Identity

  THE clouds are painted with dark and gloomy accents, warning us that heavy rain is about to fall. The cold air blew my long hair as my dress danced with the breeze.

I can't help but shed a tear while staring at the precious memorial head of the person I love the most. I long for her presence every day of my life. I miss her every second passing by.

"I miss you a lot, Momsi..."

I swallowed hard to clear my throat.

"I have good news for you. I won an award at the New York Asian Film Festival with a Best Actress Award. My awards are almost a hundred now, Momsi. Kaunti na lang at maaabot ko na ang pangarap nating dalawa,"

My tears fell, and I quickly brushed them.

"I promise to continue your legacy. I'll be good or maybe greater than you, as you said that I was born to be the brightest star. I'll continue chasing our dream. I promise to win a hundred awards before I turn thirty."

A drum of tears dropped in my cheeks, and I quickly wiped them all away.

When Momsi died, I took my time, and I appreciate that all of my fans, including the scriptwriter, director, and crew of my current movie, gave me time to grieve. Halos tatlong buwan bago nagpatuloy ang taping namin.

"I love you, Momsi..." I said.

I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I spun and saw one of my older brothers, Riri. His expression agonized when he saw my state.

"Doll, let's go. They were waiting for us," he said gently.

He extended his hand towards me, telling me to hold it. I held his hand, and I felt him squeeze mine.

Sabay kaming huminga nang malalim bago nagsimula maglakad paalis sa loob ng mausoleum. Riri locked the door because it was widely opened earlier.

"You did a great job, doll. Momsi is proud of you," he said.

I smiled despite the trench of pain in my heart. "I know..." I mumbled.

We went straight to his car, and he drove to the restaurant where we planned to eat together as a family.

Kani-kanina lang ay sabay-sabay kaming pumunta sa puntod ni Momsi pero mas naunang umalis si Popsi dahil kailangan niya na bumalik sa trabaho. Sina Rere at Ruru ang sumunod na umalis, kailangan na bumalik ni Ruru sa firm kung saan siya nagtatrabaho habang si Rere, bumalik sa bahay dahil naalala niyang nakalimutan niyang patayin ang TV bago kami umalis kanina.

Gumuhit ang isang matamis na ngiti sa akin nang makita ang tatlong magkakasunod-sunod kong billboard. This time, it wasn't just a billboard but an LED billboard. My eyes sparkled when I spotted fans taking pictures of my new billboards.

"Ri, stop the car on the side. I'll just take a photo with the fans," I spun at him.

He glanced in the direction where I was looking.

"Are you sure? Will that be okay? Wala ka pa naman bodyguard,"

"Ang oa mo, Ri," I immediately counted the fans I saw. "Walo lang sila. Come on, I also want to take a picture of my new billboards."

He sighed. "Okay, but I will go with you," he said.

Riri parked the car on the side of the rod and immediately followed me when I got out of the car and walked towards my fans.

"Hi!" I greeted.

They all squealed and jumped when they saw me.

"Rara?!"

"Hala, si Rara nga!"

"Rara, idol na idol ka namin! Waah! Bagay na bagay talaga sa 'yo ang buhok mo! Mas lalo kang nagmukhang manika!"

"Kapag may Philippine adaptation ng barbie, ikaw gumanap, 'a!"

Sunod-sunod na ang mga sinabi nila. I was smiling from ear to ear while listening to their praises about me. Riri immediately offered to take a picture of me with the fans.

"Ang pogi ni Riri!" one of the fans said.

I chuckled and looked at my brother. He was holding the phone owned by one of the fans.

"Single 'yan," I teased him.

"Mamahalin, pagsisilbihan, aalagaan... handa akong gawin lahat ng 'to para sa 'yo, Riri!" One of the fans bravely said.

My eyes widened, and I couldn't help but giggle.

They knew Riri, of course. I am active on my social media, and aside from my pictures, I also post pictures of me with my siblings. Bukod doon, nakasama ko na rin si Riri sa isang clothing brand advertisement. In addition, I also post other things such as nature views, sunsets, my travel journey, and other stuff that match the aesthetic of my feed.

Riri chuckled, "Sorry girls, but I'm not looking for a relationship,"

They all grunted in disappointment.

"Mag-aaply pa naman sana ako!" One of my fans said.

Nagtawanan kami. Riri returned the fan's cell phone and took mine to take pictures of me. My fans stepped aside because Riri was about to take a photo of me. Three shots, and we bid our goodbyes to the fans.

"Bye! Ingat kayo pauwi, 'a! Tag me in your post!" 

"Bye, Rara! We love you!"

I gratefully waved at them before the car window finally covered the sight. My mode soared high because of the short but fun interaction with my fans.

When we arrived at Zuriel lés arómes, a couple of plates with food were already on the table. Naghihintay sa amin ang tatlo roon. Ruru was still wearing his suit. Popsi was wearing his police uniform minus the cap, and only Rere was wearing casual attire.

The staff and the people dining inside the restaurant gave me a second glance as they couldn't comprehend if I was the girl they were watching on their television screen.

Alam kong hindi pa sila sanay na nakabalandara ang totoong kulay ng buhok ko.

The info about the real colour of my hair and eyes exploded in the news and on the media stream. My phone was bombarded with messages asking about my statement.

I haven't accepted any interviews yet. Ate Dani, and my manager stopped me from doing the interview. They told me to wait for at least a week until the issue lay low.

My long blonde hair was light. It was long, reaching my waist and looking like ocean waves. My Greek nose and natural reddish bow-shaped lips were from my mother.

Because of the DNA streaming on my Momsi's blood, I don't look Filipino at all. From head to toe—I don't... especially with my hair colour and the colour of my eyes. I have blueish-green eyes with gold dots. Sometimes, my eyes turn into different colours depending on the light.

Ilang beses ko na naisip noon na baka ampon ako. My dad doesn't look like me, although I have my body on his side—hourglass, curvy. I also got his dimple.

But the rest of that, I am really my mother's daughter. I also inherited my skin color from her, milky white skin. Hindi madaling mangitim, namumula lang ang balat ko sa araw.

"Hey," I greeted them as I flashed a wide smile.

Popsi pulled a chair for me, I sat beside him and Riri sat on the vacant chair beside me, too.

"Nag-order na kami. May gusto ka bang orderin, prinsesa ko? Ito ang menu," Popsi handed me the menu.

I smiled at him, "Baka dessert na lang... and drinks pa. This isn't enough for us."

"Orderin mo na lang, nak."

I just nodded and called for a waiter. When all of our orders were served, we started eating. Hindi ko maiwasan hindi mapangiti habang paminsan-minsan sumusulyap sa kanila.

"How's work?" Popsi asked the triplets.

Rere smirked, "I am having fun, Popsi. Areno Midways is a perfect working place for me," he said.

"Mine fair," Ruru answered.

"Riri?"

"I'm planning to study again," Riri answered.

"What?!"

We were all flabbergasted.

"Why? What's up with MedTech? Don't you like to be a doctor?" Rere asked.

Riri scratched the back of his head. "I-I've realized that I don't really like MedTech. I only took it because I thought it was the best choice for me. I'm sorry, Popsi."

"Anong balak mong kuhanin ngayon?" Popsi asked.

"Forensic science,"

"That's a great choice," Ruru said.

"That sounds cool. So, are you going to study this year or next year?" I asked.

"This year," Riri answered. "I got a scholarship..."

"Congratulations, Ri!" I was the first one to congratulate him.

He kissed me on the head, "Thanks, doll."

"Congratulations, bro!"

"Congrats, Ri,"

Popsi was quiet, but he ordered a wine that the waiter quickly served us. The waiter opened the bottle of wine and poured it into our glasses.

"That's enough for her," Rere spoke to the waiter.

I groaned, "Seriously? I'm on my legal age! Twenty na ako, hindi na ako bata!" I sulked.

"Oh, come on, gummy bear! Baby ka pa rin sa paningin namin, wala kang magagawa," Rere teasing me.

I glared at him and grabbed my glass to have a sip.

"Hinay-hinay lang, prinsesa ko. Una't huling baso mo na 'yan," dagdag ni Popsi.

They all laughed at our father's statement. I made a face at them.

"Congrats, anak," Popsi finally congratulated Riri.

"Thanks, Popsi,"

Napangiti ako nang tapikin ni Popsi ang balikat ni Riri. I am certain that Popsi is so proud of Riri. It may not be visible on his face, but he is.

Ganito naman palagi si Popsi, mukha lang palaging nangangain ang mukha pero sa kabila ng maskara niya, marami siyang positibong emosyon na hindi lang niya masabi dahil nangunguna ang pagiging maangas niya.

Ate Dani already told me about my upcoming schedule for the whole week. I have a magazine photoshoot for Tatler Philippines, an interview with Mama Audie, and a fashion show to attend. But regardless of my tight work schedule, I still have time to visit my therapist.

"Ang outfit na susuotin mo para sa interview mo sa show ni Mama Audie Daza, nakahanda na. Please, stick to the short answers. Huwag na habaan at baka dumami pa ang tanong."

I sighed, "Opo, I understand."

"Okay. Wala ka naman importanteng schedule ngayon... so, kung may gusto kang gawin, go on," she said, skimming through my schedule on the iPad.

"All right. Anyway, please lessen my schedule for tomorrow morning until lunch. I have to go to school."

She looked at me and nodded. "Okay, got it!"

I smiled subtly, "Thanks, ate Dani..."

Since I don't have any schedule for the rest of the day, I just attended my dance class. My dancing coach waved at me when she saw me. My dancemates greeted me, and I did the same.

"Guys, warm up na muna!"

I grabbed my phone and placed it on the giant dancing mirror.

It was on a timer, so I ran to the middle when the music blared. In no time, everyone dances in the groove. I moved my body to the rhythm of the music playing.

I always record my dance practice to see my improvements.

Coach Rachel kept counting loudly. Her voice and the loud clap she was doing at every count echoed through the dance studio. We all moved sharply and passionately, conveying the emotion the lyrics of the song were emitting.

"Alright, five-minute break!" Coach Rachel finally stopped the music.

"Ugh, finally," I heard one of the dancers mumbled.

Napangiti ako roon. I shut my eyes as I let myself collapse on the floor.

"Rara, here, wipe your back. Baka matuyuan ka ng pawis," a female voice said.

I opened my eyes and saw one of my dancemates holding a clean towel.

"Thanks, Chi," I said and accepted the towel with a smile.

I crossed my legs as I got up, the edge of my sweatpants snaked towards my knees. I wiped my sweat and grabbed the water bottle from my bag. A few more minutes later, coach Rachel called us again, and the practice resumed.

My class just ended. Manong Ben fetched me from the school, and now, we are on our way to Coffee Express—one of the coffee shops near my school.

I was still wearing my uniform: black slacks and a white notched collar short-sleeved polo with a thin maroon bar on the sleeves and edge of the collar.

My shoes were black closed shoes with heels. My blonde hair was in a bun, and I was wearing clear glasses.

Time flies like it was only yesterday. It's been five years since Momsi died. I am now twenty years old, taking up Interior design major in architecture design.

Rere is working at Areno Midways as a Captain Pilot. Ruru was a graduate of criminal justice, and he's an attorney right now, working under DC Law Firm. He has an interest in adding another three years to be a prosecutor.

Si Riri, nagtatrabaho siya ngayon sa isang pharmacy malapit lang sa village namin habang hinihintay niyang bumukas ang enrollment para sa pangalawang degree niya.

I pushed the glass door and entered inside. The intimate atmosphere of the shop, cosy paints, chill background music and the smoky, earthy and nutty aroma of the coffees welcomed me.

I saw a group of students talking with their friends. They were all giggling, looking so happy.

I smiled bitterly.

I don't have many friends, but I'm fine with that. It's so hard to make real friends in the showbiz industry. So, I only have one best friend, Dustin Bentley Altamirano. He's the only trusted friend I have.

Our friendship started when he helped me escape the paparazzi chasing me. Since then, palagi na kaming lumalabas. We didn't leave each other side, even at our lowest.

Sa sobrang close nga namin, palagi kaming pinagkakamalan na magkasintahan. Believe it or not, my relationship with Dustin is plain platonic.

Even if we give each other a chance, it won't work out. He was like my brother from another mother.

"Tin!" I waved at him when I spotted him sitting on the floating table in front of the glass wall.

"Hey," he greeted me with a goofy smile.

"Let's order na!" I urged as I sat on the chair beside him.

"Sure. I'll do it," Dustin offered. "Was it Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino and chocolate cheesecake your order?" he asked.

I giggled, "Yes! You memorized it na talaga!"

He smirked, "Of course, Aphrodite."

Dustin marched towards the counter to order. While waiting for him to comeback, nagpalinga-linga ako sa paligid.

My eyes locked with various people, and I only smiled at them. Napaiwas agad ako ng tingin nang may mahuli akong palihim na kumukuha ng litrato ko.

"Hey, you okay?"

Finally, Dustin came back with our orders. I helped him as I peeked in the direction of the guy, holding a phone that was secretly directed in our direction.

"Rashaiah, are you okay? You look bothered," he noticed.

"I think that guy is taking a photo of us," I whispered, pointing at the guy from the distance.

"Where?" he tilted his head towards the guy.

"Hey, Tin!" I grabbed his arm when he was about to march towards the guy's direction. "No, don't..." I shook my head.

"But he's taking a damn photo," he hissed. "Paniguradong ipo-post niya sa social media at pagpipyestahan ka na naman ng mga tao,"

"Hayaan mo na. Let him be," I uttered, squeezing his arm. "Kumain na lang tayo."

Tumitig siya sa akin at marahas na bumuntong hininga. "Fine. Let's just catch up..."

"Exactly," Ngumiti ako nang maupo na siya sa tabi ko. "Tell me about your day at the maritime academy," sabi ko, nilalayo ang atensyon niya sa kaninang lalaki.

We started chatting as we devoured our orders. I took a photo of ourselves, and I will post this later on my Instagram with the caption, "Catching up with my bestie", to make everything crystal clear.

"What's your type?" I asked curiously, munching my chocolate cheesecake.

He spun to my side, "My type is simple."

"Katulad ng?"

"Katulad mo. You are my type..."

My chest instantly pounded so loud. Before I could even process what he said, Dustin spoke again.

"I like girls who have long hair. I don't care if she's Morena or Mestiza as long as she is thic and has a good personality," he answered.

I bit the inside of my cheeks.

"Why did you say I am your type? Was it because you didn't have someone to think of? And I am your last choice?" I asked, chuckling to bite off the awkwardness I was feeling.

A smirk grew on his lips. "Rara, hindi ka katulad ng ibang babae. You don't even have to do silly stuff for me to notice you,"

"Because we are already best friends, Tin!" I answered, chuckling.

Sumimsim ako sa inumin ko bago kumain sa inorder kong chocolate cheesecake. I saw him biting his bottom lip with the straw between his lips. Bigla akong napalunok at nag-iwas ng tingin.

"Anyway, I already have the design of our friendship tattoo!" I revealed.

I gasped when he suddenly choked.

"Are you okay?" I asked and handed him a tissue.

"A-ayos lang," he wiped his mouth with a tissue."Olats naman, pre."

My eyebrows creased when he whispered something, but I didn't catch up.

"You were saying?"

He looked at me, and says, "Nothing, Aphrodite."

My phone vibrated, so I grabbed it. I checked who texted me and saw that Manong Ben texted me. Riri also sent me a message. Kinumusta lang ako ni Riri habang si Manong Ben, susunduin na raw ako.

"Manong Ben is on the way here! Let's finish this, Tin. We have to go," I panicked.

"Alright. What are your plans for tomorrow?"

"I have a shoot for Tatler Philippines and an interview led by Mama Audie..."

I finished my food and frappé before standing up and hooking my bag on my shoulder. I leaned over and kissed him on the cheeks. I saw him biting his bottom lip.

"I have to go, Tin. See you!"

He just nodded with a smile on his face.

I smiled back at him. His dimples deepened, so cute.