Chapter 12 : Lost
Never had a separation hit so hard. Omkara was in a mess. He was overwhelmed to see he tears of happiness in the eyes of his mother and grandma when they hugged him. His brothers also had tears shining in their eyes. He felt like a piece of jigsaw puzzle being fit into the right space. He was not sure why he felt that way. Shouldn't he be unaffected or uncaring?
It was like he had been traveling in a desert and had finally found an oasis. The happy faces of his family members stirred his heart. Omkara hated how he still cared for everybody. He shouldn't have, that's what he had decided and promised to himself. But he still cared!
The sight of his father had his anger boiling. He didn't want to feel that anger. He didn't want to have anything to do with Tej Singh Oberoi. Yet, he did. He still felt his furious resentment at his sight.
However, as he now lay on his bed wide awake his thoughts went back to Gauri. He quickly picked up his phone and decided to call her. He paused thinking about that kiss. Why did he kiss her? Why did it feel so wrong to leave her?
He unlocked his phone still wondering if he should call her. His eyes caught glimpse of the message notifications. His thumb hovered upon it, to open his inbox. His lips curved up, as effortlessly as a sunflower follows the sun. He opened the text message from Gauri.
Hey! Did you reach?
Is everything okay? You didn't reply.
Omkara? I hope you are okay.
He hadn't had the time to look at his messages. Her concern had his heart melting. He took in a deep breath. Gauri wasn't supposed to be affecting him so much, he shouldn't be feeling that strongly because of her mere actions. He sighed and typed,
Hey! Yeah, was busy.
It seemed a little blunt but Omkara knew he had to do it. He didn't want to risk having Gauri affect him more than she already did with her actions. He was scared. Scared she'd hurt him, like all women in his life did.
Okay! Was worried if you caught the right flight. :p
Omkara's lips once again formed into a smile, smoothly. He wondered what he should reply to that. After pondering for a while he decided it was best to not reply at all. Gauri had got too close to him, in too little time. He had never grown so fond of anyone so quickly, maybe Anika would be an exception.
He placed the phone on his bedside stand. He didn't feel like going back. There was a strange tranquility he felt being in his room, in his home, even if the place brought back bitter memories of his dark past.
* * *
Gauri had lost her appetite to smile and have fun. It had been two days to the time when she had last texted Omkara. He seemed to have become more distant after going back to India. He hadn't even replied to her last message yet, which she had sent him two days back. Gauri sulked, she didn't like not having his attention.
"Hey!" She heard Ryan greet him.
"Hey!" She responded softly, looking up from the computer screen where she was entering new records.
He looked at her hesitantly, "umm, it's been a while I asked you out. Are you upset about it or something? I mean... you haven't really spoken after that. So.."
"Oh, yeah. Um," Gauri spoke up, looking at him. "I wanted to talk...but uh something came up." Gauri made an excuse.
Yeah, a whole new beam of emotions.
"I wanted to tell you that...I like you but maybe not — in, like more than a friend way!" Gauri muttered trying to understand what her mouth was blabbering. Omkara was right, she didn't work out things in her head before speaking them out.
"Right. Its totally cool. I mean, I definitely like you. That's why I perhaps started thinking of, you know, a little more. But I would love to be friends." He said with his charming smile.
Gauri smiled, nodding. However her mind was going crazy. That's not what she wanted to say, right? She was just going to say she wasn't looking for a relationship right now. But she ended up rejecting him. Why had Omkara's absence started to mess with her mind? Why was she so lost thinking about his reasons for ghosting her all of a sudden?
* * *
It had been over a month since Omkara was in India. He spent most of his time in his room or with Daadi, if he wasn't with his brothers. He had started to lose hope on his mother as well, she'd just be drunk at any time of the day he came across her. It had begun sickening him. So he tried to steer away from his mother, maybe that was the reason he was growing attached to Daadi.
Omkara admired his grandmother's courage. She was a little over seventy and had bravely undergone the three hour long surgery. She was still very weak from it but lived through it bravely. She inspired him.
"You haven't told me about how your life was there. Were you happier there?" He heard his Daadi ask as he sat on the bed playing chess with her, which she was pro at.
In that split minute, all Omkara thought was Gauri and her bright smile. He hadn't spoken to her or messaged. He was just too scared to give the power to Gauri to control his emotions. He wondered how she was.
"Om?"
He looked up at his grandmother. "How do I measure happiness?"
His grandmother smiled, cleverly. "You ask the most complicated questions to avoid answering."
"My question is simple." Omkara said with a smile, moving one of the chess pieces. "Your turn!"
"If you were to chose only one place to be in what would you choose?" She questioned moving her bishop.
"That's easy, " he answered looking at the chess board. "Home!" He answered bringing his bishop back to it's original position.
Daadi chukled, "Smart boy! Tell me what home is for you?" Daadi asked killing his knight.
Omkara frowned, muttering, "I didn't see that." He pondered little before moving his rook five steps forward."
"Answer the question!" His Daadi said.
Omkara looked to to meet his grandma's eyes. "Home is a place where you feel safe, happy and content."
"What is that place for you Omkara?" His grandmother asked, her eyes shining with a glow of wisdom.
"I don't know!"
His grandmother smiled, "People make home, Om. Home is where people you love and who love you are. Home is where you accept all the love you get and be grateful for it. Don't run away from people Omkara, you'll never find your home like that." Saying that, she smiled and looked at the board moving her bishop. "That's checkmate!"
Omkara looked down at the chessboard dumbstruck. His grandmother was a real pro after all, both at chess and life advice. However, he wondered if he could ever get himself to be around people, to get close to people without being fearful of being hurt. Maybe his home would be stay limited to his brothers. They were the only people who love him unconditionally and were always there for him no matter what, even when he didn't ask for.
* * *
Gauri lay on the bed with a drawing book lying before her. It was one she had stolen from Omkara's room. If had been exactly forty seven days since she had last seen him. He had probably forgotten that she even existed.
She flipped the cover page and stared at the sketch. She wondered if her eyes really looked as pretty as he had drawn them. The sketch was just of her eyes.
Gauri had discovered the sketching book in his room, left abandoned in the corner of his table. Just like her. She was just missing him one evening when she had walked into his room and made the discovery.
She flipped to the next page which had a pair of eyes again. The picture was so vivid that Gauri had effortlessly guessed it was her eyes. Each page had just her eyes sketched. Each pair depicting a different emotion. There were five in total.
Gauri sighed pushing the book aside, flipping herself, to have her back against the mattress. She pulled a cushion over her chest. Why did he just disappear? Did he really... not feel the fleeting emotion that seized them in that goodbye moment. Was she the only one who was just left empty by his absence?
Probably, that was just it. Maybe he had more people to care about. Maybe it was her who had realized that what she shared with Omkara was so pure and precious, that she wouldn't forget it for a lifetime. He was like her guiding angel who had come magically to he rescue her when she needed to be rescued and then left when she was happy, without leaving behind a trace. She took a deep breath closing her eyes.
I miss you, Omkie!
Hope you liked th chapter. Would love to know your thoughts.
Any guesses ;)
-Anami!♡
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