Chapter 17 - Summers

“I fancy Louis Tomlinson.”

There, I said it. Ugh. I actually feel lighter, even if I only said it to Jamie. I’m not stupid, of course I couldn’t stay in denial any longer. There are limits and I reached mine. How couldn’t I? He is sweet, caring, humble, cute, a gentleman and hot. He’s nothing like all the other idiots I’ve dated and I’ve taken the time to make sure of that. I mean, I don’t know him better than anyone, but I do know him better than any of the other guys I’ve dated.

The problem is: I can’t be sure if he likes me. Sometimes I swear to God I do believe he has a crush on me, too. Other days I’m sure he is only my fan —regarding my job as a journalist— and friend. I mean, that day after our date I tested him. He was really drunk and drunks are supposed to be honest, right? So when I called him a friend, I was expecting him to say something else, you know? Like ‘but I want to be more than friends’ or ‘that’s not enough’. I guess I’m a dreamer and a cliché girl. He just agreed instead of fulfilling one of my fantasies. And since then I haven’t been able to stop thinking of him. And the worst part is that I haven’t even seen him! He’s been so busy and I don’t blame him, he has practice and he stays even longer. But it’s okay, it’s paid off. He was amazing in the latest game, scoring the victory goal. Again.

But after that game I haven’t seen him. He’s always training or studying and I’m busy too. And I think it was this fact what made me realise I actually fancy him.

Okay, let’s put this clear. I don’t like guys because they are great in any sport, okay? That’s how they catch my eye and then I try to get to know them. At the beginning they are all nice and after a weeks they start to show their true colours and that’s when the magic dies. Louis didn’t catch my attention with his football skills, although now I see he has them, but with his personality already. I’ve got to know him better and my opinion on him only improves. So how can I not like him? I miss him and it’s not like I don’t see him, it’s just that we don’t talk or are close to each other. I miss talking to him, I miss looking him in the eyes, I miss his cute smile, I miss the way he shies away when he’s embarrassed for something that happened, I miss the way he makes me feel when he looks at me. I miss him. And it’s not only that he’s nice and cute and a real gentleman, it’s the way he makes me feel. No one before has made me feel this special, like I’m the only girl in the world, like I’m the most beautiful girl and I’m all what he can see. I think that’s amazing.

“Well that’s obvious,” Jamie says and I sigh.

“I know, I got over my denial phase,” I admit and she giggles.

“That’s good. So, what are you gonna do now?” my best friend asks and I shrug as I take another sip of my milk shake. And no, this one doesn’t bring all the boys to the yard.

I’m sorry, I had to say that.

“I dunno. I don’t exactly feel comfortable taking the first step, you know?” I say and Jamie nods from across the table. We came to a little coffee shop to take a break from all the things we’re doing at Uni. With the game season I have even more work at the newspaper.

“I know but I’m not sure if he’ll do something about it,” Jamie inputs and I arch my eyebrows. “I mean, he seems like the guy who’ll give you all the time you need. I don’t think he’ll actually make a move until he’s sure you’re ready.”

I blink in surprise at Jamie’s words. “You have actually analysed him,” I accuse her and Jamie smiles sheepishly.

“I can’t help it,” she confesses and I chuckle. “If you don’t wanna take the first step ‘cos that makes you uncomfortable, then why don’t you make sure he knows you are ready? Although, are you ready for a new relationship? Is that what you really want?”

Having a friend that studies psychology is not always good, you know? She knows exactly what to ask, what to make me think of before I take an important decision. I mean, it’s good, but I don’t always want to face these things yet she makes me.

“I… I’m not sure if I’m ready but I think I want to. I mean, not a relationship, but him. I want him because keeping the distance is becoming harder. It’s like all this tension is choking me,” I explain and Jamie actually laughs.

“Oh the sexual tension, I see, I see.” I stuck my tongue at her. “Well, I’m sure that if he doesn’t do something soon, that same tension will make you take some action.”

I close my eyes and groan. I can’t lie, the tension will probably make me do something else. I mean, in the latest game I actually jumped on him. I couldn’t help myself, I was so excited. He had just made such an excellent job and the team won and he was amazing and I just… I couldn’t control myself. I was like a silly teenager during the game, even the people around me complained but I had only eyes for Louis. Plus, it was his first game as a regular so I was extra excited for him.

When I ran to him on the field I was about to kiss him, I swear, and I’m not sure how I managed to contain myself, but I did.

After that he was literally kidnapped by his teammates so I haven’t seen him again, except during practice.

“Why don’t you go see him and stay a bit longer? You told me he stays on the field after practice. Why don’t you stay with him? And when you’re at that, make sure he realises you want more than friendship,” Jamie advises and I nod. “And if he’s still clueless enough to not make a move, just kiss him next time. I’m sure that he’ll do something after that.”

Jamie laughs but I actually feel my cheeks heating at the thought. Not that I don’t want to kiss him, God knows I’m dying to. I’ve had a few dreams in which I kiss him, but easier said slash dreamt than done.

“You… you really like him,” Jamie says and I look up to meet her eyes because I was avoiding her, finding my milkshake so interesting.

“I—” I try to explain but I feel even more embarrassed and look down again. “He makes me feel so special and he’s always so nice and thoughtful. And that’s not all, I mean… he has the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen and when he smiles, when he’s really happy I swear I can’t look away and I feel happy myself. I feel all tingly inside.”

When I look at Jamie again she’s smiling knowingly, like she has figured out something I still don’t get. It’s almost a cocky grin and I feel really exposed, like she’s seeing into my very soul.

“What time is practice?” she asks next and I look at my watch.

“In fifteen minutes,” I reply casually and her grin widens.

“Then go and stay with him after that. You better get him because you don’t find guys like Louis all the time,” the brunette advises and I nod because I’ve realised that myself, too. “Go!” she urges me and I chuckle.

“Fine, fine. I’m going!” I reply drinking the last bit of my milkshake and leaving some money to pay for it later. “I’ll see you later,” I tell my best friend and hug her goodbye.

As I make my way to the field to watch the practice I feel really nervous. I don’t plan on doing something today, I mean like kissing him or anything, but still, it makes me nervous. Being aware that I like him and that I want to pursue a relationship with him makes me more self-conscious. Like I don’t even know what I’m going to tell him when we’re face to face. Maybe I won’t stop blushing and I’ll make a fool of myself.

When I get to the field the practice has already begun and I sit on a bleacher, just watching. I spot him immediately and he’s already working hard. I can’t help the smile coming to my lips as I watch him. I don’t even pay attention to all the other players until they play an actual game. Only then the excitement I feel when I watch any game kicks in and I can stop thinking of Louis.

When practice is really over Louis looks at the bleachers for the first time and I see the smile on his face when we make eye contact. I wave at him and he does the same whilst all his teammates go to the showers, but he stays there. The coach approaches him and tells him something whilst he’s distracted, I go down the bleachers and to the field.

Once the coach is done and leaves as well, I notice Louis looks at the bleachers one more time. My heart flutters when I see the disappointment in his face before he shakes his head and focuses on the ball.

“Hey there,” I say stepping into the field and his head snaps in my direction.

“Robin!” he exclaims, clearly surprised to see me there.

His eyes meet mine immediately and I feel the familiar blush coming to my cheeks. I try to stay calm but as I keep approaching him, my heart races, beating harder and harder in my ribcage.

“I thought, I thought you had left,” he says when I stop in front of him.

“I had a bit of free time today and as we haven’t talked in a while, I decided to come down to see how you’re doing,” I say as casually as I can.

“Oh it’s uh… I’ve been all right, how about you?” he replies with a shy smile, scratching the back of his neck and I feel my guts twisting, wanting me to be closer, to tangle my fingers in his hair and put him at ease.

“Busy, like you. You’re always here or running. I never see you outside the field anymore,” I say and I actually feel a jab in my heart. I’ve missed him more than I thought. “You haven’t been avoiding me, have you?” I ask, teasing him but he takes it seriously.

“Of course not!” he replies taking a step closer, worked up because I may think that. “I’d never avoid you, Robin.”

I can’t help smiling when he says that, feeling all warm inside at his words and the way he’s looking at me.

“I know, I was teasing you. You’re not that kind,” I tell him with a reassuring smile and he relaxes, smiling a bit embarrassed for taking seriously what I said. “So,” I start, “are you gonna stay here practicing a bit more?”

“Uh, yeah, that was the plan but if you wanna do—”

“It’s okay, follow the plan. If you don’t mind, I’d like to stay here. I don’t wanna distract you or bother you, so if you want me to leave, just tell me. I won’t mind,” I say because maybe I bother him. Maybe he wants to practice alone.

“Why would I want you to leave?” he asks seriously and I blush, I know I do. “Please, stay. We can go and grab something to eat after,” he proposes and I want to jump and accept, but I try to stay cool.

“That’d be great,” I smile and he does the same, looking really happy about it and I can’t lie, I’m delighted that we’re going to spend a bit of time together, even if it’s just to talk about football and the next game. I really don’t care about what we talk about as long as we are together right now. I’ve missed his company so much.

“Great,” he says then with a cute smile.

“Great,” I agree because it is indeed great. I know it’s a bit awkward but I don’t care, I’m very happy right now.

-:-:-

Dedication to @CaitGilmore. I'm glad the descriptions allow you to see all the story so vividly. 

Bel, xx

NU: Monday