★ | #67 | selfish?
"you are anything but fine."

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chinese satellite • phoebe bridgers
"why would somebody do this on purpose?"

please read the author's note after reading this chapter. thank you.

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"WHAT is all of this?" Heeseung questioned, a sense of urgency evident in his tone as he gestured with the nod of his head to her legs.

Haewon took a few seconds to process his words, brows curved inward slightly in mild confusion to his tone and words.

It wasn't until she followed his gaze, peering down at her lap before her eyes fell upon her legs. Her heart practically stopped beating upon realization of her exposed skin.

Her jorts had ridden up whilst she was sitting down, leaving her bruised and scarred skin exposed and vulnerable to the eye.

With a quiet hum, words jumbled up and caught in her throat, her fingers wrapped around the hem of the jorts, tugging them down to cover her skin.

"It's nothing." Haewon dismissed quietly, clearing her throat as she stared down at her lap, too guilt ridden to look him in the eyes.

"Seong Haewon, don't lie to me right now." Heeseung huffed, shaking his head as he furrowed his brows tightly together, mild frustration bubbling within him — carried by the weight of his concern.

"I'm not." The girl claimed, clearing her throat as she rested her hands over her thighs, jaw clenched and eyes settled on her shoes.

"Bullshit." He mumbled, letting out a scoff as he shifted to get a better look at her face, as she had her head turned away.

"You won't even look at me right now." He added on, his tone of voice firm and with a tinge of eagerness, wanting to get to the bottom of what happened.

"Because this is dumb. I got one tiny bruise and you act like it's the end of the world." She breathed out, lying out of her teeth as she finally turned to look at him.

"I know what I saw." Heeseung shook his head, leg bouncing up and down anxiously as he narrowed his eyes.

"Clearly not."

"Yeah? Then show me, Haewon. This is ridiculous." He urged, leaning forward a bit as she shook her head and furrowed her brows.

"I'm not gonna show you anything, Heeseung. Why can't you just trust me for once?" Haewon let out, words wavering due to her nerves.

"I do trust you. But I'm not gonna just take your words as the truth right now when you are so clearly lying to me and hiding something. I saw what I saw, Haewon. You're hurt." He clenched his jaw, frustrated with the fact that she was lying to his face.

"I could say the same thing about you. You clearly don't trust me if you're going out of your way to hide the truth." He continued on, tone of voice mixed with anger and concern.

"Heeseung, seriously, just drop it." Haewon requested firmly, biting down on her tongue as emotion seemed to be drained from her face, nothing but a frown tugging at her lips.

"Show me." Heeseung gave a beckoning nod, his gaze sharp and unwavering.

"No."

"Haewon," Heeseung warned, a sigh falling past his lips, not giving in to her denial.

Haewon didn't respond, only sitting still and shaking her head as her eyes gleamed with hurt and frustration, alongside guilt.

So, although a bit reluctant, with nimble fingers he reached out and carefully pushed the hem of her jorts up, unveiling her bruised and scarred skin, more and even worse than he had seen before.

"Oh my god." Heeseung let out, eyes wide open as she frantically pushed his hands away and forced herself to her feet, spinning around to face him.

Heeseung, standing up along with her, was almost left completely silent, confusion, concern and anger rushing through his mind.

"Who hurt you?" He breathed out quietly, a moment of silence lingering in the air as she bit down on her bottom lip, eyebrows knitted together.

"Nobody." Haewon finally retorted, her tone sharp and hasty.

"So what? You're just gonna stand here and tell me you took a fall and expect me to believe it? A fall may give you a bruise or two, Haewon, but nothing like that." Heeseung spouted angrily, heart racing.

"It's really none of your concern." She intoned, swallowing the lump in her throat before she added on. "I don't get why you're so angry."

Heeseung paused at her words, pressing his lips into a thin line as he gathered his endless mess of thoughts.

He raised a hand, threading his fingers through his dark locks before he responded.

"You don't get it? Really?" He echoed in disbelief, shaking his head slowly as his eyes drifted up to the sky momentarily before averting back to her.

"I'm angry because we agreed no more secrets, no more leaving each other in the dark. Yet here you are, being selfish— and not talking to me. You're lying to my face." Heeseung expressed, although maybe not wording some things in the way he wanted to.

Haewon's eyes softened, breath hitching as she shifted on her feet, hands balled up into fists as her sides as his words echoed in her mind.

Pent up emotions, ones that she had bottled up from recent events and old ones too seemed to overflow, spilling out in the form of hurt and anger.

"Selfish? Selfish?" Haewon repeated, running her hands over her face as the breeze pushed through her loose strands of hair. "You've got to be kidding me!" She added, in a moment of overwhelming emotions, she raised her voice.

Heeseung blinked as she raised her voice at him, vulnerability evident and settled across his face as he was taken aback briefly before he regained his composure and his expression contorted to one of an upset nature.

"I literally— oh my god," Haewon laughed breathily, nerves spiking and her mind spiraling.

"I hid all of this shit for you! Because your tournament is coming up, and you were already stressed. Didn't wanna pile onto it like I knew this would, so I hid it. Yet I'm selfish?" Haewon confessed, gesturing with her hands to herself.

"You really think I give a damn about the tournament when you're just suffering silently?" Heeseung exclaimed, now both shouting back and forth — both equally as frustrated and upset.

"Your legs are all beaten up, Haewon. And who am I to know you aren't just hiding even more marks on your body, too?" He voiced out, gesturing towards her with his hand as he bit anxiously down on his bottom lip.

The girl stood idly, her mouth ran dry as her eyes burned, staring down at the ground.

She blinked away tears that formed at her waterline, not wanting to cry in front of her. She was already a mess to begin with.

"Are you?" He questioned almost cautiously, recognizing her silence most likely came with guilt and reality. "My god, Haewon." He whispered, running a hand over his face.

"Regardless of anything, I am fine and I can handle it. Alone." Haewon stated firmly, as he shook his head in disagreement.

"You are anything but fine." Heeseung disagreed, taking a step closer. However, his heart ached as she automatically backed away, moving away from him.

"What is happening?" His voice broke, wavering as flashes of hurt were evident in his brown eyes as he stared at her mirrored expression.

"You let me hold you just the other day, and now you don't even want me near you. I'm going anywhere until you tell me what is going on." Heeseung clenched his jaw, trying his best not to break down right then and there.

"What can't you understand?" Haewon let out breathily, unable to hide the tears of shame, hurt and anger that welled up in her eyes. "You're not entitled to all of my secrets."

"I can't understand how someone would hurt you." He shot back, a heavy feeling lingering over his beating heart.

"And I can't understand how you don't trust me enough to be honest with me." Heeseung concluded, as she sighed deeply and blinked away her tears desperately.

"I'm done talking about this with you. I don't want to, and I never did. So just drop it, okay?" Haewon advised, a once soft and happy toned voice now replaced with that of ice, cold and harsh and she sniffled.

Ignoring her words, he continued on.

"Who did this to you, Haewon?" Heeseung asked, determined to get an answer as she stared blankly at him, shaking her head in dismay.

"Nobody."

"I have no idea what's got you so blindsighted. If you expect me to just drop this and forget it ever happened, you're a fool and you've got me all wrong." He said, normally doe eyes now sharpened as he peered at her sternly.

"Now, will you please, for the love of god just tell me who on earth did this to you?"

"Confronting them will only make it worse. I'm asking you to please just stay out of it. Focus on yourself, your tournament. School, even." Haewon pleaded, her heartbeat quickening.

"Them? It's more than one person? What the hell?" Heeseung scoffed, folding his arms over his chest.

"Okay. I'm done here. I'm not arguing anymore." Haewon said, turning away only to be stopped as he spoke once again.

"You claimed that you hid this because of the stress I had from my tournament, but I don't care about that anymore." He began, as she paused and stared at the ground.

"I don't care if you go or not, not when you're in this state. I'm worried, but you're more concerned over some dumb soccer games." He voiced out, not thinking too much about the weight of his words.

"So, you don't want me to go? Is that what you want?" Haewon questioned, turning around to look at him, drained of emotion.

Heeseung paused for a second, before he nodded, not thinking about his actions.

"I don't care." He responded.

He didn't mean it, he cared. But, he was too blinded by a mask of frustration to even think over what he was saying in the moment.

"Okay." Was all she said in return, jaw clenched as she turned away, rushing off — desperate to escape from the confines of his sight, to be left alone. To bask in the silence of her room, the darkness of her mind.

Meanwhile, Heeseung sighed deeply, holding his head in his hands as he wandered to sit down on the bench, the exchange of anger and hurt between them replaying in his mind immediately.

He was frustrated.

With himself, because the moment he was officially left alone he recognized he could have handled it better in so many ways.

With Haewon, for keeping such suffering to herself whilst he continued on with his days obliviously. He wanted her to trust him, and he didn't understand why she didn't already.

He stayed there, alone with regret and anger as he listened to the leaves swaying in the trees, zoned out and lost in his head as he stared at the pond.

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★﹐authors corner ．﹗﹑ 1.8k words.
to address my request for you, the readers, to take your time to read this note — i will explain that bit right away.

i was a bit unsure of how to say all of this without spoiling the plot line of this story by leaving warning in certain chapters, but i would like to warn you all that going forward in future chapters — there will be a lot of angst.

if you are not comfortable with a lot of vulgar language, bullying, and touchy subjects brought up such as death and certain things in the same area, i highly advise you to not continue reading.

i created this story with certain things in mind, and i plan to follow through. so, if any of you plan to end your reading here, i want to sincerely thank you all for even choosing to read my work to begin with. writing this has been one of my favorite experiences ever, believe it or not.

thank you all so much. i look forward to seeing you in further works of mine if you choose to visit my profile again in the future 🤍

anyway, with that said — thank you for reading this chapter! for those of you who are going to continue on with this story, i cannot wait for you to read what i have planned.

i love you all so much! take care of yourselves xx <3
september 16th, 2024 — 5:03pm.
not proofread.