Your story begins draped in white, literally, poignantly and almost wistfully.

Your mother views that and only that as acceptable. 

You're made to eat three meals a day; the same, boring thing over and over again, and how ironic, you think to yourself, because the pathetic state of your food is akin to the state of your life.

Then again, you're not alone. You're not the only one going through this hell.

Perhaps you are a doll. It's not much to imagine; just add a few strings that glimmer in the stagnant darkness that never seems to change. But this puppet show is not complete with just one cloth creation; your brother is there too, and it comforts you.

But then he rips off the snowy robes Mother forced him to don for shades of black and leaves, taking so much more than the one Pokeball he grabs on his way out, and for a long while after that, Mother screams.

Without a partner to accompany you, there's not much meaning to the whole show anymore.

So, following your brother's example, you leave too.

You're almost glad that he's given you this kind of courage.

These thoughts hammer in your head as your footsteps hammer across the whites of Aether Foundation's walkways. You can hear them coming closer; oh Arceus; oh, Arceus, and the creature in your bag tears itself free to protect a friend.

Everything is going as wrong as it can; yet, it feels, so, so right.

You are a lily; a crimson spider lily at that, with petals that drip with blood and foretell tales of woe and death.

And you don't mind as long as you get out of there.

—

Somehow, you end up washed up at a beach that you don't know anything about. Your head is throbbing, but Nebby is in your bag and the chains around your feet have been cut loose, if only for a little while.

A lady approaches you. Her face is—her face is concerned, you think, but you've never seen an expression quite like that.

"Are you alright?" she asks, and the sound you make is between a cry and a strangled laugh, because were you alright?

Still, you reach out with greedy hands and grab on to the thread dangled in front of you. Your mind works quickly, recognising it as something different to the strings that have been binding you all this while, and you're almost feverish with hope as you pray that it's a ticket out of hell.

The string glitters white, and as you feel your small hands clutched tight in hers, you can't help but think that it's a whisper in the pathetic darkness you've been stranded in.

When you've already fallen, there really isn't much you can do but pray.

—

You don't end up staying with the kind lady.

She introduces herself as Professor Burnet, and you turn the name around in your head over and over again, determined to remember the person who saved your life. And then she introduces her husband, and he announces that you can stay with him.

Whatever doubts you have about the man and his few odd quirks fly right of of the window, because beggar's can't be choosers, and having free lodging and so much in exchange for so little isn't bad at all.

Professor Kukui is eccentric, but he's a good person, and both you and Nebby are happy.

The three of you fall into a sort of routine, but one that's rather different to the monotonous pattern of Aether Foundation. You wake up on a couch that's a fair bit stiffer than the soft mattress of your old bed, but it smells of memories and of a home, and that's all that matters. Then, as Kukui's helper, you help to make breakfast, and the rest of the day is spent with assisting the guy with whatever he's up to.

The professor's methods are somewhat unorthodox, but it's much more fun that way—his words, not yours—and you start to feel more like a student than a guest.

It's a simple life, but it's a happy one.

—

Please, help save Nebby, help—the words feel like poison in your mouth, because you're about to rely on a complete stranger yet again.

Your legs tremble as you glance over at the creature, who's every bit as frightened as you are, and the black-haired girl blinks for a moment as she tries to take in the whole situation. You assume that she's a trainer; she gives off that feeling, after all, and trainers are supposed to be strong.

Perhaps that's why you're not a trainer.

A few moments later, the stranger plasters her bravest expression on her face as she steps gingerly onto the bridge. It creaks under her with every few steps she takes, threatening to fall apart at any moment, but the girl somehow makes it all the way to where Nebby is.

You assume that she'll do something—that she'll fight the Spearow with a Pokemon of her own or throw a Pokeball to catch the three creatures hovering around her poor, poor Nebby, but all she does is crouch down over her friend and brace herself for the impact.

It's a stupid decision, and a dangerous one too. Your heart leaps in your chest, and your ribcage almost hurts.

And then Nebby decides that it can save the day again; its body glows a bright blue and a burst of light blinds everyone for a second, and when you can see again, the Spearow are flying off and both of them are falling.

There's not even time for you to pray to Arceus or any other deity—a streak of light whizzes through the area without so much as a sound, and it picks up the trainer and Nebby effortlessly.

The Pokemon lands and sets the girl on her feet. It must be someone important, you think, for it to be so fast, and it leaves behind an odd, lumpy stone that has a certain quiet power about it.

You usher Nebby back into the bag, and the rest of the day passes by in a blur. The girl, Selene, turns out to not be a trainer, which you feel utterly embarrassed about—how could you have put an innocent, powerless stranger into danger like that?—but the kahuna offers her a Pokemon all the same and you suppose that there could have been a worse outcome.

For as long as you can remember, it's always been you, your brother and Wicke. That's why it's jarring to walk behind the trainer and her other hyperactive friend as if you're all friends or something.

Friends. You mouth the word to yourself. It's a foreign feeling; a foreign word, but it doesn't feel too bad after all.

—

Who'd have thought that in a few days, you'd be living the life on a normal eleven-year-old girl?

It's strange. The loosened strings around your limbs have finally broken altogether, and the rush of wind that comes with it is so sudden that you're dragged forward and into the blinding sunlight.

And then you're running at full speed, jumping and embracing every moment of this miracle bestowed upon you, living so desperately and so much that you're terrified of the momentum breaking at some stray moment.

You eat malasadas with Hau, watch two of your friends battle, follow Kukui around as he observes the trainers and tries to follow up on his spur-of-the-moment ideas—maybe the last part isn't as normal as the others, but it's fun.

Mother named you "Lillie" before everything happened. Before she found you ugly, because lilies were supposed to be pretty flowers.

And now you can understand what beautiful means with every fibre of your shaking, small body, because someone has lit a torch in that overwhelmed mind of yours and the closed-up bud has finally bloomed and spread its petals.

Now, the bloody red is shoved to the back of your mind.

Even if water lilies have dried up, they always return to waterways. That's why they're chosen to symbolise rebirth and optimism—and hope.

Burnet and Kukui has nurtured that dry shell of yours back to health, and that's why the flower doesn't waver one bit in the fire of your heart.

—

Everything is a perfect mess of vivid dreams and lightheaded laughter before Aether Foundation is brought up.

Not even Kukui knows about those connections.

Faba's name is brought up. You've never liked the old man much; he's always been too cranky for the two of you to get along, and he's a part of the prison your mother has created and called paradise. You're nervous; what is Aether up to—what is your mother up to?

But of course, old habits die hard, and you can't find it in yourself to tell anyone.

You feel horrible. You can't tell Selene, the girl who saved Nebby and who looked like she could and would do anything, and you can't even tell Hau, the happy-go-lucky boy who cut into your darkness like a sharp ray of sunshine.

All this is fine, your mind tries to reassure. It's simple. You've burdened Selene too much already. You aren't about to taint Hau's crystal-clear innocence.

So when they leave for the Aether Foundation without you and you can breath easier, you pretend not to notice how the guilt stabs into you ten times harder.

If you could love your friends, then why was it better if they weren't there?

—

It was all for nothing.

They found out, and you're too numb and shocked to even cry.

The thought runs like a wayward current at the back of your mind as you try to stand strong in front of your mother—no, in front of Lusamine; does she regard you like a daughter?—but your knees tremble and threaten to buckle.

You want to scream and throw a tantrum just like how you've never been allowed to do so. You want to grab the woman—you want to sink your greasy, dirty fingers into the pristine white of her dress and shriek at her to give Nebby back.

Nebby's the only thing that's kept you going from the start. Father disappeared, Lusamine, while alive, has changed from the sweet mother she used to be, and Gladion—you don't blame Gladion too much now, but he left you alone.

What is a child supposed to do when a toy is taken from her? What is a child supposed to do when a friend is taken from her?

But no words come out. No tears well up in your eyes. You take a deep breath, straighten your feelings out, and your knees stop trembling.

Your mother isn't the only one who's changed.

—

You wake up in your own bed, expecting to feel the pain and tears and, well, to feel like a mess, but it doesn't come.

That's right. If Hau and Selene can be this strong, then you can be too.

With some kind of new resolve, you move to grab a hair tie that Mother used to own, and it surprises you that you don't flinch at that fact that it belongs to her. Maybe, after all this while, you aren't as pathetic and weak as you thought you were.

And, despite the events that are unfolding before your eyes; despite Nebby and Mother, a smile fights its way up to your cheeks.

Selene looks pleasantly surprised when you run up to meet her. She's calm as usual—even after everything she'd found out, she still looks like she's in control of the whole situation—and all she does is smile a little and tell you that the style suits you.

You grin at that. If Selene, your role model tells you that, then it makes you feel just a little braver.

The both of you decide to set off for Poni Island. You've never been there—and neither has Selene—and instead of being scared, you're excited for what's to come, even if Kalos is supposed to be the region where dreams and adventures begin.

For the first time in a while, the half-empty glass is half-full. It's as if anything could happen if you believe hard enough—Nebby could be saved, Mother would come back, and you would be free—and adrenaline whirrs through your veins as you realise that with your friends' help, there was a chance at achieving all of that.

It could happen.

It would happen.

—

What does it truly mean to be "beautiful"?

The first person you deemed beautiful was your mother, but as she succumbs to wild fantasies and her clear eyes becomes clouded with roots of madness, you can't cal her that any longer.

She's spat on you so many times, called you ugly, called you a thief—so you wonder; just what does the word mean?

Nebby is a small distance away, waiting for anything to happen—and you wonder if you can still call it that when it's transformed into a Solgaleo that's more radiant than any sun you know. It's still dawning on your that everything is over.

Selene has won. All six of your mother's Pokemon are down. Only the Nihilego she's fused with is left.

That's when you realise that—

—the one who needs to take the next step is you.

You're not a hero. Arceus, the thought makes you want to laugh. Selene is the hero.

But if there's one thing that Selene isn't, it's Lusamine's daughter. That's why you can't just push the responsibility to your friend once again—that's why the hero can't be the one to save the villain from her own, drowning mind.

All along, Mother needed to be scolded.

You're the only one who can do that.

So you snap at her. Curl your hands into fists and yell. Look her in the eyes and scold her like you should have done all this time.

"I am the one who is sick of you, Mother!"

"I am alive!"

And you wish that she could hear you properly; that she could feel the furious thudding of your heart, electric and red-hot and living, but that's the whole reason of your tirade.

"Cosmog is alive!"

You're furious now. The tears sting for a moment longer before trickling down your cheeks, burning you like they've turned into acid, and it's a miracle you can even see through them.

"That is terrible, Mother!"

You hated her. You hate her. She ruined your life.

"You are terrible!"

Yet, you still love her so, so much, because right at the back of your mind, there are distant memories, and in those memories, Mother exists.

You want that Mother back, and you will bring her back.

For a moment, you think that none of your screaming had a point. Lusamine snarls; raises one of Nihilego's slimy tentacles, and prepares to strike, but—

Lusamine is strong. She's on a whole different level from you in terms of strength, connections; everything. But you have a friend whom you held on to for dear life—you had a friend which you would do anything for, and the prayer is answered in the heat of the moment.

You're still crying as Solgaleo jumps in your path and deems that nothing more needed to be said. The tears are still hot against your face as the beast—as Nebby forces the woman out of the monster's grasp.

Nebby is safe. Your friends are safe. Everyone is safe.

It's all over.

—

Of course, you cry when Nebby chooses to go with Selene.

Idly, you wonder if you could have prevented this. If Nebby will choose to return if you get strong enough to handle it.

But for now, its home is with a trainer, not you.

Nebby deserves that much.

Solgaleo deserves that much.

—

"Selene...I...I am going to—"

You hadn't been able to tell her then, and that's why she's staring at you in shock while Hau simply gapes in disbelief.

Perhaps, in another world where Father hadn't disappeared and Mother hadn't gone mad, it could have been different. Perhaps you could have become a Trainer and went on a journey with them instead.

You're doing this so that Mother can get better. So that you can get better.

And that's already happening. Lusamine wanted to go to the celebration. You crossed the bridge that held you back from what you needed to do.

It's a small step for the both of them, but even baby steps can amount into something much bigger.

"And no matter what happens on my journey... I'm going to be OK."

You believe that wholeheartedly.

"Because of the smiles that you shared with me. You and Selene and everyone here... thank you all so much!"

Because they reached out to me. Because they were there when I was lonely.

The words come out louder than you mean to, and you lower your head in a bow, not knowing how to convey the feelings that cause your heart to throb in so many different ways.

"Then I suppose...this is goodbye."

All three of you know that goodbye will never be true.

—

What does it mean to shine?

Mother glances at you from where she's seated. The ship has been blessed with good weather—the waves are calm, the you close your eyes, soaking up the warmth that the sun is happy to provide.

The flame in your heart hasn't been put out yet, but it's been dulled for now—still, it hums with anticipation at the prospect of a new beginning for the both of you.

"What are you going to do once you get there?" she asks.

You've never been more sure of your answer. This—everything—has given you strength. The baby Pikipek that you were has finally grown your wings, and now, you know that it's time to leave the nest and fly.

"I'm going to become a trainer."

—

To shine means to never falter. To never look back and run forward into the light, unafraid, and grab hold of a miracle with your own bare hands.

A miracle that they have given you.

A miracle that you will cling on to.

After all, farewells were never supposed to be sad.

They're just the end of a told story and the start of another untold one.

—

man i love lillie

the song is a piano remix of lillie's story (pokemon sun) by haru music!!

to be honest,,, this ended up like a mess but hey at least it's donE and i can finally go get dinner :>

who caught the references i made to my other books lmao,, they're listed below:

1. that it's a whisper in the pathetic darkness - WIND

2. fallen (and the general theme of falling and the beginning) - fallen fairy

3. then it makes you feel just a little braver. - little braver (a oneshot i wrote for a contest once)

4. The flame in your heart...the prospect of a new beginning - TFOTB

5. lonely. - lonely (what tf do you think man)

6. the flower doesn't waver one bit in the fire of your heart - fire's flower

besides that,

thank you all so much.

i joined wattpad feeling doubtful, and now i can honestly say that i love you guys.

i started this when i planned to leave the fandom this year. this was going to be my last work in the fandom. now, i still have at least 1 unfinished work left, but this was written with a goodbye in mind.

it may not be the best oneshot, but i tried my best to convey my feelings through lillie.

i'm truly grateful that all of you have supported me all this while, and i hope that i can give back to this community.

▷miya.