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They arrived right outside the small dharmashala they were living in..

"I don't think I am ready bheem, you go ahead." Yudhi said..

"Oh, come on jyesth! You came all the way here now don't go back.."

Yudhi just nodded as he stepped in, arjun, nakul and sahadev were teasing each other while kunti was outside the hut cooking..

While bheem went ahead and sat with arjun, nakul and sahadev, yudhi froze at the entrance. It was too much for him to take in..

'I feel too much. That's what's going on.' 'Do you think one can feel too much? Or just feel in the wrong ways?' 'My insides don't match up with my outsides.' 'Do anyone's insides and outsides match up?' 'I don't know. I'm only me.' 'Maybe that's what a person's personality is: the difference between the inside and outside.' 'But it's worse for me.' 'I wonder if everyone thinks it's worse for him.' 'Probably. But it really is worse for me.' Yudhi thought filled with questions...

"Jyesth.. join us.." bheem said bringing yudhi out of his reverie.

Arjun, nakul and sahadev looked back.. It could not be, it just can't.. They looked at him from bottom to top and then at bheem who answered their unasked question by nodding his head in a yes. They could not find their words, maybe they needed to find guru drona to teach them more words..Yudhi decided to start the conversation..

"You all survived varnavrat.." he said with a whisper..

They knew this voice, the same voice who comforted them when broken, the same voice which scolded them when they did wrong...

"Jyesth.." they started...

"Don't you want to come in, are you hungry? Wait I will cook something real quick...Bhrata bheem help me, nakul get the ingredients, sahadev quickly get firewood.." arjun ordered in a hurry and excused himself without even letting yudhi reply no..

They 4 left leaving yudhi alone.. and yudhi thought had they really lost it? First, he is not a guest, he hated being treated that way. Secondly, should he look for a good mental asylum for them, oh wait! There was a really good one nearby, should he go and get his brothers admitted there? It was not pretty far and he could talk to the owner till they returned with their pyscho ways of treating him as a guest.

Thinking this he left the hut and ran in with sahadev as the wood from his hand fell on the ground.

"Oh, I am so sorry, I will pick it up.." yudhi mumbled a whirl of apologies and bent down to pick it up but before he could sahadev quickly collected it up looking everywhere but at yudhi. His brothers seriously lost it..

"Where were you going? Are you angry? Oh, I am so sorry, I forgot we needed to give you water first. Shit sahadev, mata taught you atithi devo bhava." He mumbled the last part to himself..

"Seriously sahadev? Have you lost it? I am going to the mental asylum nearby, to talk with the owner and get you 4 admitted. You guys have seriously lost it anujo.." yudhi said with a bored look. He hated being referred as atithi by his own brothers..

While being referred to anuj was music to sahadev's ears. He could not believe it, his jyesth actually accepted them....

''That fateful day, it ruined everything, I should have never doubted you. I know you look happier without me in your life, since I broke your heart, but I want you to know that you are my everything, and losing you is something I cannot allow myself to go through. I am willing to do whatever it takes to get you back. Please forgive me. Anger ... it's a paralyzing emotion ... you can't get anything done. People sort of think it's an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling — I don't think it's any of that — it's helpless ... it's absence of control — and I need all of my skills, all of the control, all of my powers ... and anger doesn't provide any of that — I have no use for it whatsoever. I failed to think anything else that day, I was blinded.. I did not want to hurt you so much.." Sahadev started..

"Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got anuj. I can't forgive you, ever but I can put it all back and move on. Cause we all were balancing on breaking branches.." yudhi said.

"You are really willing to?" sahadev exclaimed nearly jumping.

"Yes." Yudhi smiled faintly..

"Jyesth, You know when you think you know someone? More than anyone in the world? You know you know them, because you've seen them, like, for real. And then you reach out, and suddenly they are just... gone. You thought they would come back back everytime you push them away. You thought they were yours, but they're not. You want to protect them, but you can't. I am really sorry, jyesth.., please, I swear on your dharma.." sahadev rambled quietly, it felt good to have his jyesth back..

'Wait! On my dharma? Are you serious anuj? Should I go to the mental asylum?" yudhi asked puzzled..

"That is the most powerful thing I know." Sahadev said casually snuggling into yudhi..

"I better go talk to arjun.." yudhi whispered and sahadev smiled brightly at him..

"Bhrata arjun will be in the hut. That is his lonely little corner." Sahadev said.

When yudhi opened the door to the hut, Arjun was sitting in the beside the pot, his legs bent in front of him, hunched forward on his knees. He looked up when yudhi stepped in.

"I'm such an idiot," arjun said.

Yudhi fell between his knees and hugged him. Arjun was shocked but reciprocated.

"I can't believe I said that," he said. "I can't even go 3 years without seeing you."

"3 years is a long time anuj.." yudhi said....

"I was such a fool" arjun said.

"Oh, come on jun." yudhi murmured and looked him in the eyes. His own were dark and shiny. "You know I am willing to put it all back. I can't forgive you but I can try.." yudhi muttered. He knew he had to carry the conversation with arjun. Arjun had not changed at all, such stuff was his weakness, he was a loner when it came to this stuff.

"you do?"

"Yes!" yudhi said as arjun's face shined like the sun.

"I promise I will earn your trust again.." arjun whispered and yudhi chuckled.." Let us see, great ksatriya, I challenge you to this.." and yudhi smiled while arjun laughed.

Arjun stepped closer and whispered, "When you're around, music plays in my head."

Yudhi's eyes welled. "Music," yudhi repeated softly, like questioning arjun, it was a overwhelming moment, his anuj still cared for him, he was not all alone.

"Well, you know." He grinned. "It's the Jaws theme. Da dum. Da dum." Arjun stated laughing as yudhi also laughed..

"I need to talk to nakul." Yudhi said..

"I better take care of the food." Arjun stated.

"I am not even hungry.." yudhi murmured..

"What!!!! Then why am I sitting here like a new vadhu cooking?" arjun asked baffled..

"You did not let me reply.." yudhi shrugged..

"I will force feed you.." arjun glared at yudhi while yudhi laughed..

---

As expected nakul was out throwing stones in the river nearby, and turned around hearing yudhi's foot steps.. He hastily turned around and looked at yudhi wiping his tears but nakul's puffy eyes and tear stains were enough to give away the fact that he was crying..
'you need anything? You could have called me. " nakul started.

Yudhi just sat beside him providing him silent comfort.

Then nakul started"

"I don't like hope very much. In fact, I hate it. It's the crystal meth of emotions. It hooks you fast and kills you hard. It's bad news. The worst. It's sharp sticks and cherry bombs. When hope shows up, it's only a matter of time until someone gets hurt. I hurt you so bad, I hated you... How will I ever forgive myself... How will I ever live upto myself... I am so sorry....." nakul asked with teary eyes.....

"Perhaps our dreams are there to be broken, and our plans are there to crumble, and our tomorrows are there to dissolve into todays, and perhaps all of this is all a giant invitation to wake up from the dream of separation, to awaken from the mirage of control, and embrace whole-heartedly what is present. Perhaps it is all a call to compassion, to a deep embrace of this universe in all its bliss and pain and bitter-sweet glory. Perhaps we were never really in control of our lives, and perhaps we are constantly invited to remember this, since we constantly forget it. Perhaps suffering is not the enemy at all, and at its core, there is a first-hand, real-time lesson we must all learn, if we are to be truly human, and truly divine. Perhaps breakdown always contains breakthrough. Perhaps suffering is simply a right of passage, not a test or a punishment, nor a signpost to something in the future or past, but a direct pointer to the mystery of existence itself, here and now. Perhaps life cannot go 'wrong' at all." Yudhi said.

"I got you guys back, and everything we went through.. It will make sure we won't do the same mistake again.. I might not be able to forgive you but I am willing to move on.." yudhi added...... and nakul looked at him..

"What did I do to deserve you jyesth..?"

"Nothing and that is the speciality.."

"I promise to make up to you..." nakul promised as he hugged his brother..

"Not only you, but we all will make up to jyesth, we hurt him beyond our imagination now time to make amends.." they heard the other 3..

"Group hug? It has been years.."
Yudhi and nakul opened their arms as they all hugged each other..

"The pandava chakravyuh is finally complete today!" nakul exclaimed in joy while kunti strted at the scene. Yudhi was alive? Oh god how? She just wanted to run and hug him, pamper him, love him but she doubted if she would ever get the chance.

Yudhi looked at her with mixed emotions.. Seeing the mother-son duo the other pandavas excused themselves. And their excuses were lame. Lame like feeding cats or catching spiders or crushing crushed herbs.

Yudhi and kunti just stared at each other for god knows how long.. With unsaid feeling, unshared emotions.. Memories of a an evening with dhriti flooded his mind.

"But she is your mother, you have to do something about varnavrat" Dhriti said to him once a year ago or so. "You can't just stop talking to them." But you could, and you did: he was proof of that. It was like any relationship, he felt—it took constant pruning, and dedication, and vigilance, and if neither party wanted to make the effort, why wouldn't it wither?" These flashbacks of moments with dhriti hurt. She taught him a lot. She taught him life was worth living.. She taught him more than he learned in gurukul. She was his everything. Everything still haunted him but he could not let the past ruin his present, another thing taught by dhriti. He stared at his mother...

While looking at his eyes kunti thought of when she first held him with pandu on her side. She was scared to use the boon again but seeing him made up for everything..

He stood there, his eyes like they had been before. Their beauty stabbed at her heart like a great knife; the hair looked so like she had just pressed the wet comb to it and perhaps put a little pomade on the sides; and the small face was clean and sad. Yet her arms somehow did not ache to hold him like her heart told her they should. Something too far away and too strong was between her and him; misconceptions.

"I am sorry yudhi.." kunti whispered..

"A nice fire inside the hut—surrounded by your loved ones. What could be nicer? You do love me, don't you yudhi? It's okay. I know you love us even if you can't say you do. But why can't you say it? Please yudhi—tell me you love me. I'm your mother—if you can't love me, who can you love?" kunti said with tears..

"I miss my dog in the palace..," yudhi said "I don't really miss my mother. Dogs offer unconditional and nonjudgmental love. Mothers don't always." Yudhi added, he was insecure..

"Yudhi... sorry, please understand beta.." kunti said..

"Ma, the most pure creation, how could you.." he let out all his anguish, his pain. With kunti he was always raw, she was the one whose lap gave him an escape from this torturous world.. He wanted to blame everything on someone..

For once he didn't stop himself. The pressure of song was too strong, the need for distraction too great. Then he found that the music caged behind his closed teeth was the melody kunti had played for him years ago. He felt the sensation of it, low and alive on his mouth. He wanted her to sing him to sleep, he wanted her to pamper him, again. But he was too stubborn..

"I can't yudhi, I was blinded."

"You did not trust me."

"I did and I do- more than myself."

"No you don't."

"Of course I do, putra. just one more chance, i will live up to your expectations and make up for everything i did."

"Ma, I can't forget and forgive, it is just too much for me, but I can try to move on if you promise to feed me and sing me to sleep." Yudhi smiled at his own words..

"You don't need to ask that, I will always to that beta."

"My soul is yours son,I would do anything" kunti said. "You know that it is."

"But why will it be?"

"Yudhishthira, a mother's love does not need to be acquired or deserved."

"But-"
"Shhh, baby boy."

"I am not a baby."
"That is what a baby would say."
"No, I am not a baby."
"You are so good at this yudhi.."

"But ma-"
"No tantrums."
"I don't throw tantrums-"
"What do you do then?"
"uh-"
"see?"

"Ma, you make me feel like a baby."

"Well babies sleep in afternooon, so sleep now."

''Heaven on earth is looking at you again..." kunti murmured putting yudhi to sleep.

-----

In the evening they all were eating dinner when vyasa came at the door and they heard him say. "Your purpose in mathura is compeleted, go win the hand of draupadi.."

Yudhi smiled he knew about the swayamwar very well, he was the king of mathura cause. While her mention made him look down blushing the same thing with other 4 pandavas.

The next morning they set out to panchal

~~~~~~~~~~~~~'

I know mental asylum is stupid, but it was just so funny!

How was this chapter? Did you like it? Arjun, nakul and kunti left. sahadev and bheem done..

So did you like their apologies..

Plus I am sorry I could not help but write the guest treatment part. I just had to write it!

Please vote and comment.........