Reviewer: JaszmeneSmith

Comments: I thought story was pretty good until I first read the prologue. I feel really sad that Sara is being lured by James Hardin, who seems to like women who are top heavy and has blonde hair. Which is very cliche in very story. But the only character I felt sympathy for is Adam. He had to put up with James's childish taught whenever he sees a pretty woman being lured into his trap. Sara is rather smart but kinda naive when she was assigned to be the "ambassador" which could have some unquestionable consequences. Plus living in a conservative family who doesn't approve of the artistic lifestyle can be very frustrating too. This story is somewhat okay but it kinda reminds me of the other story I read but without the stalking though.

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Reviewer: EllenFairyBlue4

Comments: After reading, I gotta say that I'm not a big fan of James. He's arrogant and a total playboy. I hope Sara catches on to his ways because the first four chapters show him as a real jerk. I can tell that English isn't your first language, but you did an amazing job writing this story. Sure there were sentence phrasing problems and misused words, but the story was understandable for the most part. I feel like you did well on Sara's chapters but when it came to James if seem like you sort of don't have a strong grip on his character. I sense a love triangle between Sara, James, and Adam. You make it seem like James is the bad guy here which is why I'm hoping Sara doesn't fall for him. Nonetheless, I can see the conflict and drama here (which I love). I do recommend you find someone an english expert to help you morph your story into one that is great. You have the story and mostly everything down. You just need some eyes to read through and correct your words/phrases and point you in the right direction. I would help but my plate is full at the moment. Anyway I think this a great story.

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Reviewer: Reading_Mermaid08

Comments: What did you think about the book?I thought the plot line was a good idea. One that could maintain the reader's attention, and know what to expect from the book. It's a plot that has been done before but that is common with romances. As long as it's done well it shouldn't be a problem.

Do you feel the book fulfilled your expectations?Yes, for the most part. It's what I expected it to be at least. 

What about the plot? Did it pull you in? Or did you feel forced to read the book?The plot is a good plot, and I think I could have gotten into it. I think the idea was executed well, but I did struggle to get into the book. There seem to be some unnecessary business transactions that slowed the pacing down.

Do the characters feel real or believable? Basically, can you relate to their predicaments? To what extent do they remind you of yourself or someone you know; if at all?I think they are believable. I can't say that I can relate to them, as I'm not a model or an eccentric billionaire. But it did seem believable.

How was the pacing of the chapters you read?To mean it seemed a little on the slow side. There were parts that seemed to drag, and I really had a hard time getting into the story. Mostly because of the language barrier, I believe. Most of the time I couldn't understand what was going on. I words was misused or common phrases were off. I couldn't figure out what was going on in the story, but what I got from it, I think it's a good story, but it was a struggle to read.

How were the chapters' descriptions?The characters were described well, but I think the scenery could use a little bumping up.

What did you like/dislike about the writer's style and why? I did like the idea behind the story, and I think it if was cleaned up, it will be a great story. The leading female character I think is going to throw the reader for a loop. She comes off as sweet and meek, but I get the feeling there is a little devil hiding inside that the leading male knows about. 

Would you read more of the author's work?As of right now, not yet. It was a little hard to read, as I've said, but I think once the author's English starts to improve, I would be very interested in reading more.

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Reviewer: Capri5211

Comments: I never would have guessed that English was not your native language! You write so well! I enjoyed the prologue so much. The imagery was beautiful and stuck in my mind even after I read it. (Sara's black eyeliner smeared, cutting her black hair...etc...) I thought those were so symbolic of where Sara was emotionally at that point in the story and as the reader I couldn't wait to discover exactly how she got to this point and what was going to happen next.

I thought it was interesting to have the main characters both be wealthy/successful. It will be interesting to see if this hinders their relationship or makes them stronger together.

Keep up with those descriptive words! In my experience with writing, if readers can connect emotionally to the story you are telling, they will keep turning the pages and only want more.  

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Reviewer: BellaFrost1617

Comments: I can see that English is not your first language, however for that being the case you have done brilliantly on your descriptions. Your emotive language - though with the grammatical issues that come with writing a language that isn't your first - is filled with nuance and there's a great understanding of what your characters are feeling. Sara is definitely a character a lot of people can relate to, but I'm going to assume she's still fairly young since she's living at home and very much about worrying what her parents think. I also see the cultural connections too, but most kids - even as young adults - worry about offending and disappointing their parents. Sara is a well formed character with a defined personality, flaws, strengths and fears, and that made her so much more believable. James confused me a little. At first I thought you were presenting him as a gentleman with how he despises the way corrupt officials use young women for their own pleasures. But seeing how he was willing to throw away his previous model just because he's scheming to get Sara says that he isn't. That makes me wonder if he's going to be dangerous for her in the future. So that definitely keeps it interesting.

The only big issue you seem to have is telling rather than showing. For example, talking about Linda's jeep being in the shop. Instead of telling the readers about that in the paragraph maybe have them talk about it. 

Just scripting an example: Linda got up from the table, "Okay, I'll call us a cab." Sara frowned. "What about your jeep?" Linda sighed dejectedly. "It's in the shop again." Shaking her head, Sara said: "You know, you really should get a new car." The look of offence in Linda's eyes said it all. "No way! That car is my baby! I'd never sell it!"

Having your characters talk about something rather than having you as the author tell the audience can make it more interesting and convey the information just as easily. 

If I were to choose a strongest writing trait for you as an author I'd have to say you have brilliant characterisation and emotional descriptions, and you have a fairly decent use of adjectives. Plus, I just love Dolly. Such a lovely companion to your main character. And I love that you have chosen a tense and stuck with it, which seems very hard for a lot of people who speak English as a first language. You don't switch between past and present tense, which makes this so much easier, and the few instants where you have don't seem intentional. 

Overall, it's a really interesting story and not one I've seen much of from people. In regards to your request, I'm not sure how to help. Maybe just read as many English written books as you can, but you've got an amazing grasp on your writing style already. Keep at it because you really have some good writing that's only going to improve the more you write. Great work! When I have more time I'm likely going to continue reading it.

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Reviewer: Daenerys1417

Comments: 1. How many chapters did you read? I read to chapter 4, including the prologue.

2. What did you think the book was about? It seemed the book was about a naïve girl who gets into the entertainment industry and falls for a rich, powerful, bad boy.

3. Did you feel that the book fulfilled your expectations? The book surprised me somewhat because typically the "bad boy" trope involves a guy who appears to be a bad but is actually just misunderstood. However, in this case, as far as I have read, James truly seems to be a bad guy and also, based on the prologue, it seems that any relationship between him and Sara will end in tragedy.

4. What about the plot? I thought the plot was good. It kept my interest and, as mentioned, I didn't expect James to be as much of a jerk as he is portrayed in the story. Also, there seems that a love triangle may emerge with James' assistant, Adam, who seems to have better intentions for Sara so it's very interesting. Additionally, Sara's conflict between being conservative and wanting to please her parents and the entertainment industry is interesting.

5. Do the characters seem real and believable? Yes, all of the characters seem real and believable. James really comes across as a jerk in the story and his various actions: sneaky schemes, objectifying women, bulling his subordinates, etc. support this. Sara comes across as sweet and naïve and also, I thought the playful banter between Sara and her assistant/cousin Linda was believable.

6. How was the pacing of the chapters you read? The pacing was good. The chapters were a good length and kept me interesting.

7. How was the description of the chapters you read? I thought your use of description was good. In terms of characters, you described facial expression, tone of voice, appearance (clothing, hair, etc.). The description of location and surroundings was good as well. I think you did a good job describing the entertainment industry and the prep and make-up, pre-coordination that happens before a shoot. It was believable.

8. Describe what you liked or disliked about the writer's style? I thought the way you organized your chapters was good with the use of songs on YouTube and other graphics to set the mood for the reader. It seems that your writing switches between third person limited and third person omniscient. For instance, most of the story is told from either James' or Sara's point of view but then at times you indicated the thoughts and feelings of other characters such as Adam or Christina without making a clean break in the chapter indicating the shift in POV. I feel that if you are going to switch from James' thoughts to Christina's thoughts then there should be an indicator or break in the chapter. Additionally, I thought the decision to kick off the story with a drama-filled prologue in which the protagonist, Sara, is contemplating suicide, sets the mood for the rest of the story that something is going to go terribly wrong with this girl. Your intro was a good way to get readers invested.

9. Would you read more of the author's work? Probably.

10. Comment on their strongest and weakest writing trait along with their help request and give overall thoughts.

This is an interesting story that genuinely has me curious as to where the plot will go next. It is interesting and not the typical bad boy Dom with good girl that I was expecting so kudos for subverting my expectations. I understand you are not a native English speaker. There is some work to be done with your grammar and I suggest you find a Beta or someone to review your writing for you. Your blurb, character intro and the first few chapters should be as flawless as possible to hook readers.

There were a lot of spelling errors and/or improper use of words. There were also some issues with tense, pronouns, and sentence structure. A good rule of thumb is to read through your sentences out loud and make sure they flow and sound natural to you. For example, you wrote: [They covered their sins by doing a lot of donation, even they had a fundraising company to hide their money laundering business.] While it is generally clear what you are trying to say, the sentence would flow better as: [They covered their sins through numerous donations, they even had a fundraising company to hide their money laundering business.] Also be careful of words that sound the same but are not spelled the same. These are called homonyms. For instance, suit means a business suit that a man would wear. But suite implies a large hotel room.

Word choice is also important to convey your meaning. For instance, you wrote: "we will vanish him" regarding James' thoughts on Mr. Rushford. It is unclear if you meant something sinister like make the man disappear or cause him physical harm or simply to fire him, so he no longer works for the company. Another example, you wrote: "Get her won our ambassador's audition," should be "Have her win our ambassador's audition," or "Make sure she's the winner of our ambassador's audition" – which implies that they are manipulating the contest (running a scheme) so that Sara is the winner.

I hope these tips are helpful to you and I think by cleaning up some of your grammar, sentence structure, and word choice, it will only enhance the story because it is a good and interesting plot. I am intrigued by the assistant, Adam, who feels guilty and is worried about James getting close to Sara. I'm actually rooting for Sarah and Adam to get together as a couple rather than James and Sarah. Thank you for sharing your story.

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Reviewer: LivEvansWrites

Comments: 1) What did you think the book was about? The book is about Sara and James. Sara wants to be an actress and James has a big company to run. 

 2) Did you feel the book fulfilled your expectations? The book is well paced, like a traditionally published novel rather than a Wattpad one. There is no rush to get the characters together, which I appreciate. I love that you took the time to build up the characters, setting, and plot before pushing things. 

3) What about the plot? ?Does it pull you in? Or did you feel you had to force yourself to read the book? I am normally into stories that have some elements of fantasy or sci-fi in them, so this genre was a stretch for me. However, I read right through to chapter 11 as I enjoyed the characterisations and felt like the descriptions have real potential. I can see that the author is naturally talented as a storyteller, even if there are issues with language/grammar.

4) Do the characters seem real and believable? Were you able to relate to them as a person and their predicaments? To what extent do they remind you of yourself or someone you know, if they do at all?Yes. You've done an excellent job of creating excellent characters. They are consistent and believable. I know that there was a flashback that tried to make James out to be a secret good guy, but I can't get behind that theory. All the guys in this are a bit too jerky for my liking. The women also seem to be stuck in a high society world. However, given the setting, it words. I am still curious about where this will go, and how poor Sara will navigate her increasingly complicated world.You've done an excellent job of describing the characters, their jobs, and their lifestyles. Without knowing much about either of their industries, it all seemed to fit. 

5) How was the pacing of the chapters? Consider if the scenes skipped or jumped randomly? Was it too slow or too fast? Why?The pacing was perfect. As I mentioned before, it didn't feel rushed, and it didn't drag out. I appreciate books that take time to build, so for me, the pacing is a 10/10. Don't change a thing.

6) How was the description of the chapters? Consider the scenes, their settings, emotions, and actions. Consider if there were any information bumps. If they were lacking emotions, too little or too much describing, telling rather than showing, etc.

I've seen other commenters, and your 'weakest writing trait' section mentioning grammar and spelling. I'm not going to lie, it is clear that English isn't your first language. I can only speak and write one language, so I can't imagine how difficult it is write a novel in another language. Honestly, I am in awe of the quality of what you have managed to produce. There is definitely room for improvement, but it seems other readers have pointed out the specifics in that, so I don't want to harp on about it. 

Instead, there were two general writing things I wanted to suggest.In sections where you have an action, you don't always need to double up on it in speech as well as description. For example: "I've ordered orange juice for you." Linda came up with a glass of orange juice, Sara' favorite." It may come across more smoothly if you said "I've ordered orange juice for you." Linda handed her the glass. This may not be the best example, but similar things have been done a few times.

Also, I feel it would be beneficial to pay closer attention to tense and perspective, as this story jumped around a bit. All that said, looking past errors, I enjoyed your descriptions. You are consistently building a very vivid world for your characters, and describing them so the reader knows who is who. I really think that you should keep pushing forward, as you do have a natural talent for this.

7) Described what you liked and disliked about the writer's style. Why? My favourite part is your characterisation, pacing and descriptions for the reasons mentioned above. The part that I wasn't so keen on in this story was the theme and setting, but that is entirely my problem and not yours. For a contemporary romance about rich and powerful people, I think you've done an excellent job of capturing the world and society. Well done :) 

8) Would you read more of the author's work? Why or why not?I would. While the errors can be jarring, once I got into the story I was able to mostly overlook them because I like the writing style behind them. Also, I am super curious about where this will go! 

Other: For future content warnings, I would also consider a warning that the prologue contains suicide ideation/attempt. 

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Reviewer: Natalieemm15

Comments: 1) What did you think the book was about?Before I began reading the story, I knew that the book was going to be about Sara who wants to become an actress and her love interest Mr. Hardin. I knew that Sara wanted to become an actress so I figured the story would most likely involve the main character navigating her way through the entertainment industry while falling in love. 

 2) Did you feel the book fulfilled your expectations?I usually place expectations on books I purchase to read, but for the purpose of this club, I try not to have expectations so that I can be pleasantly surprised, or just so I can appreciate a book's good qualities even if I'm not particularly into the story. With this book, I found that I liked the character because of her intense background story. I'm a huge sucker for the whole woman-scorned-finding-love-again tropes so I found it wasn't hard for me to like her character. 

 3) What about the plot? Does it pull you in? Or did you have to force yourself to read the book?Good opening. It draws you in because it gives you just enough to make you want to read more. I immediately began wondering what brought Sara to the point where she thought suicide was her only option. What happened with her and her husband? The description is also good, barring a few grammatical mistakes (But I know English is the author's second language.)

4) Do the characters seem real and believable?So far, I'm intrigued with Sara the most. In the prologue, we get an understanding that she was going through a rough time. Being that she's in the spotlight, she has eyes on her at all times and with whatever happened with her husband, I'd be willing to bet that that scandal contributed to her suicide attempt. I think that the author constructed a good background for the MC and while I think Sara needs more development, she's already a great character. I think specifically for the first chapter, there should be more of Sara's inner thought process. At the photo shoot, she's pretty one dimensional. She takes photos with Linda in a hotel lobby and then takes more photos, but the scene is more of a description of events rather than us learning more about who Sara is through her thought process. More of that would give the reader a better understanding of the character post suicide.

5) How was the pacing of the chapters?The chapters are short scenes, and while short chapters aren't a bad thing, I think it's more important about what is in that chapter that propels the story in a linear direction. The chapters tend to get very event descriptive, without having a balance of the character's thought process. The way a character thinks contributes to the overall story and even in third person, the author should contribute more to what that character is thinking or how that character feels. This will add more depth to the chapter and will set your story on a focused direction.

6) How was the description of the chapters?The author does description well, whether it be about the setting or what the character is wearing, or what is happening in a scene. I don't think that the author struggles with description more so than balancing out the description with dialogue, and what the MC is thinking. 

 7) Describe what you like and dislike about the writer's style.In my opinion the writer's style (not taking grammatical structure or errors into account due to English being the second language) would improve if they mapped out or outlined the plot of their chapters— even if they don't do it for the whole story— because chapters should lead the story in a linear direction whether we're learning more about the MC, getting background information on the past, leading up to the meet cute of the characters— whatever it is. And these chapters offer scenes, but the scenes in and of themselves could do a better job of drawing us in, like the prologue did. Each scene, we should be getting a better understanding of how the MC's think and operate due to their thoughts and actions. And character development takes time. Everyone struggles with it and I think that the author has good characters for her story, they just need a little bit of work.

8) Would you read more of the author's work?Yes, I would. Authors get better with every story they write, and I think that anyone willing to put the work in to improve deserves to be given a chance. I'm excited to see what the author does with the story. 

9) Strongest Writing Trait:Creativity, characters, description.Weakest Writing Trait:Grammar. Balance between dialogue, description, and telling the reader what the character is thinking.

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Reviewer: Jumping_Jiminys

Comments: 1. A part of me thinks this will highlight the kill or be killed mentality of some people in the entertainment business and the abuse of power that seniors have over-ambitious newcomers.Another part of me thinks this will be a typical romance novel between the prince and the pauper dynamic. "I can show you the world" type of romance where James gets Sara through his connections and power.

2. I only read the first three chapters, so couldn't in good conscious comment on this question. I liked that the story had begun with two different stories. I am bias to those kinds of stories, so you've won my heart over with that one.I look forward to when the pair meet.

3.It didn't pull me in immediately, unfortunately, and that is one of the reasons why I only read three chapters.

4. I liked the approach to Sara. I wanted that she knows she's beautiful. I'm so used to MCs being this overbearingly humble person, who thinks they look like the rear end of a donkey. It's good to see a character who knows their attractive but doesn't shove it down your throat.

5. I did mention there were some scenes (particularly in the chapter) that I thought could've been extended for character development, and character interactions. 

6. I also mentioned this within the chapters where I felt we were missing description to reel in the audience. 

7. I liked the balance between narration and character thoughts and feelings. Some tend to fall solely on narrator exposition, which at times can become tiresome to read. However, this book had a good balance of both of them.

8. Yes, I would. The author has an exciting approach to a romance novel and belive this strength extends to their other books.

9. I'd say considering English is not the first language you are doing a fantastic job. Grammatical rules such as the use of commas in dialogues are things that I have only just learned, so I commend you on your perseverance to write in the English language.

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Reviewer: phoenixryze

Comments: Read: Prologue + 4 chapters. Review: I was expecting a young adult romance book. I think I have an idea of the concept of this book. I had a bit of a hard time due to misspellings, grammar throwing off sentence delivery, understanding etc. The plot is inviting but I'm not really invested in the characters. I think that editing and spelling and grammar corrections maybe give this book a boost. I think the author should know that her story has a good foundation, it just needs proper build up.

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Reviewer: ReggaeGirl4

Comments: I think the authors writing in English is fine. I'm only mentioning this, because she hints in her note that she is not a native speaker. However, since English isn't my first language either, this is only my opinion.

The whole prolog with the bathtub attempted suicide scene was very intense. As a reader I was basically able to feel her pain. It's amazing how the author compared, what others thought Sara's life was like, to reality in such a believable way. Especially, adding those social media comments from people was a smart move. That was a strong start and promised a thrilling book. 

The first three chapters were fine, even though my excitement lessened while reading them. I don't know what it was. 

The first chapter with the photo shoot summed up the hard work and struggle of a life in the spotlight perfectly. The way the character was being reduced to a beautiful doll by photographers/fans and other people seemed very true. Chaper 2 provided an authentic idea of James Hardin's situation, lifestyle and character. Chapter 3 provided some insight into Sara's relationship with her parents. Especially, the fact that she didn't want her father to know about the job, as it excited my curiosity in terms of whether or not he would find out in the course of the story, and what that would do to their relationship (how weak or strong their bond is). 

Therefore, I assume that my personal taste simply likes more action earlier in the book. I don't really enjoy the slow burn, but that is just my preference. 

Also, I would have preferred a more explicit make/out sex scene in chapter 4. The one between Marissa and James. But maybe there are hotter love scenes later in the book. I guess, I'm a sucker for some good and juicy love. 

With that being said, I think the authors strongest trait is articulateness, whereas her weakest trait is upholding the excitement throughout the story. At this point I have to mention, that I did not have time to read all of the story. Hopefully, I get to pick up where I left off as I want to continue reading later on. 

Finally, I'd like to say that I would definitely give other stories written by that author a try. I think there is alot of potential. Also, I love her obvious desire for improvement and her modesty. Thumbs up! 

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Reviewer: PixieStormcrow

Comments: The story has some good bones in that it sets the stage for multiple possibilities and the number of characters leave a bit of guesswork that can propel the reader to want to know and discover more. However, a few things hold the story back.

As a non native English writer, you have come a long way with language already but there is still a bit ways to go. I don't expect things on Wattpad to be error-free. (I only posts 1st drafts that have had cursory edits myself here.) However, there are just enough awkward phrasing and word choices as well as grammatical errors that it does hold the story back, enough that it makes following the story difficult in places. I would advise to get a friend to edit at least a few chapters to get a feel for where improvements specific to your writing is required. Sometimes there are service swaps or read swaps on the forums so you may want to start looking there.

Moving on to the plot itself, I'll note a few additional things. 

The prologue is a scene of self harm and it's hard hitting. I know even amongst our group, there are some conflicting opinions about whether to put trigger warnings but this is one place I would consider it. In addition, the prologue seems out of place, more like a teaser of something that is going to happen later in the story. In that case, I would consider removing it altogether. As it stands, I found it confusing trying to reorder the events in my head. Just a consideration. 

I understand that the first two chapters are to set the stage and help the readers learn about the main characters. However events should still help move the plot forward. These are the make or break chapters to see whether readers will continue reading and you want to make sure your story has momentum. There is no need to rush to tell the readers everything about the character in the beginning. You can pace that through the story. 

That said, I still found there to be more telling than showing. For example, much of the parental strictness that was emphasized as well as the conservatism of the family was through telling in narration. There is some showing but I would like to see more of that. As an aside, I loved the dynamic between the MCm and her parents. It is such an accurate depiction of the dynamics of a Chinese aily that I almost forgot she is only half. (Now I am curious as to whether it is her mom or dad that is caucasian.) 

One more thing I will point out is the call out in chapter two of the girls working at hotel and James thinking they are disgusting in offering themselves. It's easy to fall into the trap of "other girls who offer up sex more easily are less desirable" trope but it can be a subtly harmful one as we train to think to repress our sexuality is a positive thing (conservatism makes a girl more valuable!) Consider how to not make that the case in your story in subtle ways. For instance, rather than making broad sweeping statements about "those girls", offer an example where one woman offers herself and James turns her down. That way you are avoiding generalizations. 

Lastly, be careful of character consistencies. For instance, if James finds the hotel girls offering themselves as "disgusting" would he then so easily succumb to offers in the later chapters from other girls wanting the ambassadorship? If the agency and the MC's manager has been so supportive of her conservatism, would they act so blatantly disgusted with it right away like a complete 180 switch? Details like that can work against the story in making the characters believable. 

In the end, a review is just a single person's opinion and it is up to the writer to determine what is and isn't valid feedback. The story has potential as things pick up in the later chapters and a language clean up will help the story immensely. 

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Reviewer: KimberlyTanithMarie

Comments: I was only able to read the first six chapters. This had nothing to do with the author or the story. But more so to the glitching of wattpad itself, as well as other real life factors.

Anyway, from what I read so far, I enjoyed the plot that the author was trying to build.

She mentioned that her one of her weaknesses revolved around English grammar which was evident, but it did not take away from the story too much. The fact that she can even write this well in English should be commended and with practice, she will only get better.

The author does great job in conveying the emotions of her characters as well as describing them, so much that one cannot help but want to read more about them. I can already tell that the relationship between Sara and James will be explosive and I will be reading forward to find out more.

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Reviewer: chessaandersen

Comments: My first impression: After reading the book blurb and the prologue, I was a little confused because the summary revealed Sara is an aspiring actress and the prologue sort of spoils the end plot.

How old is Sara? I completely understand Sara's dilemma, pursuing her dream and making her parents happy at the same time. But if she's 18, legally she's an adult and doesn't need parental consent for a job. If that's not the case in another country, then a small paragraph explaining the issue would help.

Strengths: The storyline is interesting – a powerful business man falling in love with an aspiring actress and doing anything to get close to her.The balance between what Sara believes in and Josh's experience as an actor. I enjoyed the interaction and growing relationship or friendship between the two.

Weaknesses: I had a hard time keeping track of the many characters. I guess I would pick the characters that are pivotal to the story and make their roles stronger.Too many details about the oil and gas industry, i.e. the conversation at dinner between the business guys. I don't feel like it pushes the story forward.

Tips: When I write a scene or something, I ask myself, "Does this push the story forward?" Grammarly is a good site to help fix punctuation and grammar errors.

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Reviewer: 

Comments: Dear Selly1010, 

I want to compliment you on your effort. Loving You, Always seems like a valid effort in the Chiclit, Romance genres. Although this story idea seems to be cliche, it keeps the readers coming back. That said, I going to be frank. It appears that English is not your first language. You have a lot of phrasing that doesn't pass for authentic in contemporary english. You should try to find a situation to immerse yourself in the language so that you don't hang your reader up on strange phrasing. Second your story needs more depth. Sara seems very tortured, naive and frankly too introverted to become an actress. Second she needs a friend or sidekick so you can tell her story with dialog rather that narrative. I admit, I only got through five chapters before moving on, but I could see the basis for reasonable, although tired, story. 

Best of luck, James

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