"what good's a man who lost his soul?"

*

The early evening rays of sun barely streamed through closed emerald curtains which fluttered through the breeze of open windows. It made the small room slightly warmer, but in a cold house, his own personal sanctuary could only keep in so much warmth.

In the corner sat a desk, all of the books stacked neatly off to the side. A candle flickered, the scent reminiscent of pine trees scattered through the Forbidden Forest.

A lanky boy completely disregarded the seating options available in his bedroom and chose to sit cross-legged on the floor instead. He flipped through a book on the Dark Arts with mild interest, but the growing ache inside of him diverted his attention. He continued to skim the anthology of curses, creatures, and objects, but nothing caught his fancy.

Everything felt cloudy in the mind of Regulus Black, and he hated it.

Nothing made sense. It was like everything was shrouded in a thick fog and he would just wander aimlessly around, hoping to happen upon the right direction.

The door creaked open and he flinched back out of habit, but relaxed when he saw their family house-elf, not his mother.

"Master Regulus did not come down for breakfast or lunch," Kreacher croaked, holding out a bowl of soup. "Is my Master feeling all right?"

Regulus gave him a weak yet grateful smile. "I'm fine. Thanks for checking on me."

Kreacher set the bowl on the bedside table but lingered in the doorway, a frown on his wrinkled features. The house-elf loved Regulus as much as he hated his elder brother, and seeing the boy so distraught troubled him greatly.

"Kreacher wonders if something is on Master Regulus' mind?"

Regulus shook his head. "Nah, not really. Just tired, I think."

"Master doesn't look well."

This much Regulus couldn't deny. In the few months since school had let out for the summer, he'd become paler. Purplish smudges underlined his eyes, and his cheekbones and jawline jutted sharply because of lost weight. Dark curls hung around his face because he'd neglected to cut his usually attractive hair.

"I'm fine, trust me." At least, he thought to himself, someone cares enough to ask. He stood, brushing off his pants and carefully placing the book on his desk. "If Mum asks, I'm going for a walk. A long one."

Kreacher gave him a low bow, respect in his bloodshot eyes, before leaving. "Very well, Master. Have a good evening."

"Thanks, Kreacher." Regulus left the bowl of soup on his nightstand and shrugged on a thin coat. Normally, he would just wear his casual clothes, but the visit he had in mind required him to look somewhat presentable.

He made it out of the house without any encounters with either of his parents, a small blessing in his mind. Instead of apparating right away, he chose to stroll down the sidewalk. He enjoyed being around people, even though watching others always reminded him of how lonely he was. In a Muggle park, children ran around, shrieking with excitement. Their carefree laughter brought a wistful smile to his face as he walked on.

Two boys raced up a hill, giggling uncontrollably. The taller one turned around, gripping a twig, which he waved.

"Look out! I'll hex you, Reg!"

The smaller one grinned, admiration in his eyes. He pointed his own twig back. "Not if I hex you first!"

Regulus shook his head, clearing the memories away. It didn't matter that he missed his brother. It would never do to dwell on what could have been. The two couldn't be more different.

Growing bored of his depressing thoughts, Regulus turned on the spot and apparated, appearing in front of a tall black gate. He leaned against the stone wall, waiting with a casual haughtiness that despite his exhaustion, still enhanced his looks.

"Damn Lucius and his security measures," he muttered. Seeing his cousin never used to be such a hassle. Now though, she was married. That meant a move from the house down the street to this obnoxiously-fancy estate.

To pass the time, he slipped a cigarette between his lips and a wand out of his pocket to light it. It was a habit he'd picked up from Sirius, although he actually disliked smoking itself. Inhaling had an almost calming effect on the boy because the smell reminded him of his older brother, and with Sirius always came that false sense of safety.

After what seemed like ages to Regulus, a black-cloaked figure finally made his way up the long walkway from the Manor.

"Regulus."

"Lucius."

Oh yes, Regulus could feel the family love overflowing already.

Lucius unlocked the gate and let him inside the grounds. It swung open, creaking the whole way. The two young men walked side-by-side in silence for a moment. Neither particularly liked the other. Lucius believed Regulus was too soft for the Death Eaters and Regulus thought Lucius was too harsh for Narcissa.

"What brings you to Malfoy Manor?"

"I'm not sure," Regulus replied, exhaling gray smoke. Lucius rolled his eyes.

"Surely you must have a reason, cousin."

Cousin. Only by marriage. "I'm quite sure I do have a reason, but I'm not here to see you, Lucius," he replied coldly. "Therefore, I am not obliged to tell you anything."

The blond man stiffened, irritated by his forwardness. Because he didn't want to feel put in his place by a seventeen-year-old boy, he snapped, "no smoking in my house."

Regulus smirked. "Very well."

He flicked his still-smoldering cigarette onto one of those ridiculous, snow-white peacocks Lucius had just imported from India and continued on without a care. He could practically feel Lucius' blood boiling beside him, which made him grin darkly to himself. Regulus had a particular talent for getting under people's skin.

Lucius pushed the ornate front door open, moving quickly enough to let it hit Regulus' foot as he stepped in behind him.

"Where is that cursed elf?" Lucius grumbled, shrugging his cloak off. "DOBBY!"

A little house-elf dressed in a dirty rag of an outfit appeared out of nowhere, his already-large eyes widening with fear. He sunk into a bow so low that his nose almost touched the black tile floor.

"M-M-Master..." Dobby stammered. "Dobby is sorry for the delay-"

"Enough excuses, elf. Where is my wife? That is who you're here to see, correct?" The last he directed to Regulus, who nodded, though he was still fixated on how poorly Lucius treated Dobby. He would never treat Kreacher in such a cruel manner. Never. Even though they were servants, they deserved respect nonetheless. It was a row he used to have quite often with Sirius, who hated the family house-elf just like he hated the rest of the family.

"She's in the d-d-d-drawing room upstairs, Master." Dobby hadn't moved from his position in a bow. Lucius whacked hin with his sleek walking stick and the elf cowered back, head still hung low, shaking.

"Lead the way, then, and then get back to cleaning. The kitchen looks filthier than you do," he snapped before turning back to Regulus and giving the boy an exaggerated bow of his own. Regulus got the impression that Lucius was making fun of him. "A pleasure to see you, as always."

"And you."

Neither Lucius nor Regulus really set store by the truth.

"Young M-Master Black," Dobby squeaked, possibly worried that the boy Lucius had left him with would be worse than the alternative. "This way."

Regulus knew the way just fine, but he let Dobby lead him up the magnificent set of stairs and down a poorly lit hallway. The grandeur of Malfoy Manor reminded him of a dark, twisted version of Hogwarts.

"Thanks. Dobby, was it?"

The little elf looked up at him, astonished that the conversation had continued.

"Yes sir. I is named Dobby and I is serving the Malfoy family for a long time."

Regulus chuckled. "Yeah, I know. You really got stuck with a rough group, huh? Sheesh."

Dobby laughed nervously. "You is should not be saying that about Dobby's masters, sir. Dobby is a good elf. Dobby would never say bad things about his family."

"I know you are. I just think Lucius is a real piece of work. I'm Regulus, by the way, but you can call me Reg if you want." He held out a hand. The house elf froze, tears brimming in his eyes.

"Oh no, sir! I couldn't! Dobby is not an equal!"

Regulus shrugged and knelt down to be eye level with him. "I don't care."

With a trembling grip, Dobby reached out and shook his hand, dropping it almost instantly.

"You is a friend to house-elves, sir. You is most kind. Dobby has never met a wizard who treated him with such respect!"

Regulus smiled sadly. "You can't have met that many decent ones, then."

Dobby began to nod, then shook his head violently, still afraid to speak ill of his masters. Regulus understood and even sympathized, as he would be terrified to disrespect his own family. He had no idea from where Sirius drew the courage to do it.

"Mistress Black is being in the drawing room, sir, right up here. She likes to spend evenings in here, Dobby is thinking. It is her favorite room in the house. Dobby likes his new mistress very much. She is very polite to him."

Dobby pushed open a door and Regulus stepped into a room with considerably more light than the rest of the home. The velvet curtains were pulled open, showing off a beautiful view of the extensive property. A young woman sat perched on the windowsill, lower lip bit in serious thought. Then, as if inspiration suddenly hit her, she pulled a brush out from her bun, causing her platinum blonde hair to tumble to her shoulders, and dipped it in paint before adding a few quick strokes to a canvas. She tore her cornflower blue eyes away from the page long enough to register a guest, and a bright smile spread across her face.

"Reg! What a surprise! Come in, come in!" Narcissa set the notebook on a cushion and wrapped her younger cousin in a hug he initially flinched away from, but relaxed in seconds later.

"Hey Cissa," he mumbled. "I think you're choking me."

"Oh! Sorry," she said sheepishly.

Dobby gave both of them low bows. "Dobby will be leaving now, to go clean the kitchen. Dobby hopes you have a good night, Mistress Malfoy and Master Reg."

Narcissa raised her eyebrows in amusement at Regulus once the house elf left. "Master Reg, huh?"

"Your husband treats him like scum. I thought I'd brighten his day a bit."

"He is just a house elf, Reg."

"Still."

Regulus sat down on the window sill and Narcissa joined him, tucking her knees to the side. While Sirius favored Andromeda, Regulus always called Narcissa his favorite relative. The two watched life go by in a quiet, shrewd way, and he thought that the world tended to underestimate them both.

"How are you?" Narcissa questioned, moving her paints to give her cousin more room. "I haven't seen you since the wedding."

"I'm all right, I suppose. Could be better, could be worse."

Just like everyone else, Narcissa saw the deterioration of his handsome appearance, but she chose not to question it, knowing that if he wanted to share, he would in his own time.

"How are you? Being married to the blond mop, is it fun?"

Narcissa laughed a little. "You shouldn't talk about Lucius like that. He's good to me, Regulus."

"Sure, but he doesn't deserve you," he muttered under his breath, causing her to grin further.

"All you boys are trying to take care of me. I'm a big girl, you know. I can tie my own shoelaces and everything."

"Yeah, and I'm sure you run the estate now, too. Must keep you busy."

Narcissa stared out the window. Her fingers absentmindedly played with the chain around her neck, her birthstone (a garnet) encased in silver. Each of the Black girls owned one. Briefly, she wondered if Andromeda still wore hers.

"I'm busy, but it's boring! You should hear Lucius talk. I considered getting a job, and he told me that it was a blessing that only one of us had to work. So I said that maybe he should try playing stay-at-home housewife, and that particular argument ended with me sleeping on the couch and a very uncomfortable few days," she said, rolling her eyes.

Regulus cracked a grin. He leaned back and crossed his legs, letting the rays of sun warm him. "Two months and we already have trouble in paradise, I see."

The door cracked open and Dobby walked in, carrying a tray with two steaming cups of tea.

"Dobby thought his Mistress and Master might like something to drink!" He said hopefully, setting the tray on a side table.

"Thanks, Dobby," Regulus said with a smile, one that the elf returned before hurrying from the room.

The blonde watched the little elf go and curled her delicate hands around a cup of tea. She blew on the beverage before taking a sip.

"I think he already likes you more than any of us."

A light blush coated his cheeks and he shook his head. "Nah. He told me on my way up that he liked you very much."

"Did he?" She looked pleased. "At least someone does. You should meet Lucius' mother. I shudder every time that woman enters a room. She's almost as intimidating as your mum."

"Almost, but no one is." The smile disappeared from his face at the mention of his mother, but he quickly faked another one, lest anyone discover his true feelings. "What were you saying before? After the whole sleep-on-the-couch story?"

"Oh, right. Don't get me wrong, I do love him. Even though our union was planned, I was engaged to him for almost two years and I grew to love him." She placed her teacup on its saucer and dipped her brush in orange watercolor paint, adding a few strokes to her canvas. "We just don't always agree on things. He's my husband and we're very close, but sometimes, I feel... trapped."

Regulus felt like he couldn't breathe. There, someone had finally put into words the conflict he'd been feeling rip his soul apart. The idea of obligation versus choice, loyalty versus freedom, family versus self.

"So what do you do?"

Narcissa immediately noticed the change in his tone. Carefully, as if her words would either sink or save a drowning man, she said, "My family comes first. Nothing matters more to me than you all. I make my choices based on that."

Regulus nodded, folding his hands and resting his chin on top of them. What she said made sense. His mother loved to blame Sirius' behavior on improper family pride. Maybe that was it.

Narcissa tilted her head and watched her younger cousin. His eyes stared hungrily out the window at the lovely summer afternoon, trying to take in all of the beauty they could possibly find. How long had it been since he had a quiet, safe night? She didn't particularly like her Aunt Walburga: in fact, the woman scared the living daylights out of her. Living with her was unimaginable, and after Sirius ran off with his traitorous friends, he left his brother alone.

"Reg," she said gently, "are you doing okay?"

"Of course I am. Why?"

"You look terrible."

Regulus shrugged, letting his shoulders droop. He rubbed a tired hand across his face. "I haven't been sleeping or eating as much."

"Why not?"

"I don't know." He looked down at his hands. "Cissa, I just feel so anxious all of the time, and I can't figure out for the hell of me why. I just feel empty, like something's missing."

"First of all, finish your tea. I'll have Dobby bring some cakes in a few minutes, too. You need to eat." Regulus considered arguing with his cousin but thought better of it. An expression of deep concentration crossed Narcissa's soft facial features as she thought. "Are you still in contact with Sirius?"

"A bit," he admitted. "He likes to check up on me, I think. He doesn't trust Mum anymore. He sends more letters than I do. I can't exactly tell Mum and Dad that I'm borrowing the family owl to write to my disowned brother."

Sirius escaped. He moved on. It simultaneously pleased and pained Regulus to read his brother's letters, the ones that said life was 'better than ever.' With a woman like Eva at his side, Regulus believed it. Life could never be anything but perfect with someone who had a smile like hers. If Sirius ever felt lost in the dark, she could guide him back to the light.

Regulus had no one. No compass, no anchor, no way to find the sun.

But there was no use in dwelling upon this, either. Regulus knew it, but he often returned to the topic in the deepest places of his mind. Despite being troublesome, disowned, and impulsive, Sirius always came out on top. He could manage on his own, but he never had to be alone.

Regulus, however, was very much alone.

As someone who believed in family above all else, Narcissa couldn't understand why Regulus still loved his brother, because he so clearly did.

"Well, what makes you think you can trust him?"

He glanced up sharply. "What do you mean?"

"He left you alone. He's out gallivanting with Muggle-Borns and blood traitors, bringing dishonor to our family name. If he really cared about you, do you think he would have left?"

Regulus shook his head, pushing the worrisome thought from his mind before it could take hold. "No. He's not like that. You weren't there the night he ran. I would've ran too, if I was in his place."

"Don't get defensive, I'm only looking out for you," she replied, taking another sip of tea. "You're right. I wasn't there that night, and I don't put it past your mother to do something cruel to her own son. I just think Sirius' actions are self-serving. I don't know if he really cares about anyone anymore."

But that wasn't true, either. He loved Eva enough to wait four years for her to be in his arms. As much as it felt like betrayal, Sirius called his best friends his brothers, and Regulus knew he meant it.

For a moment, though, Regulus did question it. Was Sirius the real reason for all of the fear and conflict inside him?

"I don't understand," he said quietly, "why everyone adores him. He walks out on our entire family and my damn parents still talk about Sirius more than they talk about me! I'm sick of being the forgotten one. It's eating me alive. Why does he take the coward's way out and run, and he still gets everything he wants? Friends, love, hope? And then I'm just left in the dust."

Suddenly, a searing pain burned his left arm. He glanced down at the place he felt the burn. There, on his inner forearm, the Dark Mark stood out plainly, black as ink against his pale skin.

Regulus felt a twinge of an unknown emotion in the pit of his stomach. He joined before he was legally of age, so he'd never actually been invited to a meeting before. He'd only ever encountered the Dark Lord once, on the day he was branded with the tattoo. And now that he'd passed his seventeenth birthday, he was a full Death Eater.

When he looked back up, he saw that Narcissa too stared at his arm, her eyes grim with understanding.

"I forgot you were one of them. I'm sure they'll start showing up downstairs. The Dark Lord has been using our home as headquarters."

The disdain in her voice surprised him. "Don't you support him?"

"I support my family," she said simply. "I make my decisions to keep the lot of you safe."

"I should be going, then." He stood to leave, and Narcissa engulfed him in one more hug.

"You're not alone, Reg. I promise. It doesn't matter that life's changing. You're always welcome here."

Regulus blinked back tears and wrapped his arms around her. "Thank you."

Downstairs, a group had begun to gather in the dining room. Severus Snape shoved past Regulus, who stood at the foot of the stairs, transfixed and partially scared by everything that was about to happen.

"Reggie! Your first meeting! How sweet! How exciting!"

Regulus cringed at her cackle, then turned to greet his cousin. "A pleasure as always, Bella."

"Come on, you can sit next to me!"

She pulled him over to the table and they took their seats. His pale fingers drummed absentmindedly on the tabletop as the seats filled up, everyone waiting.

"My friends."

A cold voice sent shivers down Regulus' spine. He noted that many did not look up at the Dark Lord, choosing to keep their eyes on the table, and he followed suit.

"How wonderful it is to be together again, and for a purpose. The cleansing and purification of the wizarding race, once and for all." While pacing around the table, Lord Voldemort spoke slowly and deliberately, stretching out some of his words and emphasizing others. "My dear friends, an insider at the Ministry of Magic has informed me that a meeting of the Order of the Phoenix took place tonight. I have been given a list. Do you know what this list was of?" When no one answered, he swept over to Snape. "Do you know, Severus? Any guesses?"

"I don't know, my lord," Snape said quietly.

"It was an entire list of the Order's members," Voldemort continued on. "And this list has given us a completely updated list of our newest enemies. Does anyone know any of these brave, foolish souls who have chosen to fight against us? I am sure you do.

"Does anyone recognize the newlywed Frank and Alice Longbottom, cursing their renowned position on the Sacred Twenty-Eight from our Pureblood Directory? Bellatrix, I am sure you will recall a certain Eva Taylor, the simple-minded Mudblood you somehow failed to kill a year ago."

"My lord," she whispered in a voice close to reverence. "Let me go after her. I want her to scream in agony. I will not fail again."

The Dark Lord smiled. It had no emotion, and the red slits in place of his eyes showed no warmth. "You are a faithful servant, Bellatrix. For now, I must deny you what you want, but I can assure you that when the time comes, her blood shall be yours."

"Thank you," she whispered. "I will do it one day, I swear."

"Does anyone know of the name Marlene McKinnon, a girl from a respectable family who now uses her words to openly attack our worthy cause? Or James Potter, another Pureblood turned blood traitor? Severus, I believe you attended school in the same year as Lily Evans and Peter Pettigrew? Fenrir, perhaps you will remember the surname Lupin?"

The beastly man cracked his knuckles and bared teeth that even on a normal night, looked eerily like fangs. "How could I forget? That damned man, Lyall Lupin, took away all of our jobs with that bloody legislation. His son suffered the consequences of his actions."

"His son is now allied with Dumbledore. I am positive the old fool will try to use the boy as a pawn in securing allyships with the werewolf packs. Personally, I wonder if the boy knows how much Dumbledore is taking advantage of him by placing him in these life-threatening situations, but self-righteous young men will do anything to prove themselves, and I'm sure he feels like he needs to prove more than most. You must be two steps ahead of him at all times, Greyback. He must not succeed."

"Of course."

He paused for so long that Regulus wondered if he had finished, but the Dark Lord inhaled and began the most dangerous part of his speech.

"And then we have two of the most traitorous initiates, because their own flesh and blood are in our presence."

The atmosphere of the room shifted. Many of the Death Eaters turned to each other, silent accusation in their eyes. Regulus' fists clenched in fear under the table.

The Dark Lord walked slowly, each step causing a creak in the floor boards. He stopped a few seats down from Regulus and leaned towards a young man's ear.

"Are you aware, Adam, of your sister's allegiances?" He asked in a carrying whisper.

Adam Klarkson blew a lock of chesnut hair out of his eyes before responding. "I sent her a letter before the summer, extending our invitation. She refused, and I have stopped corresponding with her since."

"And do you still care for the girl?"

Regulus thought he saw a flicker of doubt flash in the man's sky blue eyes, the same eyes of his sister. He never knew Kriss outside of prefect meetings, but she always treated him with respect and kindness.

"She means nothing to me. Our cause is more important than her life."

"Let us hope you continue to think in the same way, for your own sake."

Lord Voldemort started pacing again, this time coming to a halt right behind Regulus. The boy stiffened when he felt the Dark Lord's breath on his neck.

"While many of you may not know Kriss Klarkson, I am sure that most of you have happened upon Sirius Black, have you not? The black sheep of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black, burned off of his own family tree, all to befriend everything we stand against? He has just performed the ultimate act of betrayal against us and all that we stand for."

"Traitor," Belltrix snarled, red sparks spitting out of her wand. "He is no relative of ours."

Regulus heard a voice whisper right into his ear and he willed himself to stay completely still. "What of you, Regulus? Are you still in contact with your older brother?"

Forcing himself to look into the slitted red irises of Lord Voldemort, Regulus whispered, "no," his voice a rasp.

"Good." The Dark Lord finally assumed a leadership position in front of a crackling fire, creating a terrifying silhouette for all to see. "We cannot allow the resistance to grow. We must fight for our ideologies, and we must stand together. For now, we will lay low. Let them believe they actually have a chance. Give them a false sense of security. In the meantime, we need to keep a careful watch on the members of the Order. The most effective way to destroy them will be from the inside, meaning that we will require a spy. Someone will be corrupted sooner or later, mark my words. It is human nature, the desire to save one's own skin instead of the skins of others. In the meantime, I will require an understanding of our enemies, every single one of them. Their weaknesses shall be their downfall. They will be hung from a noose they fashioned themselves."

Hi! Change of pace for this chapter. I hope you like it! Reg's one of my favorite characters and I find the House of Black so fascinating.

Thank you for reading! I hope you're enjoying the direction this book is headed in! I'd love to hear your opinions and predictions, so drop a comment and let me know!

Xo