First Heartbreak

 ALONG with the entire cast of the movie we just finished shooting, I am at the press conference as it's about to be released in the theatres soon. Sunod-sunod na ang mga promosyong ginagawa namin para sa pelikulang ito.

Six more months, and I am turning sixteen. My career was still going well. I am still thriving in every way of my career.

The host was asking the other lead characters, kaya tahimik lang ako't nakikinig. My smile didn't waver as the flashes of the cameras kept flashing on my face.

I remained smiling, showcasing the shade of my lipstick. I am wearing a glossy pink lipstick that I have recently endorsed. My hair was in a slick back ponytail and I was wearing an above-the-knee red fitted dress.

"How do you feel like working with a young actress like Rara?" The host asked.

"Rara is a good actress. At a young age, she was already a monster when it comes to acting. Kapag sinabing umiyak, luluha talaga siya. Kapag sinabing dapat galit, magbabago talaga ang ekspresyon ng mukha niya."

I bit the inside of my cheek as I felt my insides instantly go into uproar upon hearing the compliments the veteran actress told me.

"Marunong siyang makinig... itong batang ito, napakaganda ng mukha hindi lang sa personal, kundi pati sa screen. Kapag lumuluha ang batang ito, pati kami nahahawa. Damang-dama namin ang mga emosyon niya."

"In short, Rara is an effective artist," The host declared.

The host shifted her sit to my side, and I smiled even more.

"Rara, anong masasabi mo sa mga taong sumusuporta sayo? You have a lot of fans! You have a big fandom! And at the age of fifteen, ganito kana kasuccessful."

While looking at the people supporting me, I couldn't help but smile proudly.

"First of all, I would like to say thank you to all my fans for sending me unwavering support. Thank you, Raranatics, Raraverse, World of Rashaiah, and my other fans club for supporting me. I love each one of you,"

Everyone in the audience applauded and even cheered for my name. May mga banner pa silang dala at may suot pa na headband na may pangalan at pictures ko.

"Rara! Rara! Rara!"

"Rara, we love you!"

"Waaaah! Rara!"

My eyes widened, looking at the crowd when their cheers got louder. Kumaway ako pagkaraan ng ilang segundo at yumuko bilang pasasalamat.

"Wow, parang nasa concert tayo sa ingay! Anyway, I would like to congratulate you again for topping the most beautiful faces in the world! Grabe, pang ilan mo na nga 'to?" The host asked.

"It's my third time..."

"Wow! What do you feel about being the top most beautiful woman in the world?"

I couldn't help but blush with the question.

"I'm flattered," panimula ko. "Because of all the beautiful women around the world, I was able to be on top... again," kinikilig na sagot ko.

The host proudly said a few more words to me before she fired questions to the other cast.

When the interview was done, I walked towards the direction of my fans watching inside the studio. I carried my favourite pen with me so I could sign their posters and banners with my name on them.

They lined up well. I have two security guards keeping me safe. Halos mapunit na ang labi ko dahil kanina pa ako nakangiti. Hindi ako pwede sumimangot at baka ano pa ang sabihin ng mga nakatingin sa akin.

If my smile fades, people will assume that I have an attitude problem.
 
My eyes laid on the timid, looking like a Korean girl with pigtails. She's with someone older than her. Based on the uniform, it was her Nanny.

"Hi! What's your name?" I asked cheerfully.

"My name is Hazel! I'm a fan of yours! I watched your show—the enchanted ballerina, I love it!"

With her outfit and looks, I feel like she's younger than me.

"Thank you, Hazel. That's a pretty name!" I caressed her hair and she squealed.

My eyes widened, slightly chuckled with her skyrocketed energy.

"Please, write a dedication for me and put my full name Hazeleigh Altamirano Jung!"

"Sure, I'll write that." Nakangiting sagot ko.

I sign the banner she was holding and wrote a short dedication for her. I even drew a small heart in the space after the exclamation.

"Thank you!" she said, almost jumping.

"Let's take a photo?" I asked with a smile.

She squealed, "Oh gosh! Sure!"

Nakangiti kami pareho habang nakaharap sa amin ang camera. We took a quick photo before the line moved, and everybody followed.

Another blessed month passed. Everything ran well in my career and my life. Last time, my family and I had a quick vacation in Greece. It was right after our movie became a blockbuster.

It was one of the best family vacation we ever had! Kung hindi nga lang nag-ayang umuwi si Momsi at Popsi, magtatagal pa sana kami roon kahit mga ilang araw lang.

"Rara, tumatawag si general," sabi ni ate Dani.

My eyes sparkled when my phone rang, and Popsi's name was displayed on the screen. I asked for a quick water break and took the time to accept the call.

[Hello, Popsi?] I started, smiling from ear to ear.

My eyebrows creased when I heard crying from the background. My heart weirdly palpitated.

[Popsi? What happened?] I asked in a worried tone.

[I'm sorry, prinsesa ko...]

My heart sank upon hearing Popsi's broken voice.

[Bakit po? Ayos lang po ba kayo? Ano pong nangyari?]

He cried harder on the other line.

[W-wala na ang Momsi mo... sinugod siya sa hospital at ang sabi ng doktor, huli na raw ang lahat. H-hindi na kinaya ng Momsi mo. Patawarin mo ako... wala na ang Momsi mo.]

Tears blurred my vision until it streamed like a river.

"Momsi. . . No, this can't be true," I said, shaking my head.

I found myself inside the hospital wearing the clothes I had worn for the taping. My road manager drove me right after I panicked and shouted in the set that everybody was startled because it was my first time losing my composure.

"Anak," tumingin sa akin si Popsi, namumula't namamaga ang mga mata niya.

Mabilis na nanghina ang mga tuhod ko nang umiling siya. Bago pa ako bumagsak sa sahig ng hospital, may nagsapo na sa'kin. My tears fell on my cheeks, I shook my head repeatedly—not accepting what I heard.

"N-no... hindi ito totoo! Momsi!" I cried so loud. Biglang sumakit at bumigat ang ulo ko nang magsisigaw ako. "Momsi, no!"

Someone hugged me, but I squirmed while crying so loud.

"Rara!" The last word I heard before I lost unconsciousness.

The next thing I knew, I was already lying in my bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. It's been four days, and today is the last day of Momsi's funeral, yet at this time, I'm still inside my room, hiding from everyone.

"Prinsesa ko..." I heard the creaking of my door, and my father's tall figure showed. "Hindi ka pa nagbibihis? Rashaiah, magbihis kana."

"I-I don't want to go out..." I spoke in a low, weakened voice.

Pospi sat on the bed and hugged me. "Prinsesa ko, alam kong masakit. Nasasaktan din ang mga kuya mo. Masakit din para sa akin na wala na ang Momsi mo pero anak, kailangan mong magpakatatag at magpalakas. Hindi magugustuhan ng Momsi mo na palagi kana lang umiiyak."

"I can't go outside po... hindi ko kayang harapin ang mga tao na parang ayos lang ang lahat... dahil hindi naman talaga. Momsi will never come back to us," I said, sobbing.

"But she will be forever in our hearts. Hindi man natin siya kasama sa personal, kasama naman natin ang mga alaalang binuo natin nang magkakasama... those memories with your Momsi will never leave us. Those memories we share are already engraved in our hearts and minds," he said gently.

I sniffed and embraced him tighter. I felt him kiss the top of my head... and somehow, even just for a minute, the pain subsided.

Nanlalambot ang mga tuhod na lumapit ako sa kabaong ni Momsi. Hinaplos ko ang itaas na bahagi ng kabaong niya. Kinagat ko ang labi para pigilan ang paghikbi. She looked beautiful even in her darkest day. 

"I'm so sorry for your loss," a veteran actress sent her condolences.

Hundreds of fans sympathized with our family. Ang lahat ay hindi sinubukang itago ang kanilang mga luha. Hindi lahat magkakasya sa loob kaya iilan lang ang pwedeng pumasok... ang iba ay naiwan sa labas at doon nilalapag ang mga bulaklak na para kay Momsi.

Nakiramay din ang mga kapwa artista at kaibigan ni Momsi. Including those directors, writers, and even the owners of brands Momsi worked with before. The president and chairman of our network also came.

I still can't accept it. It hasn't sunk into me that Momsi is gone... that she has left us.

Tears blurred my vision when the cries were louder. I found myself running as fast as I could. Hindi ko na alam kung na saan na ako napunta, basta takbo lang ako nang takbo.

My legs finally stopped running away, and I just fell on the ground, crying so hard.

"M-momsi... why did you leave me?"

I abruptly felt dizzy when I tried to stand up. I was about to fall when a strong arm caught me before the accident happened.

A guy wearing a black-breasted coat with a maroon necktie caught me. He has a long black storage tube hanging on his shoulder.

I know that uniform. I saw that a hundred times. May mga fans akong nakilala ko sa personal na kapareho nang suot niya.

"Are you okay?" he asked in a low, husky voice.

Instead of answering, I found myself hugging him. Naramdaman ko ang paninigas ng katawan niya nang bigla ko siyang yakapin. I gripped both sides of his coat as I cried. My shoulders were shaking, and so were my cries. I felt him gently rubbing the back of my head.

My fifteen-year-old self embraced a total stranger in the middle of nowhere.

He didn't complain or say any words. This guy let me unload all of my pain.

"I'm scared... what will happen to me now? How could I still do what I love if the person who inspired me was gone?" I said between my sobs.

I felt him carefully caressing my back.

"To be brave, you need to learn how to stand alone," he whispered.

Idiniin ko pa lalo ang luhaang mukha sa kaniya. I was wearing a black oversized hoodie, so I don't know if he already saw my face or not.

"Do you want ice cream?" he said all of a sudden.

Slowly, my grip loosened. I pulled my hoodie even better on my face.

"O-okay," I wiped my eyes using the sleeves of my hoodie.

I heard him sigh.

"Here, take the handkerchief..."

He pulled a blue handkerchief in his coat. Hindi ako nagdalawang-isip na tanggapin 'yon. There is an embroidered initial on the border of the fabric—DNA. Is this his initials?

"Wait for me here. I'll buy you an ice cream."

My head tilted up when he walked away. Matangkad siya at mahahaba ang mga binti. Hindi gaano kalakihan ang katawan pero malapad ang balikat... medyo malaki at matigas din ang mga braso niya.

He came back with the ice cream. I looked down to avoid meeting his eyes. He offered me the ice cream he bought. It wasn't the cone one, but a hard brown cup with a wooden spoon, magnum.

"I hope this ice cream makes you feel better," he said.

"I-I..." I stuttered, so I swallowed hard to clear out my throat. "Thank you po,"

"Come on. There's a chair there."

Ngumuso ako at binilisan ang lakad para makahabol sa kaniya. When he sat down on a long chair, I sat down next to him. I glanced at him when he grabbed the ice cream from me and opened it for me.

"My Momsi died..." I shared, digging into the ice cream before taking it inside my mouth.

I heard him sigh. "That hurts,"

Saglit akong tumitig sa kaniya.

"Have you ever experienced that? Losing someone you love?" I asked gently.

"I do."

"I won't ask who," I said and scooped another ice cream.

"Fair. I will not answer, either."

I peeked at him. His head was tilted to the skies as if the skies had an interesting movie to watch.

"Do you like watching movies?" I asked randomly.

He almost caught me staring at him. Luckily, I looked away in time and stuffed a large amount of ice cream in my mouth. Kaagad na lumobo ang magkabilang pisngi ko.

"Depends on the movie."

Silence engulfed us again.

I hate the silence—it makes me remember the things I am trying to forget.

Suddenly, his phone rang, and he answered it right away. I heard him talking to a guy named Zachariah. Then, he mentioned a named Hunter and Leon. Hindi ako nagtanong o nag-ingay, nagpatuloy lang ako sa pagkain ng ice cream.

[Yeah, fine. I'm on it,] he answered.

Nataranta ako nang tumayo siya at inayos ang bag.

Aalis kana? I want to ask him, but the words remain in the back of my mind.

"Hey, I have to go."

I suddenly felt a massive anguish with his words.

Ayoko pa siya umuwi. I'm comfortable with his presence... ayoko pang mag-isa.

"Go home and rest, okay? Don't roam around the streets. It's dangerous for you," he said to me.

"T-thank you po, kuya..." I said, hiding my disappointment with him leaving.

I felt his massive hand on top of my hoodie. My entire system went circus with his sudden move.

"I have to go. Take care, kid," he said.

Napanguso ako nang marinig ang sinabi niya.

"Hindi na ako bata, dalaga na ako!" I snapped but he was no longer in front of me.

I watched him walk away as I quietly munched the ice cream inside my mouth, giving comfort to my unhappy heart.

"Rashaiah Dorothy Morrison!" The familiar rumble of voice invaded my ears.

Ang mabangis na mukha ni Popsi at ang nag-aalalang mukha ng triplets ang bumungad sa akin. Sabay-sabay silang lumabas ng sasakyan at sumugod sa akin. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at kumabog ang dibdib.

Akala ko pagagalitan nila ako pero laking gulat ko nang yakapin ako ni Popsi. Mahigpit, mainit at punong-puno ng takot ang yakap niya.

"Don't do that again... don't ever run away. Don't ever leave the house without telling me, or anyone of your brothers. Akala namin may nangyaring masama sa 'yo. Nawala na ang Momsi mo sa atin, hindi ko kakayanin kung pati ikaw mawala," Nabasag ang boses niya.

"I-I'm sorry, po..." I said, feeling guilty.

The next thing I knew, we were all crying while hugging each other.

:(