but I do have some notes about writing in general. 

There are quite a few "I heard," "I saw", "I felt" , "I smell," etc kind of statements. In a lot of cases, taking out those words and just describing what Ariel sees/hears/feels/smells etc would tighten up the writing and keep the reader more immersed in her perspective. The strength of the tense and POV you've chosen is that you don't need to remind the reader that it is Ariel experiencing these things. 

Also, I noticed some repetition within paragraphs (sometimes sentences) in terms of the same words being used a couple of times. Removing or tightening these up a little would probably help fine-tune your already excellent writing. 

 The final thing that crossed my mind was speeding up the pace of the action scenes. These are the moments where the character will be acting on instinct, so higher-level logic and complex reasoning can probably wait until after. Keeping the sentences as short and snappy as possible will help distinguish the pace of the fighting from the general character actions. There were some places where replacing a , with a . would have helped with that flow. 

Honestly, though, I'm just nitpicking. You're writing a wonderful story, and I'm excited to read more. 

•◌•◌•★•◌•◌•

Reviewer: JamesEnd49

Comments: Dear Ms. Frost: 

 Thank you for sharing your book. I enjoyed what I was able to get to. I feel the need to get my review complete before it is too late. I read through the third chapter where Ariel is doubled crossed by Travis on her reclaiming job. All your chapters are very well crafted. I was immediately drawn into the characters and the story line. I am not typically a fantasy or horror fan, but I didn't find your writing over the top. I found it believable, intense and exciting. I will definitely circle back once I have more time.

You are correct. Your chapters are long and your writing style is book format. You might want to try something more appropriate to the Wattpad style of short chapters and conversation broken into blocks, if you want more following. 

I thought your mature content was good and exciting, but not too overly/grossly descriptive. That is a good thing. I did wonder at Ariel's conflicts over being a prostitute and still being into the sex. Why does she need to demean herself, if she chose this line of work and has other opportunities, why not enjoy it? Seems like she should be good with it by now (over 60-years) no? 

From a male prospective, guys usually aren't into multiple orgasms unless we are trying to satisfy a woman. Travis, paying for sex, certainly wouldn't be in that category, and certainly not for the 'next coupe of hours'. For that matter, I am confused as to his motivations, and maybe it is a red herring, but after he turns on her in Ch 3, I found myself wondering why the sex, also how does she hide the silver eyes and the fangs? Hopefully when I read further this will all work it's way out. I enjoyed it all, so don't stress. 

So to cap off. I think you have strong writing skills and good story telling techniques. I never found myself distracted in a bad way. I find your dialog believable and it flows without issue. That is really hard to pull off. Great work! I think with time and experience in life and sexually, you will be able to push into the realms you are hopping for. 

James  

•◌•◌•★•◌•◌•

Reviewer: KeraLee123

Comments: Panic rips through our main character in the opening as she finds herself bound and naked in the dark. The author lured me in immediately considering a lot of novels start slow, but hers wasted no time getting us right into the action. 

Holy sh*t! She was buried alive?! The surprises just keep coming in Chapter one and I'm absolutely loving it. 

The descriptions captivate you so you forget you're reading, instead you're right there with her in the dark coffin attempting to break free. 

I'm absolutely loving the way she tells this story. The characters in her world and the way she sees them are both funny and enlightening. The descriptions of her thirst and smells, all of her heightened senses are amazing. 

I love that Ariel is confident and collected but on the inside she's seemingly falling apart. Memories of her past haunt her and she feels curse after becoming a vampire. Most of her memories are missing, except the ones that haunt her nightmares. 

I can't find a weakness in her writing, in fact it feels like a professional published work. This book is literally so addicting I find it hard to put down in order to write a review! Lol! 

•◌•◌•★•◌•◌•