Chapter 8 - Summers

“Oh, doesn’t she look happy?” Jamie asks when she sees me walking into the dorm we share on the campus. And at the words I do the worst thing I could’ve done: I blush. “Oh look, she’s blooming!” My best friend teases me and I grab the first thing I find —a teddy bear— and toss it at her.

“Shut up!”

Jamie laughs at me as she ducks my attack and I just make my way to my bed, leaving my purse on the chair of my desk. And even though I know that keeping this silly smile will only make things worse with Jamie, I can’t help it. That was a really lovely… date, I guess.

I didn’t know until now how much I missed a good gentlemen, someone from the old school, you know? I guess I got used to the jerks, always being rude or saying ‘we’re in a feminist world, now. You can do it yourself’ and walking in front of me. Louis is a real gentleman, opening the door for me, moving the chair so I could sit, being always kind and nice, always listening.

He’s most certainly nothing like all the other athletes I’ve dated, but still… I’m a bit weary. He seems so nice and kind, but I don’t know, I’ve been deceived other times. I never notice how awful they are until it’s too late. Like with my latest fiasco: Connor. I don’t know if the fact that they are these amazing athletes blinds me, or something. Or maybe I’m just stupid in that sense. Some girls go crazy for rockstars, but I go crazy for athletes, especially football players.

What if he’s just pretending or something? It wouldn't be the first time a boy does that to get in a girl’s pants. Or maybe a bet. He could be playing a part here. I can’t know. I don’t really know him.

“So… who and how is he?” Jamie asks and I snap back to reality.

“Oh, the guy I was out with, right?” I ask back and Jamie rolls her eyes in a duh expression. “His name is Louis, he’s the guy from the bar on Friday,” I explain and Jamie’s mouth forms a perfect O. “And he’s nice, he really is. Maybe too nice, it kinda scares me.”

“Why? That makes no sense!” Jamie exclaims. “You always like the jerks and you finally fancy a nice guy and now you’re scared!?”

“First, I don’t fancy him. Second, that’s why! I always pick the jerks. We know I have a bad taste in men so I don’t know, maybe he turns out to be a jerk as well. I don’t know! I don’t wanna just jump into this, blindly, just because he seems nice now. I don’t wanna make the same mistake again, Jamie. You gotta understand that,” I tell my best friend and she sighs, understanding I hope.

“Yeah, I get it. So you need to get to know him first. For real. Only friends maybe?” she suggests and I close my eyes, taking a deep breath.

The scene of the infirmary comes to my mind, when we were so close, when my hands were on his body. My heart races immediately and I have to shake my head to clear my mind. It’s not only that he’s nice, but there’s a tension between us, something different. Just friends sounds kind of hard when I remember that moment we shared at the infirmary.

“I think it’s the best way to approach this. Or the safe way,” I reply with a deep sigh.

“Don’t worry. I’ll study him and try to find out his intentions with you,” Jamie promises and I laugh. “Oi! I can totally make his psychological profile.”

“You’ve been studying psychology for less than two years. You don’t have a degree so I dunno whether I should trust your expertise.”

“I’m deeply offended. And here I was, trying to help you out. Fine, do it yourself!” And she turns around on her chair, giving her back on me. I laugh out loud and go to her, hugging her from behind.

“Fine, fine. Go and make a profile of him if that makes you happy. Just don’t go all private detective on him, okay?” I tell her, kissing her cheek lightly.

“I promise nothing,” is her response, making me laugh again.

+ + + + +

Time passes by and I keep talking to Louis, but I try to keep distance. Just friends, as I told Jamie. But he keeps being so nice and it’s just hard. Plus, I see him playing during practices and I’ve seen progress, I’ve seen how good he is. Now I understand why his coach decided to give him the scholarship. I see the potential the coach saw and he’s probably the one who takes this thing the most seriously. I know he wants to be better and better, and that, let me tell you, is a major turn on. And don’t forget to add that seeing him on the field just makes my hormones go crazy.

So yeah, it’s hard to stay like friends and nothing else, but I really want to be careful this time. I don’t want my hormones blinding me again. So I’m not letting myself fall for him, no matter how charming and funny and witty and nice and cute he is, I ought to be strong.

Jamie says that Louis has a crush on me and that makes me even more nervous when I’m around. I can’t stop wondering whether it’s true or not when we’re talking. I tell myself that no, he does not have a crush on me, because if I tell myself that enough, I can put distance more easily.

My best friend keeps telling me that it’s obvious he has feelings for me, that it’s in the way he looks at me. But I saw him the other day talking to some girls while he was with his friend, Harry —he’s talked about him— and he was equally nice to them, even a bit flirty so I don’t really know and I rather not think about it that much.

Safe this time. I keep telling myself that.

Either way, Louis hasn’t told me anything, though. I know when guys hit on me, come on, I’m not that dumb, and he hasn’t tried. I don’t know if it’s because he’s that respectful or because he really doesn't see me like that and he’s just being nice. Maybe he even pities me due to my bad luck with guys. Or maybe he just doesn’t like a girl like me, who has dated so many guys. I’m not a slut, okay, but I’ve dated quite a few guys.

So you see? This trying-not-to-think-so-much-about-all-this is not working well for me.

Anyways, with all this time that has passed and the few times Louis and I have ran into each other and talked a bit, the game season is approaching. My favourite time of the year! And the first game is around the corner and I couldn’t be more ready.

I’m with Jamie at the bleachers waiting, but before the game starts, I go down and to the lockers, hoping to find Louis before they go out to the field. I’m lucky because on my way I find Spencer, the goalkeeper and I ask him to tell Louis that I’m looking for him.

The boy comes to the hall with a confused expression but smiles at me immediately when I wave at him.

“Robin,” he greets with his nice smile. “How nice to see you. What are you doing? Something wrong?”

“Nope,” I say still smiling. “I just… uh, wanted to wish you luck. Have a great game today,” I say and I kind of step forward to hug him but then step back before I actually hug him and he does the same and it’s really awkward and it really doesn’t work out. Then I stick out my hand but he tries to approaching again, but when I retract my hand and think I should hug him, he offers me his hand and I just give up, so I just laugh nervously. “Yeah… uhm… good luck, then.”

This is really awkward. And not only for me, he’s always kind of blushing.

“Thank you, although I don’t even know if the coach will let me play in this game,” he says, scratching the back of his neck.

“I’m sure he will. You've been doing great in every practice,” I compliment and he blushes even more.

“Thanks. I’ve been really trying to improve,” he tells me next and I nod.

“I noticed it.”

My words are nothing special, but his smile is different, the way he looks at me and it kind of catches me off guard. There’s such intensity that I even step back, overwhelmed.

“Well,” I say, clearing my throat. “Even if you play five minutes, I wish you the best. I hope the team wins today.”

“Thanks,” he says and this time he steps forward, opening his arms and I do the same.

This time it works, I actually hug him but I do it quickly, still somehow overwhelmed and feeling all awkward, so it’s really obvious I break the embrace and he looks really uncomfortable.

“I better go back to the bleachers. Good luck!” I repeat one more time and practically run away.

When I’m next to Jamie again she looks worried.

“Everything okay?” She asks and I nod, my eyes fixed on the field. “Really? You look like you’re about to freak out.”

“No, I’m fine. Just a really, really awkward moment. That’s all. Yup, I’m fine.”

My friend laughs at me and then I feel her arm wrapping around my shoulders, bringing me close to her and I sigh deeply.

“It’s gonna be fine, Robin. Don’t worry. The game will start soon and you’ll forget about everything. I bet it’s gonna be an amazing game!”

“We better win!” I cheer, focusing on football. Good old football, always my friend.

“Hell yeah!” She cheers, really excited.

Jamie is not a fan of football, but she gets easily excited so it works for us when she comes with me. She doesn't know what’s going on and I always have to tell her ‘we need to score a goal at this side now’ so she knows where to focus.

And then it starts, the players make their entrance to the field and I really forget about everything, I just concentrate on the fact that a new game is starting and I just love this so much. I can already feel the adrenaline running through my veins.

I’m so ready!

I cheer and shout and jump and cheer even more when our team makes its appearance, screaming my lungs out, pride bubbling in my body when I see them all coming with their purple uniform.

This is going to be a great game. I just know it.

-:-:-:-

Dedication to @iSophiaMalik

Bel, xx