"the horrors of your past will stop chasing you only when you stop running away from them"

*

Eva rubbed her forehead a few times, her fingers tapping the desktop anxiously. She redid her loose braid multiple times without realizing it. These motions were subconscious as the nerves took over. You are a Gryffindor. Pull yourself together.

If only it was that simple.

"Professor?"

A soft knock and voice startled her out of her thoughts. Harry poked his head into her office, looking slightly shy. He still had a few scratches across his face from his adventures with the Sorcerer's Stone and Voldemort. Guilt swirled through Eva at the sight. It was her job as godmother to protect him, and she'd failed.

"Hi." She pulled her arms into the sleeves of her sweater and took a deep breath, refusing to meet his eyes, refusing to meet Lily Potter's eyes. "How are you? Are you okay?"

"I'm all right, I guess. Sad that I'll be home in a few hours, but happy that we won the House Cup." He stood by the door. While she had specifically asked him to come, he felt unsure that she wanted him there. "Are you?

"I'm looking forward to the summer." She sighed. "Honestly, Harry... I've been better, but I've definitely been worse."

Harry glanced down at his feet. "It's my fault, isn't it?" He asked quietly.

"What? No! No no no, of course it isn't." Eva sprung up from her desk and hurried over to the boy. Kneeling down, she placed her hands on his shoulders and looked him square in the eyes. "It's mine."

His brow furrowed. "Professor? I don't understand."

"I know. That's my fault, too. I've been-" she sighed heavily as she stood, "-so, so stupid."

Harry crossed his arms, looking more perplexed by the minute.

Eva stared at him, memories flashing across her mind. Her fingers brushed her wrist and momentarily rested on the last red flower. Sitting on the corner of her desk, she forced herself to speak.

"Harry, I haven't been completely honest with you. I wasn't just school friends with your parents. They were like my family. No, they were my family. I was there when your dad proposed, and I was the maid of honor at their wedding. I went to concerts with them and I fought alongside them in the war. I was even there the day that you were born."

"What are you saying?" Harry asked after a minute of silence, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "Why are you telling me all this now?"

Eva swallowed, letting her gaze meet his. "Because I'm your godmother, Harry."

Silence.

Eva clasped her hands in her lap to keep herself from twisting the rings around her neck. She felt so... exposed. It had been years before she needed to open up any part of her past life to anyone, and Harry wasn't just anyone. At this very moment, he was the most important person in her life, and she desperately wanted him to accept her for who she was.

She'd made so many mistakes. All she wanted was a fresh start.

Harry looked up at her, at his favorite professor, at his newfound godmother, and slowly, a grin began to grow. "Really?"

"Really," Eva said nervously. "And I know that it wasn't fair of me to keep it a secret from you, but I was so terrified that you would hate me or something, and I didn't want anything I said to you to seem like favoritism, and this is completely unprofessional on so many levels, but-"

"Wait, don't apologize! That's really cool! That's amazing!" His green eyes lit up with excitement and for a moment, it looked like he hadn't seen Voldemort mere days ago.

"Really?" Eva asked, her spirits lifting exponentially. "You're not mad at me?"

Harry shook his head. "Why would I be mad? You're the best teacher here, and we all think you're cool. You're just so nice to everyone." He shifted on his feet. "Also, George and Oliver might be in love with you. I thought you might want to know that."

Laughter tumbled from Eva's lips, louder than she had laughed in years. Suddenly, everything felt okay. The largest weight in the world had been lifted off of her shoulders. She had a strong desire to wrap the boy in a hug, but refrained, thinking that it still might be a little too soon. Ringo flew over from his spot on the bookshelves and fluttered around Harry's head, hooting enthusiastically. It was as close to a reunion as the universe could give them.

"I took this job so I could meet you," Eva admitted once they'd both stopped laughing. She sat back down on the edge of her desk and winked at Harry, inviting him to do the same. After a millisecond of hesitation, he hopped up next to her, Ringo still perched on his shoulder. "Dumbledore's been after me for years, but I turned him down until now. I don't live nearby. I live in Dorset, actually, in a little cottage by the beach."

"That sounds nice," Harry said. A hopeful expression crossed his face. "Um, since you're my godmother, can I come stay there with you instead?"

Eva's face fell. She tucked a curl behind her ear and shook her head, frowning. "I wish I could say yes. I've been badgering Dumbledore for months, but he's insistent that you stay at your aunt and uncle's over the summer."

"Oh." She hated the disappointment in his voice, how small it sounded.

"I'm an orphan, too, you know," Eva murmured. She didn't talk about her parents often, but she felt like he would - and needed - to understand. "My dad died when I was ten, and I lost my mum when I was seventeen. I was a wreck. Your dad kind of took me in after that. James had a habit of taking in broken people. There was me, there was S- well, he and your grandparents were really welcoming to me. They became my new family. So I just want to say that I'm so sorry that I can't-"

"Professor," Harry interrupted, looking at her seriously, though he did smile at the mention of his father. "It's okay. It's not your fault."

She gave him a watery smile. "I'll keep bothering him, though. Dumbledore, I mean. Maybe it'll work out next summer."

"I might be staying with the Weasleys in a few weeks," Harry piped up, swinging his legs back and forth a few times. "Ron mentioned it a few times. So that'll be fun."

Eva chuckled as she remembered Molly and Arthur's little redhead army. "They'll take good care of you. Plus, they've got the best house ever."

They sat in silence, but this time, it was comfortable. Eva didn't feel the need to fill the room with worthless chatter. Instead, she closed her eyes, a small smile settling in her lips.

In a few hours, she'd be home in Dorset with Remus. In a few weeks, she'd receive her doctorate degree in Art History. And in a few months, she'd be back at Hogwarts once again, teaching her godson and her students for another year, one that would be hopefully less eventful than the one ending.

"Oh, I have something for you! I nearly forgot!"

Eva jumped off of the desk and ran around it, rummaging through the drawers. She walked back around with a small photo album and handed it to Harry. He traced the numbers in the corner of the cover, written in neat cursive: 1971.

"Your mum took pictures of absolutely everything. She always had a camera with her," Eva explained, opening to the first page, where two young blondes and a redhead waved at them. "She ended up with a photo album for every year at Hogwarts. I thought that since you're finishing first year, you might enjoy seeing what her first year was like."

Harry smiled as he flipped through the pages, laughing each time he found a photo labeled with some form of 'IDIOT POTTER'. He looked up at her. "Thanks, Professor."

"You're welcome. And if I do happen to run into you anytime we're not in school, you don't need to call me 'Professor.' Eva's fine with me." She winked. "Just don't tell George Weasley that you can."

He saluted goofily. "I won't."

"You should get going. I don't want you to miss the train because of me. If you're ever bored or lonely, you can always write to me. Hedwig will be able to find my place, and I'm sure that Ringo would be more than happy to attempt a trip to Surrey. Just let him stay with you for a few days to recover before sending him back. Oh, and keep out of trouble, okay? At least for the most part. I've personally never been against a little bit of mischief for mischief's sake."

"Okay." For a moment, Harry looked like he was going to leave, but then he hurried over and hugged her. Eva nearly fell over in shock, but wrapped her arms around her godson and hugged him back. "Have a good summer, Professor."

"You too, Harry."

When Harry left, Eva burst into such uncontrollable laughter that she had to bend over, amazed at how wonderful she felt. She pushed open the large window, basking in the beautiful weather.

"Ringo!" He flew over immediately and landed on the sill next to her. She stroked his head. "Start flying home, okay? It's beautiful out, and you could use the exercise. I'll see you tonight."

The little owl hooted loudly, then flapped out of the castle. She watched him for a few minutes, giggling at his wayward flying style.

Once Ringo had disappeared completely, Eva walked across the room to her fireplace and stepped into it. A bittersweet feeling swept over herself as she looked at her office one last time before dropping the Floo powder.

The fireplace sent her tripping into the living room of her cottage by the sea, but a set of familiar arms caught her.

"Welcome home, my long-lost lover," Remus teased, helping her back onto her feet. He tapped her on the nose. "I missed you terribly."

"Darling man, shut up," she laughed, beaming as she embraced him tightly. "Happy summer, Rem! I have so much to tell you! You won't believe all that's happened."

Remus tilted his head, obviously interested. A playful glint gleamed in his coffee-brown eyes.

"Tell me everything."

We have officially wrapped up Year 1!

SHE FINALLY TOLD HIM!

Totally not me writing Harry Potter fanfiction while the Super Bowl is on

Let me know what you thought! I'm super excited to be writing Chamber of Secrets next! Is there anything you want to see?

Also, if you haven't already, please go check out my new James Potter x OC fic, "Bad Timing"! I missed writing the Marauders era too much lol ;)