"i thought you were the one who always understands me, but you don't"

*

Sirius sighed as he took his black Panama hat off and hung it on the coat rack near the door, inhaling the calming scent of his cigarette. He walked past Ringo's cage, giving the tiny owl a pat on the head before letting him out the window to fly around for a while, imagining that an excitable little thing like him hated being cooped up for so long. If it was him in that cage, he'd probably go mad.

It bothered him that after a long day of work, all he had to come home to was an empty apartment. He knew that he couldn't expect Eva to just sit at home - she was far too spirited and independent for that - but it still was irritating. Everything felt irritating anymore.

The Auror Office was in complete disarray. For over a month, they had been trying to bounce back from the loss of two of their best, but overall morale had taken a hit. The department just wasn't the same without Fabian and Gideon.

Sirius rarely saw Dorcas anymore. She had been drowning her grief in work, always on missions or cooped up in her office. Moody thought it was madness, but he couldn't bring himself to send the girl home.

Both Sirius and James had been promoted, taking Fabian and Gideon's places in the force. This meant a raise in salary, but also increased hours and responsibilities. Between work for the Ministry and work for the Order, all Sirius wanted to do when he got home was crash on the couch, but he knew that wouldn't be fair to Eva, so he made an effort to stay up for a while with her. He knew it would only get worse when James and Lily's baby was born, because James would probably want more time off, leaving him to pick up the slack. No matter how much he wanted to, his pride didn't allow him to tell Moody that he was burning out too quickly.

That particular day, Sirius trudged home through the worst heatwave of the year, a lit cigarette dangling between his lips. A rain cloud hung above him, dark and ominous. He didn't want to smoke, but he felt so close to a breakdown and reasoned that one couldn't hurt. Besides, he'd toss it before Eva got home. She didn't need to know.

He had stopped to see Marlene on the way back. She was doing better than he expected, but that wasn't saying much. The once-cheerful apartment was littered with empty firewhiskey bottles and a layer of dust covered the purple couch. Like Dorcas, she buried herself in her work, writing nonstop. Her words, once used for reporting the good in the world, had evolved into something darker. Each day she went to work like nothing was wrong. Insecurities crept back into her mind without someone to reassure her of her worth, and she began to cover her pale face in makeup again. She wrote both of the Prewetts' eulogies, spending many sleepless nights making sure Gideon's was the best thing she had ever written.

Sirius pointed out that she couldn't keep living like this, although his heart did go out for her. What she shared with Gideon was different than anything she'd shared with him or any other boy, and they both knew it. Marlene had only shrugged and said, "no writers are ever happy."

After putting out and throwing away his cigarette, Sirius poured himself a glass of gin and sank onto the couch cushions. Thank God it's Friday. Even if he was called in tomorrow, and he probably would be, for a few precious hours, he could pretend that he had a free weekend ahead of him.

"Happy weekend, handsome."

Eva pushed open the door to their apartment, a bright smile on her face. She wore a white tank top underneath a jean overalls dress, and the entire outfit was specked with paint, as was she. Her blonde curls were held back with a pink bandana, and her eyes sparkled.

"What kept you late?"

Her happy expression deflated at his annoyed tone, but she brushed it off and walked into the kitchen to put fruit into the refrigerator.

"Well, I was busy today."

"Doing what? I mean, you look like someone dumped a paint can all over you, so I assume it had to do with that."

"I painted a wall in the Leaky Cauldron this morning," she explained. That was so fun. "Remember? I promised Tom last week. It took five hours, but I think it turned out really well, I painted-"

"Oh, that's right, I do remember," Sirius interrupted, gulping down another swallow of alcohol and shuddered at its sharp taste. "Do anything else?"

Eva nodded. "I sold a few drawings. I helped Remus clean his house. I also stopped by St. Mungo's. Did you know Alice had the baby? They named him Neville! Isn't that cute?"

"Yeah, I know," Sirius grumbled. "Frank never showed for work, I had to cover for him. It's why I had to stay an extra hour and a half."

"Well, his wife did just give birth, Sirius. I think he deserves a day off."

"I s'pose."

From her place standing behind the counter in the kitchen, Eva gave him an odd look. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You seem... off."

Sirius set his glass down on the coffee table a bit too loudly. Eva flinched at the noise.

"I'm bloody fantastic, Blondie, thanks for asking." He massaged his temples and stood up, running a hand though his long hair.

Eva walked into the living room, apprehensive. "Did... did I do something wrong?"

"You? No, you're perfect as always." There was a hint of irony.

"I don't know what's wrong, Sirius, but please just calm down." Her voice trembled. His words stung, but she tried to keep it together. Taking a deep breath, she walked over to the window and took his hand. Barely a second went by before he shook out of her grasp and moved into the kitchen. "You're scaring me, Snuffles."

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not! Tell me what it is. I just want to help you." She reached up and held his face in her hands. His dark eyes flashed, but he didn't pull away.

"Maybe if you didn't have your head in the clouds all the time, then you'd know."

Thunder clapped outside and the rain began to pour down. It hammered against the window violently.

She drew away, hurt flashing across her face. "What - what's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, I don't know! Maybe it means that your perpetual cheerfulness is getting on my nerves! Or maybe it means that five hours of sleep isn't enough anymore! Or I work insane hours while you make your little paintings!"

"I just thought that-"

"Well, you thought wrong!"

Eva picked up the empty glass on the coffee table and turned it in her hands. She stared at it, but her vision grew blurry. "How much did you have to drink?"

"One glass," he answered truthfully, leaning on the countertop with the palms of his hand. "Why?"

"Because I wanted to blame this on something other than you." Her gaze became harder. "You've been smoking again, haven't you? I can smell it."

"What I do in my own time is my business," he snapped. "Not yours."

"We're married! Your business is my business! Enough people are dying without you giving yourself lung cancer! You told me you'd throw them all out! You promised!"

"So I broke down! Give me a break, Eva, come on." Sirius ran a hand through his hair in agitation.

"You lied to me!"

"Like you're telling me everything."

"I don't keep secrets from you!"

"Like hell you don't!"

Eva grabbed her purse from a stool and strode over to the door. Her hand was on the door when his hand closed around her arm. She whipped around, beyond angry.

"Let go of me!" She tried to wrestle away, but Sirius was stronger and kept a firm grip on her. "Let go!"

"No. We're finishing this conversation," he insisted, his anger matching hers. "You can't just walk out. Not yet."

"Yes... I... can!" Her heart began to hammer wildly in her chest. She didn't believe Sirius would ever be the cause of her pain on purpose, but she'd never seen him like this before. His emotions changed on a dime and he loved as fiercely as he hated. "I don't have anything to say to you!"

"What about those papers you hid from me last week?"

Her eyes widened as tears spilled down her cheeks. "That's... that's different!"

"Oh really? That's how we're going to do this?"

"Sirius, y-y-you're hurting me," she whispered. His breath smelled like gin and cigarettes, and he was too close. He instantly released her and took a step back, ashamed.

"Eva-"

It was too late. She slammed the door on the way out.

Sirius kicked a chair and fell to his knees, hating himself for everything that had just happened, hating her for being so happy when everyone else was miserable, hated the universe for cursing them all in the way that it did. 

After a minute or two of nothing but anger, a wave of shame rushed over Sirius. He ran down the back stairs and into the pouring rain, but it didn't matter. Diagon Alley was all but empty. She was gone.

*

Eva reappeared on a dark street, shivering. The rain continued to soak her as she hurried down the sidewalk, nearly slipping in a puddle. Passerbys with umbrellas stared at the distraught young woman, but no one offered to help her. No one had time to offer compassion anymore, too concerned with making it home alive.

She barely could unlatch the gate, her fingers were shaking so much. Running up the cobblestone path, she knocked repetitively on the door.

"Can you get it?"

"Yeah, sure."

The door swung open to reveal James, his hair untidy, his glasses lopsided, and his wand raised. He lowered it the moment he saw her.

"By Merlin, what happened? Come on in, you're soaking wet!" He quickly ushered her inside.

"I'm dripping water on your hardwood," she feebly joked.

James shook his head and placed his hands gently on her shoulders. "I don't care. What happened to you, Blondie? Talk to me."

"Sirius and I had a big fight," she whispered. "He told me to leave, and your place was the first one I thought of-"

The rest of her speech was cut off because James swept her into a tight hug.

"It's gonna be okay," he mumbled into her hair. "I promise."

As Eva just let herself be comforted in his arms, she realized that she always ran to James for safety. It happened all those years ago on the night when her mother died and she splinched herself trying to make it to his backyard. It was a natural instinct, to run to her almost-brother when she needed help.

"James? Eva? What's wrong?" Lily stood at the end of the hallway, her hands resting on her belly. She looked incredibly tired, and no wonder. Eva knew she was five days past her due date and properly miserable as a result.

"It's a long story," Eva said quietly.

"Well, I'd love to hear it," Lily replied, a twinkle in her eyes. "I'll get drinks. You go upstairs and change out of your wet clothes. My smaller ones are toward the back of the closet."

"Thanks, Lils."

"James, go to bed. I know it's early and I know you probably want to go talk to Sirius, but you look exhausted. I'll be up in a while."

James walked over and gave her a sweet peck on the lips. "Night, sweetie."

When Eva came back downstairs in jeans and a green shirt she always wanted to borrow back in school but Lily would never let her, she found Lily with two glasses of iced tea at the kitchen table. The clock read eight at night. Gray slinked up against Eva's legs, her fur tickling.

"So," Lily said, passing her a glass. "Tell me everything."

"So I told you that my professors thought I had real talent, right? Not just for art, but also for teaching it. A few of them mentioned me possibly working towards becoming a professor. Since Dumbledore doesn't seem to be jumping at the opportunity to hire me, I sort of like that idea. Working in the Muggle world, you know. I thought I'd just bring up the idea today, but Sirius completely flipped out at me. I didn't even get to the part that I wanted to talk about."

"That doesn't sound like Sirius," Lily said worriedly.

"He's been so stressed out and exhausted recently. I feel like he's not talking to me anymore. Moody's working him to the bone, and maybe I just set him off or something. Maybe I-"

"Stop. Don't make excuses for him. You did nothing wrong."

Eva nodded and took a sip of her drink, trying to keep herself calm. "He said all sorts of horrible things to me. He said that - are you okay?"

Lily's face had screwed up in pain and she exhaled slowly, nodding.

"Lily, I'm serious. Are you okay?"

"Keep your voice down," She implored, casting a worried glance to the stairs. When no one ran down them, she refocused on the conversation. "I started having contractions about two hours ago, but we're not supposed to go until they're closer together. They're not so bad. My water hasn't even broken yet. I just don't want James to freak out."

"Lily! You're literally going into labor and I'm complaining about my marriage problems to you."

The redhead smiled. Reaching out, she took Eva's hand. "That's what friends are for."

"Well, in that case." Eva scooted her chair closer to Lily, leaned down, and put her spare hand on her belly. She smiled when she felt the baby moving. "Leave your mom alone for a while, I need to rant more."

"So what else happened?"

Eva and Lily talked for hours. Slowly, all of Eva's tears dried. Lily listened to her spill out all of her emotions, offering reassuring words and hugs when needed. In turn, Eva comforted her each time a new contraction hit. At first, these weren't so bad, but around ten at night, she started to wonder if her fingers would break every time her friend squeezed them.

"Thanks for listening, Lils," Eva said through a yawn. She glanced out the bay window. The rain hadn't let up. "Not to be annoying, but shouldn't you maybe think about going to the hospital?"

"Not yet," Lily muttered, shaking her head. "I don't want to wake James up. He's been so exhausted after work and I think that - oh, here comes another one."

She squeezed her eyes shut and gripped Eva's hand tightly as another contraction hit, this one more painful than any of them so far. Her green eyes flew open a few seconds later.

"I think my water just broke."

"Lily-"

"I know, I know. Help me up, please." Eva obliged and helped her friend out of the chair. Lily slowly made her way to the foot of the stairs. "James?"

The girls heard a crash from upstairs. James nearly fell down the stairs because he hadn't even stopped to put on his glasses.

"Are you okay?" He asked worriedly, squinting at his wife.

Lily hugged her belly. "James, the baby's coming."

"What?" His eyes nearly bugged out. "Now?"

"Yes now," Eva said in a calm voice, hoping to transfer that emotion over to him.

"OH MY GOODNESS!"

"Jamie, it's fine, don't freak out," Lily began, but she doubled over in pain as another contraction hit and the rest of the sentence was lost. James bent down next to her and took her hand.

"Lily? You okay?"

"Now I am," she nodded, her expression still pained as she rubbed her stomach. "Honey, please go upstairs and get the bag. We can Floo to St. Mungo's and then tell everyone to meet us there."

"The bag... right!" He sprinted back up the stairs.

Eva nearly laughed. As always, Lily had things under control, even when she was beginning to give birth.

"You're going to have a baby!" She exclaimed, pulling her into a hug. "You're amazing."

"Thanks, Eve." They let go as James came running back down the stairs, this time with his glasses and a bag.

"You ready?" He asked, excitement lighting up his face.

Lily nodded. "Let's go have a baby."

New chapter!!!! Let me know what you thought!