It was a dream that made the decision for him. He dreamt he was back in the shed and Malik was bleeding. He wasn't allowed to heal him, only to watch as the life drained from his body. When he woke up, he knew he had to come clean.

"Pass that by me again. Slowly." Malik said, tearing him away from his thoughts.

The apartment seemed to have shrunk, the walls pressing on themselves. The smell of deep fried fish punctured Noah's empty stomach. The overhead lights illuminated the polished surface of the coffee table separating them, which Noah chose to look at as he took another deep breath.

"I killed your brother." He had rehearsed a preamble, an introduction. In the end the harsh truth won.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Malik sit on the edge of the couch. "Why?"

"I didn't know," Noah swallowed. "I've been thinking these past days. I had time to think , really think, since you got me off the streets."

Malik scratched an eyebrow. "So you're telling me you murdered my brother and when you thought about it, you realized you did it?"

Noah's palms started to sweat. "Yes."

"Explain."

"I...after my mom left...the anxiety kicked in. I couldn't control it. I lashed out. Broke things. My father he...um...he did his best to try to get me sorted. He'd give me these shots. They wiped me out, sometimes for days. Months later he took blood samples. There were strange men and women in the house. I wasn't allowed to leave and meet them or anything. Every time, after they left, the shots would be different."

"How?" Malik was not glancing his way.

"They felt different. Some were good and I could focus. Others were like lead in my veins. Father would ask me questions...he'd get so angry when I wasn't able to answer." Noah could almost hear his younger self beg. "Then there was so much money. We moved to a bigger house. I think he developed the drug. He developed it with my help."

"How did you help?"

"I was the test subject."

"Did he tell you that?"

He shook his head. "And I never asked. I was always too frightened. But you see it now, don't you? If I had refused or left earlier...the drug wouldn't have existed." His heart was racing. "The rats in your bathtubs were not the work of nature. Someone is trying to tell you what I am."

Malik's face had darkened. "What are you?"

"Not human," Noah whispered. "Just a lab rat."

For a long time Noah had indulged in the idea that he was a good person. That he was nothing like his manipulative father. Yet what had he done? He blocked his own mind from accessing vital information to process. Because his desire to erase his past, to erase his crime had been overpowering. He deterred Malik from justice, stole his time, his kindness. After all, he worked up the courage to run away after his father had threatened to rip his dog's head off. He hadn't cared when he was contributing to his father's schemes. He'd only cared about his dog.

He truly was his father's son.

"Whatever you're digging up, you're close." Noah's breathing was getting shallow. "And it doesn't matter who threw the last punch. If had stood up to him—"

"He would've killed you."

"Perhaps. If I was dead...your brother would've been alive today...It was me."

Malik said nothing. Noah couldn't stop talking. It was all spilling out.

"Your vengeance, justice...is right here."

"What're you suggesting?" Malik asked in a barely audible whisper.

He had to be brave. Malik deserved better. He couldn't run or back away. He had to make the decision easier for him. He always knew the time spent with Malik was borrowed time. His sole regret were the hours wiled away without him in it. But it was alright. The last person to torment him, would be him. Giving up his life would give Malik peace.

"I can take a lot. Cuts. Burns. I'm quiet too. And when it's time for me to go, I know a place. Some of the other kids, when it got too much, they went there. Nobody would care if I washed up on the shore."

I don't want to die.

Malik closed his eyes. His handsome face contorted then instantly smoothed. He got up while looking him straight in the eye, and closed the gap between them.

Noah clenched his fists harder then let them hang loose at his sides. He loosened his muscles too. He didn't know where Malik would strike first. His father's preference had been his face. Would Malik prefer the abdomen? Pummel him to the ground like the vermin he was?

For a moment, Malik loomed over him. "I'm sorry."

Noah braced himself for impact.

Count the blows, boy.

Malik yanked his arm and pulled him into his chest. The shock was paralyzing. Malik held him in his arms. Tight.

"God, all this time." He kissed the top of his head. "You went through this on your own. And I watched you suffer. I should've been the person you could go to."

Noah's heart was almost leaping out of his chest. He was drowning in him. He was too warm. Too kind. He cranked his neck and Malik wiped the tears across his cheeks.

"No."

Malik kissed his forehead. "I got you."

"No." He said again and pushed at Malik's chest. "Haven't you heard what I just told you?"

"I have."

"I'm Rami's murderer."

"You were a pawn—"

"It wasn't like that. I wanted to please my father. I wanted him to like me."

"You were a victim."

Noah broke free of Malik's arms. He wiped at the tears with the back of his sleeve. "I wasn't some helpless kid you see on the news. I liked my school and he let me adopt Andromeda for a while. And I stayed because I thought maybe if I stuck around my mom would come back for me. She didn't. Know why? Because she knew I wasn't worth it. She was smarter than you are."

The desperate insult hung in the air.

Malik smiled sadly. "I don't think she left because of you. She must've loved you."

A sharp stabbing pain went through his chest. He gasped and his knees buckled. Malik held him before he collapsed.

"Let go of me," he rasped. It hurt.

"I can't."

The pain was a welcome distraction. He could be swept away by something he understood.

"Get off."

"Tell me where it hurts?"

Noah resisted the urge to laugh. Malik was tormenting him. He was going to strike any minute. He had to be. He was building him up to tear him down.

"Please. Please do it." He managed to implore him. ''Don't let pity distract you."

Malik drew him close, he was cross-legged on the carpet beside him. "I can't begin to tell you how much I pity you. You were abused, Noah. That will never stop breaking my heart.''

Sob escaped from Noah's lips. "It's not true. I wasn't good enough."

"You're more than enough."

"No,'' he yelled. "Why wouldn't you understand."

"Habiby..."

"No." He clapped his hands over his ears. Where was the pain in his chest? He needed it. He bit his tongue until the familiar taste of copper filled his mouth. His head was spinning.

"Calm down," Malik said gently.

"You...uh...don't understand. I need the pain. I-I can't...I don't know where I am. I need to concentrate."

He felt Malik's finger try to pry his mouth open. Noah screamed at him to get away and that was all it took. Malik shoved two of his fingers in Noah's mouth, he locked his hands over his head while he lay beneath Malik on the soft carpet. He was entrapped, pinned.

"If its pain you need, take mine. Bite."

Noah could feel his eyes widen. Mixed in with the tang of blood was a sample taste of Malik's skin. He blinked and the tears flowed, they came in torrents. His vision blurred as he was lifted into the sanctuary of Malik's arms. He was taken to the bedroom, he could no longer fight as Malik lay him on the bed's soft mattress.

"I destroy everyone I touch." He cried into Malik's shirt.

"Well, I have a thing for wild boys," Malik's voice was gruff. He lay next to him on the bed.

Noah wept for hours. He got snot over Malik's shirt. He pointed it out and Malik tossed the shirt over his head. Noah shook until there were no more tears left to cry. Until he was hollowed and darkness claimed him.