Chapter 30 - Summers

I’ve never been so desperate for a sport event to end. That’s so unlike me, but I can’t wait to leave this place, run back to campus and see Louis again. Harry is a sweetheart because although the semi-final of football wasn’t at the exact same time of the volleyball match, I have to be here for this game. So he made sure to FaceTime with me so I wouldn’t miss a second of the game. Seriously, isn’t he sweet? So thanks to him I managed to see the team’s victory, which means they are going to the final. Louis was great, Tom and he were amazing, a great couple. And Connor during the first half was unstoppable. He’s still a jerk but he’s brutal on the field. They won three against one.

Now although our university didn’t make it to the volleyball final I need to be here. It’s a great match, don’t get me wrong, but I have my head somewhere else. In London, to be precise, with my boyfriend.

I trust him, I swear I do. I know Louis would never hurt me or cheat on me. I think he would call me first and break up with me rather than cheat on me and then break up with me. Even if breaking up over the phone isn’t good, he still would do it so I wouldn’t be cheated on. I know he’s a decent guy, I know he cares about me and would never do something to hurt me. And it’s easy to remember that when it’s the two of us, but when I see other girls trying to get to him, hitting on him, I forget the kind of person he is and that he would never hurt me. It’s like jealousy blinds me and I can’t even fight it. I try not to fight with him because I rationally know it’s not his fault and he’s just being polite, but try telling that to the green monster inside of me. It’s stronger than me and I can’t control it and later when I calm down I hate myself for being like this. Because my insecurities get the best of me.

I know Louis understands… kind of. Not the full extent of what happens or what I feel when I see him surrounded by other girls. I know he tries to understand me and be patient, but I know that that very patience is running low and it terrifies me that one day he’ll say he’s had enough.

And now… now I can’t stop thinking he’s there in another city, with all the cheerleaders ready to go after him now that I can’t be by his side, ready to do anything. I’m actually scared of them and of the extent they can get to in order to get what they want. Women are a scary and manipulative specie, they can deceive and lie to get what they want. Women can be heartless. I know it, I’ve seen it many times and that’s why I’m afraid. Women are cunning, like snakes, whereas men are blunt.

I don’t know what they’ll do to get in Louis’ bed, I’ve seen those girls and the look in their eyes tell me they don’t like when someone says no to them. Some of them are decent, but some of them are plain despicable.

That’s why when the event ends I talk to some of the players and then do all what I need to do here before I run back to Manchester. Okay, I don’t run, I take the train but still. After that it’s just waiting until tomorrow, when they come back.

Let me tell you, time runs as slow as it can when you want it to go by fast. But the moment has come and I hurry to the field, where they’ll arrive. Well, to the parking near the field.

Something I didn’t anticipate when I planned all this was to run into Connor, though, and that he would stop to talk to me. Since we broke up he has pretty much ignored me, so this is weird.

“Oh, Robin. Hi there, long time no see,” he says with a smile. Almost the kind of smile that fooled me at the beginning. Connor was so nice when I met him, charming even. Then he showed his true colours.

“Hi there, Connor,” I reply, a bit wary. “Nice game. Congratulations on making it to the final.”

“Why thank you, I know I was great,” he says and I roll my eyes. Seriously, didn’t I notice how arrogant he is at first? How?

I try to walk past him, but he blocks my way every time I try to move.

“But the game was nothing compared to the party we had last night,” he carries on and that makes me stop, which widens his smile. “Oh yeah, it was wild. I don’t know which one of us has a worse headache right now,” he chuckles but then groans, which proves he’s still hangover. “All the cheerleaders are wearing sunglasses. I don’t even know where they got them from.”

“That’s great,” I say between gritted teeth.

“It was wild, really,” he adds and I clench my fists because his words paint pictures in my head, pictures I really don’t like.

“W-was Louis in that party?” I ask and Connor loses the smile and thinks hard.

“Of course he was! Even that friend of him was there, the one who’s always around. I can’t remember his name,” Connor muses and I take a deep breath.

“Harry,” I help him out.

“That one. Anyways, both of them were in the party. I mean, we made it to the final. We had to celebrate,” Connor laughs softly but I feel my heart heavy. “It was wild… wait, isn’t Louis your new boyfriend?” he asks and I nod, still gritting my teeth. “Oh… well, I guess I… just be nice to him, he’s still hangover.”

And with that he leaves, a hand to his head but I stay there, standing, my fists so tightly clenched that my nails are buried in my skin but I barely feel that pain. Louis was in the party, the wild party, with all those cheerleaders over him. And he got drunk. And those women got drunk. Anything could’ve happen. Anything.

I breathe heavily, all the possibilities crossing my mind and clouding my reasoning. He’s a man and even if he’s a good one, he’s still a man and he’s not made of steel. There’s so much one can resist. What if one of those girls got him drunk and then kissed him and even if he tried to push her back she didn’t stop and eventually he stopped fighting and gave in? He would never tell me that, he would never hurt me. How can I be sure nothing happened in that wild party? How?

My breathing in even heavier and all my muscles are tense. I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t even notice when the rest of the players come in my way, Louis among them. Not even his smile can bright up my mood now, not even the way he hurries to meet me. And everything gets worse when I see the cheerleaders coming a bit farther back, all wearing shades like Connor said.

“Robin,” Louis says, finally leaving the group behind and smiling brightly at me. His hands go to my waist immediately and he leans in to kiss me but I turn my face and he ends up kissing my cheek. “Robin?” he questions and I pull back, my hands on his chest putting distance between us. “What’s wrong?”

“So… had a good party last night?” I ask as softly as I can but my voice is sharp. He knows there’s something wrong.

“Um, yeah, it was fun.”

“Fun,” I repeat sceptical. “It seems so, by the look in everyone’s face,” I carry on looking beyond his shoulder to all his teammates who still look wasted. “Let’s not talk about the cheerleaders,” I add when they past by in complete silence. That tells you something.

“Yes, fun,” he repeats vehemently and I take a deep breath, trying to keep it together.

“Not what I’ve heard, Louis. Why aren’t you telling me what really happened last night?” I demand, this time meeting his eyes, a severe look in mine. “Did something happen that you don’t want me to know?”

“Nothing happened! It was just a party, Robin,” he says defensively. Why does he sound like that?

“Why are you so defensive, Louis? Something to hide?” I accuse, my blood boiling already.

“No!” he exclaims and I notice from the corner of my eyes some cheerleaders stopping and even some of his teammates. “Robin, nothing happened! I just come back and you’re already making a scene!”

“Me?” I say softly. “I’m not the one raising my voice.”

That seems to frustrate him because he groans and ruffles his hair. “Yes, you. Asking these stupid questions. You know nothing happened. Nothing of what you’re thinking of.”

“Do I know? You’re not telling me,” I insist.

“I am telling you! God, Robin!” he shouts and I take a sharp breath.

“Why can’t you tell me that it wasn’t just your normal party? That everyone got so drunk that they can barely see the light now? That all the cheerleaders were there? Why aren’t you telling me that?!” this time I’m the one raising my voice.

“Because that doesn’t matter!”

“It matters to me, you know that!” I spat. “It matters to me, Louis.”

“Why? It’s irrelevant, Robin. If I tell you nothing happened it’s because nothing happened and you should trust me,” he says, desperation clear in his voice.

“But you weren’t the only one in that party,” I complain and he groans loudly, stepping back and grabbing his head.

“Why can’t you trust me? Why is it so hard for you to believe what I tell you?!” he shouts and I brace myself.

“Because you minimise all this! Because you think details don’t matter but they do! They make a difference. Because you think that minimising the kind of party that was will put me at ease but it doesn't! It makes things worse!”

He turns around and I see him rubbing his face. I feel my tears welling up and threating to run free because this is getting out of hand, because we’re once again shouting at each other, because I can’t control this. I can’t stop the rage, the fear, the insecurities. I can’t even see clearly.

“I can’t, Robin. I’m tired, I’m done. I’m tired of your unjustified jealousy. I’m tired of the fighting. I’m tired that you can’t trust me.” Louis stops to look at me, pain and frustration in his eyes. “I’m tired.”

I catch my breath and embrace myself tighter. “What are you saying?”

“That’ I’m done. I have a huge headache and arguing with you it’s pointless. You don’t trust me and this is an endless cycle. I’m done.”

“Then leave,” I defy him and he sighs. “After all you have that big headache for that party you went to last night. You should’ve drank that much!”

“Stop it, Robin!,” he shouts and shakes his head. “I’m done.”

“So you’re done with me, uh?!” I shout back when I see him start walking away. “Fine! Now you can have more fun with your little friends.”

He stops and I see him clenching his fists.

“Fine, I will,” he says and I feel my heart cracking.

“Fine!” I shout as he keeps walking away. “We’re over then!”

-:-:-

Jealousy is a real and serious problem. Don't minimise it, okay? I'm trying to teach you something here so please try to be more thoguhtful and don't just go "Oh Robin should trust Louis" "Robin should... blah, blah, blah". She has a problem, yes, we all agree on that. That's not the point. The question is: will that problem be the end of them or will they fix it? THEY, not SHE. They are a couple, after all. And this is a problem that is also present in every fandom, don't you think? With possesive fans who can't accept the girls their "idols" decide to date? Who don't even believe they are dating for real? Just think about it.

Dedication to @for1Donly

Bel, xx

NU: Thursday
PS: Enhance has 35 chapters (all written already) and an epilogue. So... 5 chapters left!