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1:05 ───|────── 3:21
|◁ II ▷|

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Oli stood side stage head bopping, smiling and watching Kellin giving his all—per usual—on stage. Two weeks have passed since they went to California to visit Vivian. Kellin decided that day that they'd go every time they finished up their performances in the state they're in. Though that schedule fell through rather quickly since they were supposed to go back a week ago when they finished their Florida dates—they were in Texas now.

As terrible as Kellin felt, he did have an excuse for it. He was too tired to travel back.

It wasn't a complete lie, Kellin was tired. The tour was starting to slowly wrap up and that meant Kellin was starting to feel the tiredness of it all. The lack of sleep, and taking care of himself for months, was starting to catch up. Being on the road had its perks for someone like Kellin—someone that loves the journey and excitement of it all—but it was all starting to get to him.

Or, at least, that's the excuse he's giving. This wasn't a problem before. Ever. Kellin never let it affect him before and could probably run a mile after every show if someone dared him to. But, as far as everyone is concerned, Kellin is tired.

Oli wasn't stupid. He knew exactly why Kellin was prolonging the inevitable trip they'd have to make soon. Nicholas and that uncomfortable moment was still in Kellin's mind. He was overthinking and didn't want to make the actor uncomfortable. And Kellin was just so god damn stubborn, unable to get himself to just go. It was taking a toll on him since he was still worried about Vivian and felt like he needed to be there with her.

He's only been able to push it off as long as he was because unless he was performing or eating, he was glued to his phone. Getting updates from Mike—they shared their numbers to each other before they left—while simultaneously dodging Vivian's questions about seeing each other again. It wasn't insistent. Vivian knows he's busy and she wasn't demanding him to come back.

She does understand. But one day they were talking and Vivian—casually—asked him about it. A curiosity of hers and it was mostly to know where he was and how tour was going. Still, it was enough to send Kellin down a spiral.

Kellin's always been good at hiding his feelings. The others never noticed and Kellin could've continued on like that. He didn't mind. He just needed to get through the rest of this tour and continue pushing back the visits. The only thing he failed to considered was that Oli always notices.

Not only because he was observant but because Kellin never actually tries to hide when he's feeling upset around him. It was hard to hide around Oli so it didn't take much for him to notice that something was wrong with Kellin. Especially when Kellin, who normally loves to run around all over the state they were in, stays in during their days offs. Even more so when all he did when staying in was scrolling aimlessly through his phone, looking at anything and nothing at all.

Oli took even more notice when he couldn't get Kellin out of bed. Oli's always been able to get him out of bed and now he barely budges. Kellin would give the usual excuses: 'I'm tired,' 'Do we have to go out? We can just order room service,' 'I'm not in the mood to look around. I've been here before anyway...'

And okay, sure, Kellin is allowed to feel tired after such a taxing tour. Maybe it is getting to him after not touring for two whole years. Oli thought of all this, really. Because it could be nothing but Kellin feeling exhausted.

Except for one other issue. The concerts. Kellin puts on a killer show every night, singing his heart out and interacting with the crowd. Though, recently, the lack of crowd interaction and speeding through songs was... pretty evident to not just Oli but the rest of the band.

So, this rang alarm bells in Oli's head.

Oli's has been trying to figure out a way to talk to Kellin about it. He will do it, he just needs to do it when they're alone and in a way that doesn't make Kellin uncomfortable.

"Thank you, Dallas!" Kellin said into the mic, "We are Sleeping With Sirens, good night!"

The roar of cheers filled the venue and brought Oli back from his thoughts. He didn't realize how quickly the show ended. Kellin and the rest of the band went forward to wave goodbye to the fans. Gabe tossed his drumsticks, Justin and Nick tossed their guitar picks into the crowd, Jack was interacting with fans and Kellin handed setlist to security guards to hand to their fans. All of them had big smiles on their faces and after their little goodbyes, they walked off stage.

When Kellin reached Oli, he nearly threw himself against him. Oli caught him with a soft 'oof' before recovering from the initial shock. He was quick to wrap his arms around his waist and haul Kellin up while he wrapped his legs around his waist, "You did amazing as always, peach."

The two ignored the (very) loud groans and fake gags thrown at them by Kellin's band as they took their ear-ins out. Except for Kellin who was too preoccupied, so staff came to do it themselves. Oli moved his hands from Kellin's waist and placed them under his thighs to hold him up. Once his ear-ins were out, he started walking towards the dressing room with the rest of the band.

Kellin grinned, "Thanks, butterscotch."

Oli rolled his eyes but hummed softly when Kellin leaned down to kiss him. He faltered in his step before coming to a stop when Kellin didn't pull away. The rest of band rolled their eyes and continued walking when Oli stopped walking, leaving the two to have their little moment. Soft addictive lips making Oli forget where they even were—currently being a nuisance while everyone was working to clean up.

Oli sighed against his lips, pulling away, narrowed eyes looking up at Kellin, "Stop distracting me."

"You love it," Kellin giggled and patted his shoulder, silently asking to be put down. Which Oli obliged to and opted to lacing their fingers together before they started to walk again, "I'm so tired."

Oli looked over at him and saw that he was anything but tired. Kellin looked wired to cause trouble at any given moment. As if it weren't for the fact that Oli was holding his hand, Kellin would be running around, "Are you now? Thought you wanted to go see the Reunion Tower?"

At the start of the tour, Kellin made it his mission to visit tourist attractions after performing in whatever city they were in. It was something he never shut up about and he's never missed a spot. The tourist attractions were usually just the first stop of a, possibly, busy night where they'd find places to go eat or shop out. Depending on what's opened since their shows did end a little late. Tonight's stop was the Reunion Tower, which Kellin was looking forward to but lo and behold, Kellin was tired.

Kellin looked anything but tired. He looked like he just finished drinking his 30th cup of coffee.

"Mm," Kellin hummed before shrugging as they walked into the dressing room. The rest already talking about what they could do after leaving the venue. They all looked energetic as if they didn't just perform at another sold out venue, "Nah. I just wanna stay in tonight."

"Stay in?" Jack asked loudly, clearly being the only who heard him, getting the others shift their focus onto Kellin with confused looks, "I think we're gonna see pigs fly tonight."

"You okay?" Gabe asked, eyebrows furrowed. Aside from the silly little landmark Kellin told them—more like bullied them into going to—about, they were going to do a lot of other things that night. They were nearing the end of their tour so that meant everyone else wanted to do a few things before getting back into mundane life.

On their way to rotting away in their houses for at least a month to recover from being all over the world for nearly half a year.

"I'm fine," Kellin laughed before plopping himself onto Oli's lap after he sat down on the couch, "I'm just a little tired, I didn't get enough sleep the night before."

Lies. He's lying.

Oli placed his chin atop of Kellin's shoulder before wrapping his arms around his waist. Kellin placed his hand on one of his arms and gave it a light squeeze. "It's true," Oli said, deciding to help him in his lie, "He was tossin' and turnin' all night."

"Is this because you actually couldn't sleep or were you two-" Justin started to say but was promptly cut off by Kellin.

"Finish that sentence and I'm dumping all your souvenirs into a sewer drain," Kellin shot a glare at their bassist whose lips pursed, instantly shutting up, "Good choice." Oli bit back a laugh.

"Well, if you're sure," Nick said, "You know where we'll be if you change your mind." It was just so easy to hide from them. Kellin was grateful that they never pry, it makes it all the more easier to hide away his true feelings.

The guys finished packing their stuff a little after that mini conversation before they went their separate ways. The rest of the band went off on their little late night adventure while Kellin and Oli went back to the hotel room. Kellin was quick to throw himself onto the middle of the bed, face first, when they got to their room.

Oli smiled and kicked off his shoes before heading to his luggage, "I'm gonna shower."

"Mm," Kellin's muffled voice said.

"Wanna conserve water and join me?"

Oli waited for a beat and smiled when he heard a muffled, 'Tired.' He decided to leave him be, going to their luggage to grab his clothes, "Alright, I'll be right out then love." Oli went to take a shower to clean himself off from the day. The shower was quick, considering he was alone, and was stepping out of the bathroom soon after. Oli slipped on a pair of boxer briefs and his sweats before walking out.

When he walked back out into the room, he fully expected for Kellin to be asleep since he was "tired" but, instead found him scrolling in his phone. Kellin's eyes flickered up, trailing on him for a beat—as per usual, before he placed his phone down on the bedside table.

"I'm gonna shower now," Kellin said and looked up seeing Oli smiling at him—that sweet endeared one that makes Kellin's heart skip a beat, "What? We've conserved water plenty of times."

Before Oli could say anything, Kellin walked past him—patting his butt on the way—and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Oli chuckled softly, shaking his head, before going to his luggage to stuff his dirty laundry in there. Once he was done he went to the bed and finally laid down letting his muscles relax. Oli sighed softly feeling the day weight on him.

Sleep was itching its way into his body but he quickly sat up on the bed and reached for his phone to pass the time. He couldn't fall asleep, he needed to talk to Kellin. The conversation has been put off long enough. While he waited, he thought about how he was going to approach this. Even though Oli was worried, he still didn't want to overstep. After all this was what Kellin was comfortable doing in the long run, and the last thing Oli wanted to do was make him uncomfortable.

Kellin finished showering soon and Oli couldn't come up with how to start this conversation. His best bet was to wing it and just come right out and say it. It was game time.

Until it was because Oli, the weak, weak, man that he is, ended up getting distracted. Which, really, who could blame him when Kellin comes out looking like the prettiest thing he's ever seen. Maybe, maybe, he is to blame because certainly he should be used to seeing Kellin in nothing but his shirt, that swallows him whole, and boxer briefs.

'Focus.'

"Hey," Oli breathed out, big smile on his face as Kellin walks towards their luggage, towel drying his dark hair. Kellin flashed him that pretty smile of his, replying softly 'Hi.' And Oli just sighed longingly, sitting up to get a better view. Suddenly his train of thought was under maintenance when his eyes trail down to Kellin's bare long pretty legs. Oli's hands were itching to grab him and- wait. What was he supposed to ask Kellin again?

'Focus you fuckin' knobhead!'

"What?"

Kellin could feel the heat rushing to his cheeks, smile growing shy when Oli continued to look at him with that wolfish grin and pretty hazel eyes that make him feel giddy. Those same eyes that were trailing along him, making him feel hot all over even after taking a cold shower.

"Nothin'," Oli shrugged lazily, still keeping that grin of his, "Just looking at how absolutely stunnin' you look, love."

Kellin blushed and rolled his eyes. He bunched up the towel he was using to dry his hair and threw it straight at Oli's head. "Shut up," Kellin huffed. Oli caught the towel and tossed it to the side, laughing.

Okay. Oli can't get distracted again. He had to bring it up now or he won't ever do it. Honestly speaking, he should've done this last week when Kellin decided against going back last minute, quite literally last minute the plane was an hour away from take off.

"So," Oli said, gearing up to have an awkward conversation. That is until Oli realized Kellin had other plans about how he wanted their night to go. Before he could get another word out, Kellin crawled onto the bed and straddled him. Oli couldn't recover from the initial shock since Kellin was quick to throw his arms over his shoulders, leaning down to press his lips against Oli's.

Oli lets out a noise from the back of his throat, shocked, kissing back because why wouldn't he?

Kellin's fingers laced into Oli's hair, keeping him in place. Oli's brain was going haywire, all focus on Kellin and his soft lips, the soft comforting scent of flowers Kellin happens to always have, his warmth. Everything. Especially when Oli felt Kellin grinding down against him, getting hard. "Thought," Oli tried to talk between kisses, "You- were- tired."

"Not for you," Kellin sighed into his mouth, moving his hips down slowly in a way he knows drives Oli crazy. He pulls away, mischievous smile paired with the dusty pink on his cheeks. Kellin's green eyes sparkled, "Never tired when I'm with you."

Oli felt that familiar heat growing at the pit of his stomach, hands gripping Kellin's hips as he leans back down to kiss him. He was so close to losing himself into whatever Kellin wanted, as he usually did since he could never say no to him. He wasn't complaining, Oli wants him just as badly, if not more.

"God, Kells," Oli groaned against his lips and for a split second truly forgot what he was supposed to be doing.

'You need to talk to him.'

"Mm, so," Oli tried to speak again but Kellin continued to kiss him, grinding against him, and well, he was only so strong. But Oli was on a mission. He pulled away from the kiss but Kellin, without mission a beat, moved down to trailing kisses from his jaw to his neck. Oli's eyes fluttered shut, letting out a groan, and his grip on Kellin's hips tightened to stop him from moving them. He needed to focus, "When are we going back to see Vivian?"

Kellin froze mid-kiss right over that sensitive spot that gets Oli going. Almost. He was almost forgetting the conversation. He pulled away, eyebrows furrowed, a frown on his lips looking at Oli. "Uh..." Kellin sits back onto Oli's thighs, hands settling onto his lap, "Not really a conversation I wanna have when we're about to have sex."

So much for trying to not make him uncomfortable.

"Sorry," Oli said sincerely and sighed looking at his love, "I'm just... a little worried."

"...Worried?"

"About you," Oli grabbed one of Kellin's hands that was settled on his lap, lacing their fingers together, "You've been upset... and you haven't gone to go see her. You said you would last week."

Kellin sat quietly for a moment before shaking his head. Oli looked up at him, searching for anything behind the shifty eyes. All he could see was how nervous and sad he got. "There's nothing wrong," Kellin shrugged, "I've just been tired and traveling back and forth isn't-"

"You're not tired," Oli interrupted but quickly regretted it when he saw Kellin's eyes flicker back towards him, a flash of annoyance in them. Kellin didn't like to be interrupted, small little pet peeve of his due to the parents he had. "Sorry," Oli squeezed his hand gently, "I didn't mean to interrupt... I know you've been working hard but, you and I both know you lied tonight to the guys."

Kellin's gaze shifted from him and he shrugged, "Is it believable if I said it's due to my age."

Oli's lips quirked up into a smile, cupping his cheeks to make him look at him. Kellin hesitated but gave in almost instantly. It was always hard to keep things away from him. "Talk to me," his voice came out softly, concerned, it made Kellin feel bad, "We swore to not keep things bottled up."

Kellin nodded and reached up to place one of his hands atop of Oli's "I just... don't think it's smart if I go soon."

"If this is about Nicholas-"

"It's not," Kellin huffed, moving back so he wasn't sitting on Oli's thighs anymore. Oli's hands fall down onto the bed, frowning, watching Kellin settle himself on the bed in front of him—legs crossed. "...I mean, it is him but it's Vic too. And it's also being back in that house again and... I just don't want to do anything stupid."

Kellin watched Oli's frown grow deeper. He didn't like the look, "What do you mean?"

He felt the nerves build up, realizing how that sounded, "Nothing like that." Still the thoughts quickly infested into Oli's head and for the first time in a while, Oli wasn't sure about Kellin's feelings towards Vic. "I just... know myself and I know I'll care too much when I shouldn't," Kellin explained though he wasn't sure that made it any better.

Oli took in a deep breath, fully pushing those stupid thoughts away, and tried to think of what to say. It's much easier to tell Kellin to ignore Vic and to not let him get to him, but that was a lost cause. Kellin's heart was too damn big and no matter how much people have done him wrong, he couldn't help but worry. Especially when it comes to things like this with someone they both held dear to them.

It's not like he didn't try. Kellin tried to ignore him when they went to visit Vivian but, it was hard. It was difficult to not acknowledge Vic and Mike since they were all experience the same pain. Kellin wanted to hug and cry with them because at the end of the day, they were both losing their mom. The woman who raised them and took care of them when they needed it the most. Even when at times she failed she was still there.

"I don't know what to say," Oli finally said, honestly. "I just don't think you should let them dictate whether you see her or not. Vic is always going to be there, that's never going to change and neither you caring about them."

Kellin instantly felt like shit. He rarely, if ever, talks to Oli about Vic. Especially after that summer, Oli didn't want to know. He was satisfied with just knowing Vic would be far away as possible from Kellin. The only time they ever talked about it was the day that Oli found Kellin in his house. Crying his eyes out and feeling like his entire world ended.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Oli laced their fingers together, squeezing it gently again forcing a smile, "He should feel damn luck you still care enough about him. He doesn't deserve it."

"I shouldn't," Kellin's voice came out shaky, eyes watering slightly because this was so stupid. He felt so stupid. Kellin doesn't know why he still cares, he shouldn't. Vic has broken his heart too many times that not a single sane person would continue to care about him. But it was still there. That smidge of care he had left for him still heavy in his heart.

Kellin had to stay away because one conversation can change it all. Again.

He wishes he could say that he's grown from that. That he's able to have a conversation with Vic and not think anything of it but he also thought that two years ago. Clearly, that ended poorly.

"No, you probably shouldn't," Oli shifted slightly to the other side of the bed to lay down before patting the empty spot he preoccupied before. Kellin instantly went to lay down and let himself be pulled into Oli's side, "That's just who you are love... just can't let them take advantage of your kindness."

Kellin laid on his side, throwing his arm around Oli's waist, staying as close as possible. Oli wrapped his arm around him. The other reason he doesn't want to go weighing on his mind. "I don't want to make him uncomfortable," Kellin mumbled, "I still haven't talked to him since it all happened..."

"It won't be easy," Oli shifted again, but kept his arm around him, running his fingers slowly up and down Kellin's bicep in a comforting way. "But, now's a good time if you really wanted to... if he can stomach standing near Vic after all of that then he should at least give you a chance to talk."

Kellin shook his head, "No. He doesn't owe me anything. I hurt him... I hurt a lot of you."

Oli stared up at the ceiling and stayed quiet. He knew Kellin was referring to hurting him. No matter how many times they had this conversation, over him, Oli could never convince Kellin that he didn't hurt, betrayed, or used him. The frustrating reason Kellin can't commit to being official with Oli through labels. Because realistically speaking, what are they if not a couple?

Still, Kellin wants to prove himself, that he does deserve Oli's love. But the thing is Kellin's always had it. Labels, official, whatever. It didn't matter because Oli was wrapped around Kellin's finger and he wasn't complaining or planning to unwrap.

"You just need to try," Oli decided not to comment on what he said—fully. He looked down at Kellin to see him peering up at him, "Because I refuse to let you get in your head as much as you do over this."

"Thank you," Kellin leaned in, pressing his lips against Oli's cheek. He kept them there for a second before pulling away, "...For everything. For being the way you are, I really don't deserve you."

Oli smiled and shook his head, "You deserve everything and more." And he meant that completely. No matter what Kellin—or anyone for that matter—says, he deserves the entire world and then some. "I'll spend the rest of my life proving to you that you do."

Kellin felt butterflies erupt in his tummy and warmth in his chest. He truly doesn't know how he ever got so lucky to have someone like Oli. Someone who's so patient and understanding. Kellin stared up at him with this look that said everything Oli's been waiting to hear. He was quiet for a second before leaning up to press his lips against his this time.

Oli pulled him flushed against him, giving his all in the kiss. It left Kellin breathless and he could feel his head spinning when Oli pulled away briefly, saying softly, "I love you."

Kellin felt his heart soar.

✘

June 15, 20XX

The entire house was quiet on a Saturday night. Not unusual considering it was nearing 3 in the morning. Everyone was asleep except for one person whose mind was running. Hundreds of thoughts loud and insufferable in his mind. Kellin was sitting on one of the empty countertops in the kitchen, the one that was closest to the fridge. He was staring down at the bowl of cereal he was holding, aimlessly swirling the spoon—moving the soggy gross cereal that he was definitely going to throw away in a couple of minutes.

Kellin had been sitting in the kitchen for over an hour by now and only finished about a quarter of the bowl during that time frame. He got hungry at around 2—maybe it was just boredom or maybe it was so he could do something to keep his mind busy and not thinking. It didn't work. This wasn't the first time he's done this, drowning the thoughts that were recently dormant but now coming alive since his birthday passed.

The day he hit the good ol' age of 17. His birthday wasn't bad. Kellin actually had a good time—as good as one does when their birthday was on a weekday. Vic planned a date after school, a small pre-celebration before the main one that was happening in the weekend. It was romantic and made Kellin fall even more in love with him. Then the weekend came and they threw him a party with all of his friends and some of Vic's family even came.

They decorated every inch of the house and made such a big deal out of it. It was honestly the best birthday he's had to date. Hell, it was the first birthday party he's had since he was 9.

Nonetheless, Kellin was sad. It's been a couple of months since his parents had kicked him out at that point. He still hasn't heard a single word from either of them. Initially, Kellin didn't expect them to completely cut him off. More so he didn't expect to be out of his house for this log. Kellin was their kid at the end of the day, he doesn't understand why it's so easy for them to forget about him.

It was silence from both sides for months until Kellin got desperate over hearing nothing from them. He stopped being stubborn one day and called his parents. Many times but each time was met with a voicemail until one day the calls didn't go through anymore. Kellin's phone was disconnected.

That's what destroyed him the most because that really meant they were washing their hands of any form of responsibility over him. Kellin experienced his first ever heartbreak because of that and it led to all sorts of questions running through his head.

What did he do so wrong for them to do that? Kellin won't lie that he was always a problem child after a certain age. He didn't make it easy for them at times but when they moved to California he changed. Kellin was tired of moving around and wanted to take his schooling seriously. He's done worse things before, like running off to another country but even then that wasn't what got him kicked out.

No, it was coming home a little over curfew. How does that warrant him to be kicked out? It doesn't make sense in Kellin's head.

After his phone got disconnected, Vic—who had taken over paying most of the bills—added Kellin onto their phone plan. Then a little after that Kellin had grown numb over the thought of his parents. Slowly he stopped thinking of them until recently that is. Because it was his birthday and it reminded him that he hasn't spoken to them in a while again.

It was silly. This was such a normal occurrence for Kellin on his birthday. They were never around on the day or even the week. His parents would leave him birthday money and off they disappeared to work. And to work. Work. Work. Work. Always work. Nothing more important to them than work. Or they'd be wherever else they wanted to be except at home with Kellin.

So, no, this wasn't unusual but considering the circumstances... Kellin was upset. An understatement really. Kellin didn't receive a single text, call, or even showing up—because they knew exactly where Kellin was—to talk. To apologize to one another.

Kellin was so willing to move past it, to accept what happened. He would take the blame and agree to whatever reason they gave him for why he was tossed out. Kellin didn't care. He just missed being home and knowing his parents were there even when they weren't. The small glimpses of them before they leave for work, the awkward passing conversations when they were home for more than an hour, and the arguments.

But nothing happened. Not a single form of contact.

Since his birthday, Kellin hasn't been able to get a proper night of sleep. His sleeping schedule was horrendous and he was lucky if he got an hour of sleep. Kellin was hanging by a thread at school, everything becoming too much and overwhelming. He doesn't even know how he gets through the day but, really it was because he was on autopilot.

It was the same repeating cycle every day. Kellin would wake up from what little sleep he got, force himself to eat breakfast and then go to school. Somehow he'd make it through classes without passing out and go home to do whatever homework they left him. Kellin would eat again, shower, and pretend everything was okay when nothing was.

No one really took notice. Kellin was really good at hiding it. To others Kellin was still the same energetic teenager who was excited for the next play or to go eat after school. Or to have a good time with his boyfriend at whatever spontaneous date they'd end up doing. But in reality he was exhausted and depressed. Kellin did his best to hide it because he knew, eventually, he'd get over it. Soon it'll all go away. It wasn't a permanent feeling even though right now it felt like nothing was worth it. Everything seemed so pointless.

Nothing mattered anymore because he didn't have anyone to prove himself too. His parents were out of his life. The people he wanted to make proud of because he knew he wasn't the easiest kid to deal with now want nothing to do with him. He wasn't a terrible student before but he also wasn't putting his all. That turned around when they came here but now what was the point? If they weren't there to witness it why was he still putting so much effort as if they were? What was the point of anything?

Kellin still got through the rest of the semester successfully ending his junior year with good enough grades. Summer break arrived and there was no need to give up when he can just do nothing until September.

Kellin sighed shakily feeling tears roll down his cheeks. He lifted his hand up quickly to wipe them away and ended up letting the spoon drop into the bowl. The loud clanking sound against the ceramic made him flinch. Kellin cursed softly, hoping that no one would wake up from that.

God. Sleep. All Kellin wanted to do was sleep. Why can't he? Why couldn't he just close his eyes? What was so hard about that? His eyes were stinging. Kellin was tired of crying and everything.

"You can't sleep?"

Kellin tensed up when he heard someone speak. He looked from his bowl to find Vivian walking in with her equally sleepy face. The same tired and red eyes due to the lack of sleep and crying. Unlike Kellin, Vivian had these nights every day since her husband died. Except, she would usually stay alone in her bedroom but this time she heard movement downstairs and wanted to investigate.

"S-Sorry," Kellin quickly said and placed the bowl next to him on the counter. He was quick to slip off the counter, "I'm sorry, Mrs. Fuentes, did I wake you up?"

Vivian walked closer, going to the fridge where Kellin still sat close by. She opened it and pulled out a water bottle. Once she closed the door, she turned to look at Kellin with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Kellin, I've told you to stop calling me what," she said as she walked to the other side of Kellin and leaned against the next empty space on the counter he was on, "Vivian is fine or whatever you want."

"Sorry," he mumbled his eyes flickering down to the floor. They stood silently, Kellin fidgeting with his fingers and Vivian drinking out of her bottle. It didn't feel awkward, actually it felt quite nice. Even if the two of them stood there with their own troubling thoughts. Mourning and other issues filling their mind, feeling alone. But still together at least physically.

Kellin looked over and asked, "You couldn't sleep either?"

Vivian had been staring off into the distance before blinking to refocus. She looked over at Kellin and shook her head with a forced smile. Kellin knew why. He didn't comment on it. These days were going to be the hardest for the Fuentes family.

In three days, it'll be a whole year since her husband passed away. The somber feeling around the house was hard to ignore and Kellin could feel it growing the closer the date came. This more than ever made Kellin hide the way he was feeling because he didn't think it was fair. It was such a vulnerable time that he didn't want to bother others with his issues. It's why he takes these times in the late hours of the night. While everyone should be asleep, he'll be here in the kitchen or the living room in his own head. Crying as much as his heart needs to until he finally gets that sleepy feeling.

"I don't think it'll get easier," Vivian finally said as she wrapped an arm around Kellin's shoulders. She pulled him into her side and gave him a squeeze, rubbing her hand comfortably on his arm, "The more time that passes... it just feels like a nightmare we'll never wake up from."

Kellin nodded and didn't say anything. Truthfully speaking he was glad Vivian was freely talking about this. The year hasn't been kind to her and she had gone from the doting mother to a completely different person. A shell of herself, someone that couldn't overcome losing the love of her life. Kellin couldn't blame her. But he knows how much it hurts Vic and Mike to also lose their mom in a way, she just couldn't get past it.

"But we have each other," she continues and looks down at Kellin who had his own troubling thoughts. Her heart breaks every time she sees him. Vivian could tell how much it still eats him alive that his parents abandoned him. She couldn't understand it either. Even if she wasn't all there right now, she couldn't imagine leaving her sons.

Vivian rubs her hand comfortably along his arm, "You have us now. We're your new family."

Kellin could feel the tears starting to brim in his eyes once again. He quickly tried to wipe them away but the more he wiped the more they started to roll down his cheeks. "Ay, mijo, it's okay," Vivian's voice was so sweet and comforting but what really sent him over was when she pulled him in for a real hug, "Cry all you want, I'm here for you... it hasn't been easy for you either, huh?"

Kellin shook his head and tried not to cry but couldn't stop the shaky sob he let out when he buried his face into her shoulder. Vivian rubbed his back comforting her poor boy. Her heart broke seeing him cry and she can't even imagine how long he's felt like this.

"You're okay," she said softly and let him cry.

After that Vivian made sure to check on Kellin more often. She would come downstairs on the nights she couldn't sleep and whenever she'd find him they'd spend the night together. Whether it was talking or crying, they were there for each other. And slowly, they both started to feel better.

Kellin lost his parents and that hurt more than anything he had ever felt at that point in his life. But thankfully Vivian was in his life. She made sure Kellin still had a mom, that he had someone else to make proud of aside from himself.

He'll always be indebted to her.

✘

Oli woke up and the room was dark except for a bright blue light. He blinked a couple of times trying to get his eyesight to focus. He didn't know what time it was but he knew it was way too late for whatever is going on right now.

"Love?" Oli's sleepy groggy voice snapped Kellin out of what he was doing. He stopped mid-type and looked over to the side to see him sitting up by his arms, "What are you doing?"

Kellin couldn't sleep after their conversation and after a while of—unsuccessfully—trying to sleep, he got up from bed to grab his laptop. "I'm looking for flights," Kellin said as if it was most obvious thing in the world, "For when we finish here in Texas."

Oli hummed, "And how's that going?"

In his sleepy haze, he could hear Kellin still typing until he heard the laptop being closed, "Just bought them."

"Good," Oli mumbled and laid back down, wrapping his arm around Kellin's waist after he put his laptop on the bedside table. "C'mere, sleep."

Kellin smiled and let himself be pulled into Oli's side again. His eyes fluttered closed when Oli placed a lazy kiss on his cheek, making his heart stutter.

"I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Mm," Oli sighed and continued to plant kisses on Kellin's cheek, hand massaging gently at his lower back. Oli pulled him in impossibly close, feeling so warm, "Hush. Stop saying sorry. Sleep."

Kellin looked at Oli's sleepy face and he couldn't help but smile. He reached up cupping his cheek and watched as Oli nuzzled his face into it, "Okay, I will."

"Good," Oli hummed.

✘

a/n;

Hello!

Well, well, another update another watching Oli being down bad for Kells and another lil fun fact of Kellin's teen years <3. We love Vivian in this household 😁

Anyway let me know what you thought of this chapter! Your thoughts and concerns are always appreciated :) Thanks for reading!

Stay safe and take care 💜