Scene Five - With Ears To See and Eyes To Hear
1:05 ───|────── 3:48
|◁ II ▷|

✘

It's been a little over a week since they went on their date. The day after, they spent lying in Oli's bed tangled up in each other, not wanting to move and ruin their comforting position. After Kellin fell asleep, Oli brought Kellin to his bed and changed into pjs before taking Kellin's clothes off till he was down to his boxer briefs. During that, though Kellin had woken up again, and suddenly sleep didn't seem too important.

Especially after Kellin yanked Oli down by his shirt to kiss him. This led to undressing Oli from his pjs and wandering hands again remembering every dip and curve of each other's body. Then it turned into them not being able to sleep till they truly tired themselves out. What was it again? 'Ah yes, a successful date.'

Today, Kellin started the day alone.

Sadly with Oli getting back to work and going back to piles upon piles of things to do, Oli hasn't had the chance to come over. Or to sleep over for that matter. Kellin would offer Oli to stay with him but realistically he knew it was more convenient for Oli to stay in his apartment. It was closer to his restaurant.

The unasked question of Kellin going with him still eats at him because he was terrible at being away from Oli for so long after being with him for longer than three days. It was a problem that he'd been working on for the past two years and, really, was the only reason he stayed in his apartment. It's why Kellin was adamant on Oli not coming with him on tour. It was better this way to give each other space—give Kellin space—to be his own person and not severely attached to someone. One of his many flaws that if he wasn't careful with, Kellin would fall into old habits.

In other words, Kellin didn't want to be a bother. Especially not to Oli.

'Be careful, you'll end up pushing Oli away like you did with him.'

Kellin shook off the thoughts and sat up from bed, grabbing his phone from the bedside table. The bright screen made him squint when he turned it on before refocusing on the notifications.

It was 12:30 pm, another small change in his schedule now that Oli's back at his house. Oli was a morning person, Kellin was not but having Oli at his place made him a morning person. His sleeping schedule was terrible again. Going from waking up at 8 am to falling asleep at 8 am was a change. From sleeping for 8 hours to he's lucky if he gets 3 or 4 hours.

He scrolled through the notifications; emails, text messages, tweets, missed calls, and blah blah blah. Though one particular text he got made him smile big as per usual.

Of course Kellin didn't wait a second longer to call him. While he sat there as it rang, he realized maybe it wasn't a good idea. He was probably busy. And here Kellin was bothering-

"Mornin', love," Oli's came through the call, making Kellin smile again. The thoughts leaving in an instant once Oli's soothing voice came through.

"It's 12:35 in the afternoon," Kellin hummed putting the call on speaker. He set his phone down on the bed before stretching his arms up.

"Still mornin' somewhere." Kellin laughed though it was cut off by a yawn. He groaned feeling the sleepy feeling still weighing on him. Kellin needed more sleep, Oli voiced his thoughts, "You should sleep more Kells."

Kellin continued to sit on his bed, heavy eyelids fluttering shut. That sounded nice. Oli was right. Oli was always right. He's so smart. No. "Can't," Kellin sighs, falling back onto his bed and grabbing his phone, placing it on his chest, "I have to visit Viv today, remember?"

"Mm, right," Oli replied.

'Do you see how tired he is of you?'

Kellin frowned slightly, pushing the nasty thought away. Oli had been hesitant on letting him go on his own since the last time. And with what happened with Nicholas added onto his worry. Which... it wasn't a big deal. At least, Kellin thinks it isn't a big deal.

Oli knows Kellin can handle himself, he just worries too much.

"I won't go alone," Kellin reassured him, "Nick can't come but, I invited Denis. He wants to meet my mom."

"Can you make sure she doesn't replace me with him," Oli said, shuffling being heard. Kellin wonders what he was doing. Probably locked up in his office going through paperwork or prepping for meetings. Hunched over his desk with his sleeves rolled up and blazer hung over his seat.

Kellin misses him.

"Mm, I don't know about that," Kellin teased. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and forced himself to get up. Kellin grabbed his phone and walked into his bathroom, turning on the light and going to the sink, "Denis is pretty lovable."

"Not as much as I am." That's true. But Kellin doesn't want to admit it out loud. Can't stroke his ego too much.

"Sure..."

"Hey!"

Kellin laughed and grabbed his toothbrush, "I'm kidding. But... Vivian loves everyone, can't make any promises sadly."

"Maybe I should just leave early," Oli mumbles making Kellin laugh again. He grabbed the toothpaste, putting it on his toothbrush, "Gives me the chance to go see you too."

Kellin feels his chest tighten slightly and hums. Oli busy with work and getting back to his usual schedule has been tough. Well, tough for Kellin. Oli seemed relatively okay—he wasn't, he missed him just as bad—unlike Kellin who almost went to his restaurant in the middle of a lunch rush the first day Oli went back to work simply because he missed him.

'You're too needy.'

"You and I both know you're busy."

"I'm the damn boss," Oli laughed making Kellin smile, "I can leave to go see you whenever I want."

"Alright, big shot," Kellin couldn't stop smiling. He turned on the sink and put his toothbrush under the water, "You coming to see me then?"

Kellin started to brush his teeth and waited for the inevitable answer. No, he won't be. Which it's fine. Kellin is pretending it's fine. It's not like he misses him terribly. Not like he was sad a couple of hours ago that he was falling asleep alone in his bed at a terrible hour again. Or that he wore one Oli's shirts that he left to sleep last night but it made him even more sad because it didn't smell like him anymore.

'You were with him for months, give him space!'

Oli sighed, Kellin hearing more shuffling, "Not today. I have a meeting that I've been pushing back for months already. I think 'I need to go see the guy that drives me crazy today or I will explode' isn't a valid excuse anymore, sadly."

Kellin hunched over spitting out the foamy residue before cupping his hands together under the faucet. He brought his hands up and started to rinse out his mouth before spitting the water out and turning off the faucet. "Really?" Kellin questioned, "I think that's a solid excuse."

"It is," Oli sighs, "But you know how business men are. All uptight and emotionless."

Kellin could picture the way Oli rolled his eyes. He grinned down at his phone, "Aren't you a business man?"

Oli gasped loudly, in faux shock, "Who told you that lie!?"

Kellin started to giggle and looked at his reflection. The image in front of him looked unfamiliar to him. Dark hair a mess due to barely waking up, sleepy features, but what shocked him was the large smile on his face. Well, he can't say the feeling is unfamiliar. The last two years were filled with smiles and laughter aside from the aftermath of his fuck up.

Kellin's just never seen himself... happy? Was he happy? Yes. Definitely. But it seemed foreign to him. Was this real? 'Of course not-.' Yes it is. He is happy. Kellin's just not used to it.

That small little realization hit him harder than it should've. His laugh slowly dying out but he still keeps a smile on his face, hearing Oli also sober up from laughing with him. "Hey, make sure you eat before you leave," Oli said and Kellin knew that the call was going to end soon. He didn't want it to but, he knew they were both busy today, "I'll get you something delivered."

"You don't have to," Kellin, fond voice making Oli's heart flutter.

"I know, but it'll be made by yours truly. It'll get to you before you leave," Oli hums and Kellin could hear more shuffling before a soft creaking of a chair, "Say yes."

"Yes," Kellin said softly, smiling too big, "Hey, Oli?"

"Yes love?" Kellin could hear the bustling noise of the kitchen now.

"I miss you."

Oli let out a breathy chuckle, "You're making it hard not to cancel this meeting."

Kellin rolled his eyes and picked up his phone, "Hey, don't blame me for your lack of self-control... I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"I miss you too, peach," Oli replied, "Talk later."

✘

Kellin was parked in front of Denis' apartment building. He's been sitting in his car for ten minutes already, waiting for his friend to come down. Denis lived a little over 10 minutes from Kellin towards the direction he needed to take to go to Vivian's house. It was one of the only main reasons he agreed to take Denis. Any chance Kellin could take to postpone going, he would take it. It's why it's taken him a bit to go visit again.

It wasn't that he was busy either. He just genuinely doesn't feel comfortable going but he's trying to suck it up. Kellin needed to suck it up.

"Hey!" Kellin flinched when the passenger door was opened suddenly and Denis' voice filled the vicinity, "Damn, what were you thinking of?"

Kellin shook off the annoying thoughts and leaned forward to turn his car back on. "About how annoying it is that my friends take forever to come down," Kellin side-eyed him as Denis put his seatbelt on, "What took you so long?"

Denis smiled sheepishly at him, "Complete honesty, when you texted me that's when I woke up."

"I know it's only been a little while since you've moved to California but, I'm shocked you don't know the traffic situation here."

Denis threw his head back, laughing loudly. Kellin rolled his eyes and started to drive, "You know I've lived here before, right?"

"Wait, what?"

"I mean... not in LA but I'm Californian raised," Denis said casually as if he didn't drop the biggest lore Kellin has ever heard from him, "But I know the traffic sucks here."

Kellin blinked, glancing over at him, "And you still had the audacity to take forever?"

"Mm... yeah. Yup, I did. I'd do it again too."

Kellin rolled his eyes. Denis wasn't Kellin's first choice to ask to come with him. In reality he didn't know who to ask besides Nick. Nick was always the safest option, besides Oli, because Vivian is his aunt so he understands why Kellin continues to go as often as he can. The others would rather he stayed away, let time take its course as cruel as that sounded. They would never agree to take Kellin, or keep their thoughts to themselves if they were to see Vic.

Nick was busy today, which is really the only reason Kellin had to come up with a plan b. Who was the next person that could tag along that won't make Kellin feel like shit about his decision to go? Denis.

Mostly because Denis really is a go with the flow type of person. He was less judgmental on Kellin's choice mostly because he's new to the friend group. Denis doesn't think this is a good idea but... what can he do but be there for Kellin? Plus, Denis was nothing if not curious. Kellin knows it's why he agreed and he doesn't mind that being his reason. After all, if it gets someone else to not completely judge him then he's all for it.

'Maybe stop forcing people to do things you know aren't good for you.'

'You're so selfish.'

It isn't the healthiest thing ever. He's pretty sure he would never talk to his therapist about this.

"Do you think he'll be there?" Denis hummed as he fidgeted with Kellin's radio. Turning the volume up and down till he gets the perfect volume.

Kellin wished Denis wouldn't of asked that. He was already nervous going without Oli again or Nick not being there. "Um..." he trailed off, turning into the street where the house was. He didn't even know how to answer because he didn't know. Kellin had no way of knowing unless Nick was there. He felt odd texting and asking Mike so he just doesn't, "Probably? Every time I've gone he's there."

Denis could tell how anxious he was and reached over patting his shoulder, "Don't worry kid, I got your back."

Kellin smiled but it faltered when the house came into view. The familiar car Vic owned was parked in the driveway alongside another one that was possibly Mike's. His nerves lessened knowing it won't just be him and Denis with Vic. "Sadly, my money won't be on you," Kellin said as he parked in front of the house, "Those noodle arms of yours won't last a second."

"If I was going to be bullied I wouldn't have come with," Denis grumbled as he unbuckled his seatbelt. "Please tell me your mom is nicer than you, you got your bitchiness from somewhere else, right?"

Kellin gave him a fake sympathetic smile, undoing his seatbelt, "Sadly for you, I'm the spitting image of her."

Denis rolled his eyes and the two got off the car. Okay. Okay maybe this will be easier today. Denis weirdly enough was keeping him calm with silly jokes. Kellin was less tense which is what he desperately needed right now. Vivian knows him too well and would ask too many questions.

They walked up to the gate, opening it before they made their way to the door. He hesitated on knocking the door because of the stupid possibility of Vic being the one to open it. But at this point why should it matter? Kellin didn't like this stir of shitty emotions coming back to him ever since he started visiting Vivian.

Before Kellin could knock, Denis took the initiative to do it himself after seeing him just standing there. Kellin went to apologize but didn't get the chance when the door opened. 'Thank god,' He felt like he could breathe again when it was Mike who opened the door. Mike looked a little shocked at the sight of him but was quick to wipe it off his face, "Hey, I didn't know you were coming today."

"Hey. Yeah, I texted mom, I thought she would've let you guys know," Kellin gave a quick smile before turning to Denis, "This is Denis, friend of mine, hope it's okay that he tagged along."

Mike looked next to Kellin, as if just now realizing there was someone else there. Mike gave a polite smile and extended his hand out, "Oh, yeah it's fine... Hey, I'm Mike. Nice to meet you."

Denis smiled politely and greeted himself, shaking his hand, before Mike let them in. While they walked in Kellin zeroed in on the stairs where Vivian was coming down. Vic was helping her down, watching carefully as they took each step down, all the while she looked at Kellin with bright eyes, "Kellin! You're here!"

Kellin smiled widely seeing her up and out of bed. The last few times Kellin did visit, Vivian would complain that she can't get out of bed. Vic and Mike were hellbent on keeping her in bed rest for the rest of time it seemed. While she did need as much rest as possible, Vivian can still move around without issue. She was still lively as ever but she does get tired easily now.

She finally seemed to get her way and was able to get out of bed. Vivian flicked at Vic's hand to let her go once they were on the last step. "You know I still know how to walk right?" She chastised Vic, making him roll his eyes playfully.

"What kind of threat did you make for them to let you out of bed?" Kellin asked, laughing as he met her in the middle and gave her a hug. From the corner of his eye he can see Vic's eyebrows furrowed in the direction where Denis was standing behind Kellin. When they pulled away he gestured to Denis, "This is my friend, his name's Denis he really wanted to meet you."

"Oh?" Vivian's eyebrow arched and looked at Denis who gave her a big grin and waved at her, "I'm famous these days, so many people coming to meet me. Wow, you're handsome. Kellin likes to surround himself around attractive people, hm?"

Kellin's eyes widened, "Mom-"

"It's true," Denis hummed extending his hand out, "What can I say, pretty people gotta stick together. I guess that's how he knows you?"

Kellin rolled his eyes and suddenly started regretted bringing him around. Vivian laughed and shook his hand, "I like you," she turns to look at Kellin, "Why didn't you bring him around before?"

"Well-"

"Kells likes to keep me hidden," Denis interjected, making Kellin shoot him a brief glare, rolling his eyes, "He knows how awesome I am, so he doesn't like to share."

And Vivian just absolutely loses it. She continues to laugh at how ridiculous Denis was being and Kellin felt absolutely mortified. Maybe he should've begged Oli to come with him. He would've said yes.

'God you're insufferable. Be grateful that someone came since you can't do anything by your pathetic self.'

"It's nice to see you again, Denis," Kellin heard making him look over to Vic. His eyes were slightly narrowed looking at the tall man and Kellin briefly remembered that Vic didn't like Denis.

Denis shifted his attention from Vivian to Vic and smiled politely though Kellin could tell he was holding back a grimace. "Good to see you too," Denis' voice was tensed—fake smile present on his face—and Kellin started to feel nervous, "How's the fiancé?"

Kellin could kill him.

Vic's jaw clenched but he forced a similar fake smile. If looks could kill, Denis would be six feet under. "He's fine," his voice was sharp, "Glad to see you're still so attached to Kellin's hip."

Denis shrugged, the fake smile turning more like a gloating grin. Kellin would've sighed loudly if he could've. Vic never learns. Though he supposes Vic doesn't know the whole fake dating thing was Denis' idea. Well, he encouraged it. Because he knew it'll get under Vic's skin. And now, as if nothing has changed, Denis can keep getting under the singer's skin.

"He enjoys my company a lot," Denis hums, "I'm a really good friend."

Mike cleared his throat and walked closer to his mom. "Well, introductions aside," Kellin just noticed Vivian looking between Vic and Denis, confused. Oh he's going to kill Denis. Truly he is. "Mom, you wanted to sit outside, look at the garden?" Mike prompted her and she looked as if a lightbulb had gone off in her head.

"Oh, yes," Vivian turned to Kellin, "They realize stepping outside won't kill me, so I'll get to see my poor babies... I'm not ready to see the state they're in."

Kellin smiled sadly and nodded. The garden outside... has seen much better days. He was sure that Vivian hasn't been able to go outside to tend it because of Mike and Vic. They never had a green thumb either so, he doubts they even attempted to take care of it while they locked up Vivian in the house.

"It's okay," Kellin reached forward, grabbing her hand and giving it a comforting squeeze, "I'm sure your presence will liven them up."

Vivian smiled and brought her other hand up to cup his cheek giving it a squeeze, "Ay, que lindo (Oh, how cute)." Kellin felt his chest warm up, "Come, let's go sit outside. Vic, please bring us out something to drink."

"Oh, I can do it," Kellin said quickly, "Denis will help, we'll get drinks for everyone, right?"

Denis was a tall man. He's the second tallest person in this room currently. And Denis is taller than most average people but even the pointed glare he received from Kellin made him feel small. "Yeah, of course!" He said quickly and gave a sheepish grin to Vivian, "I'm a bartender, any request-?"

"Oh actually-"

"Mom," Kellin and Vic said at the same time making them both look at each other. Instantly an air of awkwardness washed over them. Vic cleared his throat and Kellin looked away quickly, "You can't have alcohol anymore, don't even think about it."

"Psh," Vivian waved him off, "Of course I can, you two just don't let me."

"And we won't," Mike huffed and looped his arm around hers, "Come on, let's go see your flowers."

Mike led Vivian out and Vic followed suit, eyes glancing over to Kellin on his way out. Once the front door closed, he let out a shaky breath before turning to glare at Denis.

"Well, that went well if I do say so myself," Denis grinned even though he, for lack of better words, was shaking in his boots.

Kellin continued to glare at him before he let out a sigh. His features softened and he ran a hand through his hair. That could've gone worse. Right? "Let's just go get the drinks," Kellin grumbled and latched his hand onto Denis' wrist, dragging him towards the kitchen.

He hated this. Kellin's feelings were a confusing mix of uncomfortableness, anxiousness, nostalgia, bitterness, and a certain one he couldn't quite put a finger on. Kellin feels like the longer he's around all of them the more insane he's becoming. It was kind of like how he felt in New York before everything went to shit. The urge to slip into old dynamics again, the thought made him frustrated.

'You never learn, do you?'

The two walked into the kitchen and Kellin faltered in his step when he saw Nicholas in there. Truth be told, Kellin actually forgot about him. It didn't dawn on him that he wasn't out there with the rest of them and he didn't even wonder where he was. Though, how could he when he was preoccupied with introducing Denis to his mom?

"Oh," the two heard when Nicholas looked up. He was standing in the kitchen, by the stove cooking something, "Hey, I didn't know you were here."

The last time Kellin saw Nicholas was when they had an awkward conversation in this very kitchen. The conversation still haunts Kellin. He still hates that they haven't been able to talk about this. Kellin hasn't been able to properly apologize to Nicholas. Even though Nicholas doesn't seem to want to talk about it... they can't just brush past this and act like nothing happened.

Well, Kellin doesn't want to do that.

It wasn't like Nicholas didn't know either. Andy told Kellin he knew but Nicholas still stayed with Vic. He just never talked to Kellin again. Which, granted he did tell Nicholas he was to blame as well. Kellin never reached out either.

It was a mess. A mess that was going to continue eating Kellin alive until they talked.

"Um... yeah we just got here not that long ago," Kellin said and headed towards the cabinets, opening one of the cupboards and pulling out a couple of cups, "They just took my mom to the front yard."

Nicholas hummed and he looked from Kellin to Denis. Finally taking noticed of the strange but familiar man in the room. He tilted his head and gave him a polite smile, "Hi. I don't think we've met, I'm Nico... Have I seen you before?"

"Denis," Denis lifted his hand up, giving a brief wave with a polite smile, "A friend of Kells."

Nicholas nodded and kept his eyes trained on him while Kellin made his way to the fridge to grab the bottle of apple juice out of the fridge. "Ah! You're the guy from New York, right?" Nicholas questioned, a newfound twinkle in his eyes. He lowered the heat on the stove, giving his full attention to the man standing by the entrance. Denis didn't like the look he had on his face. Kellin tried to move quickly, feeling the anxiety build in his chest, going back to the cups and started to pour the juice into the cups he pulled out.

Bringing up New York at a time like this. After Kellin's failed attempt at trying to talk to Nicholas about it... His nerves were going haywire. "Kellin posted about you. You were his uh... boyfriend? Well, ex boyfriend now, right?" Nicholas asked, though the smile on his face let Denis know he knew exactly who he was. Kellin could feel his stomach churn

"Ah... yeah, that's me," Denis said, he shifted uncomfortably and brought his arms up, crossing them against his chest. His eyebrows furrowed, looking at the actor. Kellin could feel his hands shaking slightly feeling that uncomfortable pressure growing in his chest.

'Don't spill. Don't spill anything. Don't be a nuisance.'

"And now you're here," Nicholas hummed and turned to look at Kellin who looked ready to bolt out of the kitchen. "Damn Kells," the way Nicholas said his name made him feel weary. Kellin set the bottle down, looking over at Nicholas to see a smirk on his face, "First Oli and now this guy? Spreading yourself a bit thin aren't you?"

"Excuse you?"

Denis voice was tight, a scowl making its way onto his usually calm features. Nicholas expression changed as he turned to look at Denis, feigning innocence. "Well, I'm just saying," he gave a careless shrug, "You probably don't know this but, Kellin didn't date before but now he has two guys after him. It's just surprising."

"That's not," Kellin's voice trembled and his hand went to grip his own wrist, nails digging into the skin. Nicholas was quick to cut him off.

"But, I guess you don't really know a guy," Nicholas hummed, "I mean... I've known him for years..."

'Please shut up.'

Nicholas looked back at Kellin and he felt like he couldn't breathe anymore. "Who knew he could just get anyone he wanted. Taken or not."

'Shut up. Shut up.'

'He's right!'

'Shut up!'

'You'd open your legs for anyone who gives you attention!'

'Shut! Up!'

'Is that why you feel the urge to fall back into old habits? You still want Vic.'

The room felt dizzy and his heart was thumping against his chest. Kellin felt his stomach churning again and he felt like he would throw up right then and there. He couldn't say anything. Was he even allowed to say anything? It was true right? Who knew Kellin could even do something like that, betray someone so easily just because he wanted Vic.

'I'm glad you're accepting how much of shitty person you are.'

"What the fuck is your issue-" Denis' fists were clenched at his sides now, glare pointedly directed at Nicholas. But before he could say more, Mike had walked in.

"What's taking so long?" He asked, tone light and airy. He looked a lot calmer than he had been the last few times Kellin saw him. Evidently the news of his mom being sick, and his entire world essentially being turned upside down, had him stressed. Seeing him happy—as much as one can be in a situation like this—over hanging out with his mom, how could Kellin ruin this moment?

Kellin instantly felt bad. He didn't want to ruin it. So he forced a smile on his face, rolling his eyes playfully as he turned back to finish pouring the apple juice in the remaining cups, "Since you're here, help me and Denis bring them out."

Mike blinked staring at the back of Kellin's head when he quickly turned around to finish pouring the juice. He frowned slightly and he swears he saw that Kellin's eyes were shiny. Like they usually got when he was close to crying.

"You okay-," Mike started to say but was cut off when Kellin had abruptly turned around and narrowed his eyes at him. It was the same stare Kellin gave Denis earlier. Mike was no stranger to that look, he was basically the only one who received it during their teen years. Funnily enough, the look still affected Mike just as much as it did when he was younger, "Okay, okay, I'm going, I'm going."

Mike walked over, mumbling under his breath about being too old for this, and picked up two of the glasses from the counter. He turned on his heel and walked out of the kitchen. Denis still had a glare on his face, directing the intense stare at Nicholas while walking over to Kellin.

Denis silently grabbed the cups and Kellin grabbed the single cup that was left over. Nicholas had gone back to cooking, humming a random tune, and looking completely unphased. As if he didn't just nearly make Kellin cry.

"I left you a cup," Kellin said, voice monotone though it wavered slightly when Nicholas looked at him, "In case you wanted a drink."

With that Kellin made a bee-line out of the kitchen with Denis hot on his trail. He needed to get the fuck out of that kitchen or he would have actually thrown up.

"Kells," Denis said, "You okay-?"

"I'm okay," Kellin responded quickly, grip slightly tightening around his cup, "Don't tell Oli about this."

"But-"

"I'm serious," Kellin's steps came to a stop just a little away from the opened door, "This isn't a big deal. Swear to me you won't, he doesn't need to know and get upset over this."

Denis pursed his lips looking down at Kellin. He wanted to say no. As much as this is Kellin's business, Denis knows he'll never bring this up to Oli. Denis doesn't think he should insert himself but, Kellin doesn't deserve what just happened. Or at least he doesn't think he does. Still, he nods and looks away saying, "Okay."

Kellin relaxed, tensed shoulders dropping, "Thanks... now come on let's get through this and then we can go home."

Denis watched how easily Kellin changed his expression. Having a smile that to anyone else could seem genuine but Denis knew. He didn't like knowing all the smiles he did after that were fake.

✘

When Kellin came home, he was exhausted.

Mentally, emotionally, all of the above. After that small bump in his day with Nicholas, he felt uncomfortable for the rest of the visit. He tried really hard to make sure no one else knew that he was upset. Kellin thinks he did pretty good except for with Denis. Denis had been worried the rest of the time and kept Kellin far away from Nicholas.

On the other hand, Kellin was also keeping Denis away from Nicholas. He had been pissed to no end especially seeing how lovey dovey Nicholas was with Vic. Sure, they're a couple but how could someone stay with someone who cheated on them? And then only proceed to act disrespectfully to the other person involved? It was hypocritical in Denis' opinion.

Love or not, Vic wasn't completely innocent. He didn't deserve the grace Nicholas was giving him.

Needless to say, it wasn't a good day. It was a day Kellin wants to forget about. It was easier said than done because now that he was alone in his apartment the nasty thoughts came back. It happened when he fed Otto, when he ate dinner, took a shower, got ready for bed, etc. Beating him with insults and screaming at him that he was a bad person. That he deserved all the shit being thrown at him whether it was true or not.

'It was true. I'm not a good person. I'm terrible. Terrible. Terrible.'

Kellin tried pushing the thoughts away once he got into bed. He hoped he could fall asleep at a reasonable hour tonight. But he kept tossing and turning until he gave up and just laid on his chest, staring out towards the wall. Kellin hated this. He knows he's tired but he just couldn't sleep.

He just wants to sleep and he can't. It was frustrating and he wants to start crying. He nearly does, feeling his eyes start to sting and his nose starting to feel congested.

Kellin was so deep in his head that he didn't realize that someone else was in his room now. He didn't notice until he felt the bed dip, making him flinch and instantly turn to look at who it was. The thumping of his heartbeat speed up even more seeing that it was Oli.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I thought you were asleep," his voice was soft as he settled into bed. Kellin was quick to scoot closer and throw his arm over his waist, leaning in to give him a kiss. Oli hummed, chuckling softly against his lips, before pulling away, "I'm happy to see you too."

"I missed you," Kellin sighed, cuddling in closer to him, "What are you doing here?"

"I missed you," Oli simply said, leaning down again to press his lips against his forehead before pulling away, "Needed to see you."

Kellin felt his heart swell at that and he hummed, "Really? I didn't know I was that irresistible."

"You got no idea, love," Oli moved down more, finally planting his lips against Kellin's. He did miss him. A lot in fact. But that wasn't the only reason that he came over. Oli was worried about today, he had an uneasy feeling the entire time. He knew he was being silly. There was no reason for him to worry especially knowing that he wasn't alone.

But then Denis texted him after they left Vivian's house. And well, clearly he was pissed. An understatement really but overall he was worried about Kellin. Nicholas was making Oli wary ever since the first time they visited Vivian. Then he didn't trust him the next time Kellin visited and was acting weird.

Now, Oli understands that Nicholas doesn't owe Kellin anything. He doesn't expect him to act like they're still best friends. At the end of the day, Kellin did something bad towards Nicholas. But there's a difference between being cordial vs being cruel. From the start it ticked Oli off how Nicholas could forgive Vic but, clearly, doesn't forgive Kellin.

At this point, Oli was sure that Vic spun the story and made it out to seem like it was all Kellin's doing. It's the only explanation he can come up with that would explain Nicholas' hypocrisy.

Oli pulled away from the kiss and smiled down at him, "So, how was today? How's Viv?"

"It was okay," Kellin shrugged and sat up on his side. He reached up with his hand brushing through Oli's soft hair, "She's doing as okay as she can be... she was able to convince them to let her out of the room."

"Really?" Oli continued to smile up at him, practically melting against the mattress the more Kellin ran his fingers through his hair, "How'd she do that?"

Kellin shrugged and hummed, "She's pretty convincing when she wants to be."

"Mm... and nothing else happened?"

"Nope."

Oli stared at him for a beat longer than he should've. Waited to see if Kellin would actually talk to him about what happened. Denis told him that Kellin wasn't going to tell him and to make sure Kellin knew that Denis didn't tell him about it. Which... he wasn't going to but how else will he get him to talk?

"You sure...?"

Kellin frowned, fingers stopping mid brush, eyes shifting down to look at Oli. He stayed quiet for a second, eyes shifting around Oli's face, thinking. A second later, Kellin's shoulders slightly slumped and he let out a sigh, "Denis told you."

"Well..." Oli started but he sighed, nodding. He could never lie to Kellin even if he tried. Oli sat up and turned to look at Kellin who shifted away from him. That hurt a little, "He's worried about you. I am too..."

"There's nothing to worry about," Kellin shrugged, still not looking at Oli, "It was just a a joke."

Oli frowned even more, "Love, that wasn't a joke. Why do you keep trying to make this seem like it's okay?"

Kellin shrugged again and picked at the sheets below him. They stayed quiet for a beat, Oli didn't want to pressure Kellin to talk while Kellin was trying to gather his thoughts. He doesn't know why he doesn't make this a big deal aside from thinking that this is the least he deserves. It could be worse, right? Nicholas could be directly insulting him? He could meaner, right? After all, what Kellin did was worse.

Kellin huffed, "What else am I supposed to do? I can't say anything... he has the right to be mad at me."

"He can be mad but he doesn't need to lash out," Oli reached over and grabbed one of Kellin's hands, lacing their fingers together and giving it a comforting squeeze, "I know you did a bad thing but, constantly torturing you with it and ignoring that you actually want to talk it over isn't okay."

"I can't force him to talk about it with me."

"I know."

"I can't ask them to tell Nico to stay away."

"...I know."

"Then what am I supposed to do?" Kellin finally turned to look at him. He still held his hand, Kellin's grip tightening more around it. Kellin looked desperate for answers but more importantly he just looked so exhausted.

There was one thing Kellin could do. But Oli wouldn't- couldn't suggest that. He knew it would be a lost cause and Kellin would say no. "I just don't want you to get hurt," Oli finally said, "You'll never say anything to him to get him to stop."

"I don't have the right to do that," Kellin brought his free hand up and ran it through his hair, frustrated. "I know I shouldn't take it, but what he said today was true-"

"Kells," Oli shook his head, "Absolutely not. What he said today was not true. He was out of line and you know it."

Kellin pursed his lips and looked away with furrowed eyebrows. "This wasn't what I wanted to do when you came to visit me," Kellin sighed making Oli's eyes softened.

Oli cupped Kellin's jaw with his free hand, making him look at him. "I'm sorry, I just don't like what he's doing."

"I'll be fine," Kellin forced a smile, "I don't visit that often anyway, a couple of times a month dealing with Nicholas won't kill me."

Oli wish he could be better help. Give a better solution that won't upset him. But he couldn't. Kellin won't stop visiting Vivian and why does he have to? That's someone important to him and he deserves to spend her last few moments together. Why does Kellin have to sacrifice for someone that doesn't care about him?

"Okay," Oli responded because he really didn't know what to say anymore. He leaned giving him a sweet and short kiss on the cheek, "Let's go to sleep, I still have to wake up early for work."

Kellin nodded but before any of them can move, Kellin leaned forward, throwing his arms around Oli's neck. He pulled him into a hug burying his face into the crook of Oli's neck. "Thank you," Kellin said, "For worrying when you don't have to. I'll be fine, I promise."

Oli wrapped his arms around Kellin and pulled him flush against him, never wanting to let go. Oli turned his head slightly, kissing the side of his head, "I'll always worry."

Kellin pulled away and just as he did, he let out a big yawn. It made Oli smile and squeeze Kellin's side gently, "C'mon, let's get some rest love."

They both settled into bed, the covers thrown over them and holding each other. In the darkness the two laid there with their eyes closed trying to go to sleep but neither of them could budge. Unsatisfied with how they left the conversation but all they could do was hope for the best. Maybe it'll get better.

✘

a/n;

Hello hello!

This is one of those chapters idk what to say 😌 so... let's just leave it at that :)

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