★ | #36 | denial
"please erase that narrative from your mind."

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questions for the universe • laufey
"falling in love feels more like crashing."

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THE past few days seemed strange, confusing but pleasant. Yet, it appeared that only one person thought that way.

Lee Heeseung draped his hand over his forehead, grass sticking to his sweaty skin as he lay on the sidelines of the soccer field.

Chattering and laughter partnered with the soft, hollow sound of a soccer ball being kicked up in a stream of juggles overlapping the sounds only he could hear, endless thoughts running through his mind as he stared up at the darkening sky.

It wasn't until a hand entered his line of sight, reaching out and extending to help him up. His eyebrows raised, releasing a breath as his eyes followed the arm all the way up to the head, a familiar face looming over him.

“Why are you zoning out so much recently?” Park Jongseong laughed out, earning a subtle eye roll from the older boy who reached up and latched his and around Jay's wrist, allowing himself to be pulled to his feet by the younger boy.

“I'm not.” Heeseung huffed, letting go of his friend's wrist and dusting himself off, ridding any blades of grass that stuck to his clothing.

“Heeseung,” Jake called out, as the older boy hummed and turned his head, hands reacting quickly and clumsily as he caught his water bottle. “Catch.” He added on lately, earning a huff.

“You could've at least warned me before tossing it.” Heeseung complained, as Jake shrugged and pressed his lips into a thin line.

“I did. I said your name, and you reacted.” Jake said, switching seamlessly to English. “Easy as that.” The boy added on, his Australian accent heavy with his English spoken words.

Heeseung huffed out a soft laugh, shaking his head as he lifted his water bottle to his mouth, squeezing the water out.

“Jay is right, though. You've been acting funny lately and zoning out a lot. Something you forgot to tell us?” Jungwon interjected, arms crossed over his chest as he adjusted the mesh blue pinnie he wore.

With a mouth full of water, Heeseung pointed dramatically to himself, avoiding the question by filling up water.

Nishimura Riki kicked up the ball he was juggling into his hands, tucking it under his arm comfortably as he tilted his head. “You're being so obvious right now.” He pointed out teasingly, his freehand reaching out to poke the older boy's side playfully.

Finally giving in and swallowing the water he had consumed all whilst swatting the youngests' hand away, Heeseung rolled his eyes as he threaded his fingers through his tousled and dampened hair.

“All of you are incredibly nosy, I hope you realize that.” Heeseung scoffed, as Park Sunghoon chimed in, cheeks puffing up as he narrowed his eyes.

“You being defensive doesn't seem to help your case with whatever you're hiding. No offense.” Sunghoon said, releasing the breath he was holding.

“I'm not even hiding anything though.” The oldest complained, a small groan sounding from the back of his throat as he scrunched his nose up slightly and shook his head.

“We’re not gonna stop bothering you.” Sunoo chimed in playfully, a brow raised as a smile settled across his features.

Heeseung muttered a string of curses under his breath, a sigh falling from his lips as he gave in. His shoulders slumped, pressing his lips into a thin line.

He opened his mouth to speak, pausing as his brows knitted together, tilting his head as he struggled to piece together the words he wished to say.

“Has—” He began, pausing in search of the correct words. “Has Haewon been strange to you recently?” He continued, tone of voice filled with curiosity and an ounce of embarrassment.

“Strange? In what way?” Jay inquired, stretching his arms above his head tiredly as he let out a small breath.

“Like, I don't know how to explain this.” Heeseung admitted, shaking his head as he wiped beads of sweat on his forehead.

“She's just— she's not necessarily been strange. Honestly, she's not even the problem. It's weird. I don't even know. Things just feel different every time I'm around her, but she hasn't changed one bit.” Heeseung explained, struggling to put the way he felt and viewed things into words.

“Different in what way? There's more ways than one. In a negative way, or..?” Jungwon asked, cat-shaped eyes brightening slightly as he perked up.

“No, no. Not in a negative way. She's great. Something just feels off, and I can't pinpoint it.” Heeseung mumbled, taking yet another sip of his water.

“Well, let's put it this way. How do you feel when you're around her?” Sunoo questioned, passing his soccer ball to Heeseung's feet, to which the receiver responded quickly and trapped it.

The oldest chuckled, shaking his head as he stared down at the soccer ball trapped beneath his cleat clad foot.

“We're at practice. Is this really appropriate to be having a conversation during it?” Heeseung huffed, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“Coach is taking ages to set up the drill. So, yes, I'd say it's fair.” Sunghoon said, eyes drifting over to their coach — who was still piecing together a new drill in the middle of the field.

Heeseung hummed, following his gaze as he sighed and shrugged his shoulders, Sunoo's words replaying in his mind like a broken record as he tried to find a reasonable answer.

“Come on, answer already.” Jake pleaded jokingly, nudging the boy who snickered and nudged him back.

“I'm thinking. Shush.” Heeseung let out, pressing his index finger to his lips jokingly as he narrowed his eyes.

He could hear the hushed laughter of his friends surrounding him due to his actions, mainly of which originated from Riki and Jungwon, who Riki had clung to as soon as he let out his first laugh.

His arms wrapping around the slightly older boy's shoulders from behind as he wore a winsome smile across his features, eyes curved upwards.

Eventually, Heeseung sighed and finally let out a response to Sunoo's question, his words coming out with hints of reluctance as he cringed at what he himself had to say.

“I mean, it's the same, but it's not. I feel happy around Haewon, like I always have. But these past few days, I'll be undeniably happy yet I also feel uneasy when I'm with her.” He responded, nibbling down at his bottom lip.

His friends exchanged looks — some knowing and some confused and unsure.

“Dude,” Jake spoke up after a moment of silence between the group, a cheeky smile creeping up on his face. “It's finally happened. God, I've been waiting for this day.”

“What? What happened?” Heeseung's eyebrows furrowed slightly, a doe-eyed gaze roaming over the smiley faces that surrounded him.

“You like Haewon.” Sunghoon rolled his eyes at his friend's naive mind, unable to contain the smile spread across his face — dimples on display.

Lee Heeseung froze at his words, his heartbeat quickening as he felt his own cheeks heat up, quickly shaking his head after regaining his composure.

“What? Me? Haewon? I don't like Haewon. What?” Heeseung blurted out, quickly debunking the idea as Jungwon let out a laugh at the boy.

“Heeseung, you look like a tomato right now.” Jungwon pointed out with a laugh, his smile reaching his brightened eyes.

“I mean, it all adds up, honestly. And you're totally flustered right now.” Sunoo added on, leaning down to adjust his shoelaces.

“I'm not. I'm not flustered.” Heeseung denied, shaking his head vehemently as he tossed his water bottle down on the ground, landing against his soccer bag.

“It's about time this has happened. I'm so tired of seeing you two literally clung to each other and not dating. You're both such couple goals.” Riki chimed in with the click of his tongue.

“I do not like Haewon, that's insane. Please erase that narrative from your mind.” Heeseung requested, almost in a pleading tone as his cheeks were tinged a dusty pink color.

“He's in the denial stage. Just let it settle in, guys.” Jay advised, earning simultaneous responses from his friends.

“You all need help.” Heeseung breathed out, waving his hands frantically in the air as he denied the claims repeatedly.

“I think it's actually the other way around. But, come to us when you're ready.” Jake teased, patting his shoulder in both a playful and genuine manner.

Soon enough, a whistle blew, the coach calling for all of the players' attention as he gestured them over after finally finishing setting up.

Throughout the remainder of the practice, Heeseung's mind was clouded, causing his focus to mess up, growing flustered as he made repetitive mistakes during the drill.

Mumbled apologies spilled from his lips towards his teammates, who all brushed it off to be nothing.

That same night, after climbing into bed after a long shower — Heeseung sighed quietly as his eyes fluttered shut, cheek pressed up against his pillow as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

He knew it wasn't true, it couldn't be. To grow feelings for his best friend since childhood was an unlikely situation to him, something he couldn't quite grasp around and fathom.

The boy furrowed his brows, biting the inside of his cheek as he gazed over at the telephone on his bedside table, reminded of his promise to call her once he had settled down after his practice.

He frowned, stuffing his face into his pillow as he groaned out of pure frustration — annoyed he couldn't quite understand how he, himself felt.

Heeseung felt guilty, his decision weighing heavy on his heart as he decided to switch off his lamp for the night.

The telephone call was forced to the back of his mind, eyes squeezed shut as he balled up the fabric of his comforter in his fist, taking a deep breath in an attempt to clear his mind to get some rest, hoping to see things clearer as the morning came.

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★﹐authors corner ．﹗﹑ 1.7k words.
happy birthday to the world's sunshine, kim sunoo !! he literally deserves nothing but happiness aaa i love him sm 🤧🫶

i felt quite motivated suddenly to write this chapter so i did and have decided to release it because i'm actually in a good mood so 😋

also guys finally we're getting to the good stuff i think (?) we're definitely getting somewhere, that's for sure

heeseung feelings realization era perhaps ?? 👀 hmmm

also !! you guys have finally caught up to my writing omg!! i'm no longer publishing chapters that i've had prepared for months in advance

going forward, i'll be writing in the present day so i apologize if things may start to slow down a bit lol i'm trying my absolute best i swear 🙏

alrightttt, i love you all !! thank you so much for reading mwahhhh
june 24th, 2024 — 4:18pm.