"you owe yourself the love you so freely give others"

*

The holidays passed quickly, and soon enough, Eva found herself in a frenzy of pre-exam mania. Students of all years could be found in various stages of stress as they attempted to keep up with piling homework and looming examinations.

As Eva had just taken a few of her many final exams for her doctorate, she returned to Hogwarts with the hopes to balance her remaining tests and those of her students. However, this hope quickly fizzled away as the months passed.

Because her students grew busier, so did Eva. She barely had time to write to Remus, but he didn't mind in the slightest, as he was dealing with the same pressure back home in Dorset. It was simply the cost of the job. They sent letters when they could with the understanding that they'd see each other again when the term ended, and that was enough.

The young professor did everything in her power to help her students. That meant extending her office hours and holding special study sessions at night after dinner. Eva's classroom was almost always occupied now, with kids rushing in to ask about color-changing spells and the like. More than once, her fellow teachers had discovered her passed out on her favorite chair in the staff room, covered in half-revised papers. She was happy to help but exhausted from the process.

On a Friday night in spring, her classroom was about half-full with students of all ages. ABBA spun round and round in the record player, creating a joyful atmosphere. Desks had been rearranged, allowing study groups to quiz each other on different Charm theories. Random objects levitated lazily through the air, as did snacks provided by Eva herself. She hummed along to the music as she weaved her way through the desk groups, stopping to check on progress.

"Hey Professor," George said with a wink. He laughed loudly and snatched an apple out of the air, taking a massive bite out of it before speaking again. "You're looking mighty cute today, I must say. Positively radiant."

Eva raised her eyebrows at Fred and Lee Jordan. "What did the two of you do to him?"

"Whatever do you mean?" Lee asked innocently. "Looks fine to me."

"He's just madly in love with you," Fred added, snickering.

"He's not usually this bad."

"Oh, how you wound me, Evie love," George practically sang.

Eva's eyebrows shot up. Folding her arms, she fixed Fred with a stern glare and said, "I'm this close to losing my streak of never giving the Weasley twins detention. Bonus points for throwing Mr. Jordan into the mix."

"Oh, fine. This would be the result of two flawlessly executed Cheering Charms hitting a clueless bloke at the exact same time. And then two more just for the fun of it." Fred grinned and reached to ruffle his twin's hair. "I'd say those exams are looking pretty good as of now."

She shook her head, the faintest trace of an amused smile on her freckled face. "Keep up the good work. Try not to be too destructive."

Lee saluted her. "Anything for you, Professor. You're the only reason half of us are getting through this year with decent grades."

"Yeah, I reckon Mum's not going to cry when she reads my report this year!" George exclaimed, his face lighting up comically at the prospect. "It's the little things, Evie."

"Perhaps you two should get this one to bed. Might be a good idea to sleep this off. He's going to be awfully depressed tomorrow."

"We can't go back to the common room yet, Wood scheduled training. We've got to be there soon," Fred explained gloomily. He glanced up at her. "Hey, I thought you were coming to our practice tonight."

"That's tonight?" Eva smacked her forehead as she recalled the date. Somehow, she'd lost track. "Of course I'll be there. What time would that be again?"

"Eight." Fred looked uncomfortable for a minute. "Professor, if you're busy or tired or something, you don't need to come-"

"Nonono, of course I will! I said I would come, didn't I? Besides, I enjoy helping you guys out." She stifled a yawn behind her hand and winked at the boys. "Keep practicing for a little longer, then you're free to leave. I'll be down to the pitch a little after eight."

"Toodles, my love," George said in a daze. As Eva walked away, she wondered if it would be a hazard to let him on a broom.

She returned to her desk and sat on the corner of it, surveying her students with exhaustion. Cedric Diggory was helping some of the younger students with spell pronunciations. Percy Weasley and Penelope Clearwater were quizzing each other on incantations with razor-sharp focus. In another corner, Hermione's nose was buried in a textbook as she muttered under her breath, Harry was idly waving his wand, and Eva was pretty sure that Ron had fallen asleep. Occasionally, Seamus would light a textbook on fire, forcing one of the older students to rush over and extinguish it. Draco Malfoy sat with his friends, stubbornly ignoring the rest of the groups as they quietly studied. 

Eva sighed and yawned again, taking a long gulp of coffee to keep her energy levels up. She walked over to the open window and watched the sunset. It was quite beautiful, all red and gold with clouds stretched overtop. The kind of landscape she would have loved to paint if she had the time.

"Professor."

She spun around, reminding herself to play nice. "Severus. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I believe this belongs to you." The Potions Master pulled Ringo out from one of the many pockets of his black robes and dumped him on the table. The little owl jumped up, screeched obnoxiously, and flew across the room like a bullet before landing on Harry's shoulder. "I found it stuck in a window on the seventh floor."

"He tends to get into trouble." She rubbed her eyelids, giving him a faint smile. "Well, thank you."

Severus looked like he was about to leave, but an inquisitive expression crossed his face. He noticed everything that her students didn't, or chose not to: the paleness of her skin, the dark bags underneath her eyes, the general messiness of her appearance.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" Eva sat down at her desk and flipped open a textbook on nineteenth-century art, skimming the words and comprehending none of them.

"Sacrificing your well-being so that your students can succeed."

She avoided his eyes, worried that he'd spot the guilt in hers. "I thought that was kind of the point."

"It's not, trust me."

"Aren't you happy doing this?" Eva asked curiously, surprised that their conversation was still ongoing. She sincerely wanted to put aside their differences and become friends, as her closest confidantes at Hogwarts were twenty years older than her at minimum, but he'd made it quite difficult up until now. "I mean, I don't know about you, but this is actually my dream job."

He arched a single eyebrow. "If I wanted to be happy, I wouldn't have become a professor."

Eva couldn't help it. She burst out laughing.

Across the room, Harry peered at the two professors with suspicion. Professor Taylor's owl sat on his shoulder, hooting softly in his ear. The boy didn't understand Ringo's fondness of him, but he certainly didn't mind it, so he just stroked the little owl's head as he thought.

He couldn't understand why someone as wonderful as Professor Taylor could stand to be within five feet of someone as horrid as Snape. She was kind to everyone, but shouldn't he be the exception?

"Ron." His friend didn't stir, so he tried again. "Ron." Nothing but a loud snore. This time, Harry shoved him. "Ron!"

Ron nearly fell out of his chair. "Wazzgoingon?" He muttered sleepily as he tried to go back to bed on top of his stack of books. Hermione shot him a nasty glare.

"Look over there." Harry turned Ron's head so that he was looking in the right direction.

"What's Snape want with her?" Now that he was awake, Ron seemed just as invested in this as Harry.

"I don't know," Harry said, disgusted. His mind, which was once on Nicholas Flamel and Wingardium Leviosa, focused on other matters. "But he's a creep."

"They're probably just friends," Hermione reasoned as she flipped the page. "Most of the teachers are."

"Yeah, but the best teacher and the worst one? Unlikely." Harry's eyes narrowed as the Charms professor laughed at something Snape had said. "We need to make him leave. She looks really tired. He's probably bothering her. He bothers everyone."

Hermione paused from studying long enough to whack her bespectacled friend with her textbook. "You'd better be careful, Harry! Every time you breathe when Snape's around, Gryffindor loses points!"

"That's not my fault, though," Harry said darkly. "He's got it out for me."

Ron nodded along with Harry. "Come off it, Hermione, you don't like him, either! Harry's right. Professor Taylor's the best one we've got, and she doesn't need the old bat pestering her anymore."

"Oh... oh, all right," Hermione said, biting her lip. "But I still don't know if it's a good idea."

"Harry," Ron said suddenly, "let's just call her over here. There's no way Snape's gonna follow because he absolutely hates you."

"Brilliant! Professor, can you help us with something?" Harry asked, sticking his hand into the air.

"Harry!" Hermione hissed. "We don't have a question to ask her!"

"Think of one! Isn't that your favorite thing to do?"

While the three bickered, Harry's hand still high in the air, Severus jerked his head in their direction. "I think you're being summoned."

"I think I am, too." Eva downed the rest of her coffee and stood up, stretching. "Thanks for dropping of Ringo."

"In the future, try to keep it out of trouble."

Eva snorted as she bookmarked her place in the textbook with a Polaroid of Newt's kneazles. "That's likely."

"Oh, and one other thing." Severus leaned closer, and so did she. Whatever he was about to say, he clearly didn't want the students to overhear. "Have you noticed anything odd about Quirrell?"

"Quirrell?" Eva asked, puzzled. "How do you mean?"

"He's always been a bit twitchy, but he seems worse as of late. More suspicious. I was merely curious to see if you had noticed anything similar."

Eva bit her lip and absentmindedly twirled a blonde curl. "I really don't know. He avoids me. I'm not sure why. I try to be friendly with him."

"You try to be friendly with everyone," Severus grumbled, shaking his head. "Dumbledore asked me to keep an eye on him. He's suspicious, too, and concerned about the stone. Do me a favor and let me know if you notice anything strange."

Earlier in the year, Dumbledore had assembled certain members of the staff to help create magical obstacles. The end goal was protecting the Sorcerer's Stone, the stone that produced the Elixir of Life. Multiple attempts had been made to steal it, which set Eva on edge, but she had faith in her colleagues and their skills. She herself helped Madam Hooch design an obstacle that combined Charms and Quidditch.

"Of course," she said, nodding with a tight-lipped smile. "Have a good night."

"Get some rest." Then he was gone, his black cloak billowing dramatically behind him. He left Eva with a vague sense of victory. Maybe she'd finally made friends with the icy Potions Master. At the very least, they were no longer enemies.

With a slight shake of her head, Eva walked over to the corner desks, where Harry, Ron, and Hermione were fiercely arguing in hushed tones about something. They all ceased their bickering the moment she came into view.

"What's up?" She asked, grinning as Ringo flew from Harry's shoulder to hers. The owl nipped at her ear affectionately.

"Erm..." Harry drummed his fingers on the desktop. Hermione stared down at her textbook with wide eyes, not taking in a single word on the page.

Ron's ears turned progressively redder until he blurted out, "what's your favorite color?"

Eva looked back and forth between the three first years, positive that this was not their question. After a minute of amusement, she decided that it didn't matter.

"Red. It's always been red."

Red for Gryffindor. Red for reckless feelings. Red for Lily's hair. Red for the flower. Red for the poppies at her wedding.

"Harry, don't you have a-" she yawned widely, "-practice to get to?"

Eva nearly laughed as Harry's green eyes widened significantly under his round glasses. He began to shove all of his books into his bag so haphazardly that Hermione glared at him.

"I'll see you later, Professor!" He waved and followed the Weasley twins out of the classroom, grabbing a floating Pumpkin Pasty from the air as he went.

Glancing at the clock, Eva clapped her hands together to get her students' attention. "Everyone should start wrapping it up and heading back to common rooms. I have lunches free if anyone has any questions. Stop by at any time."

The cacophony of chairs scraping the stone and student chatter floor filled the room. Eva returned Ringo to his favorite pile of books and sent her empty coffee cup flying up to her office with a flick of her wand. Another nonverbal spell returned all of the snacks to a basket.

Once the room had been vacated, Eva collapsed into the chair behind her desk, a massive yawn escaped her lips. In a few minutes, she'd make her way down to the Quidditch pitch. In a few minutes.

She subconsciously played with the rings on her necklace. Somehow, the sound of metal on metal was oddly comforting, and in her exhausted state, she briefly thought that the feeling of gold on her finger would be even better. She did have enough sense to resist this desire, though, knowing that if she gave in, nothing good would come of it.

The world felt so blurry. It almost looked fuzzy at the edges. Eva closed her eyes for a split second, intending to get a few moments of rest, but quickly dozed off.

As always, she dreamed of Sirius.

*

"Let's just run this drill one more time-"

"OLIVER! WE'VE BEEN OUT HERE FOR TWO HOURS!" Angelina screeched. In the darkness, Harry had to squint in order to see her properly. "IT'S LATE! IT'S COLD! I HAVE TO FINISH AN ESSAY!"

"Yeah, Wood, I'm shivering my cinnamon buns off over here," Fred complained, although he shot the team captain a wink.

"And I've been holding it for forty-five minutes," George added.

Wood rolled his eyes and slowly circled the three hoops. "Fine," he relented. "Let's call it a night."

Harry leaned forward, guiding his Nimbus 2000 safely to the ground. It was his pride and joy, and he stared happily at it before following his teammates back up to the castle.

"Say, wasn't Professor Taylor supposed to come and watch us play tonight?" Alicia asked.

George, who had been brought back to his senses with a bucket of cold water, a few mildly-successful countercurses, and a whack in the head from Angelina, tilted his head. "She said she was coming. Maybe she just forgot?"

"That's not like her," Harry pointed out, refusing to believe that she would just forget about them. She was too kind for that. "Should we go talk to her?"

"Yeah, I'd reckon that's a good idea, Potter." Oliver smiled at Harry, messing up the boy's hair as he walked past him. Harry grinned.

By the time the Gryffindor Quidditch team entered the castle, it was past ten at night. A few ghosts occupied the corridors, but besides those transparent figures, they were alone. They all hurried up the moving staircases to the third floor. The wooden door to the Charms classroom was shut, but Angelina boldly knocked a few times. Everyone strained their ears but heard no response.

Fred was the first to poke his head in. George followed a fraction of a second later, then Angelina, Harry, Oliver, Katie, and finally, Alicia.

The room was still covered in books and papers from their study session. ABBA faintly droned on in the background, the upbeat music mixing with the sounds of the night brought in by the open window.

Their professor had clearly fallen asleep at her desk. Her curls were all over the place and her head was resting in her arms. When they crept forward, she didn't even stir.

"Blimey," George said, careful to keep his voice low, "I thought she looked off, but I didn't think she was this tired."

"Course she's tired," Katie said. "She's always doing everything she can to help all of us out. No wonder she didn't come to our practice."

"I wish we could do something for her," Angelina said wistfully. "She does so much for us."

Fred glanced around the messy classroom, a discerning look on his freckled face. "Listen, I'm not suddenly a full-on philanthropist or anything, but maybe we could tidy things up around here. It wouldn't take long."

Nods and murmurs of agreement swept through the group, and so the seven students spent several minutes cleaning up all of the study materials left out by their peers.

Harry returned the ABBA record to its case with care as his teammates began to file out. He lingered for a moment, looking at his professor with a curious gaze. He still hadn't been able to discern what made her so comforting and familiar to him. Briefly, he wondered if she had sent him his father's Invisibility Cloak for Christmas, but dismissed the notion. She sent his father's Quidditch hoodie from his seventh year. It was far too big on him, but he just liked looking at it.

Spotting a cloak hanging over one of the chairs, Harry draped it over Professor Taylor's shoulders so that she wouldn't get cold overnight. As he turned to leave, a photo on her desk caught his eye.

It was a wedding picture. His parents' wedding, to be exact. Harry recognized it from the album Hagrid gifted him with. There were his mum and dad, laughing as snow flurries fell down upon them. A few others surrounded them: his professor, who looked happier than he had ever seen her; two boys trying to shove each other into a snowdrift; a dirty blonde with an infectious smile; and a dark-haired boy whispering something into his father's ear as he wrapped around Professor Taylor's waist.

Harry had so many questions for her, but he knew that they would have to wait. Someday, he vowed as he slipped out of the classroom. Someday.

ANOTHER UPDATE? WOW

hope you liked this one :) what did you think?

qotd: favorite song? (i need some recs)

aotd: i've been listening to "champagne problems" by taylor swift nonstop